Chapter 66
In the days that followed, an invisible barrier seemed to separate the two. Tong Yao continued to bury herself in her studies, while Lin Li, after completing his necessary academic tasks, devoted more time to his "secret research."
He even found some relevant forums and communities online, and communicated with some enthusiasts there, which benefited him greatly.
He no longer completely negates himself because of his grades, as he used to.
He began to understand that the value of life is not measured solely by college entrance exam scores. However, this less traveled path is destined to be lonely, especially when one cannot gain the understanding of the people one cares about most.
The conflict erupted before a crucial citywide joint examination.
Tong Yao discovered that Lin Li was actually working out the Bagua (Eight Trigrams) diagram in his notebook during math class.
After class, she pulled him aside into the stairwell, her tone more serious and disappointed than ever before: "Lin Li, wake up! The college entrance exam is in a few months! Do you know how important this joint exam is? And you're still messing around with this useless stuff!"
"It's useful to me!" Lin Li retorted, her neck stiff with arrogance. "It makes me feel like I'm not just a useless person who can only solve problems! It helps me find some value in myself!"
"Value isn't defined by these vague and intangible things!" Tong Yao said, both anxious and angry. "The reality is, you need a degree from a good university! We need a tangible future!"
“That’s your future!” Lin Li blurted out.
"Tsinghua, Peking, Fudan, and Shanghai Jiao Tong—these are glamorous and prestigious universities! But is that really what I want? If I don't get into any of them, does that mean I'm not worthy to stand next to you?"
These words wounded Tong Yao, and also wounded him. Tong Yao's eyes instantly reddened. She bit her lip tightly, looked at him for a few seconds, then turned and ran away.
Lin Li stood frozen in place, his fists clenched so tightly that his nails dug deep into his palms. Only his heavy breathing and those words echoed coldly in the stairwell.
He knew he had said something offensive, touching on the most sensitive and taboo subject between them. But his strong pride and a sense of despair prevented him from bowing his head and admitting his mistake at that moment.
In the future that I planned for Tong Yao, there was never a place for me from the very beginning...
After that heated argument, the two entered into a complete cold war.
At school, they acted like strangers. Even when they passed each other, they wouldn't look at each other.
Tong Yao became even more silent, suppressing all her emotions and channeling them into motivation for studying. Only occasionally, when no one was watching, would her eyes reveal an undisguised weariness and sadness.
Lin Li then armed himself by becoming even more engrossed in metaphysical research, as if only in that mysterious realm could he find a moment of peace and affirmation of his self-worth.
However, escaping doesn't solve the real problems. When the city-wide joint exam results came out, Lin Li's score indeed plummeted, falling below 600 points, and her ranking in the top class dropped drastically.
Looking at his report card, Teacher Huo frowned and sighed heavily: "Lin Li, Lin Li, what are you up to? You were just starting to improve a while ago, how come again... Are you under too much pressure? Or do you have other ideas?" His words were full of undisguised regret and disappointment.
His parents called shortly after, their voices filled with anxiety and confusion: "Xiao Li, what happened to your grades this time? Are you feeling unwell? Or have you encountered some difficulties? Talk to your parents, don't bear it all alone..." Their concerned words felt like invisible whips, lashing at his heart.
After the holiday started, Lin Li locked himself in his room. Looking at the glaring score and dense red crosses on his test paper, an unprecedented panic and self-doubt overwhelmed him like an icy tide.
The metaphysical materials on his desk now seemed so pale and powerless; they couldn't give him a good grade, couldn't meet his expectations, and couldn't mend the huge rift between him and Tong Yao.
"Perhaps Tong Yao is right?"
Am I really being too willful?
"Is the road I'm on really a dead end?"
For the first time, he began to waver in his choice of this "unorthodox path".
In the darkness, he felt a bone-chilling cold and loneliness. If even his only source of emotional support proved to be an illusion, what could sustain him?
Just when he was almost swallowed by despair and was about to compromise with reality, completely give up those "impractical" hobbies, and turn back into that puppet who buried himself in his studies but couldn't find his way, he habitually logged into that Yi Jing (I Ching) forum.
He opened the private chat window with the user whose ID was "Mr. Evergreen".
This "Ivy League gentleman" spoke calmly and had unique insights; his previous brief exchanges with him had all been very beneficial.
Lin Li hesitated for a long time, but finally, with an attitude of almost asking for help, she poured out her recent predicament, arguments with friends, declining grades, and confusion about the future to the other party, after concealing key personal information.
He wasn't expecting any magical solutions; he just needed an outlet to confide in, someone who might understand his "unconventional" ways.
To his surprise, the following evening he received a long reply from "Mr. Ivy".
"Young friend, 'Exploring the Secluded Mountains of Lishan', seeing this letter is like seeing you in person."
"After reading your message, I can sense your current confusion and struggle. First of all, I must acknowledge your insight and intuition in the study of I Ching, which is indeed a rare talent that not everyone possesses. Your sensitivity to the hexagrams and your preliminary understanding of the five elements' mutual generation and restraint all demonstrate your affinity with this ancient discipline."
Seeing this, Lin Li felt a little warmer, as if she had found a faint spark of fire in the icy wilderness.
But what he said next made him think even more deeply.
"However, my young friend, you must understand that metaphysics and the principles of change are profound and all-encompassing knowledge accumulated over thousands of years. It is by no means a simple matter of divination and fortune-telling; behind it lies the ancients' profound observation and philosophical reflection on the universe, nature, society, and humanity."
"To truly master the art, delve into its intricacies, and apply it correctly, rather than merely engaging in quackery and trickery, one needs an extremely profound cultural foundation and solid academic training as a basis."
"Did you know that many great scholars who have made achievements in the field of Yi studies are often experts in literature, history, philosophy, and even physics and mathematics? For example, studying the symbols and numbers of the Zhouyi requires strong logical deduction ability, which is consistent with mathematical thinking; understanding its meaning requires a deep foundation in classical Chinese and philosophy; exploring its connection with astronomy, calendar, and traditional Chinese medicine requires even more interdisciplinary knowledge."
At this point, "Mr. Evergreen's" tone became exceptionally earnest:
"Therefore, my advice to you is: do not pit your beloved metaphysics against your current studies, nor regard it as a haven to escape your studies. On the contrary, a systematic university education is the most important platform and ladder built for you to better explore this field of knowledge in the future. It can provide you with a broader vision, more rigorous thinking tools, and more scientific research methods. These will only benefit you in the future if you truly understand the Book of Changes and grasp its essence."
"The college entrance examination is a crucial step for you to reach this broader platform. It tests not only your knowledge, but also your perseverance, mindset, and planning ability. Utilizing these abilities well is itself a form of 'self-cultivation.' I hope you can adjust your mindset and regard the challenges before you as a process of tempering your character and accumulating knowledge. When you have achieved academic success and look back on today from a higher level of knowledge, you may find that these two paths are not mutually exclusive, and can even complement each other."
...
Lin Li read the long reply over and over again, each word like a heavy hammer, striking his confused mind.
"Not adversarial..."
"Platforms and ladders..."
"Parallelism without contradiction...mutual benefit..."
So that's how it is! He's been wrong all along! The "metaphysics" he's been pursuing isn't a secluded paradise to escape the realities of academics, but rather another peak that requires even more solid knowledge to climb! And the most effective path to that peak is precisely the "orthodox" path of further education that he's currently taking!
He had always separated his interests from his studies, viewing them as either one or the other, never imagining that they could be a complementary whole!
A feeling of sudden enlightenment washed over him, like sunlight piercing through layers of dark clouds, instantly illuminating his long-lost heart.
All that turmoil, resentment, grievance, and anger seemed to find an outlet and a place to settle in that moment. He wasn't giving up on his passion, but rather, in order to pursue it more deeply and in a more "righteous" way, he needed to first walk this necessary path before him!
This epiphany brought about a complete transformation in his mental state.
_
With this new understanding and an unprecedented sense of calm, Lin Li took the initiative to find Tong Yao. The location was still the stairwell where they had their argument, but this time, his mindset was different.
Instead of rushing to defend himself, he very frankly told Tong Yao all the confusion he had experienced during this period, the joy of discovering his interests, the grievances of not being understood, the panic when he saw his grades decline, and most importantly—the words of "Mr. Ivy League" that enlightened him. He told Tong Yao everything in detail and calmly.
"Tong Yao, I know that what you said before was for my own good. You were afraid that I would take the wrong path, that I would fall behind, that I would... regret it in the future."
Lin Li looked at her, her eyes clear and sincere, devoid of the previous stubbornness and hostility.
“I used to think you were rejecting me as a person, but now I realize that you just didn’t approve of my way of escaping and confronting others. But I think… I’ve found that balance now.”
He took a deep breath and continued, "I'm not giving up on my studies, and I'm certainly not giving up on... you. I just want to try a different mindset and approach. For myself, and also so that... I can have more confidence and resources to pursue what I'm truly interested in."
"Getting into a good university is no longer about pleasing someone or blindly following the crowd, but about overcoming a hurdle and building a bridge to achieve my own future goals."
Tong Yao listened quietly without interrupting him. She looked at the light that had rekindled in Lin Li's eyes; that light was no longer an empty fervor, but a resolute determination born of calm contemplation.
She saw that the familiar restlessness and rebelliousness in him gradually faded away, and a more mature and composed temperament began to emerge.
It was as if the huge rock that had been weighing on her heart for so long had finally been removed.
She may never develop the same deep interest in feng shui and metaphysics as him, but she began to genuinely and sincerely respect his choices and was willing to believe that he had found his own responsible path to growth.
“I understand,” she said softly, her tone the most relaxed it had been in a long time. “Now that you’ve thought it through, know what you want, and know what to do, then… do it your way.”
She paused, regaining her usual calm and pragmatism, but her tone carried a subtle, almost imperceptible tenderness:
"However, you can't neglect the basics; you must master the key points that need to be tested, and you still need to try your best to get higher scores. This isn't just about preparing for the college entrance exam, but also about what you just mentioned—building that 'bridge' to your future interests. A solid cultural foundation will definitely help you in your research of those ancient subjects. And..."
She looked up at him, her gaze clear and firm: "This is also for us, so that we can be on a relatively similar level, see more similar scenery, and have... more common language and future."
This time, Lin Li had no objection. He nodded heavily and earnestly, as if making a solemn vow: "Okay! I promise you. I will do what I'm supposed to do."
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