Extra: Yao Xiuyuan's Year of Resilience (Twenty-Nine)
Yao Xiuyuan scratched his neck embarrassedly, "Of course not, I just occasionally, occasionally have this thought."
Ying Nian was puzzled and asked, "Why? Because I didn't give you a sense of security?"
"No." Yao Xiuyuan denied, "It's my own problem. It's normal to be anxious about gains and losses when you're in a relationship."
Ying Nian shook his head, "That's not the case."
He said seriously, "Today, when Ji Tang, that friend of mine, asked me about my relationship status, I realized that I was actually not doing the right thing in my relationship with you. Your friends all know me and our relationship, but you don't know my friends except Qing Zhou, and they don't know you either, just like you and Ji Tang, you don't even know who she is. This is my problem."
"Not really." Yao Xiuyuan gave him an excuse, "You and I are from two different circles, so it's normal that we don't know each other."
"But you and I have known each other for more than two years, including now that we are together, but they still don't know who you are. This shouldn't be the case." Ying Nian said seriously, "This is very unfair to you."
"In our relationship, you have always been the one who actively pushed it forward. What about me? You like me and you pursue me, there is nothing wrong with that. But when I also like you and get together with you, I shouldn't let you make the effort alone. I should also be proactive in making the effort. But, I didn't."
"I didn't tell you that I liked you, did I?" Ying Nian smiled, "Because I didn't dare. I was afraid that in the end, we would end up with nothing. I would feel embarrassed if that happened."
He finished, smiled self-deprecatingly, and lowered his eyes.
"I wasn't like this before. I was a very strong-willed person. I liked to be invincible in relationships, so I was willing to give and I dared to give. Even if I failed, I would still be the winner emotionally because I didn't owe anyone anything. But now, I have become restrained and I think a lot. I wonder if it would be pitiful if I gave everything but still got nothing."
"You know, I didn't plan to fall in love so soon, I just couldn't say no to you. But how can I be sure that you will always like me? I'm just an ordinary person, but you're even better than Tang Yu, how can I guarantee that we will always be together?"
"You should believe me." Yao Xiuyuan said.
"But aren't you also worried about this?" Ying Nian said, "You should believe me, but aren't you also worried?"
Yao Xiuyuan shook his head and said calmly, "That's different. What I'm worried about is that you and Tang Yu have a past that I can't interfere with. I'm jealous of him, and I'm also afraid that you'll soften your heart after seeing how he's changed for you and go back to him. It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just afraid of your past."
It was the first time that Ying Nian heard him say this. He looked at Yao Xiuyuan and felt inexplicably distressed because of the words "fear of your past".
In fact, he had really let go of Tang Yu. No matter how much affection he had, it couldn't withstand the constant pulling and hurting again and again. It's just that if Yao Xiuyuan had an ex-boyfriend who had been dating for so many years and was still pestering him even after breaking up, he would probably be afraid too.
"Then what can I do to make you feel more at ease?" Ying Nian asked.
Yao Xiuyuan was stunned for a moment. He didn't expect him to do this.
"It's okay," he smiled, "It's just my own psychological problem, don't worry, I'll adjust myself and it will be fine in two days."
Ying Nian didn't listen to him, "Yao Xiuyuan, I think we should trust each other a little more. I want to believe that you and I will have a future, and you also have to believe that we will have a future. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't let you touch me."
"I know." Yao Xiuyuan sighed, "You don't need to do anything, really. As long as you are by my side, I won't think about these things. I just met Tang Yu and was stimulated by his words, so I was worried about gains and losses. But this is not a big deal. As long as you like me, it's enough."
"Do you need me to formally tell you that I love you?"
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