Chapter 193 I'm not ready yet
Pei Zhi's voice deepened: "She opened up a trade route for medicinal herbs in the Western Regions. I asked her to help scavenge the rare medicinal herbs needed by the clinic, especially the snow ginseng and purple gromwell you mentioned." He shook the brocade box. "This contains a sample of snow ginseng. I was just about to show it to you to see if it's suitable."
Ye Wanning looked at the brocade box, her heart aching even more. It turned out it was all for the clinic; she had been overthinking things and misunderstanding Pei Zhi. But the betrayal of her past life made her unable to easily trust anyone, not even Pei Zhi.
"So what?" she said. "Thank you, Lord Pei, for your trouble in visiting the clinic. But please be careful when you're with Miss Shen. Men and women shouldn't be so close, lest you cause gossip."
"Gossip?" Pei Zhi's eyes darkened, and he tightened his grip on her shoulder. "Are you concerned about gossip, or about my contact with other women?"
Ye Wanning was speechless when asked the question. She did care; she cared about his closeness with others, and she cared about his warmth being taken away. But she dared not say it; her heart was already scarred from her past life.
"I..." Her throat was dry, and she could only utter indistinct syllables before turning her face away. "I have something to do, so I'll go first."
"Don't leave!"
Pei Zhi's voice was filled with grievance, "Ye Wanning, what exactly do you want from me?"
He released his hand from her shoulder, but still gripped her wrist, his fingertips trembling slightly: "I've been good to you time and time again, and told you how I feel. You've clearly felt it all, so why won't you admit that you care about me?"
"You get jealous when you see me with Qingyuan, and you leave me behind. Why won't you say you care?"
His words were like needles, pricking Ye Wanning's heart with a bitter pain. She looked up at him, her heart pounding wildly.
"I didn't..." she tried to deny it, but her voice trembled, and she didn't even believe herself.
Seeing her reddened eyes, Pei Zhi's anger subsided, leaving only heartache. He knew she wasn't indifferent; she was afraid—afraid of being betrayed again, afraid of being abandoned after giving her heart.
Pei Zhi softened his tone and reached out to brush away the petals from her shoulder: "Wan Ning, I know your concerns. The hurt in your past life makes you afraid to trust people, I understand."
“But I am not them.” His voice was steady. “My feelings for you have never changed. I want to treat you well, protect you, and not let you suffer any grievances.”
"Give me a chance, and give yourself a chance, okay?"
Ye Wanning's eyes reddened. The last barrier in her heart began to crumble. She truly wanted to believe him, to lean on his arms, and no longer have to face the storms alone. But the shadows of her past life still lingered, making her hesitant to take the first step: "I...I'm not ready yet."
Pei Zhi's heart softened, and he released her wrist, gently holding her fingertips: "I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes."
"But you need to know that you are not alone. No matter what happens, I will never leave you."
Ye Wanning's tears finally fell, burning onto the backs of their clasped hands. She tried to pull her hand away, but Pei Zhi held it even tighter.
"Don't cry." Pei Zhi raised his hand and gently wiped away her tears with his fingertips. "Seeing you cry makes me feel bad too."
Ye Wanning turned her face away, not daring to look him in the eye, afraid that she would give in. At this moment, Shen Qingyuan's voice came from behind: "Azhi, what's wrong? This must be Madam Ye?"
Shen Qingyuan walked up to them and said, "Madam Ye, I've heard so much about you. I'm Shen Qingyuan, A-Zhi's childhood friend."
She reached out her hand to greet her, and Ye Wanning hesitated for a moment before touching her hand and then separating.
Shen Qingyuan said, "What I was talking to Azhi about just now was about medicinal herbs from the Western Regions. I spent three years in the Western Regions and opened up several trade routes."
“Ah Zhi said your clinic needed rare medicinal herbs, so he asked me to help him find some. Consider it a gift for my return to the capital.” She pointed to the brocade box in Pei Zhi’s hand. “Inside is top-quality snow ginseng, which is good for conditioning the body. You can try it.”
Ye Wanning looked at the brocade box, filled with remorse. She had misunderstood Pei Zhi without knowing the facts, and now she realized she deserved a beating.
"Thank you, Miss Chen." Her voice was soft and apologetic.
"It's nothing, it's just a small matter." Shen Qingyuan smiled and turned around. "I have other things to attend to, so I'll be going now. Ah Zhi, Madam Ye, let's talk another day."
Looking at her retreating figure, Ye Wanning felt even more guilty, realizing she had been overthinking things.
"I'm sorry." Ye Wanning lowered her head, her voice barely audible. "I... I misunderstood you just now."
Pei Zhi's grievances had long since vanished, replaced only by heartache. He reached out to pat her head: "It's okay, I know you didn't mean it."
Ye Wanning's cheeks flushed slightly, but she didn't pull away. This was the first time she hadn't resisted Pei Zhi touching her.
Pei Zhi was secretly delighted: "Let's go, I'll take you back to the villa. Have the servants take the snow ginseng to make soup to nourish your body."
Ye Wanning didn't speak, but nodded gently and followed him to the other courtyard. The two walked side by side on the crabapple petals, the air quiet and subtle.
A breeze carried the fragrance of flowers, and Ye Wanning smelled the sandalwood scent on Pei Zhi, feeling inexplicably intoxicated.
“Actually, Qingyuan, she…” Pei Zhi wanted to explain, but was interrupted by Ye Wanning.
"No need to explain." She glanced at him, then lowered her head again. "I believe you."
The three words were spoken very softly. He paused, turning to look at her: "What did you say?"
Ye Wanning blushed even more, her voice barely audible: "I said, I believe you."
Pei Zhi suddenly smiled: "Wan Ning, thank you."
Ye Wanning didn't dare to look at him, only staring at her toes, her heart pounding like a rabbit.
She knew that the string in her heart had loosened, and perhaps she could truly let go of the past and trust Pei Zhi.
When Chun Tao saw the two of them return together, her expression was harmonious, and she immediately showed joy: "Miss, Lord Pei, you're back?"
"Hmm." Ye Wanning walked into the courtyard first, followed by Pei Zhi, who handed the brocade box to Chun Tao. "Take this snow ginseng and stew it into soup to nourish your young lady. Stew it until it's soft and tender."
"Alright!" Chun Tao took the brocade box, smiled, and left.
The peach blossoms in the courtyard were in full bloom, their petals covering the stone table, a truly beautiful sight. Ye Wanning sat on the stone bench, gazing at the vibrant spring scenery, and felt a pang of sadness in her heart.
Pei Zhi sat opposite her, saying nothing, just quietly watching her. He knew that Ye Wanning's ability to say "I believe in you" was already a huge step forward, and he couldn't push her any further.
"You and Miss Shen chatted for quite a while just now?" Ye Wanning hesitated before finally asking the question that had been bothering her.
“Not long ago,” Pei Zhi said. “She just returned to the capital. I asked her about the situation in the Western Regions, mainly about medicinal herbs. She knows many medicine merchants in the Western Regions, so the clinic can purchase all the Western Region herbs from her in the future, and the prices are fair.”
“Miss Shen seems to be a nice person.” Ye Wanning nodded.
“She is indeed very good,” Pei Zhi said. “We grew up together. She has a cheerful personality. Later, she followed her father on a mission to the Western Regions. She endured a lot of hardship and became more and more capable.”
He paused, then looked at Ye Wanning and added, "But I only have friendship for her, nothing more. In my heart, there is only you."
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