Although I looked calm on the outside, I felt very uncomfortable in my heart. If she wasn't my fourth uncle's wife, if the age difference between her and me wasn't so big...
When Uncle Gouzi heard me say that she was the wife I had wanted to marry since I was a child, he knew that I might have really let it go. He patted me on the shoulder and told me that there were many good girls and that at worst I could find one according to Teacher Ruan's standards.
I smiled and said nothing. There will never be another person like her in my heart.
In my sophomore year, I completed all the credits ahead of schedule and became a graduate student under my supervisor. His daughter, who was in her senior year of high school, was the same age as me.
My teacher often uses me as an example to educate his daughter, so his daughter hates me to the core.
She wanted to teach me a lesson, so she came to pursue me after the college entrance examination. My director was happy to see it happen and even praised his daughter for having good taste.
In order to pursue me, she often came to see me and asked her father to invite me to their house for dinner.
In fact, in some ways, she is quite similar to Teacher Ruan back then. They are both so kind, and Teacher Ruan is also her idol. The shadow of Teacher Ruan can be seen between the lines of everything she writes.
However, I did not fall in love with her as a substitute. Instead, her appearance made me more aware of the depth of my own feelings.
When the night is quiet, I still dream of Teacher Ruan. I no longer have the same passion as before, but I still love her.
After pursuing me for two years without any results, my daughter started dating another student of mine.
Because she discovered the filth in my heart.
I thought she would scold me for having a dirty mind or look at me with contempt, but she didn't.
Like I said, she's very kind.
She said that she had discovered very early on that I liked Ruanruan and Peipei, and she originally thought that I just admired my favorite writers, so she became more obsessed with studying the works of that teacher, and gradually her writing style was influenced by her.
But she found that I didn't appreciate her more because of this. Instead, I would sometimes feel dazed when looking at what she wrote.
Until one time, she got her clothes dirty near Teacher Ruan's house, and I took her to Teacher Ruan's house to deal with it. She met Teacher Ruan and somehow discovered Teacher Ruan's identity.
Girls are always very delicate in their thoughts. She discovered many small details and peeled them off layer by layer to restore my thoughts completely.
"So, your liking for her is that kind of liking."
When she said this to me, I could see the sadness, sorrow and despair in her eyes. I opened my mouth and wanted to say something, but nothing came out.
In the end, I could only say three words with guilt, "I'm sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry about, Brother. Didn't you always clearly reject me? I stayed by your side because I always felt there was hope. You have nothing to be sorry about to me. As for love, it's your freedom to like whomever you like. I admire you very much. Even if you like her, you didn't disturb her life because of it."
The word "senior brother" completely took away her feelings for me.
That's good. Someone like me is not worthy of her love.
Sometimes I feel that my feelings are just a poor creature hiding in a stinky ditch, struggling to survive under the bright sunshine day after day.
She quickly got together with one of my junior fellow students and fell in love with him. Not long after, she sent me an invitation. I gave them my most sincere blessings and she also expressed her gratitude to me sincerely.
My director felt it was a pity because he had long thought that I might become his son-in-law since his daughter was so outstanding.
"Teacher, I'm so old-fashioned, it's normal for my junior sister to get tired of me."
My director looked at me with a complicated look, as if I had been abandoned by his daughter.
Forget it, there is no way to explain this kind of thing.
From then on, my director started introducing me to various people, some younger than me, some older than me, and some of the same age as me.
Students from this major, other majors, and those who have already graduated.
I couldn't refuse the people my director introduced to me, so I met each of them. They were all excellent, but none of them was the person I had in mind.
When chatting with them, I was keenly aware of the points that they didn't like and showed them deliberately, which resulted in one failure after another.
Finally, my director gave up and gave up on finding me a date. That was good.
When I went to watch the military parade that year, I deliberately rushed to carry a bag, and when the opportunity arose, I pulled Teacher Ruan aside when she was staggering due to the crowd, and successfully separated myself from the main group.
The flower-selling child misunderstood my relationship with her. My heart was pounding like a drum, thinking that she would definitely clarify. I quickly stopped the child and bought a bouquet of flowers for her.
Carnations, that’s not too unusual, right?
Perhaps only with this flower will she accept it with a happy smile.
Maybe in her heart, I am no different from the stars and dots.
She helped me put stickers on my face, distributed small flags to me, and laughed while waving the flags with me.
Many people around us mistook us for a young couple and said that we were a good match with good-natured laughter. I became nervous again. Would she deny it now?
"Jianhui, bring me a small bag of glutinous rice noodles from the side." She ordered.
I started searching immediately.
Apart from helping her find things, I spent the rest of the time looking at her. Her smile was very contagious, and it made me feel as if even the gloomy me had become brighter unconsciously.
We ate and drank while watching the parade, and we shouted until our throats were hoarse.
I felt a pair of eyes staring at us. Following the feeling of being stared at, I looked in the direction where the person was staring. I was stunned for a moment. It turned out to be my fourth uncle.
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