Heart disease
Aunt Yun died when the first dead leaf fell.
Master Liu hated her so much that he beat her and the groom together to vent his anger, and then put them in a pig cage.
Yulan sat on the swing in the north courtyard, watching the fallen leaves rustle and fall, feeling a sense of melancholy. She felt she had harmed Madam Yun, and that heaven had been plotting her death from the very beginning, with the wind blowing and the fallen leaves scattering to the ground.
“Human life is worthless.”
This is what her mother told her. She also said, "Precisely because those people think we are worthless, we must live well, eat well, and sleep well every day. We must make our lives worthwhile and not underestimate ourselves."
Yulan filled herself a large bowl of rice, compacting it and then pressing it down again until it was as high as a hill. She stuffed it into her mouthful of rice, and kept stuffing until her eyes turned red.
She didn't know whether she was afraid or sad. Such a vibrant life had vanished without a trace.
Aunt Yun has no family or friends, and the old owner of the opera troupe has passed away long ago. She is alone and has a miserable journey to the underworld.
Late at night, she also secretly burned paper for Aunt Yun, hoping that the passing ghosts would not make things difficult for her, and that she could cross the Naihe Bridge smoothly, so that the relationship between master and servant would not be in vain.
The tree wants to be still but the wind does not stop. Aunt Yun is not the only one who has disappeared, nor will she be the last.
She wants to grow flesh and blood, grow strong wings. She wants to live like a living person, and live well.
"Sister Yulan, how long has it been since you last had a meal?" Bao Fu couldn't help teasing her when he saw her cheeks were stuffed full.
Yulan didn't want to pay attention. She just focused on eating and put another piece of white meat into her bowl. She didn't really have an appetite for the greasy fat, but she just kept putting it into her mouth.
It seems that if you fill your mouth and stomach, you won’t be afraid or sad anymore.
Bao Fu didn't mean to ridicule her. Seeing how seriously she ate, he felt a little puzzled. But he still stuffed all the meat dishes on the plate into her bowl.
"If you like it, eat more."
Ever since Haitang came, Yulan and Baofu never went into Liu Er's room to eat together during the day. At most, they would set up a small table in the yard to eat, and they didn't want to squeeze in with the people from the East Courtyard.
Liu Er also sat at his desk every day, watching them eat through the small window. He wanted to invite them in, but was repeatedly turned down. He felt a little disappointed, but he still sat by the window with his bowl of rice, thinking over and over again, and finally came up with a name for this small courtyard: Guanxiuju.
He admitted that he was enlightened late, read little, and could not think of many words. He was not as elegant as Mr. Shen, and could only be straightforward and popular.
Speaking of Shen Ju'an, he's been quite lazy in his lectures lately, leaving them to review their lessons on their own. Shen Ju'an himself, on the other hand, sat in the pavilion in the middle of the lake, enjoying a cup of tea and reading, looking quite relaxed.
He said he was appreciating a painting, a beautiful scene on earth.
Liu Er had doubts about his attitude, but Miss Liu always evaded him, so Liu Er wisely shut up and said no more.
Now that Liu San was away, there was only Liu Er studying in the house. He couldn't help but wonder if Master Liu had taken special care of Shen Ju'an.
Did you tell him not to pay attention to Liu Er, the abandoned pawn?
Why bother with this? Liu Er chuckled self-deprecatingly. Aren't these cunning people always good at adapting to changing circumstances? Why should he bother with this in his current situation?
His left hand ached slightly under the layers of gauze. He tried to gently turn his wrist but broke out in a sweat due to the pain.
He leaned weakly on the table, looking at Yulan through the small window. She was healthy, plump, and rosy-cheeked. Her clothes seemed a little too small, and he could vaguely see her increasingly curvaceous figure.
Liu Er's face suddenly turned red, and he turned his head away, but he couldn't help but turn his head back with a red face.
Has Bao Fu lost weight? His round face seems to be getting narrower. And why is he picking up food for Yulan? Is he coveting her?
Liu Er thought he could keep his composure, but he frowned slightly and couldn't help but assign a task to Bao Fu who was eating.
Bao Fu was also wondering, is this matter so urgent?
Out of sight, out of mind.
Liu Er felt that Guanxiuju had finally returned to its former tranquility and peace. The autumn wind swept the fallen leaves, and this was a time that belonged only to him and Yulan.
He knew very well what he felt. He could not live without Magnolia, and he was in love with Magnolia.
But that lively and cheerful little girl is healthy, innocent and kind.
He doesn't deserve it.
Liu Er could only shrink in the corner, greedily peeking a few more times at the pure land in his heart through the small window, but he didn't know how long he could continue to peek.
That is the only place in this square world where sunlight can shine in.
He originally thought that things would gradually get better in the North Courtyard, but who would have thought that Liu San's illness would take a turn for the worse.
He had darkly thought, how much better it would be if Liu San just died of illness like that. But Liu San was innocent after all, and the fault lay with his father, that philandering old playboy.
The myriad of confusing clues finally turned into a long sigh.
"It would be great if we could separate sooner rather than later."
The pen in his hand quietly sketched the figure of the magnolia. He had already quietly drawn many. When the wind blew gently, the "magnolia" under his pen would follow the turning of the pages and come alive.
The Magnolia in my paintings can stay in bed, draw eyebrows, be picky about food, and play mahjong...
If one day Magnolia leaves him, perhaps he can rely on these to comfort himself for the rest of his long life.
Liu Er gently blew the ink dry and placed it on top of the painting "Longevity as Long as the Southern Mountains" that Yulan had painted herself. Then he casually ate a few mouthfuls of rice.
Yulan looked a little flustered when she entered the house today, probably having argued with the old woman again, but she still smiled and said, "It's not crab season yet, but the kitchen happened to have some. I asked them to shred the crab roe and make this crab meatball. I thought since you were born in Yangzhou, you would definitely like it."
If he was Liu San, why would Yulan suffer such injustice for a dish?
In fact, Liu Er doesn't like eating crabs, but he didn't spoil Yulan's fun. He just smiled and said that he was not hungry now and they could eat later.
He found crabs fishy and greasy. Dead crabs were inedible; they had to be tied up and immobilized while still alive, then steamed to death in a steamer. Death had given them an alluring crimson hue. When people saw the crabs donning that crimson dress, they knew they were cooked!
I just wanted to have a taste of the fresh river food, not to fill my stomach.
What is the crab's fault?
When people pried open the crab's last defense, its hard shell, the rising hot air mixed with a strong fishy smell was like the crab's last wisp of resentment, using what it thought was a disgusting fishy smell to feebly retaliate against the diners.
However, it doesn't help, just add some ginger slices.
He looked at the crab roe and thought it was his own flesh. But it was Yulan's special request, even though it had been left to cool. The cold crab roe was even more fishy, and the broth was covered in solidifying fat. The cold, forlorn dish was even more unappetizing. Yet, his appetite suddenly piqued, and he numbly stuffed large mouthfuls into his mouth. He couldn't taste anything, but he just had to eat it.
Yulan said: "People need to eat well and sleep well."
So Liu Er did as he was told.
When your stomach is empty, you want to eat to fill it up. When your heart is empty, you want to be loved to fill it up.
They are all using desire to fill emptiness, filling one bottomless hole after another.
But food and sex are human nature.
At night, Yulan came to change Liu Er's dressing. As she peeled off the layers of gauze, the smell of rotting flesh seeped out. The blood had already coagulated, and a black and red patch stuck to the wound.
Yulan felt sick and dizzy, but she was worried about others. She was afraid that they would be clumsy and fail to do the job well, and that they would upset Liu Er.
After all, in the secret corner of her heart, she felt that she was the only one who could see Liu Er's scars and his helplessness.
In the dim light, the room was small enough to accommodate only the two of them.
The candlelight flickered in the night, and spots of light danced on her face. Liu Er saw her slightly frowning expression.
"If you don't want to come, you don't have to. It's no big deal if I change it myself." He lowered his head and hid in the dark shadows.
Yulan was too lazy to figure out what he was imagining, so she just patiently explained, "Since you're here, stop imagining."
"I'm sorry to have you come to the North Court to serve someone like me."
Liu Er reached out and gently touched the pearl pendant on Yulan's ear, and Yulan subconsciously dodged.
This was bought the first time he went shopping with his father, and it was also the only time he went shopping after coming to the Liu family. He could give Yulan very little, but Yulan gave him so much, so much that he felt he could never repay her in his lifetime.
"If you stop talking, I won't feel wronged." Yulan tied the gauze tightly, using some strength sincerely. After hearing Liu Er gasp a few times, she let go with satisfaction. "It's not like I can't get better. Stop saying those discouraging words."
Yulan looked at the bandaged wound and turned to put the sundries into the medicine box, but Liu Er grabbed her wrist. He was very assertive and would not allow Yulan to resist. He whispered, "Are you feeling sorry for me?"
Yulan couldn't see Liu Er's expression. She only felt the grip on her wrist getting stronger and stronger. Unable to break free, she turned around and saw Liu Er hiding in a dark shadow. He lowered his head, his expression unclear, and whispered, "Please... stop pitying me... "
After the fall, the nights are very cool.
Yulan put a cloak on Liu Er and wondered why Liu Er's heartache hadn't subsided. Was he getting too stuffy in the room?
Yulan pulled him into the yard, where the moonlight was just right.
"Follow my movements."
Yulan stood there in the bright moonlight, holding her breath and concentrating, taking a horse stance. As soon as she opened her eyes, she began to perform a series of wild horse mane splitting and diamond pestle pounding...
Seeing Liu Er standing there in a daze, Yulan immediately patted him on the shoulder and said, "Whenever I feel down, I do a set of Tai Chi, and everything naturally brightens up. You should try it."
Liu Er didn't understand why, but he obeyed. Under the bright moonlight, Yulan's body was covered in a furry glow, and he stared at her in fascination.
How can there be such an interesting person?
"My mother taught me this before she died. She said that if you're alive, you should live your life to the fullest. If your left hand isn't working, just use your right hand. Don't stay in a dark room all day, daydreaming. I'll come every day from now on."
"Okay." Liu Er agreed readily, then asked softly, "Everyday?"
"The key to practicing martial arts and cultivating oneself is persistence." Yulan's moves were so smooth and flowing that Liu Er was stunned, his eyes full of admiration.
"What sect does your mother belong to?"
"No sect or school. My mother, like yours, is a pitiful woman who unfortunately fell into prostitution and was deceived by an unfaithful man."
Yulan spoke lightly, like the gentle breeze and bright moon passing over the mountaintops from afar, but it made Liu Er's heart startle. He looked deeply at Yulan, as if he was gazing at a bright moon in the distance, unattainable.
People of the same background, some live lives as bright as the sun, while he himself lives in self-pity. Feeling ashamed, Liu Er lowered his head, watching his shadow, lengthened by the moonlight, merge faintly with Yulan's shadow in the darkness. He secretly rejoiced, at least they were getting closer, sharing the same shameful background.
In the small portraits depicting magnolia, Liu Er added a few pictures of "practicing Tai Chi under the moon".
She was lively, lovely, and bright as the sun. How could he not be moved?
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