Chapter 520 Forgot
Two days later, Xu Jiang contacted a top-tier psychological counselor in the country and arranged to meet with Jiang Budu on the weekend.
Jiang Budu got the counselor's business card and the address of the psychological clinic, and went to talk to him early on Saturday morning.
The counselor was a professor in his early forties, wearing rimless glasses. He looked easy-going and friendly. Perhaps due to his professional habit, there was no oppressive look in his eyes when he looked at people, which naturally made people feel trusting.
"Professor Zhao Yuan." Jiang Budu called the other person's name, "Hello."
"Hello, Mr. Jiang, right?" Zhao Yuan shook hands with Jiang Budu. "I hope we can have a wonderful conversation today."
Jiang Budu smiled and said, "Thank you for your help."
After these brief conversations, Zhao Yuan had a general understanding of Jiang Budu's emotions. He looked very normal, had sound social functions, and could express himself well. He was more positive and optimistic than most of the people who came to him for consultation.
Zhao Yuan couldn't help but wonder, "What kind of consultation would Mr. Jiang like to receive?"
"Love." Jiang Budu said simply, "I once caused deep hurt to someone, and now she has started a new relationship, and I can't let her go."
Zhao Yuan asked, "Have you tried to win her over or keep her?"
Jiang Budu: "I tried, but failed."
Zhao Yuan: "It seems that her attitude is very firm."
Jiang Budu nodded, his mind flashing back to the words Tang Qing had said to him. His eyes dimmed, and his voice became much lower. "I hurt her first, and she was firm in her attitude, so it's okay."
Zhao Yuan had originally brought up this topic: "For example? What actions have you taken to hurt her?"
…
This was the first time that Jiang Budu had personally come into contact with psychological counseling in his more than 30 years of life.
This time, he talked with Zhao Yuan for nearly three hours, telling Zhao Yuan the entire process of him and Tang Qing, from their first acquaintance, to their reunion, and then to their complete separation after her miscarriage.
Zhao Yuan is a very qualified psychologist and never made any judgmental remarks about his behavior throughout the entire process.
Jiang Budu has never been a person who likes to confide in others, but it must be said that after saying all these words in one go, he seemed to have become much more clear-headed.
After going through so much, if it were him, he would definitely not be with someone who has caused him such deep harm. People live to make their lives better, not to be abused.
Once bitten by a snake, one will be afraid of ropes for ten years. What's more, Tang Qing has never been a naive girl. She will not gamble with her precious time again.
After telling Zhao Yuan about this past, Jiang Budu chuckled and asked him, "Do you also think I deserved it?"
Zhao Yuan's response was highly emotional: "Mr. Jiang sees things very clearly. There's actually no need for psychological counseling."
"Seeing things clearly doesn't mean you can actually do it," Jiang Budu said. "I still can't forget her. From time to time, I have some unrealistic expectations. I even have a dark hope that her boyfriend will do something to let her down. Maybe then I'll have a chance."
Since he came for psychological counseling, there was no need for him to hide his true inner thoughts. After all, everyone has a dark side, and it cannot be solved unless it is spoken out.
"It's normal to have such thoughts. As long as you just think about it and don't take action, it's not a fatal problem." Zhao Yuan comforted him, "We are all ordinary people. We don't need to always hold ourselves to high moral standards."
"But I can't guarantee that I can hold back from taking action in the future," Jiang Budu said. "Everyone around me tells me that you'll gradually let go over time. I don't see much hope."
Zhao Yuan pondered his words carefully, distilling his meaning: "Do you want to forget this past?"
Jiang Budu: "Can it be achieved?"
Zhao Yuan: "Yes, I can, but you have to think it over carefully."
He reminded him, "This kind of forgetfulness is similar to amnesia, and there's no way to guarantee that you won't remember it for the rest of your life."
Jiang Budu: "What method?"
"Hypnosis therapy," Zhao Yuan explained to him professionally. "Clinically, hypnosis is mostly used on patients with post-traumatic stress disorder, allowing them to forget the cause of their illness and maintain a normal life."
Jiang Budu: "If I only forget the cause of the illness, won't my other memories be affected?"
Zhao Yuan shook his head, "I can't guarantee that for now."
"However, for patients who are unable to maintain a normal life, forgetting everything and returning to normal life is a good option."
"Mr. Jiang, from our conversation today, it seems like everything is normal with you. Negative emotions are only temporary. They may last for a few months or years, but they won't stay with you for the rest of your life. So I don't recommend this approach."
Jiang Budu was silent for a minute or two, then he sighed deeply.
He said, “I don’t know.”
Zhao Yuan: "It's because you've never taken a relationship so seriously, nor have you ever loved someone so deeply. People who are used to being in control tend to feel more disorganized than the average person when faced with the unknown. But disorganization is only temporary. Once you experience it yourself, you'll find that nothing is as bad as you imagined."
"Even if it's really hard for you to forget someone, it won't stop you from living. Mr. Jiang has a successful career. Life is not just about love. In the adult world, regret is the main theme."
Jiang Budu was silenced by Zhao Yuan's words.
In this matter, his sense of disorder was indeed very strong. He had never experienced the pain of being unable to get the love he wanted, nor had he ever been unable to let go of someone for such a long time.
He was very panicked, afraid that he would never be able to get over it for the rest of his life, but also afraid that he would actually get over it.
Unable to get over it and unable to get it, every day is torture; but if he really gets over it, Tang Qing will only feel that his so-called "love" is nothing more than this.
Jiang Budu thought for a long time before speaking with difficulty: "If I can still live well without her, then what is her meaning to me?"
"My life is no different. She must think that I am just acting on impulse with her like I do with everyone else, but I don't..."
"Mr. Jiang." Zhao Yuan smiled and gently interrupted him, sharply reminding him, "The reality is, she doesn't care about the nature of your love for her. If she did, you wouldn't be sitting across from me today."
Zhao Yuan's words gave Jiang Budu an epiphany.
After a few seconds, his shoulders shook and he let out a laugh.
Yes, he is still fantasizing about something.
Whether he loved or hated, whether he had let it go or was unwilling to accept it, Tang Qing no longer cared. She already had her own new life, but he still self-righteously framed her in this logic.
It's really ridiculous.
"You're right." Jiang Budu said to Zhao Yuan, "Thank you, it's been quite fruitful."
Zhao Yuan: "Many times, people are defeated not by specific things, but by the fear of the unknown. Mr. Jiang, the sun will rise again tomorrow. Welcome tomorrow as you have welcomed today."
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