"As for you asking me whether it's worth giving up my relationship with Zhu Longyuan for the position of Imperial Concubine promised by the Prince of Jin..."
Having said that, she slowly looked towards Zhu Longyuan, meeting his gaze without hesitation.
At this moment, the love in her eyes disappeared, leaving only indifference.
She paused, "Why isn't it worth it?"
She curled her lips and said sarcastically, "What do women want in life? Either they burn themselves out for their children, or they live a carefree and happy life... I've lost the ability to have children. I don't have any of my own flesh and blood for the rest of my life. Why should I devote my life to someone else's children?"
Having said that, she looked at Zhu Junyang.
The child was standing there, clutching the corner of his clothes with tears in his eyes. He secretly looked up at this person and then at that person. Seeing that no one paid any attention to him, his eyes were full of panic.
Seeing him like this, she still felt a little uncomfortable.
After all, this child keeps calling her mother and truly depends on her.
But, so what? After all, it wasn't her child.
She can show the love between mother and child to others, but she cannot truly love the child from the bottom of her heart, nor can she sacrifice her life for the child.
Just like when the Zhu family was in danger, the eldest sister-in-law was reluctant to leave Jun'an alone, but she could cruelly abandon the child.
Since the child is not her own, she will never treat him as her own.
She lowered her head, tears streaming down her face, and smiled.
"For me, it's not worth it to be with a husband who will never have children with me, to worry every day about whether my husband will take a concubine after knowing that I can't have children, and to spend every day and every day taking care of a child who has nothing to do with me..."
"After all, my husband might take a concubine, and my feelings for him will gradually fade away... and the child is someone else's. If the biological parents come looking for him, what will I, as a foster mother, do?"
"To work hard all your life, only to end up with nothing and nothing left, is not worth it!"
"So, why don't I just live a carefree life for myself? Staying in the Zhu family and being the fearful Second Madam of Zhu is not as carefree and joyful as being a high-ranking imperial concubine."
Seeing everyone looking at her indifferently, as if no one understood, she couldn't help but laugh at herself.
She raised her hand and touched her abdomen, muttering to herself.
"Why am I telling you all this? You'll never understand how much damage losing my fertility has done to me. Just like you'll never understand why there are so many mentally twisted perverts among eunuchs who've lost their virility..."
"Why are we psychologically distorted? Because we are incomplete, because we are always afraid of being looked down upon. Because we often worry that we will be left alone when we are old..."
“Since I’m old and helpless, why not seize everything I can, enjoy it to the fullest, and make myself happy…”
Having said this, she slowly closed her eyes.
"So, from the moment I knew I couldn't have children, I changed... Instead of letting you know I couldn't have children and then taking a concubine for Zhu Longyuan to humiliate and hurt me, it would be better for me to withdraw my feelings from him little by little."
"If I don't love anymore, no one can hurt me, and I can freely pursue my own good life..."
"What a pity! King Jin missed the mark by one move, and I still couldn't pursue my good life."
She opened her eyes.
A complicated gaze fell on Zhu Wuhuan.
"Empress, you know what? I was so full of confidence when I left the General's Mansion that day. Because as long as I left this quagmire of the General's Mansion, I would soon be able to become a concubine, and I would be more glorious than all of you..."
"But I ran into you at the gate of the General's Mansion."
"Although you were dressed in plain clothes, you stood proudly at the door, as if the Zhu family would never fall. I had a particularly uneasy premonition at that time. Especially after my father and I got on the carriage, what you said to me made me tremble with fear..."
"At that moment, I had a premonition that the Zhu family might not be destroyed. I actually wanted to jump off the carriage and return to the general's mansion. But I couldn't bear to give up my dream of becoming a concubine, so I still bit the bullet and returned to my parents' home..."
"I waited anxiously at my mother's house. Finally, I received the bad news I least wanted to hear."
"You weren't defiled by Prince Jin, and your affair didn't reach the Emperor. Instead, you arrested Prince Jin. So I knew Prince Jin had lost, and I couldn't be his concubine anymore. I had to hurry back to the General's Mansion. This was my last resort..."
"But I didn't expect that even my last chance would be ruined by you."
"I finally managed to get forgiveness from my mother, my eldest brother, and his wife. They agreed to let me return to the Zhu family. But you insisted on interfering, publicly discrediting me and making me lose all face and humiliate myself."
"It would be fine if you just disparaged me, but you even called the Emperor!"
Her eyes fell on Feng Changye, and she felt resentment, pathetic, and ridiculous.
"Your Majesty, you are so overbearing! I made this mistake, and you won't allow me to return to the Zhu family. You even said that if I must come back, I must come back as your concubine..."
She said sarcastically with a smile.
"I've always wondered, I simply abandoned the Zhu family when they were in trouble, and I'm guilty of a heinous crime. Then why don't you look at yourself? You personally ordered the execution of the entire Zhu family! I'm hateful, but aren't your crimes even more hateful than mine?"
She probably felt that she was about to die, so she simply opened up to Feng Changye, the enemy who had repeatedly made things difficult for her and forced her to die.
She sneered.
"In this Zhu family, everyone has the right to scold me and hate me, but only you, Your Majesty..."
"What gives you the right to scold me and condemn me?"
"What you did is worse than what I did. Don't you know that?"
"We've all wronged the Zhu family, no one is any better than the other. Don't try to justify yourself by saying you only ordered the execution of the Zhu family, but you failed... Did I succeed in harming the Zhu family? Didn't I still do what I colluded with the Prince of Jin? I abandoned the Zhu family, and now I'm kneeling down to admit my mistake, haven't I?"
"Even the only thing I wanted to do to truly harm Zhu Longyuan was because of you! If you hadn't aggressively demoted me to a concubine and insisted that Zhu Longyuan marry the princess, I wouldn't have bought that infertile drug to harm Zhu Longyuan!"
"If I had returned to the Zhu family on my knees, without you and your wife interfering, I would have definitely changed my ways and become a good member of the Zhu family after returning!"
"You forced me to do this!"
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