What to do about fear of marriage?
When Qingcheng received Wang Renyong and Ai Ruirui's wedding invitation, she was completely stunned. She even suspected that Lao Wang was playing a prank on her. Ai Ruirui had always ignored his pursuit, so how could the two of them suddenly get married?
Old Wang, who was delivering the invitations, looked quite pleased with himself and seemed genuine. Without offering any further explanation, he scattered the wedding candies and hopped off to deliver them to the next family.
This made Qingcheng increasingly uneasy. She had submitted her marriage application a long time ago, but had not received a reply from the organization. Could something have gone wrong?
Qingcheng nervously touched Lao Wang's wedding invitation until she was called out by Mr. Xia, which brought her back to her senses. She put on a smile again and poured her master a new cup of tea.
Actually, we shouldn't call Master Xia "Mr. Xia," but rather "Ms. Xia Wanlan." Master Xia felt that "Mr." would confuse genders and imply that "Mr." was a sign of respect. She, however, is a dignified lady and is proud of it.
Just now, Wang Renyong not only delivered an invitation, but also assigned a new task: to help Qi Kejun obtain the advanced codebook from Xu Qiao.
According to information relayed by the Deep Blue team, Xu Qiao possessed a codebook at the bureau chief level. Some telegrams personally translated by bureau chiefs required this codebook for deciphering. However, Xu Qiao was overly cautious and never parted with the codebook, preventing Comrade Qi from making a move.
After learning about the situation, Wang Renyong wrote a new plan overnight. He wanted to play a little game with Xu Qiao based on time difference. The location was chosen to be Jingjing Ballroom, Xu Qiao's favorite place, where Susan, the top courtesan, was one of his mistresses.
Jingjing Ballroom happens to be within the jurisdiction of Ms. Xia's gang. They need Ms. Xia to help set up a "barrier" 5 kilometers around the ballroom on the day of the operation to shield it from interference from some mid- to low-level agents.
Furthermore, Xu Qiao disliked having his women seen by his subordinates, so he would likely eliminate the spies in the dance hall himself. This would allow Comrade Qi to obtain the codebook in a relatively clean environment, photograph it, and then return it to its rightful owner. This way, it would be done discreetly and wouldn't arouse Xu Qiao's suspicion.
In addition, according to Xu Qiao's habit, he would take the 2:45 express train from Nanjing to Shanghai on Saturdays, arriving in Shanghai around 11 p.m., the most bustling time of night in Shanghai. Given his unrestrained nature, he would definitely go out to find women to have fun.
Therefore, the event will be held next Saturday at 11:00 PM.
As for Qingcheng, she was a member of the Deep Blue Group and was to disguise herself as a dance hall waitress on Saturday night to help Qi Kejun obtain the codebook.
The first activity of the core members of the group was aimed at the notorious spy Xu Qiao. Qingcheng was inevitably a little nervous. Ms. Xia seemed to notice Qingcheng's anxiety, and after comforting her for a few words, she started gossiping about Gao Junxiao with a smile.
Perhaps knowing that Ms. Xia wanted to liven up the atmosphere, Qingcheng patiently explained how she met Gao Junxiao. Since their initial meeting was a secret between her and Gao Junxiao, she used the same story: the two met at a ball hosted by Mr. Tang, and as they got to know each other better, she felt that Gao Junxiao was someone she could entrust her life to.
However, this did not prevent Kiyosumi from being afraid of marriage; she even felt that the fact that the organization had not approved her marriage was the best excuse to refuse.
"Chengcheng, at least you two had a free love relationship with a foundation of affection. Your master and I had an arranged marriage. We had never met before the marriage, but after the marriage, we were still a loving couple, always in harmony." The master lowered her head, her smile full of tenderness, completely belying her former iron-blooded nature when she strapped herself with explosives to assassinate a high-ranking Qing official.
She stretched out her two unbound feet, jokingly saying that she had always been ridiculed as "big-footed woman" in her hometown.
In feudal ethics, a pair of deformed small feet was a standard feature of every young lady from a respectable family. When she was young, her teacher did not believe in such superstitions. Whoever tried to bind her feet, she would kick them. Even if she was tied up by the maids and forced to bind her feet, she would definitely cut them off with scissors that very night.
After dozens of attempts, her parents gave up on trying to reform her. They were a large family and could afford to support an old slut, but they would still try to find her a husband if the opportunity arose.
After the master came of age, matchmakers in the neighborhood would avoid her house, fearing that she would be caught by Master Xia, and would invite her inside for tea.
In those days, big feet were a synonym for vulgarity. Women with unbound feet could not become wealthy wives unless they married into humble backgrounds.
Master Xia couldn't bear to see his daughter suffer, so he had no choice but to continue raising her. Her not marrying suited her master's wishes perfectly, and she secretly studied diligently in her room, hoping that one day she could support herself without relying on anyone.
However, fate is unstoppable. A young overseas Chinese man who had returned to China suddenly appeared. He announced that he wanted to find a well-bred lady with unbound feet to be his wife, because he was a Hakka, and the Hakka people consider large feet to be a blessing.
Years later, the woman learned that this was only one of the reasons. Another reason was that her husband intended to set an example by showing the world that women with big feet could also marry well, advocating that women unbind their feet, get rid of outdated customs, and encourage more women to join the ranks of building the motherland.
There were almost no eligible young ladies from respectable families who did not bind their feet in Hong Kong and Guangzhou at that time. Her uncle met the young man from somewhere and brought him directly to meet his father. The two families hit it off immediately, and the two became engaged not long after.
When he was young, the master had listened to many operas and felt that the man must have some unspeakable secret. In order to meet the man and expose his "scheme" to his face, the master waited for the wedding day and did not run away from the wedding.
On their wedding night, the two met for the first time. The master scoffed and complained, "When I first saw him, I thought a big monkey had entered the house. He was skinny, dark, and thin, but he looked a little clever."
"Oh dear, it seems I didn't fall in love at first sight." Kiyosumi covered her mouth, not daring to laugh out loud.
"Hahaha, indeed, but love is like one soul awakening another. That process doesn't necessarily take long, especially when facing a warm and bright soul, it will make you believe even faster that he is your destiny. He made me realize that even a woman with big feet can be appreciated." The master looked affectionately at the photo on the wall, a family photo of the four of them when his master was alive.
Master must be a very gentle person! Qingcheng looked away from the photo and said with a sad tone, "But love can't put food on the table, and there will be many practical problems after marriage."
Being a wife is the only profession that women can strive for their entire lives under the oppression of mainstream society.
Serving one's parents-in-law is a regular job, while giving birth to a son is considered a performance indicator. If the performance indicator is not met, even if one is not kicked out, there is another position called "concubine" waiting to steal the performance indicator.
“That’s normal. My husband’s hometown is known for its strong preference for sons, so I had this worry at first too. But your master thinks the most important thing is the child’s mother. At your age, how can you be so afraid of not being able to give birth to a son?” The master refilled her teacup with hot tea.
“Master, our family is… has no descendants. My father only had five daughters. Because of this, my mother suffered a lot of cold looks from the elders of the clan and the neighbors. In secret, she tried countless folk remedies and unorthodox treatments to have a son. Once, she almost died from taking the wrong medicine.” Qingcheng held the teacup as if it were the medicine bowl from back then.
The cries of her sisters, the sighs of her father, and the image of her mother lying on the bed, barely breathing, were all vivid in her mind. Qingcheng felt a lump in her throat, and tears fell like pearls from a broken string.
This scar was buried deep in Kiyosumi's heart since childhood. She was afraid of becoming like her mother. She had a career to strive for in her life and did not want to be a tool for producing sons.
Even if she had a son, she would likely lose all her freedom in the midst of mundane housework. Just thinking about it made Kiyosumi shudder with disgust. But the inequality between men and women in reality couldn't be changed for the time being.
"Didn't your father take a concubine?" The master asked tenderly, taking out a handkerchief to wipe away Qingcheng's tears.
Qingcheng shook her head: "No, my father thought that the couple were still young and would eventually have a son to inherit the family business. I actually hoped that he would take a concubine so that my mother wouldn't be the only one to suffer. But even until his death, he didn't have a son. My mother cried herself unconscious in front of my father's tomb, as if not being able to give birth to a son was some huge mistake. It's absurd!"
What happened next was just like in traditional operas, with the clan elders taking advantage of the widow and her children. They seized the family's property and land on the grounds that there were no male heirs, and even colluded with bandits to kidnap the mother and daughter, demanding that they "voluntarily" give up their family property.
"Oh, I saw in the newspaper that you escaped from the bandit den and sued them. A girl in Wuhan demanded that the royal family return her father's property, saying that as a woman, she should also have the right to inherit property. I even wrote an article to support you, saying that both men and women should have the right to inherit property." The master said firmly.
It turns out she had this connection with her master. Actually, it wasn't that simple. Qingcheng was able to reclaim her family property thanks to her uncle. Her uncle was furious that his younger sister was being bullied, and the clan didn't dare to offend a powerful official like her uncle.
Kiyosumi also overheard her uncle using some underhanded and extreme methods to pressure the royal family into handing over the property that had been embezzled.
It was then that she realized she was just a pawn, and the players were still those feudal men. Having felt her insignificance, Qingcheng decided to change, starting by arming herself with knowledge.
Qingcheng had heard her father talk about the principle of "learning from the barbarians to control the barbarians," so she asked to attend a Western-style girls' school. However, her kind uncle's expression suddenly changed, and he scolded her for being shameless, saying that a woman should be virtuous by being untalented, and that she was rejected by her fiancé because she loved to show off.
Of course, she didn't blame her uncle. Everyone has limitations. Her father loved her so much, yet he still arranged a marriage for her so early on. In their old-fashioned way of thinking, a daughter is a daughter, and no matter how outstanding she is, she belongs to someone else's family.
"Even with numerous difficulties, nothing could stop you from seeking the truth. You ran away from home and went to Shanghai to stay with your aunt's family, right?" The master's eyes shone with admiration.
"Well, I have to thank my mother for giving me the addresses of her and her sister's correspondence. I never knew my mother had a twin sister. My aunt ran away from her arranged marriage when she was seventeen and broke ties with her family. They corresponded secretly, and for a while, my mother even secretly used her dowry to help my aunt's family behind my father's back." Qingcheng hid a shameful experience.
She never needed money when she was at home, and when she went out, she was surrounded by servants, so she never even handled money.
As a result, she didn't know to bring enough money before leaving home. Without money to buy a train ticket, she secretly climbed onto the train to Shanghai after nightfall. Along the way, she hid from the train conductors who checked tickets and had to pick up leftover food from other people to survive. Of course, most of the time she relied on drinking water to fill her stomach.
As they approached Nanjing Station, Kiyosumi was grabbed by a train conductor and forced to get off the train. Luckily, she was rescued by a well-dressed lady who helped her buy a new ticket.
Ironically, that woman was her aunt. If she had been a bad person, He Qingcheng might be singing folk songs on the banks of the Qinhuai River today.
It was this experience of not having enough to eat that made Kiyosumi realize how painful hunger was, so she didn't want to go hungry again, and she didn't want to see others go hungry either.
"From what I've heard, your personality is more like your aunt's," Ms. Xia remarked, taking a sip of tea.
Qingcheng nodded in agreement: "Yes, but after getting married, my aunt gradually gave up her career. From being a prominent figure in Beiyang, she has become Mrs. Fang. Apart from my uncle, almost no one calls her by her real name, Lin Yuzhi."
Ms. Xia said in surprise, "So it's Secretary-General Lin! I felt you looked familiar when I first saw you. You two not only have similar personalities but also somewhat similar faces. It's a pity I don't have much interaction with her. Master would like to get to know her."
"Qingcheng will introduce you later. Although my uncle treats my aunt very well, I can vaguely sense my aunt's resentment, so she devotes most of her energy to raising me, perhaps hoping that I can inherit her unfinished business." Qingcheng always felt that she had let her aunt down a bit.
“Chengcheng, you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Your aunt only became the secretary-general after getting married; there must be other reasons why she stepped back from the limelight. Marriage isn’t the end, but the beginning of a new journey. Once love connects two souls, they need to support each other and grow together. Do you share a common vision?” Ms. Xia asked.
Without a second thought, Qingcheng blurted out, "Yes! We all want to change the situation of our motherland being backward and vulnerable to attack, and to revitalize China."
"Then what is there to worry about? You can wait a little longer for the marriage application. The organization has confidence in him and values his character, which is why they asked you to do unity work. After all, even when working behind enemy lines, personal feelings should be taken into account," Ms. Xia earnestly advised.
“Master, what I fear most is not whether the organization approves it or not, but that we both have secrets. Those secrets are like a time bomb, standing between us, making it impossible for us to fully trust each other. He always keeps things from me, clearly showing that he doesn't trust me.” Qingcheng poured out all her worries.
People's hearts are fickle, and Qingcheng worries that if Gao Junxiao stays in the National Government for too long, power and money will corrupt his original intentions.
Those people in the Nationalist government called each other "compatriots" and talked about democracy and freedom, but they held the people's blood money in their hands, treated the revolution as a speculative business, and demanded style and elegance in their actions.
How can one maintain a sincere original aspiration in a murky dye vat? She couldn't imagine that unless one had a lofty faith like Comrade Li Sheng to support one's maneuvering in a high position.
“If you’re convinced that the soul that’s your destiny is, then you have to believe that their soul won’t change easily. In marriage, you need to carve out a piece of your private territory to share with your partner, but that doesn’t mean you’ll lose your own private territory from now on. Everyone can have secrets, as long as they don’t violate principles or ethics, they won’t affect your relationship.” Ms. Xia smiled and patted Qingcheng on the shoulder.
"The main problem is that I can't trust him now. He keeps talking to himself and didn't inform me in advance. He even called his father over to 'inspect' me, clearly trying to force me to get married as soon as possible. I won't put up with him." Qingcheng has been staying at her aunt's house for the past few days under the pretext of working overtime, avoiding him whenever possible.
"Avoiding the issue won't solve anything. You should communicate with your partner promptly. For example, tell him you're unhappy about his father's sudden visit, or about having a son. If you don't talk to him, how will he know what you care about? Men aren't as smart as you think in this regard," Ms. Xia advised.
"Hmph, he's a master at playing the victim. Those who treat him like a fool always end up miserable." Qingcheng scoffed.
Ms. Xia sighed helplessly: "Sigh~ It seems you haven't taken the initiative to understand that child, which is why you're uneasy. Your mentor has assigned you a new task: use various channels to reconstruct what he was like before, what he usually did at home, what his old friends were like, how he got along with his family..."
Before she could finish speaking, a loud shout came from outside: "Thirteenth Sister! I've been looking for your house for ages!"
Through the painted screen of a fierce tiger, they could hear the voice before seeing the person. Just as Qingcheng was wondering which gentleman had come to visit, a servant led a man in an old-fashioned black and white checkered suit, striding towards them.
"Hey! Isn't this Gao Junxiao's father?!" Qingcheng stood up almost reflexively and bowed respectfully at a 90-degree angle to the newcomer.
"Brother Zhongqing, it's been a long time. Let me count, it's been three or four years." The master shook hands with the other man generously and introduced him, "He still can't get rid of his impatient habit. Look how scared my disciple is. The pretty girl raised her head and called him Uncle Gao."
Qingcheng would rather look down at the floor than get up, but when her master patted her on the back, she could only force a fake smile: "Uncle Gao... okay."
"Oh? Miss He, what a coincidence." Uncle Gao looked at Qingcheng with amusement.
That look in his eyes was exactly the same as when Gao Junxiao was scheming. Qingcheng felt uneasy under her future father-in-law's gaze. She cleared her throat and said she would go and brew some tea for the two elders. If she stayed any longer, she would start to feel embarrassed.
"No need, Thirteen Sister, come to my house for a bit. The car is right outside." Uncle Gao turned around and invited, "Miss He, come along too. My young master will be coming over for dinner tonight."
“Okay, let’s go together.” The master ignored Qingcheng’s tugging at her sleeve and agreed for her. “Brother Zhongqing, please wait for me for a moment. I’ll change my clothes and come out. Chengcheng, come in and help me change.”
When they arrived at the inner room, Qingcheng complained with a bitter face, "Master, please don't agree for me, I don't want to go."
"Why? It's because the handsome young man from the Gao family is making you restless, isn't it?" Ms. Xia said as she changed into her embroidered cheongsam for the banquet. "No one knows a son better than his father. You don't even want information that's offered to you. Are you stupid?"
“But my boyfriend is here tonight too. He doesn’t know I’m a broker, and I’m afraid of being exposed.” Qingcheng helped her master put on the jade bead necklace.
Ms. Xia smiled and gestured to her lips: "Haha, don't worry, the master is tight-lipped! Okay, let's go."
Master's hearty laughter infected Qingcheng, and the two walked out of the room hand in hand. What had to be faced would have to be faced sooner or later, and running away would not solve the problem.
Back at the mansion where Uncle Gao was staying, Qingcheng was still a little reserved. Fortunately, her master was there to bolster her courage, so she just had to sit quietly and smile.
After listening to Master and Uncle Gao chat about their glorious past, Qingcheng learned about the relationship between the two families. It turned out that Uncle Gao and Master were classmates at the Hong Kong Royal College of Education. After graduation, one went to study in the UK and the other in Japan. After returning to China, they worked together in Guangzhou.
These two families, one in the south and one in the north, would never have guessed they were family friends if Qingcheng hadn't witnessed it with her own eyes. What surprised her even more was that Gao Junxiao was actually born in a hospital in Guangzhou and only returned to Beiping after his first birthday; he probably didn't even know he had this experience.
"How are your children? I remember the youngest one is about thirty years old. He was only a few months old when I held him. I wonder what he looks like now?" Ms. Xia gestured to indicate the size.
Qingcheng also imagined what Gao Junxiao looked like when he was a child. Humph! You can tell what a person will be like when they are three years old. He must have been a little devil since he was a child. However, his accent was almost like that of a southern lady. Qingcheng imagined the scene of Gao Junxiao calling her "pretty girl". It was really funny to think about.
"He'll be here soon after he finishes his business. You see, that kid looks like Miaomiao, and he's about 70% like her in personality. He's a bit of a mischievous, unruly type, and annoying." Uncle Gao rolled his eyes in disgust.
Qingcheng, who was listening to the gossip on the sidelines, was on the verge of tears. One scornful future father-in-law wasn't enough, and now there was also a mischievous future mother-in-law. How was she going to live from now on?
"Oh, then he must be a handsome boy. But if he's as mischievous as Miaomiao, you must have had a lot of trouble with him when he was little." Ms. Xia casually began to probe for information.
"That's right. He was always running around fighting cocks and dogs, causing trouble. To temper his temper, I sent him to Master Hongyuan to learn painting. He's finally learned his lesson and hasn't become a troublemaker in the alleys," Uncle Gao said calmly.
Ms. Xia covered her mouth and chuckled: "Haha, you guys are really heartless, sending Zizai to the temple to learn manners."
"How can he amount to anything if he's not ruthless? If he's not, why would any good girl want to be with him? Go cool off somewhere else." Uncle Gao waved his hand smugly, seemingly quite satisfied with his discipline.
"I know you have strict family discipline, but won't the child have no friends if he stays in the temple for too long?" Ms. Xia frowned slightly, seemingly very worried.
"Hey, he's got plenty of friends. Besides his fellow students who studied painting with Master Hongyuan, there are his classmates, his childhood friends from the alley. Once, I came home early and heard the kids in our alley shouting, 'Commander Gao's dad's back! Go report!' They were treating me like an enemy spy!" Uncle Gao slapped his thigh and sighed.
Kiyosumi almost burst out laughing. Sure enough, a commander needs to have the heart of a commander from a young age. Hehe, no doubt about it.
Perhaps because they were acquaintances and there was no need to be discreet, Ms. Xia laughed out loud without any restraint: "Hahaha, why is he being so wary of you?"
Uncle Gao sneered, "Hmph! You think you can do good deeds without me? You don't study properly and skip class to play cockfighting in the alley. If I catch you, I'll give Miaomiao a good beating. That brat couldn't get out of bed for days and could only lie there groaning."
Serves him right! Qingcheng felt incredibly pleased to hear that Gao Junxiao had been severely punished. This must be the legendary bloodline suppression. Hiss~ He was beaten so badly that he couldn't get out of bed. Doesn't that indirectly show how fierce her future mother-in-law is?
Qingcheng looked down at her thin arms, and images of her wicked mother-in-law abusing her daughter-in-law flashed through her mind. She increasingly disliked getting married. Perhaps she should just dump Gao Junxiao now and end it all.
Mentioning Miaomiao, Ms. Xia asked with a smile, "By the way, Zhongqing, why didn't you bring Miaomiao with you this time you came to Shanghai? It's been so long since we sisters have seen each other."
"Miaomiao is at home taking care of her grandson. 'Many children, many blessings' is just nonsense; it's more like many children, many misfortunes. So, the saying goes: 'A son will be born in a banyan tree, a daughter will be born in a teahouse!'" Uncle Gao and Ms. Xia said in unison, then laughed knowingly.
"Miaomiao is just too kind and a worrier. Years ago, when she found out her mother-in-law had passed away early, she still helped take care of her granddaughter and grandson. You should go back and persuade her that once the children are all married, she should let go and enjoy her retirement," Ms. Xia advised.
"Who says otherwise? But there's still one less promising child, it's almost become her worry, but I think it should be soon." Uncle Gao glanced at Qingcheng intentionally or unintentionally, "Thirteenth Sister, I wonder what skill Miss He is learning under your tutelage?"
Ms. Xia smiled and glanced at Qingcheng: "Poetry, painting, accounting, socializing, and... soup making. Hmm~ I wonder which handsome young man will be lucky enough to enjoy it in the future."
Upon hearing the words "soup," Uncle Gao's eyes lit up, and he slowly asked, "As soon as you mentioned soup, my stomach started growling. I wonder when I'll be able to taste Thirteen Sister's cooking again?"
"Haha, you came in too much of a hurry today, otherwise I would have made you a rich and flavorful slow-cooked soup that takes twelve hours to cook." Ms. Xia seemed to understand the deeper meaning and took Qingcheng's hand to recommend, "Or you can stay in Shanghai for a few more days, and I'll have Chengcheng cook it for you. She's even better than her teacher."
"Alright, then I must try the cooking of Thirteen Sister's apprentice. Miss He, is it too much trouble?" After Uncle Gao finished agreeing, he turned to Qingcheng in a pretentious manner.
It seems that Gao Junxiao's remaining three points resembled Uncle Gao's. Qingcheng quickly waved her hand to say it was no trouble, but she didn't dare to refuse even if it was troublesome. The old man was really traditional. Of all the skills she had, he chose to test her cooking skills.
At this moment, a handsome young man walked in from outside the door with a bewildered look on his face. It was Gao Junxiao, who had changed into a Zhongshan suit.
Ms. Xia, ever the friendly type, complimented, "Brother Zhongqing, this must be your young master. He's quite the handsome young man."
"Xiao Xing, quickly call her Aunt Xia. Don't you have any sense of propriety?" Uncle Gao rolled his eyes at him, as if Gao Junxiao had made him look bad.
Gao Junxiao quickly reacted, greeted Ms. Xia, looked left and right, hesitated for a moment, and then sat down next to his grandfather. He only cast an inquiring glance at Qingcheng, who jokingly mouthed "Commander Gao" to him.
Gao Junxiao pointed at himself with an incredulous look on his face, then secretly pointed at his uncle, and shook his head firmly, probably to say that he hadn't been promoted and shouldn't listen to his father's nonsense.
Is he genuinely stupid or just pretending? Kiyosumi felt a little helpless. Why didn't she have the courage to marry such an interesting and adorable soul?
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