Chapter 83 My story can't be just me...
He imbued the anchor point used to reset the world with human consciousness.
Li Tiansheng's idea was simple: create a brand new "self" that can feel happiness, let him experience it, and let him observe it, using his original self to get feedback from the world.
In this way, he maintained his faltering senses.
But Anchor Point was not the real "Li Tiansheng" after all. He removed those traits that would easily cause trouble in the world and adopted a new name to distinguish himself from others.
He named himself Li Hongyi.
With lofty ambitions soaring ten thousand miles, and with a dignified bearing, they display their brilliance.
This is him from the past, the original self he saw himself in.
He gave Li Hongyi his original appearance, and naturally, he also gave Li Hongyi his initial grand ambition.
"Go and see the human world."
"Help me try it out."
"I have forgotten why I was happy back then."
In the dark space of consciousness, he watched the reluctant Li Hongyi leave, and saw the newborn "himself" falling into the bizarre and colorful world he had long been tired of, filled with confusion and unease.
He hadn't felt such intense anticipation in a long time.
We look forward to Li Hongyi's return, to bringing him the warmth of everyday life, the novelty of human existence, and the awkwardness and purity of being a new human being.
And Li Hongyi did not disappoint; everything he visited and did was something that would move Li Tiansheng.
Looking at these distant yet vivid memories of joy, Li Tiansheng couldn't help but smile, letting the recollections soothe his parched heart.
But Li Tiansheng didn't expect that this lighthearted feeling would only last three times.
...
Li Hongyi embarked on a journey to pursue love.
The companionship he created
It seems that they need the company of others more.
Is it because they share the same background color?
Was he actually such a fragile person?
After thinking it over and over, Li Tiansheng felt that he should take the blame for his own actions.
After all, he inherited his good looks, and his love of beauty is in his nature. Li Hongyi's thinking logic will more or less be influenced by him, so it is understandable that he would interpret difficulties through love.
But Li Tiansheng didn't expect that Li Hongyi would refuse to give him his memories.
"..."
He is far less magnanimous than others imagine.
He wanted to get angry and tell Li Hongyi not to act on his own initiative.
But he has lost all his former vitality.
He thought about it again and again, and finally just sat down next to Li Hongyi and asked Li Hongyi what he had done.
Even just saying it out loud would be good.
At least tell him, let him know.
To allow him to experience the joy that is missing.
"Her name is Hua Yuran."
But Li Tiansheng discovered that this was not the kind of happiness he wanted.
Li Hongyi brought back both sweetness and troubles.
This is a feeling that belongs only to Li Hongyi.
Li Tiansheng felt lost again.
...
[Until many, many times afterward, Li Tiansheng never took the initiative to ask Li Hongyi for his memories again.]
It seems that the agreement made at the beginning has been implicitly torn up, and no one is required to abide by a life without privacy anymore.
Li Hongyi can pursue his love without worry, immersing himself in those ethereal spiritual sustenances.
And Li Tiansheng?
He didn't want to hear about which other lovers Li Hongyi had met.
He just watched Li Hongyi, who was wearing his appearance, do foolish things, thinking that one day he would kowtow to his head.
It's not too late to teach Li Hongyi then.
However, he needs to figure out how to get through the emptiness and wait until that day comes.
...
It doesn't seem too difficult to get through?
Setting Li Hongyi's timeline a hundred years ago was truly the best decision, Li Tiansheng thought to himself.
He himself could not travel through time to make the being named Li Tiansheng appear in the distant past.
However, Li Hongyi, as a passerby of the previous era, was able to leave scattered traces in the future.
Do you know Li Hongyi?
The woman named Lian Wumiao recognized his face.
At that moment, Li Tiansheng nodded and then shook his head, letting Lian Wumiao fill in the blanks of his past on his own.
Sure enough, Lian Wumiao treated him as an abandoned child. In Lian Wumiao's mind, Li Hongyi had already turned to dust and died in some unknown place.
Li Tiansheng just kept nodding, thinking that this would be enough to get rid of the person.
He really wasn't in the mood to deal with Li Hongyi's past romantic entanglements, and he didn't want to deal with a woman he didn't know.
But Lian Wumiao was overcome with emotion and pulled him into her arms.
He tried to break free, but stopped moving after hearing Lian Wumiao's words.
You must be very tired.
“Over the years, I have grown up alone and carried so much on my own. It must have been very hard for me.”
"I won't let you suffer anymore."
“I will be your mother, your safe haven. If anyone makes you suffer, tell me and I will help you.”
"My child, I am your mother."
Mother.
This is a word that Li Tiansheng has never encountered before.
He was born without parents and raised by nature. The Li family, who adopted him, died young and left no impression on him. However, this changed the plot of the massacre of the village. After embarking on the path of martial arts, he was often away from his parents and they were not close to each other.
Mother is a completely unfamiliar concept.
What Lian Wumiao said was just too tempting.
Li Tiansheng really needed a back to lean on, a haven where he could entrust himself wholeheartedly.
Although he didn't understand what the word "mother" really meant, he still spoke up and called out, "Mother."
Then came the unstoppable outpouring of emotions.
"Mother."
"I'm so tired."
"I...I'm really, really tired."
He finally had an opportunity to express his pain.
He was finally able to briefly end his endless wandering.
Mother.
What a beautiful and heartwarming existence this is.
He no longer needs Li Hongyi to share his happiness.
...
It's another start.
Li Tiansheng opened his eyes, but frowned in disbelief, unwilling to believe what he was seeing.
Things started to get a little strange.
Li Tiansheng hadn't witnessed the scene of women in his harem fighting over a man for a long time, but this time, someone gave him a good look.
He knew all too well where these people vying to be his godmother came from.
Li Hongyi went too far and forgot what he had told him, and actually started having affairs with many other women at the same time.
This cycle has been completely messed up.
Li Tiansheng, who hadn't been angry in a long time, suddenly became furious.
The fire burned ever brighter and fiercer, but because they were of one mind and body, their consciousnesses could not appear simultaneously, and Li Tiansheng could not find a source of fire to vent his anger.
When he returned to his consciousness space, the fire reached its peak when he saw Li Hongyi.
"I shouldn't have let you have consciousness!"
Failure and loss of control came one after another, each time rushing towards him at the end. Li Tiansheng could accept the pain of failing to resist the plot, but he actually had to face the situation of change and regression again!
He clearly had the schedule under control before Li Hongyi was even born!
He didn't create Li Hongyi to find someone to cause trouble!
He had told Li Hongyi the principles of conduct from the very beginning!
Anger destroyed his trust in Li Hongyi.
He will no longer allow Li Hongyi to cause things to get out of control.
He imprisoned Li Hongyi in the deepest cage of his mind.
...
He resumed his journey.
But without Li Hongyi, the plot is no different from the initial loneliness.
He could not find a harbor where he could stay, nor a place to rest for a while.
Lonely.
Hollow.
Many times, Li Tiansheng would stare at the place where Lian Wumiao first appeared, unable to come back to his senses for a long time.
miss.
He missed his "mother".
After hundreds of repetitions, he accumulated a lot of frustration and sadness, but he walked alone for a long time without anyone standing up to listen to him.
He started telling the templated puppets about his sadness, but all he got in return was a dismissive reply—"Brother Li, you're so amazing, you'll definitely forget about this tomorrow!"
This is the only response that the templated characters can give.
This is the plot's trust in him as the protagonist, and no one can shake that trust.
But Li Tiansheng couldn't do it.
If he could forget everything after a good night's sleep, he wouldn't create things again and again, constantly trying to change the world.
He couldn't let go of these past experiences.
He could not escape this suffocating loneliness.
I'm so tired.
Is he going to release Li Hongyi?
Will Li Hongyi really listen to his advice and not mess things up again?
Should he really... believe again?
"I'm very tired."
He returned to the place where he first met his "mother".
"Li Hongyi, I'm so tired."
"I really want to..."
He desperately wanted to take back the happiness that Li Hongyi had taken from him.
But he still couldn't bring himself to think about it.
"Li Hongyi is becoming more vibrant."
"I need change."
"I cannot allow the changes in the story to be reversed."
He had to accept that Li Hongyi was not a tool.
But he needs Li Hongyi to do him a favor a hundred years ago.
"Be my father."
"Bring me a safe haven, Li Hongyi."
...
He finally heard the sound of living people.
Although this living person became cautious and timid after being put in solitary confinement and didn't like to get close to him, Li Hongyi would shrink back and start talking to him again with just a glance from him.
Li Tiansheng saw his reaction clearly.
He could tell that Li Hongyi was afraid of him and even avoided communicating with him.
In the first few hundred times, this wouldn't be a problem.
Li Tiansheng was able to go into the storyline to seek comfort from his godmother.
However, as the frequency of his outbursts increased, Li Tiansheng's threshold for venting also rose.
Having someone to rely on is no longer enough to relieve his inner turmoil.
Why do I always fail?
How far must we go before it ends?
Can Li Tiansheng really rewrite the rules of the world?
So tired.
[Who? Who exactly can change the process of template-based programming?]
Am I really all alone...?
What should I do?
When will this calculation finally be finished?
What should we do...?
[Can I really... still succeed...?]
[Am I really... still... the protagonist...?]
To whom can he tell about this immense suffering?
There is only one person in the world who knows everything he is doing.
But he couldn't hold onto this person; he couldn't get him to sit quietly beside him and listen.
Why, Li Hongyi?
Why do you want to leave too?
Am I really destined to be alone forever?
I'm so tired.
Li Hongyi, saving the world must be exhausting.
...
Countless plot points overlapped and flashed by, and cannon fodder characters, like long dragons, came one after another to cause him trouble.
How many times is this?
What was thirteen thousand again?
Li Tiansheng clutched his throbbing head, unable to withstand the surging memories.
He was still in the storyline, but this time a big accident happened—the ending he was supposed to reach was delayed, and time was dragged out until his memories were unsealed, allowing him to experience tens of thousands of reincarnations in his physical body!
We're now in the final stages of the story, and according to the clues from my memories, we're just a little short of ending and starting over.
Where did Qingyun go?!
The layers of unsealed memories, life after life, tormented him greatly.
As usual, he would have returned to his mental sea to recuperate, but now that Li Qingyun has not appeared for a long time and the key plot is not finished, he has no chance of successfully restarting!
Li Tiansheng was on the verge of collapse.
He didn't know how much longer he could endure it. He even considered giving up the idea of finding Li Qingyun. Who knew if that guy had died on the way to explore the secret realm? Who knew how much longer it would take him to keep searching!
"Intercepting the century-old conspiracy, killing Xiao Xiaolu, the former god of the underworld, ascending to the divine level, slaying Li Qingyun, the collapse of the century-old building, the world restarting..." He reviewed the final plot over and over again, until he was somewhat dazed.
All that's missing is Li Qingyun, all that's missing is him!
"Ugh..." A sharp pain shot through his mind.
He thought it was just a normal reaction when he was receiving memories. He had never received such a huge amount of information with his physical body before, so it was possible that there would be an unexpected reaction.
But he was too confident.
...
"Only after it was over did I realize that the stinging pain was actually the celestial orbit taking advantage of my weakness and inserting a seductive needle into my consciousness."
"With that seductive needle there, my thoughts will be guided by the celestial orbit, and I will subconsciously follow its arrangements."
Under the moonlight, Li Tiansheng recounted his harrowing experience of the car accident, frequently closing his eyes as he spoke, his breathing becoming heavy.
"sorry."
I'm sorry I didn't notice your special qualities right away.
I'm sorry, by the time I realized I needed you, it was too late to save you.
...
Li Tiansheng has finally completed his life's story.
But for some reason, he couldn't laugh at all.
His intuition made him suspicious of Li Qingyun's behavior. In his mind, Li Qingyun was never an enemy who would run away from life and death.
What is it that makes Li Qingyun want to live a life of seclusion?
But his thoughts were filled with the chaos deliberately piled up by the celestial orbit, making it impossible for him to see the separation between reality and the past.
Li Tiansheng blurred the definition of cannon fodder.
Even when the kid who had been watching from the shadows jumped out, Li Tiansheng didn't think much of it, treating him as an accomplice of Li Qingyun and executing him on the spot.
The Lingxiao Ghost Blade pierced Chang Yubai's core, but for some reason, a vibrant life force rushed towards him.
By the time Li Tiansheng realized something was wrong and tried to react to finish the job, Chang Yubai had already disintegrated into spiritual slag right in front of him, and even Li Qingyun's corpse on the ground had vanished without a trace.
When the body dies, the Dao vanishes, and the soul is scattered?
Li Tiansheng was surprised; he had no idea when his methods had become so cruel.
He stood there stunned in disbelief, his shock lingering for a long time.
It wasn't until Ling Xiao flashed a bright, sharp light, reflecting the terror on his face, that he suddenly came to his senses and finally realized the source of his initial suspicion.
No, that's not right!!!
Li Tiansheng gripped the sword hilt tightly and hurriedly ran towards the nearest town.
No way! Li Qingyun has always been a loner! How could he have accomplices?! How could someone risk their life to collect his body?!
"Who is he! Who is someone so close to Li Qingyun that he would even collect his corpse?!"
His question was vague and hasty, but it was so clear that it was impossible to refute.
Everyone in Jiyun Town had witnessed Venerable Qingyun's heroic figure as he slew the evil cultivator with a wave of his hand; once those four words were uttered, everyone recognized them.
Chang Yubai, who was inseparable from Venerable Qingyun, naturally couldn't escape their gossip channels either.
"The only one with such a good relationship is Venerable Qingyun's beloved disciple, Chang Yubai."
apprentice?
Apprentice?!
Where did Li Qingyun get his apprentice?
"Are you alright? Why are your eyes so red? You look like you've gone mad!"
Only after hearing his words did Li Tiansheng realize that something was wrong, and he quickly searched his own soul.
Sure enough, a long needle formed from spiritual energy pierced his soul, causing his thoughts to fluctuate.
"Ha..." Li Tiansheng let out a weak, bitter laugh.
It's too late.
He discovered it too late.
The story is about to end.
I messed up.
Countless restarts, countless struggles—what he sought was nothing more than a variable that could truly turn everything around.
An unexpected event has occurred, but...
A drop of moisture trickled down Li Tiansheng's cheek and into his dark robes.
That's someone even Li Qingyun could change!
"But he's dead."
“I killed him.”
He personally killed the variable he had been searching for.
It's because he relied too much on the memory seal and underestimated the insignificant presence of the heavens...
But what's the point of saying all this? The dead won't come back to life.
Rain was falling from the sky. He stood in the middle of the street, letting the raindrops soak him to the bone.
The rain grew heavier and the wind blew harder, his black shawl billowing in the wind and rain, and the chill seeped into his bones.
Even the environment mocked his pitiful state, ridiculing him for daring to interfere with the heavens.
Li Tiansheng remained silent, standing beneath the darkest clouds where the rain was heaviest.
The torrential rain fell all night, washing away more than just the dust on the stone ground.
He used the rainy night to wash away his sorrow, and when the sky cleared at dawn, he dried his face, but his expression remained lifeless.
He became Li Tiansheng again, always pursuing change.
[At least, I've proven that variables can wait.]
Since Chang Yu Bai will arrive, then in the future, "Chang Yu Huang Hei Hong Lan Lv Zi" will follow in succession.
He cannot stop what he has to do, he has not yet finished the journey he is on, and there are no signposts yet.
The real world he desires is still far from being realized.
He will continue his search.
He still intends to seal away his memories, using his old methods to gather possibilities.
Until new hope emerges.
Until someone can change this absurd world.
...
"I'm very tired."
Li Tiansheng finished recounting his entire past.
"I'm really tired."
He kept repeating that sentence.
This isn't a story set a hundred years in the future. No one knows Li Tiansheng, and no one can offer him a shoulder to lean on.
But he let go of his stubbornness that had lasted for more than ten thousand lifetimes and expressed his inner weariness.
He looked at Chang Yubai.
Under the moonlight, Chang Yubai's white robes were so plain they were almost blinding, and one wondered if his unruly mouth would utter equally piercing words.
But Chang Yubai did not meet his gaze.
Chang Yubai was also looking at the distant darkness: "Originally, I resented you."
“But without you, Li Qingyun would have died long ago. It was your persistence more than ten thousand times that saved him and brought him to me.”
Chang Yubai: "Once I realized this, I could no longer resent you."
If it weren't for Li Tiansheng, how would he have met Li Qingyun? How would he have had the opportunity to change Li Qingyun's fate?
Now that things have come to this, it's impossible to say who's right or wrong; all that's left is a heart full of relief and gratitude.
I'm grateful to be alive and thankful that all the rescue efforts were timely.
"..." Li Tiansheng did not respond.
He didn't share Chang Yubai's optimism.
“But I still have to advise you not to relax.” Chang Yubai changed the subject, bringing Li Tiansheng back to the cruel topic from the beginning.
"Besides you, no one else is as dedicated to protecting the Guanwu Continent as you are."
Li Tiansheng: "..."
Li Tiansheng: "I am indeed thinking that after this is over, I will take a long break, long enough that I will never appear in public again and never participate in the conflicts of Jin Guanwu."
Li Tiansheng said confidently, "You are more suited to save the world than I am."
Chang Yubai: "And then? I'll replace you as the supreme god of Guanwu?"
Li Tiansheng: "I will hand over the power to you..."
But this is exactly what Chang Yubai fears: "You're really willing to hand over your world to an outsider like me?!"
Li Tiansheng was stumped by his question.
Li Tiansheng reflected for a long time, imagining a series of possibilities, but ultimately found that he simply could not convince himself: "...I'm not at ease."
How could he possibly feel at ease?
Just considering Li Qingyun's troublemaking nature, Li Tiansheng was hesitant to hand over control.
Let Li Qingyun and his disciples become gods throughout the martial arts continent?
Is the world really not going to end the next day?
He was even less familiar with Chang Yubai. Who knew if this guy would come up with something new every few days? At least Li Hongyi had complained about Bai Huang's thought process several times, making it really hard to feel at ease.
Li Tiansheng: "..."
After all the twists and turns, it still comes down to him taking the lead.
Chang Yubai breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that he had figured it out.
The worst-case scenario is that Li Tiansheng might have a sudden inspiration and assign the master and apprentice to an unsuitable place.
That would truly leave one speechless with despair.
But Li Tiansheng couldn't always be overworked. Chang Yubai thought carefully and gave a serious response: "Don't you need the care of your parents? Your master also has over ten thousand memories, and in each life he was an elder. You see, we can be yours—"
"Alright, shut up." Li Tiansheng felt his vision go black.
He was fortunate enough to witness the power of Bai Huang's words.
Chang Yubai managed to finish the last two words with a last breath: "—Friend."
Li Tiansheng: "..."
Chang Yubai: "...?"
Li Tiansheng: "You...tsk."
Chang Yubai: "!!!"
Li Tiansheng ultimately chose to swallow this difficult breath.
He dismissed Chang Yubai, this formidable figure, and only wanted to sit alone on the rooftop, wipe away his cold sweat, and regain his composure.
It was a really tough night.
It was definitely a novel experience.
Li Tiansheng had never mentioned his more than 10,000 experiences to anyone. He thought he would never want to recall the hardships one by one.
But it turns out, he can also talk about the past with a sense of relief.
Is it because he found a variable, and the past is no longer a heavy burden?
Li Tiansheng was unaware.
But as he went through it again and again, Li Tiansheng realized that his so-called doubts actually had little impact.
Even when he didn't understand why he was moving forward, he never stopped trying to save Guanwu.
After countless recollections, when he looked back at his original self, he was so naive and ignorant.
And bold.
That's simply outrageous.
But it was that naive me who made a decision that no one dared to imagine, using a narrow path to limit my lifelong pursuit, and then relentlessly chasing that path until now without ever resting.
tired.
But it turns out that it wasn't just about being tired.
It turns out that exhaustion can also be a kind of gain.
He understood what Chang Yubai meant; it wasn't just that he didn't want to accept the passing on of responsibility, but also that he trusted him.
In Chang Yubai's view, Li Tiansheng was the true protagonist of Guanwu, and no one could replace him.
What a profound recognition.
Li Tiansheng accepted the recognition without hesitation.
This is my world.
This is the Guanwu Continent, his birthplace, and the cradle of Li Tiansheng's birth.
It was also something he stubbornly refused to let go of.
My story was once written here.
And obviously.
His story is not just about him alone.
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