Extra 1: Shang Yuwan
My name is Shang Yuwan, and I was born in Yanmen City.
My father was Shang Junhu, the General of Zhenxi in Dayu. He was loyal to the emperor and his country, and loved his people like his own children. His first wife, Lu Xu, had a pair of amber eyes and was my mother.
Ever since I can remember as a child, my father has always taught me to be loyal to my master while receiving his salary. Being young and ignorant, I didn't understand the profound meaning of those eight words; I only remember the single character "loyalty."
Dad was fiercely loyal to the King of Dayu. No matter how much the people of Yanmen City praised him, he would always attribute all the credit to Emperor Chengming—oh, no, Uncle Xiao. He had clearly done all the work, shouldered all the hard work along with his older brothers, yet all the credit went to the distant King.
My father once got drunk at home and pulled me aside to talk about the past between the king and him and my mother. Although he and that man had not sworn brotherhood, their relationship was as deep as that of brothers.
"Your Uncle Xiao had a very difficult childhood. He was all alone in the palace. He had to accept whatever was given to him and could only watch as his belongings were taken away. He finally had a younger sister to keep him company, but later on... Kyoto is a place where people are eaten alive. I don't know how he lived..."
I didn't understand the complex emotions in his words, so I asked, "Dad, why don't you go to Kyoto to visit Uncle Xiao?"
If you see someone, you can tell if they are doing well, right? Every time I wake up, I have to go see my mother, because I am afraid that I will not be by her side when she is sick.
Dad was silent for a moment, rubbed my head, said nothing more, and fell asleep.
I thought he was asleep, but I saw a crystal clear teardrop falling from the corner of his eye with deep wrinkles.
Dad is crying.
It’s nothing. My mother said that no matter how powerful my father is outside, he is just an ordinary person. It’s normal to feel pain and cry.
But I don’t understand why Dad is crying.
It is obvious that you can tell whether the person is doing well just by meeting him/her, so why not be straightforward?
In my childhood memories, there was always an inextricable sadness between my mother's eyebrows and eyes, just like the ink stains on my clothes that could not be washed off when I was playing with pens and ink.
I was a rather naughty child when I was young. I climbed up the roof and even pulled down the tiles. My father caught me and beat me with a stick several times.
I was a tough kid, and I wasn't afraid of my father's beatings. The only thing I feared was my mother's illness. As I got older, I stayed by her side obediently, and never did anything like climbing up the roof and tearing off the tiles again.
Dad said that she had been sick for a long time because she was homesick.
I said just go home, just like that, that... yes, those four words, the right medicine for the right disease!
The mother said that she knew what disease she had, but there was no medicine in the world that could cure her, and she could not go home.
My mother took me to Yuanhui Temple to burn incense. I blinked and asked, "Is it far? Farther than Langjiang Kingdom?"
My mother looked at me with her eyes downcast. Every time she touched on this topic, her eyes would always be filled with tears.
"yes."
"It's very, very far away...I can't find it..."
I held her three fingers tightly and said, "Tonight, accompany me to look for it. We will find it eventually."
My mother hugged me and cried bitterly.
I was at a loss, thinking that I could never say such words again, or even mention the word hometown. My mother would be very sad.
My father repeatedly told me to make my mother less sad and more happy.
I also hope my mother can be happier.
But even if I don't mention it, my mother will think of those bad things herself. She often bursts into tears when I'm not around, wetting three handkerchiefs with her tears, staying in bed, and even not eating for several days - she never mentioned a word about these things to me.
My mother's illness was recurring, and her symptoms were also very unpredictable. Sometimes she would be depressed, not saying a word for days on end, and even unwilling to get out of bed; sometimes she would be extremely irritable, and the slightest noise would cause her to roar.
But no matter which extreme it is, once she calms down, she will apologize to others with a guilty conscience.
Once, I was hit on the forehead by a teacup that she threw out of my hand, and I was bleeding profusely on the spot.
Seeing that my mother had not yet calmed down, I told the servants to be careful, and then quietly left with Twelve to find a doctor to treat me.
Afterwards, she hugged me and cried for a long, long time, saying only three words from beginning to end: "I'm sorry."
When my father came home and saw the wound on my forehead, he hugged me tightly. His heartbeat was so loud that it numbed my ears.
Dad has said this many times, and it's very similar to what Mom usually says: "In this life, it's you and your parents who have let you down."
The words my mother used were slightly different from my father's, but the meaning was the same: "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I couldn't protect you, and you've suffered since you were little."
I do not understand.
My family provided me with fine clothes and delicious food because my father was the General of Zhenxi. No one in Yanmen City dared to disrespect me, and some even liked me very much. Even those who didn’t like me had to pretend to like me.
Why are you saying sorry to me? Is it because I've been taking care of my mother since I was little? But I did it voluntarily. As a daughter, what daughter wouldn't want her mother to be happy every day?
When my father held me in his arms, I was confused and said in a nonchalant manner, "Then you should be worthy of me."
I was indeed a little sad because my forehead was hit, but I didn't dare tell my mother. I could only carefully confide a little bit of my grievance to my father.
But I didn't expect that my father would hold me tighter and tighter, his whole body trembling, and in the end, he even let out a sob.
No matter how much my father cried before, he never cried out loud.
I was so frightened that I froze and didn't move.
Later, my father took me to training, and I was trained like a new soldier. Although my mother was a little reluctant, after my father talked to her for a while, she agreed, but she had to watch me every day.
My mother is very perceptive and extremely sensitive to other people's emotions. Every time I was on the verge of collapse, she would always stop me in time.
She could always sense the conditions of the people around her, but she could not see her own pale and thin face with dark eyes in the bronze mirror.
I was forced to train like a recruit at a very young age. Many people felt sorry for me and admired me for being able to persist for so many days.
The mother even looked relieved.
Just seeing her smile gave me more energy to endure the brutal training for several days.
But after a long time, I found that my mother was secretly wiping her tears with a handkerchief.
As time went by, I didn't know when a seed of doubt grew in my heart.
Is it really just homesickness that has caused my mother to become so ill?
Or is it because of... me?
Is it because of me that my mother can't come home?
I don’t know why I had this idea, but I feel more and more that it is right.
But I tossed and turned for many days and nights, still unable to ask, and no one could answer me.
I'm afraid of that answer.
Twelve was like a wooden stake, unable to tell what I was thinking. He just thought I was tired from the training, so he stuffed all the candies and preserves given by Uncle Yang and Uncle Zhang into my arms.
It was obvious that she was trained harder and more tired by her father, but she acted as if nothing had happened and silently applied medicine to the bruises on her body.
I couldn't bear to see her get hurt, but I couldn't resist my father's orders, so I could only give her all the best medicine.
Twelve speaks very little in front of others, or even nothing at all. He only acts like a lively person in front of me and my mother, and even smiles with his lips pursed, which looks very nice.
Of course, my mother is the most beautiful woman in the world in my heart. Twelve can only be second.
When I was five years old, my mother excitedly took me and Twelve out shopping.
She rarely looked so cheerful, and I felt happy too, strolling with her down the street.
And then...I don't remember.
When I woke up at home, I only vaguely remembered that someone wanted to kill me. It seemed, it seemed... there were other people present. I also seemed to have stolen something from the house. My memory was fuzzy and I couldn't remember anything.
By the time I was able to get out of bed and walk, Twelve was still unable to do so.
Because she failed to protect her master, Dad punished her with ten lashes. He originally planned to kill her, but if it weren't for my mother and I trying to stop her, I'm afraid Twelve wouldn't be around me again.
After I got out of bed, I sneaked over to my mother's place, wanting to give her a surprise, but unexpectedly I overheard her arguing with my father.
"Don't think I don't know who sent those people. They sent people here before the prophecy even reached Yanmen. Do you really want to continue playing dumb?"
"But after all, he..."
"Stop talking about deep feelings. Deep bullshit! Anyone who sits in that position is bound to be loyal. You can see the injuries Wan'er suffered! She was so scared that she can't remember anything at that time!"
"Shang Junhu, let Wan'er and I go to Kyoto. I can handle it! Hiding in Yanmen blindly will not make him feel at ease. In this case, why not let me..."
"no!"
My father's voice suddenly became louder. I was hiding at the window frame, but I immediately squatted down when I heard the sound.
There was silence in the room for a moment, and then my father's voice came out quietly again.
"Even if you don't think about me, you should think about Wan'er. She has been sensible since she was young, but she is still just a child after all!"
"......yes."
I hid behind the window frame and vaguely saw tears on my mother's face.
"She's just a kid... She's just a kid now!"
I saw my mother suddenly hug my father tightly.
"Shang Junhu...let me go. I don't owe you anything, nor do I owe the Shang family anything."
"Except Wan'er, I must find a way out for her."
I opened my mouth, turned around, leaned my back against the wall, slid down, squatted down, hugged my legs, and stared blankly at the sky.
turn out to be.
It’s really because of me.
Not long after, my mother and I were sent to Kyoto by my father for a reason.
When we first arrived in Kyoto, the Shang family was very welcoming to my mother and me, and my second uncle and his wife were particularly sincere to me. I was curious about everything about this city, temporarily putting aside my previous sadness. After getting my mother's consent, I dragged Twelve out of the house.
On Seibu Street, I met a young man.
He is a very good person, but his temperament is a little dull.
I heard that shameless young man call him "Grand Master Huang" (大皇皇皇皇 - Huang Gongzi), and I guessed his identity. I went home and asked my mother, and she said that the eldest prince's mother, the late queen, and she were close friends and had a very close relationship.
When my mother mentioned the late queen, she couldn't help but burst into tears.
"Yaoyao is such a good woman, why did she suddenly have a difficult birth... It's a pity for the eldest prince, he hasn't seen his biological mother since he was born. Wan'er, if you two are destined to become close friends in the future, you must help the eldest prince as much as possible. Just think of it as a small favor for your mother. Remember?"
I nodded, feeling a little sorry for the eldest prince.
wrong.
His status and position could frighten that young man who had forcibly snatched a commoner girl into stuttering, so why would he need my pity? That man was clearly a very clever prince.
Well, it's just that we are a little weak.
It doesn't matter. When I become powerful in the future, I can protect the eldest prince. Hehe. Let him be my little brother!
...It doesn't seem right, but it doesn't matter, it's the same as being friends.
When I entered the palace for the banquet, I thought the eldest prince would also attend, but I didn't see him.
I found an excuse to sneak out and went looking for the person based on my feeling. Unexpectedly, I actually found him.
I hid behind the branches of the locust tree and peeked at him, and thought he looked even better today than on Seibu Street.
She looks like the Bodhisattva in Yuanhui Temple, with kind eyes and beautiful handwriting.
I happily peeked at him, but I didn't expect that the eldest prince was very perceptive and looked towards me immediately.
He seemed frightened, and his eyes, which looked like those of a bodhisattva, widened. I was also frightened and my hand dropped down for a moment. With a thud, I was discovered by the guards patrolling the palace.
I was brought before Uncle Xiao, but he was smiling and had no intention of punishing me.
The eldest prince also spoke for me. Yeah, I like him even more.
As for Uncle Xiao... he's weird, in a way I can't describe.
The other people in the palace were also weird.
But the eldest prince is a wonderful treasure, and I discovered him. For some reason, I want to take him home and hide him away.
I behaved very well in the Shang family and made many friends. However, those noble ladies looked at me as a country bumpkin from Yanmen and only paid attention to me because of my father and the Shang family. In the end, there was only one girl who spoke to me sincerely, Twelve.
I don't want my mother to make a living for me. I can do my best on my own and make everyone satisfied.
Perhaps my actions had paid off, as my mother's illness had eased considerably. She hadn't been ill for several days, and her temperament had become gentler. She told me many interesting stories about her hometown, including Twelve's life story.
Seeing my mother like this, I relaxed a little. One day, I fell asleep in the rocking chair and saw my mother trying to hug me, but another pair of strong arms got there first.
"Let me do it."
I was very sleepy at the time and didn't recognize the person's voice. I leaned on his shoulder, felt the strong muscles under the thin clothes, and yawned: "-Dad?"
The person who picked me up seemed to freeze, but I fell asleep again and had no idea what happened afterwards.
I tried my best to chat and laugh with the nobles in Kyoto, even though I had no interest in the cosmetics they talked about. To outsiders, I seemed very popular.
I thought that this way my mother would have to give less to me.
But... on the night when the Shang family's doctor went out to look for medicine, the mother killed herself with a hairpin.
I was very anxious that night and couldn't fall asleep after tossing and turning for a long time, so I went to find my mother and wanted to sleep with her.
But I didn't expect that I could smell a strong smell of blood before I even stepped into the room.
......I have no idea.
I don't know why my mother died.
It wasn't until Uncle Xiao stole the silver jade feather-shaped hairpin that I suddenly realized what had happened and was heartbroken.
Since my mother's death, I have rarely shed tears. I feel like I am possessed and I am trying my best to make the Shang family stand firmer and firmer.
As long as they can live well, it doesn't matter how many times they have to bow their heads.
Whenever I see the smiles of the Shang family, I feel a little happier, but then I feel empty inside.
I don’t know what’s missing in my heart, and I don’t want to think too deeply about what that missing piece is.
I try my best to let the people I care about live a life without fear.
I can always support what Xiao Qinggu, Ji Suxian and others want to do, and provide a safety net for them while clearing the Shang family's name.
But the only thing I can't do is Xiao Qingxu...
Romance wasn't his or her first priority. He'd been investigating the late queen's death for years, and I'd been humbled before Emperor Chengming for the sake of the Shang family. We were both busy with our own things.
On the day we came to the rural clinic, I tested him and he tested me.
He knew who I was from the beginning, knew that I would not trust others easily, and knew that if he didn't test me more, I would think he was a fool or someone with ulterior motives.
He never said he loved me, he just said he was fond of me and liked me - what a coward, he only wrote these in letters and said them very few times.
The letters he left me always subtly inspired me to take the people around me to travel and enjoy the scenery after I stepped down from the important role of Regent.
The last letter contained only one sentence: [If remembering me will make you too heartbroken, then forget me.]
He understands that the pain that love brings me is far greater than the happiness.
He understood that love was too heavy for me.
Recalling the day in Wen Qijun’s tomb, I pounded the wall with my fists like a madman, thinking that Wen Qijun was playing a huge joke on me.
As you can imagine, I got nothing.
I know that I have no choice but to accompany him well in his last moments.
......Perhaps the last moment before Xiao Qingxu's death was when he wanted to say "I love you"?
But the heavens were ruthless and took him away without waiting for him to finish his last words.
I served as regent for more than ten years. After Qiu Bo Ke fell and Xiao Qinggu firmly established himself on the throne, I chose to retire and relinquished the responsibility of regent.
But I don’t have time to see the vast mountains and rivers of Dayu.
Fighting with Xiao Qingji and Xiao Tong, and helping Xiao Qinggu to overthrow Qiu Bo Ke, I have completely drained myself.
I had a premonition that my life would soon be coming to an end, so I handed in my resignation and returned to Yanmen City with the remains of Twelve and my parents and others.
All I wanted was to be reunited with my loved ones.
After reburying them, I avoided everyone and wanted to talk to my mother in the grave.
But I never imagined that when I opened and closed my eyes, I found myself in a strange and bizarre place...
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