Chapter 51: I know, that person is you
"Everyone remembers what happened to me, but I've forgotten. It feels like..."
"It's like I've 'inhabited' this body, occupying it. He is him, and I am me."
After saying that, Xu Jiangcuo raised his eyes and glanced at Song Lehan, "I hope you will never experience this feeling."
Feeling that he was really sad, Song Lehan put away his smile and asked softly, "Isn't this bad?"
"Wouldn't it be nice to forget about the good and the bad and start over?"
"No." Xu Jiangcuo replied simply, "No matter how bad that memory was, it is a part of me. Having those memories is the real me."
Song Lehan lowered his eyes, "What if someone hurt you, deceived you, abandoned you, and made you extremely sad and upset. Do you want to remember such memories?"
Xu Jiangcuo was silent.
Song Lehan understood instantly.
No one wants to remember suffering.
If she had lost her memory, she might be curious about what happened to her, but if she knew it was a painful experience, she would definitely not want to remember it.
Life is hard enough, there is no need to make yourself suffer.
“No one wants to keep remembering bad memories, don’t you…”
"Song Lehan," Xu Jiangcuo called her seriously, stopped and looked at her.
"You didn't understand what I said."
"I said, only with that part of my memory can I be complete."
"Whether that memory is bitter, sweet, or something else, I will accept it."
Song Lehan paused, lowered his head in silence for a second, then turned around and looked up, "Is that complete you important to you?"
"Even if it means putting you in pain again, do you want to get it back?"
She didn't understand why Xu Jiangcuo was so obsessed with that memory.
Wouldn’t it be nice to live in the present moment and start over again?
In the darkness of the night, Song Lehan couldn't see the expression on Xu Jiangcuo's face.
The light from the flashlight fell between the two people, and the shadows on the ground were stretched out.
Song Lehan met Xu Jiangcuo's gaze, and she saw him nod silently.
"It's very important to me."
"Because my brain tells me that I have forgotten someone very important."
"It said, I have to get her back."
Important people...
Is it me?
This thought flashed through my mind, like fireworks exploding. After a moment of surprise, only loneliness remained.
Song Lehan half closed his eyes, suppressing the emotions in his eyes.
"If I tell you that the very important person you mentioned is the one who hurt you, would you still want to think about her?"
"Do you know her?" Xu Jiangcuo said excitedly. He took a few steps forward, his eyes twinkling with stars. "Can you tell me who she is? These days, I always think of that familiar feeling at some point."
"When I first lost my memory, I would still dream about her. I know that I would be sad when I think of her, because I would cry when I saw her in my dreams. I know, I..." He spoke incoherently, but his words were full of hope.
I hope Song Lehan can know who it is.
Hopefully she can tell him who that person is.
Hopefully he knows what happened to them.
Hopefully he could see her... again.
His Adam's apple rolled, and Xu Jiangcuo's eyes were burning. "Can you tell me who she is?"
Song Lehan tilted the subject and chuckled, "How would I know who she is? You and I are just ordinary friends. We haven't had much contact since graduation. How would I know who you're thinking about so much?"
"Didn't you say before that I have someone I particularly like?" Xu Jiangcuo was not giving up. "Tell me who that person is. Maybe it's her."
"I have no idea."
Song Lehan's face turned cold, and his tone was filled with impatience. "It's been so long, I have long forgotten it. She is not an important person, there is no need to remember her for the rest of her life."
These words were like a bucket of cold water, extinguishing all of Xu Jiangcuo's hopes.
My heart started to feel blocked.
Song Lehan ignored his emotions and turned to follow the path ahead, "It's late, let's go back quickly."
She walked forward and glanced back. When she saw Xu Jiangcuo's shadow following her, she felt relieved.
Silence all the way.
After returning home, Xu Jiangcuo closed the door. Looking back, he saw Song Lehan opening the door and preparing to go in.
He gritted his teeth and blurted out the question he had been holding back all the way.
"Is that you?"
That person, is it you?
The person I have been thinking about all the time is you, right?
Song Lehan froze in place, her heart pounding. She unconsciously tightened her grip on the doorknob, her fingertips turning white and her palms icy cold.
"What did you say?" She turned her head and pretended not to hear. "What did you just ask me?"
Song Lehan bet that Xu Jiangcuo would not dare to say it a second time.
But she lost the bet.
Xu Jiangcuo unconsciously clenched his hands, which were curled up at his side. He swallowed his saliva and asked in a trembling voice, "The person I should think of is you, right?"
With his back tense, Song Lehan froze.
Whether the answer is yes or no, it seems that it is no longer so important.
When he asked this question, he must have already assumed in his heart that the person was her.
It shouldn't be like this.
It shouldn't be like this.
Coming back to his senses, Song Lehan pursed his lips and refused expressionlessly: "It's not me, but I know who it is."
When Xu Jiangcuo wanted to ask further, she immediately said, "I won't tell you who she is for now. Even if I do, I'll have to wait... until I'm in a good mood."
After he finished speaking, Song Lehan turned around and closed the door.
She leaned against the door, her heart still beating wildly.
Xu Jiangcuo's voice came from behind the door.
"I know, even if you were in a good mood, you wouldn't tell me."
"If you don't want to tell me, I won't ask anymore."
"I'm sorry, what I said just now made you uncomfortable."
The calm and gentle words gradually calmed Song Lehan's panic.
She turned around, facing the door, and tried to open it but found she didn't know what to say.
"Leave everything to God."
On the opposite side of the door, Xu Jiangcuo stood at the door of Song Lehan's room, leaning his shoulders against the wall, looking up at the starry sky, and sighed softly.
"You're right. Since I can't remember it, it means God is giving me a chance to start over."
"I should also look forward and not dwell on the past."
"I won't ask you about her anymore."
Footsteps were heard and Xu Jiangcuo left.
Song Lehan lifted a corner of the curtain and saw Xu Jiangcuo's back as he left through the gap.
Lost, unwilling, helpless...and compromise.
I'm sorry, Xu Jiangcuo.
I still don’t know how to face the real you.
Please forgive my selfishness.
I don't want to see you sad because of me anymore.
Song Lehan lowered the curtains and stood alone thinking for a long time before taking medicine and going to sleep.
Three o'clock in the morning.
The strong shaking woke Xu Jiangcuo up.
He suddenly opened his eyes, and before his mind was fully clear, his body rushed out.
It's an earthquake!
Get to a flat place quickly!
Xu Jiangcuo opened the door quickly and ran a few steps before suddenly turning back.
Song Lehan didn’t come out!
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