Chapter 21 Perhaps I should see a psychologist.
"Qin Qiao, are you eating here?"
The man's voice was rough and he didn't sound young. However, his tone was somewhat unsteady and excited, and he was speaking in nonsensical literary style, clearly an admirer of Qin Qiao.
After scrutinizing the man, Chen Jiashu calmly lowered his gaze, his thick, dark eyelashes concealing the faint smile in his dark pupils.
Qin Qiao said softly, "Dr. Du, what a coincidence."
Chen Jiashu twitched his eyelashes. So it was for the doctor. Then there was no chance at all. Qin Qiao didn't like doctors.
That was told to him personally by Qin Qiao thirteen years ago in England.
Dr. Du noticed the father and son opposite Qin Qiao. The man was handsome and refined, dressed simply and neatly without any logos, yet he exuded an air of nobility. The seven- or eight-year-old boy knelt on the sofa, holding the man's right hand and playing with his fingers, appearing quiet and well-behaved.
He knew that Qin Qiao was divorced, so before Aunt Yang was discharged from the hospital, he subtly inquired with her about whether her daughter had a boyfriend. Aunt Yang cheerfully told him that her daughter had been divorced for several years and had two children.
This woman possessed a generous and intellectual beauty. He fell in love with her at first sight. Isn't that what attraction is all about? That instant spark that makes your eyes light up is called being moved.
I just don't know if this man is a blind date or...
"This is..." Dr. Du hesitated.
"friend."
"Ex-husband".
The two voices fell simultaneously; the female voice deliberately emphasized its tone, while the male voice was steady and clear, carrying a sense of asserting dominance.
It's rare to hear someone speak of their "ex-husband" as confidently as they would a husband. Dr. Du's probing gaze swept between the two of them before finally settling on Qin Qiao's face, seeking a definitive answer from her.
Qin Qiao looked at the person opposite her calmly.
The man's large hand rested on Chengcheng's soft hair, the black strands highlighting his slender fingers, which were as white as flawless porcelain. These hands were exquisitely beautiful, having both disassembled complex and precise components and gently caressed her cheeks and the ends of her hair.
She knew this man all too well.
Beneath his silent and reserved exterior lies an unyielding and domineering nature, exuding an unquestionable strength.
Just like thirteen years ago, on the eve of her graduation from graduate school, Chen Jiashu made a special trip abroad to pick her up. It was the first time he had ever stepped out of the country. Standing on a tree-lined road where people were coming and going, he saw her chatting happily with a blond, blue-eyed foreign friend in the distance.
The man's face immediately darkened. He strode over to her, grabbed her wrist, and without a word, led her away.
Chen Jiashu's strength is not only evident in these moments. His resilience and indomitable spirit are also evident when facing the constant hardships of life and the ups and downs of business.
Once he's made up his mind about something, nothing can change it.
This personality trait of his was something she both loved and hated. Ironically, it was precisely this domineering nature of his that led them to that point six years ago.
The waiter brought the food on a tray. Hearing the footsteps, Dr. Du stepped aside. Qin Qiao was jolted awake from her reverie when she met Chen Jiashu's bright, star-like eyes, which reflected the fleeting unease on her face.
The meat sauce noodles were placed in front of the child, and the waiter silently left.
The boy shifted his posture, picked up his fork, and began to eat heartily. The fork clattered against the porcelain bowl, making an unpleasant "sizzling" sound.
Seeing Dr. Du frowning as he stared at the child, Qin Qiao looked up and asked softly, "Dr. Du, is there something you need?"
During the three-minute-long silent 'standoff,' Dr. Du immediately realized that his presence was somewhat superfluous, much like an unwanted extra in a TV drama who deliberately tries to steal the spotlight. He licked his lips and said, "It's nothing, just saying hello. You guys enjoy your meal."
No one welcomed him, and he left somewhat dejectedly.
After lunch, the three of them strolled around the mall. Zhang Yicheng held their little hands, and the child was very happy, jumping and skipping around. Sometimes he would use their arms as swings, tucking his legs up and shaking them. To passersby, they looked like a very loving family of three.
When we returned to the Zhang family home at 3 p.m., Zhang Yicheng was asleep.
Chen Jiashu got out of the car first, then bent down and reached into the car to take the child out. From holding him horizontally to holding him upright with the child's chin resting on his shoulder, Zhang Yicheng didn't even lift his eyelids once.
Qin Qiao closed the car door and said with a smile, "Once a child falls asleep, nothing can wake him."
She turned around and took Chen Jiashu's left arm, just like Assistant Ye had done before. The car's air conditioning was set low, and her entire arm felt icy cold.
Chen Jiashu turned his head and curled his lips slightly: "Do you often bring the kids out to play?"
She was very familiar with that indoor amusement park.
Qin Qiao understood the implication in his words, suppressed the tremor in her heart, and shook her head, saying, "I'm just a hands-off parent; my mother and aunt take care of the children most of the time." With a slight pressure from her fingertips, she looked towards the entrance of the building and reminded him, "Let's go."
The elevator quickly reached the twentieth floor. During that half-minute, the car fell silent, with only the child's shallow breathing.
Qin Qiao rang the doorbell, and soon Grandma came to open the door. Grandpa crawled out and took the child from Chen Jiashu's arms.
"Jiashu, Qiaoqiao, why don't you stay for dinner tonight?" Zhongying asked warmly and kindly.
Qin Qiao: "No, thank you, Uncle and Aunt."
Chen Jiashu: "No need."
The two exchanged a glance, and Chen Jiashu put down his cane and added, "Uncle Zhang, Aunt Zhong, there are still some things to take care of at the group."
Qin Qiao added, "We cook at home."
This time, the elderly couple looked at each other. Knowing that the young people were busy, Zhongying didn't insist that they stay: "Then be careful on your way."
Yesterday, Qiaoqiao called to say she wanted to take Chengcheng out to play, and Zhongying immediately told Jiashu the news. This child dreams of remarrying Qiaoqiao, isn't this a great opportunity? The old man initially agreed, but kept nagging that he shouldn't make things worse.
Upon hearing this, Jia Shu immediately put aside his work and started to create a chance encounter.
Qin Qiao dropped Chen Jiashu off at the entrance of the group company. She didn't get out of the car, but instead rolled down the window.
When Chen Jiashu reached the side window, she turned around and expressed her gratitude word by word: "I received the ointment you sent yesterday, thank you."
Chen Jiashu bent down towards her, the faint light of the setting sun reflecting on his high, straight nose, and the faint shadows of his long, distinct eyelashes swaying slightly beneath his lower eyes.
Qin Qiao could tell he was thinking about and analyzing her words. She had only received the gift yesterday, even though it had been sent almost a week ago.
Then, he smiled knowingly and said, "Be careful on the road."
*
It was Sunday again, and Qin Qiao got up early and drove more than 100 kilometers to find Chu Yutong.
After starting work, both of them were very busy and had their own families, so they rarely got together, but this did not diminish their deep friendship.
Not long after entering the house, Chu Yutong, with her restless nature, abandoned the child and dragged her to the mall.
"What do you mean, 'my home'?" Qin Qiao asked unhappily.
“Then… my ex-husband.” Chu Yutong’s face was strained.
Qin Qiao shot her another glare: "Be serious."
I found a bench to sit on, put the shopping bags under the bench, and started talking.
Chu Yutong cleared her throat and tapped the bag lightly with her fingertips: "I think I understand now. Old Chen is the kind of person who says, 'Get out of here! Get out now!' but once you actually leave, he breaks down. He's a typical hypocrite."
Her exaggerated delivery of lines drew frequent glances from passersby. Chu Yutong was indifferent, but seeing Qin Qiao's slightly stunned expression, as if to say, "Was I wrong?"
With a wide smile, her voice lowered slightly: "When you left back then, he felt abandoned... That's why he believed everything Aunt Yang said later on."
A crease in his jeans revealed a right hand resting on it, its fingertips curled. Qin Qiao hissed softly, her brow furrowing slightly, and asked in surprise, "How come I never noticed this 'titch' of his before?"
This habit has been around for a long time, but as an outsider, she sees it more clearly. Chu Yutong leaned over and nudged her arm: "Isn't it because you spoiled her? I've heard you mention it twice..."
She gave examples on her fingers: "The first time his shop caught fire, didn't he stop replying to your messages and just disappear? The second time he lost his left eye and couldn't take the blow, so he kicked you out. Didn't you even ask Shen Yu to pretend to be your boyfriend to provoke him?"
Qin Qiao felt her face getting hot. "Wasn't this the idea you gave me... Let's not talk about this."
No matter how many years have passed, whenever she recalls the scene from that day, she feels like digging a hole and disappearing.
"In conclusion, you're always the one going to him; he never comes to you on his own initiative." Chu Yutong shook her index finger: "That's why Mr. Chen broke down when you actually left."
Qin Qiao's head throbbed as she listened, her lips trembling slightly: "What did he say about me back then... I wanted to go abroad and stay for two to three years. That night, I discussed it with him, and he immediately turned pale, saying that I was only focused on pursuing my own dreams and had never considered the family or him; he asked me if I didn't have enough honors; he even asked me how I could stay by his side peacefully, as if I thought he didn't earn enough?"
The scene from that night replayed in her mind: Chen Jiashu ripped off his tie and threw it on the ground; he grabbed her wrists, forcing her to look into his eyes and listen to him speak.
That day, his grip on my wrist left it red and painful. It took a long time for the bluish marks to fade, but I still vividly remember that excruciating pain.
Chu Yutong reached out and hooked her arm around Qin Qiao's back, pulling her to her side. Qin Qiao had mentioned this before, but not in such detail. Chu Yutong really felt sorry for her good friend.
“I was really furious when Chen Jiashu said those words. He belittled my ideals, thought I only wanted to go abroad for honor, and even insulted me by saying I didn’t get paid enough. I thought he was the one who understood me best, but it turns out he and those other people…”
Qin Qiao raised her tearful eyes. One of the small lights in the ring above her was particularly glaring. She closed her eyes, the warmth and moisture in her eyes wetting her eyelashes.
"If he brings a woman home, he knows you won't believe him. The only way he can drive you away is to attack your ambition and ruin your ideals..."
“As for him,” Chu Yutong patted her back reassuringly, “he wants to force you to leave, but he can’t bear to part with you. If you really leave, he’ll feel like the whole world has abandoned him…”
This shopping mall is relatively high-end, and it is very quiet even on holidays. There are more shop assistants than passersby along the way, and even the softest voices will produce a slight echo.
Qin Qiao opened her eyes and sighed for the second time: "It's this place that's even more infuriating. He always thought he was doing it for my own good, arranging everything for me without my consent. He was worried that his imprisonment might affect my career, so he chose to cut it off directly."
“When he lost sight in his left eye, he couldn’t accept his disability, and he couldn’t use that disability to like me. He begged me to leave, making himself sound like he had nothing left, using begging to force me to leave. I couldn’t bear to see him like that. Since being with me was so painful, I left. But I still gave him time. I believed that Chen Jiashu would stand up again, and I could wait for him.”
It's so stuffy. I've taken several deep breaths, but I still can't calm down. The suffocating pain from not being able to breathe is getting worse.
It's understandable, and it's certainly hateful, but the root cause is a lack of trust. Chu Yutong rubbed Qin Qiao's arm, but also wanted to say a few words for Chen Jiashu: "Old Chen must love you. Look at the time he saved someone, so many media outlets wanted to interview him, but he refused. Why? His past was too painful. His parents died in a car accident, and he, a proud son, did something bad to save his mother, resulting in the cancellation of his guaranteed admission. He knew that if he accepted an interview, these things would be dug up by netizens, but you were the one who was sent to interview him. He used these things as news material to help you get commendation and help you get the official spot specially approved by the provincial TV station."
"...Sometimes I feel like I'm an ingrate, and sometimes I wonder if he still doubts that I can't share hardships with him?"
Chu Yutong hugged her trembling shoulders tightly: "Protection, hurt, protection and hurt again, a cycle that repeats itself again and again. Qiaoqiao, I actually understand you, because he loves you and does everything he can to be good to you, making it impossible for you to hate him with any justification... The most painful people are the ones who are sober."
"You just said that every time he gets close to you, a single sentence from him will hurt you, and you can't control your emotions. You feel like he's going to try to control you again. Have you ever thought about... seeing a therapist?"
Psychologist....
Can a psychologist cure her? The relationship between them can no longer be explained by love and hate alone.
Chu Yutong's eyes reddened as she listened to her. A tightness in her chest made Qin Qiao's head feel dizzy. She sniffed and said, "I've been thinking these past few days, why don't we just leave it at that? He's doing well now, and I'm doing well too. If he ever needs my help in the future, I will do my best to repay him."
"That's one way to go. Don't always think about these things. Don't forget you have three children." Chu Yutong took out a tissue from her bag, pulled out one, and gently wiped away the mottled tear stains on Qin Qiao's face.
Qin Qiao looked up, forcing tears back into her eyes, her vision filled with fragmented light.
Whenever she thinks of Chen Jiashu, she feels utterly exhausted, like an insurmountable mountain range or an uncrossable Pacific Ocean. They've been separated for six years, and this has been the state of affairs for three of them. But she can't just stay like this. She needs to return to work with a healthy mindset and spend time with her children. She has to force herself to forget, to forget all these upsetting things.
Things seemed to get better later. In the fifth year, she returned to China and met Chen Jiashu. The simple greetings and calm made her feel that even if she returned to China, Chen Jiashu would no longer affect her.
Can……
A single word or glance from him, even if he were just sitting there, would stir up a deep and lingering turmoil within her, and what was even more terrifying was the vortex that pulled her downwards.
Qin Qiao forced a pale, weak smile: "Perhaps... I really should see a psychologist."
When I let go, several finger marks of varying depths were left on my palm, pale and ghastly.
On the way back, the car stereo played an old song.
I want to see you smile
I want to mess with you
I want to hold you in my arms
One second they were arguing with flushed faces
They can make up in the next second.
When Chen Jiashu lost sight in his left eye, they didn't contact each other for four whole months. It wasn't until Zhang Shuang's birthday that she was invited to the event.
Having adopted Chu Yutong's idea, she brought Shen Yu to the KTV.
Four months ago, she told Chen Jiashu that she would never come to see him again. But this time, coming to see Shuang Ge doesn't count.
As expected, she saw Chen Jiashu. He sat in the corner, his once bright eyes now pure black, without a trace of emotion, gently resting on her face.
She regretted it and gave up. She didn't like anyone else, only him, and only wanted to be with him.
She also sang this song with Chen Jiashu that day.
Don't be afraid to cry
Don't be afraid to call
Because you are my pride
A pair of eyes followed you around
My heart is already ready
........
"Qiaoqiao, do you know? I'm always so happy when you come, but I'm also afraid you'll never come again."
Chen Jiashu, I get tired too.
As the car pulled into the service area, Qin Qiao pushed open the door, rushed out, squatted down by the bushes, hugged her knees, and burst into tears.
The last time.
A note from the author:
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