Chapter 65 A Crippled Man's Delusion
The moment the stairwell light came on, Lao Song's phone in his pocket started buzzing, and the hand holding his arm tightened slightly.
He turned his head and asked, "What's wrong?"
Old Song told him it was a family member's phone call.
"You go pick me up. I'll go up myself. Wait for me downstairs."
So he leaned against the wall, listening to the various faint sounds outside, and climbed up step by step.
The wind rustled the leaves, the laughter of some children could be heard, and the voices of people talking as they passed by downstairs...
But just as he stood at the door, a tearful, stern accusation came from inside: "Are you afraid that the letter you hid from Chen Jiashu five years ago will be discovered! Are you afraid that the fact that you blocked Chen Jiashu on my phone will be exposed again!"
It was as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over his head; he was instantly frozen in place.
Immediately afterwards, Qin Qiao's even sharper scream pierced through the door: "I changed two phones, and you blocked him again on each new phone, a total of three times!"
Every word was like a sharp knife, piercing through all his confusion, grievances, and perseverance over the years, leaving him riddled with holes.
The white cane slipped from his hand and fell onto the steps with a thud. Before he could pick it up, he heard Qin Qiao's footsteps running towards him.
At that moment, the past images flooded in like water being released from a dam, as if he had fallen into an icy lake, his breath caught in an invisible net, his head throbbed with pain, his thoughts were in chaos, and he completely lost the ability to think.
He turned and stumbled away.
......
Chen Jiashu opened his dazed eyes, slowly turning his eyeballs to survey the office. The blurred outlines of the furniture, the indistinct blocks of color blended together—this was the world he saw every morning when he opened his eyes.
"Blind entrepreneur".
He chuckled softly, the sound sounding particularly somber in the large office.
How much of that praise is out of sympathy? How much is out of curiosity? And how much is simply fulfilling viewers' expectations of a perfect inspirational drama?
He was nothing more than a spectacle for people to watch.
*
Last night, Qin Qiao accompanied Chen Jiashu back to Lanchuan. He refused her advances the whole time, repeatedly pulling his arm away from hers. It was only when Lao Song accompanied him like a tool that his expression softened slightly.
Chen Jiashu came to persuade Yang Shuhua to go back, or perhaps to admit his mistakes, but instead he heard the bloody truth.
Qin Qiao didn't know how much he had heard. She went back and reviewed it, and every sentence was enough to make him doubt his humanity. This woman, whom he respected and regarded as his own mother, had deceived him, cheated him, and shattered his entire worldview.
And she became Yang Shuhua's accomplice.
Qin Qiao felt cold all over. She pulled the blanket up to wrap herself in it, but she still couldn't stop her body from trembling instinctively.
After a long while, Qin Qiao went to the bathroom to wash her face, and then walked to the door of the study outside. It seemed that the lights were not on inside, as no light was leaking out from under the door.
After staring at it for nearly half a minute, Qin Qiao looked up, forced a smile, and then knocked on the door.
When Chen Jiashu returned home last night, he locked himself in his study. But Jingjie said that after she went to work during the day, Chen Jiashu also went to the company. He returned around 5 p.m., had dinner with the children, and then immediately went into his study.
After that, he never came out again.
It's already past midnight, when does Chen Jiashu plan to go to sleep?
There was no response. Qin Qiao gripped the doorknob, pressed down, and pushed the door open halfway.
The study was pitch black. With the light filtering in from outside the door, she could barely make out that Chen Jiashu was slumped in his office chair, his whole being like a black hole, exuding an extremely gloomy and chilling aura.
Her heart clenched, and a chill ran up her spine.
“…Let’s talk, okay?” Her voice was taut like a fully drawn bow as soon as she opened her mouth.
Qin Qiao fumbled for the light switch on the wall and pressed it with a "click." The moment the light came on, Chen Jiashu suddenly shouted, "Turn it off!" His tone left no room for argument.
She did as instructed immediately. The lights went out, and the room returned to darkness.
Qin Qiao gently closed the door. The curtains were tightly shut, and for about ten seconds, everything was pitch black before her eyes, and she dared not move.
Once the eyes adjusted to the darkness, the outlines of objects could be vaguely discerned.
"When did you find out?" Chen Jiashu's voice was cold and deep, revealing a restrained, judgmental indifference.
Ten days or so? Chen Jiashu suddenly remembered that morning when she ran to the hospital, knelt by his bedside, and cried for a long time.
Was it discovered then? Or even earlier? No, given Qin Qiao's personality, it would be impossible for her to remain so calm if she were burdened with such immense guilt.
It must have been that day.
"Get along well," Chen Jiashu finished the sentence for her.
He followed the sound of her approaching footsteps, turning his head little by little until Qin Qiao stopped beside him.
Chen Jiashu raised his chin and "looked" at her with his useless eyes.
Like an overturned inkstone soaking into rice paper, it was a suffocating blackness. He feared the darkness, but what difference was there between that faint glimmer of light and endless night? In the eyes of others, he was ultimately a "blind man with open eyes."
"So, you're protecting me?"
"To be precise, I want to protect this home," Qin Qiao answered decisively.
She sensed that Chen Jiashu was on the verge of collapse, like a flickering ember in a brazier, and that adding fuel to the fire was the worst thing she could do. At this moment, she absolutely could not provoke him; she could only state the facts objectively and calmly.
“I went to Jiang City to see her last night and gave her a bank card with 200,000 yuan in it. I will transfer 100,000 yuan to her every year from now on as repayment for her kindness in raising me. But Jia Shu, you don’t owe her anything.”
Warm breath fell gently from above, sprinkling onto Chen Jiashu's upturned face, carrying a faint fragrance.
On this scale of gratitude, Qin Qiao leaned more towards him. Chen Jiashu didn't know whether he should be happy or not.
But what about gratitude...? The gratitude of parents for raising their children is one kind of gratitude, but what kind of gratitude does he owe her?
"For my sake... sever your mother-daughter relationship?"
The letter was filled with remorse after self-reflection, a heavy sense of guilt, and a cautious, unrealistic hope. It was sent seven days after their divorce.
She hadn't yet set off for foreign countries at that time.
"I will give up going abroad and wait for you to come out." Qin Qiao's tone remained calm.
In the deep darkness, she couldn't make out his features clearly; only his sharp silhouette and the occasional glimmer of light in his eyes became her sole reference point. Without visual reference, and relying solely on sound, Qin Qiao couldn't gauge Chen Jiashu's emotions at that moment.
This "lack of information" filled her with a sense of helplessness and panic, and her heart suddenly started beating fast.
A thought immediately popped into her head: the brief panic she was experiencing was exactly what Chen Jiashu had been facing every minute of every day for the past four hundred days and nights. His visual impairment forced him to rely on his other senses to cope with everything with great difficulty.
And now even those he once trusted are exploiting his vulnerability, using him as a weapon to harm him...
How can he possibly trust them, or trust her?
The moment this thought crossed my mind, the air in the room seemed to suddenly drop to freezing point, and a chill crept up my spine once again.
Qin Qiao clenched her fists and gritted her teeth, but then she saw Chen Jiashu lean back in his chair, straighten his neck, and fix his gaze on the front.
His voice rang out again: "...Auntie wasn't wrong to hide the letter I sent you. If you had waited for me, your career would have been ruined..."
He was detached, rational, and calm, stating the facts he unilaterally believed to be true.
Qin Qiao steadied her voice and told him firmly, "Jia Shu, in my heart, you are more important than anything else."
Chen Jiashu shook his head: "We have so much now, but back then... Qiaoqiao, you'll regret it. I know how much you love your career..."
Given the nature of her job, the great opportunities she's given up, and the fact that her ex-husband is in prison, her career could be ruined if someone finds fault with him.
Qin Qiao emphasized, "You're not me, how do you know I'll regret it?"
Chen Jiashu paused for a moment, then remained seated as still as a bell, choosing to remain silent this time.
He once thought that having her by his side was enough. But was that really the case?
He didn't want the warmth he heard to be an act;
He refused to accept that the warmth of her hands was pity...
Qin Qiao once said that he was "taking an inch and wanting a mile," and that is indeed the case.
With her eyes lowered, a tear fell, and Qin Qiao quickly said, "Chen Jiashu... If I say I'll wait for you, you say I'll regret it if my career is ruined; if I say I won't wait, will you think I don't love you enough?"
Chen Jiashu slowly turned his head, his deep eyes gleaming. Qin Qiao felt a sharp pain in his eyes; those were his tears.
Her heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly; she couldn't bear it and hunched over, bracing herself against the table with her arms: "You...you always use 'it's for my own good' to control me. My mother does it this way, and so do you..."
She laughed, a laugh utterly ironic.
Chen Jiashu stood up.
In the pitch-black world, there was her powerless indignation, and her disappointment at his renewed distrust. Those words were like heavy hammer blows striking his chest.
A piercing, excruciating pain spread to every corner of his body. He raised his right hand; every sense in his body knew she was so close, yet he didn't know what to do next.
"It's ridiculous... 'For my own good' is like a curse, and you've inherited my mother's mindset... I've been slowly tamed by you, forgetting that I don't like drinking milk, forgetting that my dream was simply to be happy every day. But every time I get a good grade, my mother is happy... I've forgotten that Chen Jiashu has never changed!"
Her breathing grew more and more rapid, interspersed with intermittent sobs, each word like a dagger piercing his heart.
Qin Qiao never easily showed her vulnerability, but at this moment, she was in extreme pain.
Chen Jiashu tried again to lift his arm, which felt like it was being crushed by a boulder, but the image of Yang Shuhua's words, "You don't deserve it," flashed through his mind, and he pulled back as if electrocuted, letting it fall slump to his side.
"You don't deserve it" wasn't Yang Shuhua's exact words, but all her words and actions conveyed this meaning. In her eyes, he didn't even deserve to be a human being.
The pain returned, feeling as if countless steel needles were piercing his skull. Chen Jiashu squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists at his sides to steady his body.
The darkness prevented them from seeing each other, and all was silent except for the sound of their breathing rising and falling.
Qin Qiaoquan didn't notice Chen Jiashu's unusual behavior; perhaps she was too absorbed in her own world. She swallowed the endless bitterness in her throat.
"Fifteen years ago, when you lost sight in your left eye, you pushed me away. I told myself that you were devastated and that I could wait patiently. Nine years ago, when you were about to go bankrupt, you left me your last bit of money and then broke up with me. I told myself that you loved me. And then you did the same thing when you went to jail... You were thinking about my future and afraid of dragging me down... I have internalized your logic time and time again."
Faced with this unresponsive man, a surge of anger welled up inside her, and she couldn't help but yell:
"Is obeying your orders the only way to show love for you?!"
The question struck like a thunderclap in the quiet room. Chen Jiashu's body stiffened abruptly, as if waking from a dream.
He stared blankly at Qin Qiao in front of him, and the sweetness of the past and present, the shared life and death, suddenly became blurry and distant.
Six years of silence—if Yang Shuhua hadn't hidden the letter and blocked him, would they definitely have ended up together? Was there really love between them?
The thick fog that had been gathering in Chen Jiashu's mind dissipated instantly. He suddenly remembered the solemn promise Qin Qiao had made that night:
"I remember all the kindness you've shown me over the years... every single one of it. If there's anything I can do to help you in the future... I'll do my best."
To repay a debt of gratitude.
So it was true...
Chen Jiashu chuckled softly, a sorrowful aura breaking the deathly silence: "...I was wrong, wrong to take advantage of someone's kindness..."
“Everything I gave you has become a burden, and the life I arranged has become a favor… You married me to repay a favor; you remarry me to repay a favor.” As he confirmed his judgment, his mournful voice grew louder and louder.
At the same time, an indescribable feeling of nausea and dizziness surged into his heart. Chen Jiashu staggered half a step, bumped into the swivel chair behind him, and could only lean on it to barely stand.
Two hot tears streamed down his dark eyelashes and chin. Chen Jiashu suddenly opened his empty eyes wide: "What am I? A cripple who was given charity, a delusional fool!"
The word "disabled" dealt a heavy blow to Qin Qiao.
"Chen Jiashu!!"
Qin Qiao's expression changed drastically: "You can hate my mother, but you can't deny yourself and me like this!"
As soon as she finished speaking, she could no longer bear it, bent over, and cried uncontrollably.
That frail body, like a blade of grass growing from a crack in the rock, swayed left and right in the wind.
The room was filled with sobbing, vibrating Chen Jiashu's eardrums. Each sob felt like it was scraping his flesh and bones, a sharp pain coursing through his body, and cold sweat poured down his back.
Chen Jiashu closed his eyes in pain, only to be met with Yang Shuhua's cold scrutiny.
He clenched his teeth, his jawline taut as iron. The sounds of the world, including Qin Qiao's weeping, suddenly faded away.
Only one thought remained swirling in my mind:
He hated Yang Shuhua.
He hated her for destroying his faith and crushing his character. All his struggles to climb upwards, all his attempts to prove he wasn't worthless, were nothing but a clown's delusional fantasies in her eyes.
Those fourteen years were practically a joke.
Chen Jiashu pushed the swivel chair aside, grabbed the edge of the desk, and lifted his leaden legs to walk out. Unexpectedly, he bumped into the corner of the desk, the sharp edge digging deep into his groin, the pain excruciating, and cold sweat pouring down his face. He swallowed the groan that rose in his throat, walked around the desk, and continued walking.
As soon as I left the support of the table, my back was suddenly hit by a heavy force.
Warm and familiar.
“Jiashu…” Qin Qiao hugged him tightly from behind.
The man froze as if a defense mechanism had been triggered, and his right hand, which had been raised in mid-air, slowly fell to the ground.
Qin Qiao sobbed. She was wrong. Chen Jiashu was now suffering from severe depression and could only absorb negative information. He was in too much pain; his rationality had long since collapsed. There was no point in trying to reason with him at this moment.
She pressed her cheek against his undulating back. Because of his slightly hunched posture, his protruding spine was particularly prominent, and he was very thin. Her hoarse voice muffled by his clothes:
“That’s not what I meant… I just wanted to tell you that I don’t want you to always face everything alone. I can be with you, just like the vow says… Jia Shu, we’re husband and wife, I love you…”
Unbeknownst to her, at that moment, Chen Jiashu's mind was filled with Yang Shuhua's scrutinizing smile and her repeated "You are not worthy."
Chen Jiashu only felt her lips trembling, as if she were saying something.
But what's the point?
Chen Jiashu grabbed her forearm and pulled her away.
This sudden and violent action stunned Qin Qiao. But the pulling pain in her arm was nothing compared to the overwhelming fear caused by the sudden emptiness in her heart.
She wanted to chase after him, but her feet felt as if they were nailed to the ground, just like yesterday.
They could only watch helplessly as Chen Jiashu waved his arm and staggered to the door.
His hand groped around on the door for a while before finally finding the handle. He opened the door, and the hallway lights poured in, casting a large halo of light on the floor.
Unable to support himself, Qin Qiao collapsed to the ground, burying his head deeply in his knees.
Let the tears flow like a river.
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