Chapter 125 Chapter 125 "I can't let go."
Nan Qiong Shuang slowly opened her eyes.
The moonlight outside the wooden window was cold and bleak, yet clear and piercing. On the chair in front of the window sat a figure as tall as a jade mountain, a dark silhouette against the backlight.
She blinked slowly.
Why did he tie his silk ribbon again?
"Why are you sitting there? How long have you been here?" Thinking about how she had just hurt his heart that day and that they would be separated tomorrow, she extended a hand toward him, her voice tinged with a coquettish nasal sound, "Come here."
Gu Huaijin didn't say anything, just picked up the teapot and poured himself a cup of tea.
Nan Qiong Shuang watched silently as he poured the tea onto the table with trembling hands. The tea dripped to the edge of the table.
Her mind suddenly became clear as a mirror, and she sat up with her long hair draped over her shoulders.
"Huai Jin."
"I came here today because I have something I must ask Your Majesty."
She smiled.
"You tell me."
"Your Majesty knows what I want to ask." Gu Huaijin wiped the water stains on the table expressionlessly. "Your Majesty still refuses to speak?"
She sat on the couch, her hair uncombed and her white dress untied. She looked like a cloud that would be blown away by a breeze.
"Your Majesty knows that Gu's family was destroyed because of the Rebirth Sect."
She closed her eyes and turned her head away.
"Even so, Your Majesty still refuses to tell me?"
She just remained silent for a long time.
Gu Huaijin waited for her to speak for a long time.
Expected rejection, expected indifference, expected inaction.
Why, she clearly felt sorry for him, but let him suffer because of this kind of thing?
She knew clearly that he cared most about his own sect.
He asked, "Why on earth must Your Majesty be loyal to the Rebirth Sect?"
Nan Qiong Shuang hugged her knees on the couch and thought absentmindedly for a long time.
After a while, she said softly, "I'm not pledging allegiance, I'm redeeming myself."
"Bureau of liberty." He repeated calmly, "Your Highness, do you also wish to leave the Gate of Rebirth?"
"It's leaving, not betrayal."
Since she had already decided to escape from Wuliang Mountain, she didn't care much about keeping her mouth shut.
She tilted her head, resting her face on her knees like a child, hugging her knees and looking at him with a kind of arrogant and distant cuteness:
"Once the task at hand is completed, I'll have fulfilled my duties and can leave. I've toiled tirelessly for twelve years for this day, doing both good and bad. So, whether I like it or not, there's no turning back."
"so……"
"So," she spread her hands, "regardless of whether you think this path is right or wrong, I have no choice but to keep going."
He came today with the intention of only asking about official business and not personal matters. He had already indulged himself yesterday, and there was no reason for him to show favoritism anymore. The Tianshan Sect fell because of her, so his personal feelings should have been let go long ago.
"Since the Queen is so determined," he picked up the teacup and took a sip - he finally managed to hold the cup steady, "Gu can't say anything. However, I must know the inside story of the Rebirth Gate no matter what. Since the Queen is determined to go against me and Tianshan -"
"To oppose?" She raised her eyebrows and smiled.
"Your Majesty, if you stand on the side of the Gate of Rebirth, you are against me, Gu." He nodded politely.
She listened quietly and felt that what he said was right and interesting.
"I'm not against anyone. I'm just doing what I should do. However, from your perspective, it's not wrong to say so." She leaned back lazily against the wall. "Gu Huaijin, we two have always had different paths. We should have parted ways long ago."
With a "crack", the teacup in his hand broke and exploded, and a bag of hot tea instantly spilled onto the table and his clothes. He endured the heat silently, lowered his head and picked up the broken porcelain together, with an expressionless face.
"Whether to end all ties is up to Her Majesty. If Her Majesty wants to rebel, what happened back then can be set aside. I will still be in love with you. If Her Majesty..."
"It doesn't count?" She said with a hint of sarcasm. Why hasn't he seen himself clearly yet?
He ignored her and continued, "...If the Queen hadn't rebelled, the two of us would have had to stop here."
"Gu Huaijin," she twirled her long hair, seeming a little too lazy to pay attention, "You still haven't understood yourself yet. You are not the type to forgive such things. You are willing to say forgiveness now, but it is only because you haven't seen me for five years and thought I was dead. Now you suddenly meet me and it is difficult for you to deal with it. If I promise you, really betray my family, and continue to live with you——"
A light like shattered ice flashed in her eyes, and it was unclear whether it was tears or determination. "After spending some time together, you'll remember the revenge for the extermination of your family, and you won't be able to let it go. If you can't get it, you want it no matter what. Once you get it, you see all the bad sides. People are like this, don't you think I don't understand?"
Gu Huaijin couldn't utter a word.
He didn't expect that she would say these words with Chu Jiaojiao's face.
Insightful and intelligent, but too cold-blooded, almost mean.
Maybe she was right. People are like that.
Then why can't he let go?
Five years is not a short time. Why can't he let go?
He took a deep, shuddering breath, feeling exhausted.
"Besides, betraying the sect is not something you can do just by saying so. I have worked hard for twelve years in the sect, and the hardships and difficulties involved cannot be understood unless you have been there. How can I let all these years of hard work go to waste? I can't just let you go."
"As for rebelling, although I was able to escape, that road was extremely dangerous. It's not something you can just do on a whim. I can leave peacefully, so why would I struggle to escape just for love?"
"The Queen is saying that it's not worth it to betray for my love and forgiveness." His voice was shaking.
"Not reliable."
"Even if we're separated by death, and I haven't heard from you for five years, and you've destroyed my family, I still love you."
She suddenly burst into tears. She had never expected that his words could make her cry in an instant.
But she didn't answer.
"Even if something like this happens, I am still willing to forgive."
She fell upon her knees, her tears soaking a small puddle on her clothes. She trembled and laughed, "You see, you still don't understand. What you can't forgive is just some big talk."
"In that case," he stood up and took the tea-soaked Buddhist scriptures on the table to the window to shake out the water. "Gu and the Queen have nothing more to say. However, the disaster in Tianshan that year was because of Gu's partiality." After hearing this, she closed her eyes with a pale face. He continued:
"Now, we must learn from the past and stop putting personal interests above public interests. There are some things that I must learn from you, whether you like it or not. I wonder if what you said yesterday about wanting me to be tortured still stands."
She smiled softly, her head tilted to her knees, tears gathered in the hollow of her nose and meandered down.
She nodded.
After going around in circles, we've finally arrived at this point.
"What kind of torture does your Majesty want to use?" He turned his back to her and opened the wet pages of the book one by one in the moonlight.
"I choose it myself." She was a little surprised.
"Didn't the Queen say that you should choose your own way of dying?"
She remembered what she had said while leaning on his knees on the boat to Wuliang Mountain.
He said it so calmly, as if he had asked her to choose jewelry before.
She tried her best to mask the nasal tone in her voice: "Needle."
"Okay." He hung the Buddhist scripture under the window, his hands on either side of the table, and bowed his head for a long time. "Gu cannot harm the Majesty. Someone will be assigned to interrogate the Majesty. Please have some mercy on yourself."
With tears in her eyes, she burst out laughing for no apparent reason, "Is this what I have the final say?"
"If your Majesty says so, stop immediately. No one dares to touch you." He had his back to her. He used to miss her so much, but now that she was right in front of him, he couldn't even look back. "I'll ask your Majesty one last time, do you really want to do this? After the torture, we can only go our separate ways. There's no turning back."
"You don't have to try me." She raised her head from her knees and sobbed.
"You can also choose me." He turned around and said softly.
As soon as he said this, she smiled.
She was the one who harmed him in the first place, and now she is leaving him to suffer alone without any understanding. How can she have the nerve to ask him not to judge?
Giving her a choice was already a kindness. If the same thing happened to her, she would have killed the person long ago.
"Choose me?" He asked one last time, his voice soft as if to coax her.
She closed her eyes tightly, tears rolling down from under her eyelashes, unable to make up her mind.
"Shuang'er." He turned his back and picked up the broken porcelain pieces in his palm, as calmly as if he was chatting.
"You once asked me, between you and me, who should I choose? I chose you without hesitation."
"Later, my sect was destroyed because of you, so between you and my sect, I choose my sect."
"But, if I ask you the same question."
"I'm afraid that between you and me, you will never choose me."
She covered her mouth and sobbed, almost suffocating herself.
Gu Huaijin turned around and picked up a few books from the bookshelf, his voice still gentle:
"I don't blame you. I'm sure you have your reasons. But," he said, holding the book and gently opening the door, "we can only stop here."
As soon as these words were spoken, the dust settled and she felt relieved.
Her shoulders relaxed, tears still fell in strings, but she stopped shaking and bit her lip.
"Will you ask them to kill me?" she turned around and called to him.
Gu Huaijin paused for a moment, but didn't look at her. "No." After a pause, he continued, "If you don't tell me, I won't."
"But, Shuang'er." In the darkness, he stared at her for a long time, "Take good care of yourself."
"In that case, Gu Huaijin, I have a question." She lowered her knees and sat on the bed, her black hair and white clothes flowing all over the couch. In his eyes, she looked like a sad crane with broken wings. "If you have to choose, I will betray the sect but have no news, or I will not betray but stay by your side. Which one do you choose?"
He listened in silence, and remained silent.
In the end, he acted as if he hadn't heard anything and half-closed the door.
"I mean," she called to him hurriedly, her eyes red, "please let me out of the mountain. If you are willing to let me go, I will tell you right away."
"Let him go. Where are you going?" He tied up the black silk and looked cold and inhuman.
"It's hard to say. Anywhere is fine. Or maybe it's because we don't know where we're going that we're safe."
"No." He pulled the door shut.
"Why don't you let me go?" She asked anxiously, taking advantage of the fact that the door was still open. "Back when we were on Tianshan Mountain, you were willing to let me go even after three months. Why won't you let me go now?"
Once upon a time...once upon a time.
He raised his head, vaguely recalling some past events.
At that time, I had never really lost anything, so I pretended to be magnanimous and said I could let it go.
"You would rather interrogate me than let me go?"
He pulled the door and closed it gently.
I only gave her three words: "I can't let go."
In his hands, he has the final say on whether to conduct a trial and how to conduct the trial.
If you really let it go, it will be like a drop of water falling into the sea and you can never find it again.
The door finally closed. Inside the Four Elephants Tower, there was a dead silence.
Nan Qiong Shuang lay on the couch, her face covered with tears, and closed her eyes exhausted.
The mountain gates were all open and there were crocodiles in the water. Even if she wanted to run, she didn't know if she could.
However, if you can't escape, you will still be punished.
Obviously... tomorrow, it will be either a farewell or torture.
He actually refused to stay with her tonight.
She finally lay on the pillow, her tears soaking it.
However, she never expected it.
At night, Gu Huaijin came again.
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