Chapter 170 Chapter 170 "Now, do you believe me?"...
The Gu Mansion actually built a torture chamber.
It was said that this was a torture chamber specifically used to interrogate spies. Nowadays, Gu Huaijin was really ruthless towards the spies.
Nan Qiongshuang's hands were hung on two iron pillars, her bones were still soft, and the thin iron handcuffs on her wrists made her wrists hurt.
Yun Chui recognized her as the Empress Zhenfei, whom Gu Huaijin loved so much. He sewed her mouth shut, cleared out all the others, personally carried her into the torture chamber, adjusted the chains on both sides to the appropriate length, and then lowered his head and left.
There were no lights or candles in the torture chamber, not even a ray of light, and a damp, musty smell filled the air.
Soon, someone outside the door said:
"Keep catching them. Don't even think about escaping this little part of the capital tonight."
"Yes." There was a sound of solemn greetings.
The door creaked open. It was too dark to see the man's face. He gently closed the door, groped his way over to untie her iron cuffs, and sighed, "You're such a jerk! Who allowed her to give you these?"
The effect of the cartilage powder had not yet worn off, and her brows were drooping. "Let's do the whole act."
"There's nothing to act like in my place. Why would you allow her to do something stupid?"
There was a creaking sound of iron chains, and the handcuffs on her wrists snapped free, causing her arms to fall heavily. He grasped her two slender wrists, rubbing them with his palms. "The skin's all broken."
"...It's okay." Her whole body was sore. He held her in his arms and lifted her up. Then she turned over and lay on her back in his arms, her head nestled on his chest. "I'm not hurt, don't worry."
"You said you weren't injured." Every time she didn't take good care of herself, he would get so angry that he didn't know who to vent it on. It was like that on Tianshan Mountain, and it was still like that now. "I'll check it myself later. You can't just give me a half-hearted answer."
"I'm really not hurt..." She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
The door opened, and a bucket of orange candlelight poured into the torture chamber, illuminating the things inside for a moment.
Cold, hideous, horrifying torture instruments, all lined up.
She reached up with difficulty and covered her nose with her hand.
She asked why there was a fishy and sour smell in the room.
The meticulously crafted torture chamber and instruments were so meticulous that even she couldn't help but feel apprehensive. She looked at the man beside her. His profile was still as handsome as jade. The lights in the corridor flickered, casting an intermittent light on his face. She curled her fingers and rubbed them against his face.
"What's wrong."
"Those things...those torture instruments, do you really use them on people on a regular basis?"
"certainly."
When he was wearing the black silk ribbon, his aura was gloomy and intimidating, making him difficult to approach. Sometimes even she didn't dare to recognize him.
"Are you specifically investigating spies?"
He downplayed it, "I have changed a bit, but I will not persecute the innocent."
“…I can’t imagine it.”
After talking for a while, she lost all her strength and snuggled softly under his neck. "You have always been so good-tempered. I can't imagine it."
"Be good." Gu Huaijin opened the door to his own room and said, "You don't think everyone can be like you."
She felt a mixture of emotions, blinked her eyelashes, and said nothing.
Gu Huaijin closed the door gently. His own room was still furnished in his usual simple style: wooden tables, wooden chairs, wooden couches, wooden bookshelves, solid bed curtains, indigo tea sets, and simple window lattices with no carvings.
He carefully placed her on his bed and was about to pull the quilt over her when she hummed:
"...No, find me some clothes first." He added, "Clean ones."
"There's nothing clean." He wasn't about to wash his pitiful collection just for her whim. "If you want to wear something clean, you'll have to wear mine."
"Of course. You don't know, those Jurchens like to spray their swords with wine..."
"How did you get hurt like this?" He tried his best to suppress his anger while rummaging through the closet. "Who hurt you?"
She was a little embarrassed and laughed dryly like a little animal that had done something wrong. "No one hurt me... I drugged myself."
After hearing this, Gu Huaijin was silent for a while.
After a long while, he felt helpless and had no choice but to let out a long sigh.
It requires people to worry about it every day.
He came over with his pajamas, sat down beside the couch, and helped her up to lean against his chest. "Isn't she the best in your sect? How could you do such a stupid thing?"
"People make mistakes, horses stumble." She slumped in his arms, letting him strip her clothes. He pulled back her long hair and examined her wound inch by inch, listening to her mumbling, "There was nothing we could do at the time. My colleagues and I couldn't defeat her, and we knew the drug mist was hard to control, but we tried to give it a try. In the end, I was the one who got hit."
"What about other places?" He was busy checking, looking carefully from head to toe, without any romantic intentions.
She couldn't help but push him away, "I'm really not hurt, stop making trouble."
"You're lucky." He was still furious. "You reek of alcohol. Did it come from those Jurchens?"
Her smile grew more awkward.
Gu Huaijin quickly stripped off her clothes, crumpled them into a ball and threw them on the ground, not wanting to even look at them.
Now he hated everyone—everyone who was alive.
He became furious when he thought of the gang of thugs spitting saliva-stained wine at her.
"Are you angry?" She suddenly realized something, "Why?"
He smiled coldly.
He was so angry, and she was still asking why.
"I'm with..." She suddenly realized that she couldn't tell him Yun Manyue's name, so she stopped herself and said, "I have nothing to do with that person. Don't let your imagination run wild. She's a woman."
"How could such a woman exist in the world?" The mention of this intensified his anger. "If it were a man, it would be easy to guard against. But it's a woman. I can't say anything if she hugs me, and I can't say anything if you change clothes in front of her. Even if you kiss tomorrow, it's still a sworn brotherhood. If you follow her, it's also like a sisterhood."
"If I...if I go with her, of course we'll be like sisters." She was speechless. "Otherwise, what kind of relationship would it be?"
Gu Huaijin: "So you want to go with her?"
Nan Qiong Shuang almost couldn't catch her breath.
She found it all very humorous: "What on earth are you..."
Gu Huaijin knew that he was just making wild guesses - if she really had feelings for that woman, she wouldn't have gotten entangled with him at all. There was a huge gap between them.
However, there is still an evil fire burning in my lungs.
Why does he feel something is wrong every time he sees that woman?
The way she looked at her was exactly the same as the way that frivolous boy looked at her.
Appreciate, care, and cherish.
Unfortunately, it was a woman again. Even if she crossed the line again, he couldn't find any evidence against her.
He was like a poor man who knew that his precious things were being coveted by thieves but had no money to buy a door lock. He was helpless, suspicious and fearful of everything.
"Don't worry..." Nan Qiong Shuang simply couldn't understand why he would think that. Her body was so weak that she even felt tired to breathe, but she laughed tremblingly, "What are you thinking? I really don't understand you. She only hugged me because she was drugged. And she's a woman..."
She is a woman, so what's wrong with hugging her?
This was what he hated to hear the most, so he interrupted: "Then, knowing that you are weak, why did you go out and get involved in this kind of thing?"
"I didn't mean to get involved." She softly reached for his hand. "I was transferred out. Don't be angry. I don't neglect myself. I cherish my life so much."
"You cherish your life?" He sneered, but stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. "I've never seen anyone cherish their life, yet you still resort to self-harm to deceive others."
The way to hurt yourself——Chu Jiaojiao.
She was speechless for a moment, then drooped her eyelashes anxiously.
As expected, he still cares about those methods used on Tianshan Mountain.
Without saying a word, he put his arm around her back, draped his pajamas over her shoulders, and then put his arms around her waist to help her tie the belt.
Nan Qiongshuang's silence grew increasingly tormented. Leaning against his embrace, her heart felt like a small boat, drifting up and down, adrift and helpless.
Perhaps this is the only way for two people. No matter how close they are, they can never truly be close. Like a small boat in the vast ocean, extremely fragile, capsized at any time, and never able to reach the shore.
She finally spoke:
"Huai Jin, are you really determined to keep going?"
He was most afraid of thinking about these things and didn't want to answer such questions anymore.
He didn't answer, but hugged her and tied the belt of her pajamas for her slowly.
She looked at his serious, unheard face.
He uttered each word softly: "I am a spy."
for a long time.
It was so long that she almost thought he was frozen, so long that she felt there was no need to ask, so long that she began to remember his last silence before she killed him on the night of Lan Pavilion when she asked him, "Who do you choose, the sect or me?"
After a while, Gu Huaijin still didn't answer, nor did he look at her. He gently laid her back on the quilt and stood up:
"The boiled shrimp and scrambled eggs with cucumber are ready. I told them to heat them up."
"Huai Jin." She struggled to sit up, gathering her long hair in front of her chest. "Think about it carefully. I won't force you."
She doesn't force anything.
Didn't he know what happened back then? If he could have let it go, he would have done it long ago.
He wanted to close his eyes and be confused, but she forced him to wake up.
After a long while, he stood in front of the table, chatting casually while putting away the open scrolls and calligraphy books one by one:
"I didn't take you as a spy."
"I'm not the same as I used to be. Before, I was a stubborn person who sifted everything through the lens of morality. I sifted not only myself but others as well. I sifted not only the 'results' but also the 'techniques'."
"I've lived a life meticulously, following a moral code. But what? What did it bring? At this point, I don't think it makes any sense."
"So, I don't follow those things, and I don't care about them anymore." He put the books one by one into the bookshelf, his back like a dark bamboo. "I only recognize 'fruit'."
"You might think these methods, like using tung oil and self-harm, are despicable, but I don't care anymore. I don't judge myself by whether they're despicable or noble, nor do I judge others by them. If there's one good thing about what happened back then, it's that it woke me up from my dream of being a gentleman. Things in this world aren't so black and white..." He lowered his head and sighed, "You don't have to feel guilty about your methods."
"Now, I only recognize the 'result'. Whatever the result is, it is what it is. Back then, you took the jade token out of helplessness, and sparing my life was even more of a disobedience. Even if you went up the mountain as a spy, you didn't leave as a spy. Therefore, I didn't treat you as a spy."
"So, stop bringing up the word 'spy' all the time," he said calmly. "I don't like to hear it."
She didn't know whether to be touched or worried.
Maybe she should be touched.
However, for a person who values his sect the most, he would even bow his head like this for her.
In the past, she might have loved to see him humbled, but now, when he humbled himself, she was unhappy.
Love is a kind of empathetic witchcraft. When he is hurt, she is also hurt. When he deceives himself, she is deceiving herself.
He turned around, the silk ribbon on his eyes already untied, "Besides the food, would you like something to drink?"
She had no appetite and was about to cry: "No, no, I don't want to eat anything."
"Why don't you want to eat?" He walked back from the bookshelf and sat in front of her again. He lowered his head to meet her eyes, coaxing her bit by bit, "Given your temper, you must not have eaten yet. You've been out running around all night."
She didn't say anything, but turned her head.
He understood a little.
It's not just him who is concerned about what happened back then.
He lowered his eyes belatedly, feeling powerless.
What happened back then… He still couldn’t get over it.
He was unable to take care of himself and was powerless to help her with her guilt.
"Eat a little anyway, be good." He stroked her fingertips with his warm fingers, bent down and stared at her eyelashes, "Let's not talk about the past. Honey, you care about me so much... I don't blame anyone else but you."
Her eyelashes suddenly raised.
Meet his soft eyes.
The curly, long eyelashes looked at her softly, with a hint of her own shadow in them.
She saw that the reflection's eyes quickly filled with tears and trembled.
She dropped her eyes.
"I always feel that I don't care about you enough, so you..." Her tears were as big as grapes and rolled down.
He just said softly, "You didn't."
Her eyelashes trembled and she pursed her lips.
Gu Huaijin grabbed her hand, played with her fingertips with his eyelashes, and lingered on her knuckles in circles:
"I want to die, firstly because I admit I'm guilty, and secondly because you don't want me."
She was shocked and aggrieved: "How could I not want you? I said I wanted to break up for your own good..."
Gu Huaijin looked back quite calmly.
She suddenly stopped talking.
The look in his eyes said that it wouldn't be good for him.
"Why do you always think I can be okay without you?" He shook his head in confusion. "I really don't understand. Back then, when you got into trouble, I couldn't be happy anymore. Later, you fell off a cliff without saying a word to me. How do you think I survived those five years? It was all just to see you again. After finally getting to see you again, you tell me you want to end it all?"
He chuckled softly, "If you had said you wanted to stop it earlier, why would I have endured those five years? I should have just died for the sect earlier."
"Don't say that!"
She really wanted to scold him, but his sadness was so calm, like a bitter dead lake, and she was suddenly speechless.
She closed her eyes, fell exhausted into his arms, and covered her face with his sleeve.
"I want you, dear. Even when I said I wanted to break up, I didn't really want you. I just wanted you to feel better... But, I took it for granted."
"If you really feel that it would be better for you if we were together than if we were apart, then let's be together."
Gu Huaijin hugged her slender back, feeling that after being injected with cartilage powder, every inch of her body had to rely on him. Her whole body was so soft and cute, so pitiful that he almost wanted to roll her into a small ball.
He bent down and pressed his lips against her cheekbone, rubbing it bit by bit:
"Didn't you say you were going to do some work? What's wrong? Are you losing your temper?"
She sighed softly and let him knead her:
"What else? You want to die, am I going to let you die of depression just for that one stroke at the Records Office?"
He laughed softly, pressed her cheek into his arms, put his sleeves over her face, and rubbed her forehead and nose tip until she felt dizzy. After a long time, he gently kissed her neck: "Good girl, good girl."
She pouted: "It's so sour."
His embrace was warm, and his breath was hot too. Being held by him, she felt almost hypnotized by his scent, and she yawned incoherently.
"Are you sleepy?" He finally let her go, leaned her against the headboard, and covered her with the quilt. "Eat something before you go to sleep. What would you like to drink?"
"Anything is fine."
"No appetite. How about making some hawthorn water? Don't you like hawthorn?" He walked over and opened the door.
She looked at the ceiling, feeling melancholy again.
"...I don't like it. I don't like hawthorn. You remember it when I made a bowl of hawthorn ice dumplings. Actually, I just wanted to dye my lips more brightly with hawthorn red so that you would like it."
The people in the room paused again, silent as a statue.
She was worried again.
He came over.
She never expected him to lean over and kiss her.
She looked at his fluttering eyelashes in amazement.
He rested his forehead against hers, rested the back of her head against the headboard, tilted his head to entangle his lips with hers, and kissed her so hard that she had to slightly raise her chin to meet him.
She was enveloped by his scent, the kiss was so delicious that it made her dizzy, and she wanted to cry again.
After a long time, he finally let her go. She only saw his lips opening and closing as he panted, and his Adam's apple rolling and burning. He curved his lips and said, "Bad."
There's no disgust, it's just a joke.
She looked up at him with a flickering gaze.
He smiled indulgently, "It's a good thing you're telling me now. If I'd been so full of morality before, I might have been really unbearable to see you like this. But now," he shook his head and laughed, "it's all a small matter."
She forced herself to lean forward despite her weak bones: "But I lied to you."
Gu Huaijin lowered his head and rubbed his ear against hers, saying tenderly, "What about now?"
"Now...it's not a lie."
"It doesn't count now that it's true." He said in her ear, "I only care about the results."
She felt a little sad when she heard it.
The side of him she was most afraid of seeing—he actually accepted it.
Suddenly she wanted to pester him and stay with him forever. She pressed her forehead against his chin sullenly and said, "Don't leave. I don't want to eat. Stay here."
"What's wrong?" She suddenly lowered her head and rubbed against his collarbone, like a spoiled little animal. He couldn't help but laugh, "What's wrong? Are you rubbing against me?"
"I've been drugged and I just don't want to be alone." She curled up in his arms. "I don't care, just don't go."
He laughed non-stop, holding his forehead helplessly for a while, letting her lean on his chest, tangling his fingers around her long hair and bringing it under his nose to sniff.
"But, dear, I have something to ask you."
He placed one hand on her waist and the other hand cupped her cheek.
"Before, you preferred to disobey orders rather than confess to me. Why?"
She felt lost in her heart when she heard this.
yes.
Once upon a time, once upon a time.
His tone was as gentle as if he was telling a story to a child:
"Because my parents suffered at the hands of your colleagues, you are sure I won't tolerate you."
She listened to his pounding heartbeat for a long time without saying a word.
Leaning against his chest, I could just look out his window. The night in the Gu Mansion was silent, with no falling petals, no mountain breeze, and no moon rising from the mountains.
She vaguely saw the night when she made up her mind.
Chaoyao Peak.
After a long while, she blinked blankly:
"I think, in the final analysis, it's because I don't believe you."
"I don't believe in you, I don't believe in Tianshan, I don't believe in love."
"Your parents were already tricked by someone before you, and you nearly lost your family because of us. That's one thing. You're dedicated to the public good, and you're not selfish. That's two. I've always been cautious, and I avoid gambling whenever I can. That's three."
"But, have you ever thought about that..." He lowered his head to look at her. Her nose was as white as ice and snow. "I love you."
She gave a small, sarcastic laugh.
For the hundredth time, he felt that she was inherently cold and indifferent.
"What is love?" She snuggled in his arms, but gently covered her face with her sleeves. "Can the use of Chinese toon medicine be considered love? Can the use of love incense be considered love? Will the heartache caused by self-harm still be painful after knowing the truth? We have all kinds of methods to instigate and use provocative words to drive men to lose their minds. But can the hearts gained by playing with people be called true love?"
He couldn't utter a word.
She raised her head and uttered the words as if breathing: "Can I?"
No one answered her.
She went on to herself:
"I don't know what love is. For so many years, people have said, 'The world's talented people are divided into two groups, frost and red,' but so what? It's precisely because I've seen so much that I no longer understand it. What is obtained through manipulation may not be considered love. If drugs and looks can make people love, then the word love is too shallow. Love is nothing more than a bowl of hawthorn ice balls and two taels of money. Or earrings made of seven-eight fragrant wood and three cents. I won't bet anything on such nonsense."
Gu Huaijin looked at her quietly.
He finally understood that she was a snow demon. Born cold and indifferent, she had a beautiful appearance that attracted people with her naiveté, and she also had a pair of clear, transparent glass eyes that refused to be confused.
She is good at being infatuated with, so she breaks through the barriers of love too early.
"Besides, at that time, you didn't even know the name Nan Qiong Shuang. You just loved me for my gentleness, my sweetness, and my pitiful nature. I'm neither gentle nor pitiful. How can you expect me to be honest with you? Even if I confess, what's the point? Can you still love me as much as before? Will we still spend the rest of our lives together?"
The night in the room was as dark as water, the moonlight was cool and gloomy, and no one spoke.
After a long time, he said, "I understand."
The love on Tianshan Mountain is ultimately a scam.
She wouldn't gamble big on a scam.
She is very smart.
He twisted his fingers around a strand of her hair and brought it to his lips, kissing it infatuatedly.
She is very smart and always sees the truth in people and things. Even in pain, even if she is hurt, she always stays true to herself and never wavers even if she bleeds.
If he had her ice-cold clarity, he wouldn't be trapped in this unreasonable love and have nowhere to go.
But what can he do?
He admired her even more for her sharpness like a glass blade that could hurt herself and others.
He had long envied her for this kind of insight.
He was obsessed with her. He knew that he was unreasonable and that lust had blinded his mind, but he was still helplessly drowning in her breath. Even if she wanted to save him, he didn't want to live.
He sighed, stretched his legs, leaned against the bed frame, and moved the whole person into his arms, letting her curl up on him.
She was as soft as cotton, reminding him of the white cat they had brought to Chaoyao Peak. He was infatuated with it and rubbed the back of her neck:
"So, what about now?"
Now.
She had the answer instantly.
But the answer was so incredible that she couldn't believe it.
Nan Qiongshuang turned around and looked at him.
The two of them were too close. If she wanted to turn around to look into his eyes, she would have to support herself on his chest with her elbow. She was afraid of hurting him, so she didn't move.
All I saw was the movement of his elegant lips:
"Now, do you believe me? Do you believe that I love you? Do you believe that I won't betray you?"
She lay on his chest, which rose and fell with her breathing.
She knew what answer the self she knew would give.
But.
Her heart was like thunder rolling in her chest. She didn't dare to think about it too much and she burst into tears in panic.
The Four Symbols Pagoda. A final letter. Earrings made from natal beads. I don't blame you for the disaster at Tianshan.
"Do you believe me?"
He asked again, lightly curling her long hair and kissing it to his lips.
She was speechless and pursed her lips in agony.
Ever since she fell in love with him, she often didn't recognize herself anymore. Sometimes she was extremely fragile, heartbroken when he didn't come to see her; sometimes she was so strong that it was foolish, she was so sure that he would come to save her.
She didn't understand, felt helpless and confused, and sobbed with her hands covering her face.
"Why are you crying?" He placed his palms lightly over her eyes, his warm palms covering a small dark area, like a small nest where she could hide and take shelter.
His chest rose and fell with his breathing. She was a small boat on the water, not knowing where the current would take her.
What on earth is love? She doesn’t understand love, or perhaps she’s afraid of it. She doesn’t know where love will take her, where love will take her.
She was unfamiliar with all this. She didn't understand it, wasn't used to it.
But she said, “It seems…I believe it.”
The sound was as soft as a mosquito's, but she was still afraid after all.
"What?" He heard it but pretended not to hear it, and put his ear close to her lips.
"I don't understand." She bit her lips with her pearly teeth, "But, it seems... I believe it."
She curled up her legs even more in his arms, tears streaming down her face.
In his eyes, she looked like a kitten caught in the rain, so pitiful - she wanted him to feel sorry for her, and there was no need to hurt herself.
"Don't cry, dear." He stroked the hair that fell on the side of her neck, which was warmed by her body temperature. He leaned into that warmth, rubbing it and kissing it softly. "It's okay if you believe me. I know it's not easy for you. You didn't believe me before, and I don't blame you. But now that you believe me... I feel at ease."
Her eyes were red, and she rubbed her head against his neck with sobs, "I believe you."
"Okay, okay, that's good."
He buried his head in the warm crook of her neck, sniffing deeply, holding her in his arms, patting her gently like a child coaxing her to sleep, and yawned:
"Get some sleep, sweetheart."
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