Chapter 93 Chapter 93 Smart people don’t dream.
After that day, she finally understood one thing.
In front of Gu Huaijin, the clarity and ruthlessness that she used to be proud of would easily be ignored.
Just two words from him would make her cry.
But he knew nothing about it and kept saying love to her in her ear every day.
She was in unbearable pain, but she couldn't say anything harsh to force him to leave - he was not the type to be forced to leave. The colder she treated him, the more he would refuse to let go, which would only backfire.
She had no choice but to secretly use some of the knockout drugs she always had on hand when he wasn't paying attention, and sleep like a dead person all day long.
Just sleep and it will be fine. The days will pass quickly and we won’t have to meet again.
She didn’t know how Gu Huaijin was doing outside the dream.
But she lived well in her dream.
Sometimes, she dreamed of past events. The blood on her elder sister's shoulder had stained her clothes red, and the gleam in her eyes told her to live.
Or maybe it was the second brother, with his hollow eyes, his head tilted down on his shoulders, almost forming a Pythagorean shape, his bleeding mouth opening and closing, telling her to live.
Sometimes, it was Sui'an again, his back bruised and raw, but he put on his nightgown as if nothing had happened, buttoning it up: "Huh? You're here too early? What are you doing here? Go back!"
Sometimes, it was in her quarters at the Gate of Rebirth. Small as she was, she sat on a wooden stool, so thin that her bones ached. She hugged her knees, taking a dagger given from the Gate of Rebirth, and carved stroke by stroke in the deepest corner of a drawer.
escape.
Run. Escape. Get out. Get out of here.
Don't be here anymore. Don't kill anyone.
Be free and walk openly in the sunshine.
Be at ease with your heart and come and go freely.
Sometimes, she would dream about her past self.
At that time, she would still feel guilty after killing someone, and she couldn't sleep all night. She would dream about those who would never come back and cry bitterly.
She had a notebook in which she carefully wrote down the names of every person she didn't want to kill but had to kill, hoping to return it later.
Later, she gradually became forgetful and took everything for granted.
What she hated had unknowingly become a part of her.
If she wanted to write in that notebook, she could have finished it long ago, but she threw it away before she could finish it.
She was not the same as before, and she would never be the same again.
Therefore, even if you want to retire, it will be in vain.
When she thought of these things, she would feel very happy in the gap between dreams and reality.
Glad she was unshakable, glad she was indestructible, glad she had not been deceived by love.
But sometimes, I have some incomprehensible dreams.
She repeatedly killed Gu Huaijin in her dreams.
Sometimes, she pierced his heart with a sword, and sticky blood flowed out of his mouth. He caught it with his palm in surprise and looked at her suspiciously.
Sometimes, just as she was gripping the hilt of the sword, her body suddenly tilted, and then something was pulled out of her body with a hissing sound, and her entire chest became wet and warm. She looked at him in disbelief, and under the moonlight, he sneered:
"Haven't you been wanting to kill me for a long time?"
Sometimes, she whispered the truth to Gu Huaijin in his ear with tears in her eyes.
Gu Huaijin listened to her talk quietly, and when she finished, he only had one sentence:
"So, you were a spy?"
Then, a cold arrow from Wu Dao pierced her heart. She vomited blood and looked at him looking at her with that expression, without even shedding a tear.
That look would make her tremble even in her dreams.
If he would look at her with that look.
It would be better to kill him.
Sometimes, she had already unsheathed her sword, and Gu Huaijin was as innocent and confused as a deer. Seeing her draw out the sword, and not knowing how to hide, he stretched out his hand towards her helplessly: "Can you play with the sword? You'll hurt yourself again. Stop it, give it to me."
She looked at his face, unable to bring herself to do it, so she placed the sword on her neck and gently wiped it.
Sometimes, it's with a sword.
Sometimes, he would jump down from the high platform of Lange.
Every time this happened, even if she was drugged, she would wake up with a start, and when she woke up, she would see him guarding her bedside, holding her hand.
He sat by the bed, and for her, it was now a nightmare.
She closed her eyes and fell asleep again.
In a daze, Gu Huaijin stroked her hair: "Why are you either sick or in a coma? When you finally wake up, you start crying."
He used his sleeve to wipe away the tears that had accumulated between her eye sockets and nose bridge.
She was afraid of his gentleness, so afraid that she fell back into a deep dream.
Sometimes, I have even more terrifying dreams.
In the dream, it seemed as if she was in his room in Muxueyuan. They had already gotten married, Gu Huaijin became the head of the sect, the double happiness character pasted on the carved window had not been removed yet, and she could already lie on his couch with confidence.
At night, when everything was quiet, she was awakened by the sound of the moon climbing to the top of the mountain and opened her eyes in a daze.
Gu Huaijin was worried that she was asleep, so he lit a thin candle and leaned over the desk, reviewing documents.
On the wall, his shadow was silent.
"Huai Jin." There were some documents he had approved placed on the bedside table. She picked them up and opened them to read.
"Awake?" He turned around and took a look, then lowered his head to dip the brush in ink.
"This winter, during the New Year, how about we sneak down the mountain to visit the Lantern Festival?"
He smiled and said, "As the leader, why don't you lead the way and sneak down the mountain?"
"Okay, okay?"
He smiled helplessly, hesitated a little, and turned a page of the document.
Bai Tang meowed and jumped onto the couch. Even in her dream, she wasn't annoyed at all. She said, "Tsk, your cat stepped on your pillow. Do you mind?"
"Let it be."
She hissed, "You. You don't care when a cat doesn't follow the rules. I don't want to follow your rules, but you won't let me."
He walked down from the bed with his clothes draped over him, took out a brush from his pen holder, and dipped it in ink from his inkstone.
He suddenly raised his head. "What are you doing? Stop drawing on my documents—"
She hummed a little tune and swaggered back onto the couch, casually crossing her legs. She opened his document and drew it in two or three strokes, following the pattern of sugar.
In the painting, the cat is wagging its tail towards the person and proudly stretching out its paws, asking for dried fish.
Gu Huaijin was furious: "Drawing again! At the last meeting, I opened the document and my head was twice as big. Why are you doing it again-"
She giggled and rolled into the quilt.
That kind of dream is more terrifying than dreaming of committing suicide.
Later, the days passed in the dream, and the engagement day finally approached.
She slept all day long, and Gu Huaijin was the only one who took care of everything. He only asked for her opinion when she was awake.
She didn't have any objections, but just asked if it could be simpler, as she didn't like trouble.
He felt sorry for her being in a coma these days and was silent for a moment.
"Okay. If Jiaojiao wants, then let's keep it simple so you don't get tired."
She nodded.
Gu Huaijin leaned over and hugged her. "I thought about it. Although your parents are gone, the proper rituals still need to be followed, to prevent others from saying you're of unknown origin and looking down on you in the future. So, down the mountain, I used my connections and found a wealthy family with the surname Chu. I'll tell everyone that you're the Chu family's daughter. The three letters and six ceremonies, as well as the matchmaker's words, all the rituals will be handled by them."
"Um."
"In a few days, I will pay the betrothal gift. At the beginning of next month, I will ask for the period. You don't have to worry about paying the betrothal gift."
"Um."
He held her face in his hands and looked at her carefully. "Why do you sleep so long every day? Are you feeling uncomfortable?"
She was in his arms, blinking numbly.
He didn't know why, but suddenly he said, "Jiaojiao, these past few days, I feel like you're hiding something from me and suffering something."
She looked up at him in astonishment.
His clear spring-like eyes reflected her lifeless face, "Are you really not hiding anything from me?"
His caring and worried eyes overlapped with the one in his dream.
In the dream, he was terrifyingly indifferent and asked briefly, "So, you were a spy?"
She didn't dare to gamble.
Her eyelashes drooped for a moment: "No."
Gu Huaijin knew that she had pushed him away again.
She suddenly said, "Gu Huaijin."
He was startled by the serious tone.
He kissed her lips: "What?"
"What will you do if I die of illness?"
She didn't know why she asked.
He continued to kiss her:
"Don't talk about death."
She opened his hand:
"What if I insist on telling you?"
He opened his closed eyes a little, his eyes were moist, he held her chin with his hands, and kissed her:
"We're together."
*
As the betrothal date approached, she grew increasingly afraid to wake up, drifting in and out of dreams every day. It was as if dreams were her thick cocoon, and she willingly remained trapped within it, longing for the day when she would break free, let go, and finally become a butterfly.
Gu Huaijin became increasingly busy, so he asked Mr. Qu Shu to come up and take her pulse. He found that she was just sleepy and had no other symptoms, so he asked Mr. Qu Shu to take care of her body while he went down to Yaofeng to do his work.
As the days passed, things were done one by one.
One day, she regained consciousness. Liu Su was feeding her medicine spoonful by spoonful beside the bed. She drank the bitter medicine without noticing it and asked:
"What day is it today?"
"The seventh day of the seventh month."
She was in a daze during her sleep and couldn't remember what day it was.
"Madam, would you like to celebrate the Qiqiao Festival with the Young Master today?"
Begging for skill.
She clutched the quilt tightly. The engagement rituals were now being carried out one by one, and even the quilts in Mingyue Pavilion had been replaced with one with a twin lotus pattern: two plump lotus flowers leaning back to back, connected by a slender stem.
She looked at the lotus, not without malice, and wanted to split the two lotus balls in half.
"Then he has to come back. He's not here anymore."
As soon as he finished speaking, the carved wooden door was pushed open and Gu Huaijin stepped in. He looked around for her and saw that she had just woken up, so he walked to her bedside.
He winked at Liusu to go down and took the bowl of medicine from her hand.
"Feeling better today?" He scooped a spoonful of medicine and held it to her lips.
"Yeah." She didn't look at him.
"Is it bitter?"
"fine."
He laughed, "You're really strange. In the past, the slightest bump or scratch would make your eyes water, but now, after drinking something so bitter, you don't even make a sound."
She turned her head away and said nothing.
She drank the medicine obediently, and Gu Huaijin was very relieved. He blew the last spoonful of medicine to cool it down and fed her. Then he put down the medicine bowl, picked up a lychee on the fruit plate, pulled out the short stem, and peeled the skin.
"The betrothal gifts, wedding cakes, and offerings have all been sent to the Chu family. This completes the betrothal gifts. The next step is to set a wedding date." He held the translucent lychee flesh in his palm, looked into her eyes, and said gently:
"Jiaojiao, we are already engaged."
She tilted her head to look out the window and saw a row of cranes flapping their wings and disappearing into the clouds. Suddenly, one of them froze for a moment, then fell straight into the depths of the clouds.
Wu Dao let out a sinister laugh, which reached his ears: "We're engaged, tonight."
At that moment, it was as if her dream had come true. The evil ghost that had been chewing her bones in the dream finally targeted her in reality, breathing out a foul odor that she could smell even when she woke up.
She spat the lychee seeds into his open palm: "Today is the day to pray for skill."
"If you feel better, I'll take you down the mountain to celebrate the festival."
Gu Huaijin blinked, his expression actually a little mischievous.
She knew Mist Blade was listening.
But she said, “Okay.”
Wu Dao: "Why are you going down the mountain and celebrating the festival? You're just creating unnecessary complications. Are you really in love with him, Nan Qiong Shuang?"
"Gu Huaijin." She suddenly said.
"how?"
He had already stood up to get her coat, but turned around when he heard this.
She didn't say a word and stared at him for a long time.
He was completely confused.
After a while, she asked, "Who took the Yin-Yang Key? Did the spy find it?"
"Not yet." He took a comb and draped his coat over her shoulders, then deftly combed her hair. "Everyone who handled the document has been brought to Lianleitai for trial, but nothing has been revealed yet."
"After the mountain meeting, the elders also said..." He smiled, "Forget it, you don't need to listen to these words."
"I also have access to official documents. Do I have to go to Lianleitai too?" She looked at him.
The comb paused for a moment in her long hair.
After a long while, he said, "What are you talking about?" He smiled and said, "No."
But she had easily interpreted his silence.
Not necessarily.
If he really found out something about her, he wouldn't necessarily protect her.
Over the years, she has witnessed countless cases of brothers turning against each other, husbands and wives estranged from each other, and parents selling their children.
What's more, it was for the Tianshan Mountains, which he regarded as his life.
Even if he loved her, even if she hadn't done it yet, even if she had confessed before she did it, perhaps he would have forgiven her.
However, if he knew that all his love for her was deliberately aroused and deceived by her, could they live together without any grudges for the rest of their lives?
Smart people don't dream.
She closed her eyes and said softly:
"Let's go down the mountain."
"Give me my purple-brown wooden earrings."
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