Desire for Chaos (Part 1)
Except for a few special departments, everyone has entered a relaxed state. Shen Zhuangmu has been busy these past few days and hasn't even had time to get together with Yu Hong. But strangely enough, she hasn't come to see Shen Zhuangmu for a long time.
Since the day the news of Xiao Zhong was released, Chen Zhuangmu made a special trip to the palace to arrange a meeting, found a good place for Xiao Hanfeng to live, and sent some people to protect her from a distance. Now that the matter has not yet passed, Yu Hongning cannot move for the time being.
However, in the past few days, she heard from the Emperor that the Crown Prince had finally come to his senses and begun to take a step towards politics. Shen Zhuangmu disagreed with this. She didn't know much else, but her cousin cared about the people, and if he were willing to study politics, he would surely become a good ruler in the future.
Moreover, although the emperor had three thousand concubines, he only had two children. At this time, the Su Dynasty also presented gifts to the Qun Kingdom, demonstrating its respect and friendly relations.
She thought everything was settled, but after she was dismissed from her post, she received a message from Zhao Yi inviting her to the Prince's residence. For some reason, Chen Zhuangmu went back and changed her clothes.
She wore a moon-white padded jacket underneath, a light blue brocade skirt with gold patterns on the bottom, and a thick, snow-white cloak. Her face was lightly made up, making her a beautiful woman standing out against the white snow.
With the help of her maid, Chen Zhuangmu boarded the carriage, a faint smile creeping onto her face. This was the first New Year she had known Zhao Yi, and also the first New Year she could properly celebrate after being poisoned.
This seemed to be a turning point for Shen Zhuangmu, a declaration that all her previous suffering was over. Now she had no energy to care why her uncle had kept her mother's affairs a secret from her, since the truth of what happened back then had already been revealed to the world.
The sound of the carriage tracks gradually subsided, and it slowly came to a stop. Chen Zhuangmu stepped down from the carriage ladder, looked up, and saw Zhao Yi wrapped in a cloak, standing with his hands behind his back.
His dark robe accentuated his deep, steady, and unfathomable demeanor. Yet, in Shen Zhuangmu's eyes, he was like the moon in the night, bright and clear, always there to help her through her troubles and protect her even at the risk of being misunderstood.
Zhao Yi walked towards her the moment she came down, and seeing her smiling face, he couldn't help but ask, "What are you smiling about?"
"Because I saw you." Her smile grew even brighter.
The sudden remark stunned Zhao Yi for a moment. He only realized what was happening when Chen Zhuangmu pulled him into the mansion and then laughed out loud. The tension from before had completely dissipated.
"Don't tease me." He laughed and covered his eyes, a blush spreading from his neck to the tips of his ears, and even his cheeks were red, which lingered for a long time.
His appearance made Chen Zhuangmu look at him repeatedly, but she felt something was off about him no matter how she looked at him, and in the end she didn't answer.
As the two entered the main hall, a wave of warm air washed over them. Glistening water droplets clung to her hair, and Zhao Yi, holding a handkerchief, bent down to wipe them away.
They took off their cloaks, each holding a bowl of steaming tea. The numbness in their fingertips was gradually eroded by the hot teacups, and soon they felt warm and cozy.
"You invited me here today, is there something important?" Even though Shen Zhuangmu was happy that he was waiting for her at the door, she still couldn't forget his bitter and resentful look.
"I had forgotten about it if you hadn't mentioned it." Zhao Yi took a few steps and sat down next to Chen Zhuangmu, carefully observing her eyebrows and eyes. Then he looked away, pondering whether or not to speak up.
"What can't be said?" Chen Zhuangmu couldn't stand people hesitating. She had invited her here, but she was still wondering whether she could say anything.
"Do you remember the kid who stabbed me a few months ago?" Seeing that Chen Zhuangmu still couldn't remember, she added, "The one dressed in brightly colored clothes that made a jingling sound when he walked."
She immediately remembered and nodded. Zhao Yi continued, "He is a Miao person. I brought him out when he was about eight years old."
"His father was the chieftain of the Miao people, and he was his only child. The Miao tradition is to pass on the skills to daughters, not sons, so he was raised as a girl. From the time he was old enough to understand, he learned about the Gu poison of the Miao people. I wouldn't say he can cure all Gu poisons, but he can recognize Gu very easily."
He went on and on, and Shen Zhuangmu, being perceptive, immediately suspected that his words must be related to her. Ever since the two of them started having feelings for each other, Zhao Yi had never been evasive in his conversations with her, unless he was afraid she wouldn't be able to accept it.
A dangerous thought surfaced in Shen Zhuangmu's mind, slowly sinking deeper and deeper, and her expression changed.
"It's alright, don't panic." Zhao Yi suddenly grabbed her hand. "I wanted to ask you, did His Majesty tell you that you've been poisoned?"
Then he pulled a piece of paper from his chest pocket. The edges of the paper were already blurred, indicating that the paper was of poor quality.
He opened it right under their noses, and on the pale yellow paper was written, "Miss Shen is afflicted with a curse."
The character “蛊” was deliberately written larger and thicker.
The font is not good-looking, it's all crammed together, but every stroke is deliberately stretched out, making it look ridiculous.
"insanity?"
“The poison can be drawn, and the antidote can be cured.” Zhao Yi handed her the note and observed her expression. Fortunately, she looked more bewildered than desperate.
"My uncle didn't specify what poison I was poisoned with..." The image of her enduring the excruciating pain of her broken bones alone in a dimly lit, cramped room flashed through her mind. A dull ache throbbed through her limbs, and she involuntarily held her breath.
"Makeup curtain?"
She was lost in thought when Zhao Yi woke her up. She managed to calm herself down and said, "I figured there was no hope anyway, so I didn't ask any more questions."
"Don't be discouraged, don't give up until the very last step." She saw the determination in Zhao Yi's eyes, but she knew her own physical condition, so she smiled and didn't refute him.
"Makeup curtain." Zhao Yi suddenly put his arm around her shoulder and looked at her, saying, "I wiped out all the decent shamans in Miao territory a few years ago. Where did Your Majesty find a physician for you?"
"What do you mean?"
“The emperor is definitely not as simple as he seems. I’m worried…” Zhao Yi hadn’t finished speaking when Chen Zhuangmu coughed and interrupted him. Her eyelashes trembled as she affirmed, “I know. But my uncle is worried that I’ll overthink things once I find out. You know me, I tend to overthink things. Besides, I was in the palace for more than half a month when I was taken away after finding a doctor.”
Zhao Yi nodded. "Okay, that's good."
“Alright, there’s one more thing.” Zhao Yi took a sip of tea and put it down. “A few days ago, His Majesty summoned me to the Imperial Study to discuss with me the matter of going to Xiyao County to inquire about the clansmen of the previous dynasty.”
"Go now? It's almost Chinese New Year." Chen Zhuangmu frowned.
“Hmm.” Zhao Yi nodded. “The people from the Su Dynasty came to pay tribute, claiming that I was a citizen of the Su Kingdom.”
"What are they up to?!" Chen Zhuangmu stood up agitatedly. "We've only had a few years of peace and stability, and they're already trying to cause trouble again."
She was so angry that she didn't notice the surprise and disappointment in Zhao Yi's eyes behind her.
"You said that to your uncle?" Chen Zhuangmu asked, leaning down.
"right."
Hearing Zhao Yi's certainty, Shen Zhuangmu felt uneasy. She didn't know how to embellish the story, and besides, her uncle had changed drastically in the past few months. Even though Zhao Yi had done everything that was beneficial to the country, this incident had still left a thorn in her uncle's side.
"What grudge do they have against you that they would do this to you?" Chen Zhuangmu said angrily.
"Sit down." Zhao Yi pulled Chen Zhuangmu back to her chair, thought for a while, and said, "I'm only telling you this once because I'm worried you might suddenly appear like last time. Besides, the people from the previous dynasty aren't very dangerous in their early investigations. I'll be back after a while."
Chen Zhuangmu stared at him quietly, her heart sinking as she listened to his words. Could Zhao Yi not see that this trip might be a one-way trip?
Serving a ruler is like serving a tiger; this saying applies to every emperor.
"Zhuangmu." Zhao Yi turned Shen Zhuangmu's shoulder back so that her face was facing him, and said, "I will definitely come back safely. When things are settled, I will take you to Miao territory to see a doctor."
In recent years, various countries have been very aggressive in suppressing the Miao people, which has made the Miao people very resistant to other ethnic groups. Moreover, there are not many Miao people left now, and only Zhao Yi can find them again.
Zhao Yi desperately wanted to ignore everything and take Shen Zhuangmu directly to Miao territory for treatment, but that would likely mean an even earlier death.
This guilt began to spread wildly in Shen Zhuangmu's heart. At this moment, her uncle might attack him, but he was still here worrying about his safety.
Chen Zhuangmu pulled his hand down and held it in her own. "I can go by myself." She lowered her eyes, not daring to look at him at all. After letting go of his hand, she held the teacup tightly, secretly thinking of a solution.
At this moment, her hair was hanging down, and her spirit seemed to have slumped as well. Zhao Yi couldn't bear to see her looking so gloomy, but he couldn't find the right words to break the atmosphere.
After thinking for a moment, he took the jade pendant from his belt and handed it to Chen Zhuangmu. Meeting her questioning gaze, he explained, "This is something I've carried with me since I was a child; it was left to me by my mother."
The stone is about two-thirds the size of a palm. It is irregular in shape, with a smooth surface that warms to the touch. However, it does not look like jade. The surface is not translucent and looks as if it is covered with a layer of dust.
But this piece of jade has special significance.
Holding the jade in her hands, she swallowed hard. "Why are you giving me this?"
These words seemed to ignite a nerve in him, and he smiled frivolously, "I'm giving this to you so you can remember me."
Unusually, Chen Zhuangmu didn't refute, but instead touched her cheek with her finger. It was burning hot, and she wondered how red it must be.
Turning her head, she could see his smug expression. Normally, Chen Zhuangmu hated the behavior of those spoiled young masters from aristocratic families the most, who could say all sorts of nonsense and make all sorts of disgusting expressions.
But she couldn't take her eyes off Zhao Yi for a long time, though she didn't hold back her words, "If you don't come back for a long time, I'll put the jade in the Prince's mansion for you if I find someone I like. It won't get lost."
I thought Zhao Yi would be furious, but he just gave a soft "oh" and that was it.
Now it was Chen Zhuangmu who was in a panic. She leaned forward and said anxiously, "I don't want you anymore, I have someone else..."
Before she could finish speaking, Zhao Yi pulled her into his arms, his clear breathing making her earlobe burn.
Chen Zhuangmu froze. They had never been so intimate before. At this moment, her arms and upper body were firmly held by him, unwilling to be separated from her.
I still can't bear to part with her.
Just as she was secretly pleased, Zhao Yi grabbed her shoulders, and the two faced each other, able to feel each other's breath.
“I was already dead by then, how could I care?” Zhao Yi’s eyes were dark, and he had a somewhat domineering air about him.
"Dead?"
"Unless I'm dead, I won't let you take a liking to anyone else." His eyes were fixed on her reaction, but all he could feel was a face slowly enlarging in front of him.
Chen Zhuangmu's mind was in a mess, but she still followed her heart. She carefully peeked out and gently placed a kiss between his warm lips.
Their minds went blank during the kiss, and they completely forgot to react. The moment the kiss touched, Chen Zhuangmu shouted in her mind, "How dare you be so bold?"
She forced herself to sit back in her chair, and before her head could even register the turmoil in her mind, she hurriedly blurted out, "I... um, I..."
She coughed and said, "I grew up in a military camp. I was brought to the palace when I was eight years old. My uncle taught me the Four Books and Five Classics and the study of governance. I don't know how to do needlework and I don't want to live in a house for long."
Zhao Yi listened attentively to her, then said, "I fell in love with you the way you are now, and that love will extend to every version of you in the future."
After saying that, he added, "Let's get married this time you're back."
These words carried more weight than any other, yet Chen Zhuangmu was still speechless with shock when she saw the seriousness on his face.
She stood up quickly, said, "Okay," and hurriedly turned and left, worried that she would die of heatstroke if she stayed any longer.
Both of them were overjoyed.
In just a short while, a light rain began to fall. The pattering raindrops pattered on the bare branches, gradually deepening their light gray color until they were absorbed into the depths.
The thin clouds seemed unable to completely obscure the sun's rays, allowing a few faint golden streaks to shine through. It seemed this winter rain wouldn't last much longer.
"Watching the rain?" Zhao Yi asked, while wrapping her in a cloak.
Chen Zhuangmu clenched the jade in her hand, hung it on her belt right under his nose, patted it with her hand, and said with a boastful smile, "It's mine."
"Yes, it's yours." Zhao Yi's eyes darkened, and he looked away.
“Zhao Yi, you also grew up in the military.” Chen Zhuangmu turned to look at him and said, “We are so destined to meet.”
These words struck him like a scorching fire. He reached out and gently touched her cheek, saying, "Call me Qingzi."
Is this your small handwriting?
"Okay, you'll have to call me that from now on." Zhao Yi was unusually domineering.
"Qingzi," Chen Zhuangmu called out.
"Mmm." Zhao Yi put his arm around her shoulder.
"The place where I grew up was a deep courtyard, where my mother and a group of servants lived." The square courtyard of his childhood was clearly imprinted in his mind, and he did not want to forget it, often recalling it alone late at night.
In a small courtyard, familiar faces and familiar toys, stories that repeat themselves every day yet are full of new surprises.
If he had known the consequences of going out, he would have preferred to be trapped in that small courtyard.
A pair of arms gently encircled his waist, and looking down, she saw Chen Zhuangmu blinking her eyes, asking with concern, "What's wrong?"
At that moment, Zhao Yi suddenly felt that everything was worth it.
“It’s alright. Like many others, I was very happy as a child.” He gazed at the bare tree in the distance and said with emotion.
"Come on, let's go inside." Chen Zhuangmu pulled him back, "Let me tell you about myself..."
Once the rain stopped and the sky cleared, Chen Zhuangmu returned to her residence.
As always, he stayed in the study of his bedroom.
Someone gently opened the door and placed a deep, hot bowl of medicine on the table.
"Princess, the medicine is ready."
Chen Zhuangmu felt that the bowl of medicine was so dark that it was no different from the color of the table, and suddenly she couldn't drink it anymore.
What used to be a common occurrence now felt like a monstrous threat to her.
She actually lied to Zhao Yi about something today. She had no idea how long she had been in the palace, nor did she have the memory of waking up from time to time that her uncle had mentioned.
When she realized that her uncle was hiding something from her, she had already come up with reasons for him. She didn't really think that he was hiding anything big from her.
But now it seems different.
The truth is the truth, and she must know the whole story. The truth will never be concealed or embellished, and she will never back down.
It seems I'll have to go to the palace tomorrow.
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