Seeking memories that are engraved in your heart

After the funeral, Alex went to Goodness Mansion and sat beside the twin beds. The two goddesses were sleeping like two dolls.

Their physical growth had almost stagnated and they were unchanged from when they first met them.

Alex couldn't wake them up.

He wiped his face, leaned back in his chair, and thought quietly about the past period of time.

This should actually be a lie that can be easily exposed. As long as he investigates it carefully, the past of the immortal wizard will be laid out in detail before him.

But he thought those things were unimportant at the time.

It is undeniable that the goddess's power has an impact on this. Their magical power eliminates the possibility of him having doubts about this.

However, at that time, he really didn't know how to and didn't have the time to care about these things.

If, memory is the material that makes up a person.

Is he the same person now as he was before he lost his memory?

If goddesses can manipulate memories, can they also fabricate a memory to make someone a hero, or make someone willingly give their life, over and over again?

Alex smiled ruthlessly and covered his face with his hands.

When did he become so suspicious and disrespectful to the gods of his own world?

The goddess did not answer.

Alex sat quietly for a while.

The door opened gently and Ola walked in.

"...I guess you're here."

Alex looked at her for a while, then stood up and asked, "What do you want to see me for?"

Although Aura has stepped down from her position, she is still a member of the political core of Chune and her tasks are no less.

Ola: "I want to go see Inger, and Christine is coming with me."

Alex picked up his coat and said, "Okay, I have to go back to work too, you come with me."

Ola was stunned, he didn't expect him to agree.

Alex looked past her and said calmly, "I didn't stop you from seeing him, you just didn't dare to mention it."

Ola coughed dryly, feeling somewhat guilty and embarrassed.

Along the way, Ola didn't dare talk to Alex about Inger.

Whether there was a reason for it or not, the fact remains that they had conspired to deceive him.

Alex seemed to have completely forgotten about it and kept silent about it, which made them even more embarrassed.

They returned to Alex's original bedroom. The room was very large, so he placed the bookshelf and desk directly opposite the sofa, in front of the floor-to-ceiling window. He slept and dined in the same room, and he really didn't intend to waste any time.

Christine carried Coco and followed Ola inside.

Christine's body did not grow as fast as Nineveh's. Her elf blood gave her a face. She still looked like a twelve-year-old girl, but her soul was already twenty years old.

Coco jumped out of her arms and ran to the bed.

Inger caught her.

Coco rubbed her head against the palm of his hand.

The shrunken little griffon glared at the white cat, squeezed under Inger's armpits, and circled around his waist, as if to assert its sovereignty.

Coco stretched out her claws and started to ruffle its feathers.

Inger held one in each hand and said with a smile, "Don't overdo it, Coco. You're a grown-up girl now. Don't argue with Finé."

Coco lay down and tapped the hard insulating stone chain on Inger's wrist with her claws.

Then she leapt up onto Alex's workbench, moving lightly around the papers and ink stamps, circling beneath his hands.

Alex touched her head and raised the seal with his other hand, "Coco, go play first. I still have work to do."

Coco had no choice but to go back to Inger and lie on the quilt.

Christine and Ola sat down on the bed.

For a moment they didn't know how to start.

Their eyes flicked toward Alex.

Alex had no intention of leaving at all.

Inger spread his hands, looking helpless.

Inger lowered his voice and asked Christine, "Did you see anything?"

Christine shook her head. “Nothing.” She added, “But I think if I think about something for a long time during the day, or if I keep thinking about someone, then I’m more likely to dream about it.”

Inger: "...So, you came to see me."

Christine nodded, looked at Inger, and asked, "Are you having trouble sleeping?"

Christine could see the anxiety and tension on his face.

Inger pursed his lips: "…"

He was in the same predicament as before.

But this time, even though Alex was with him, he became one of the reasons why he couldn't sleep.

Inger knew Alex was angry.

However, he no longer locked himself up, but watched him directly from the side.

He would not refuse someone to come and see him, but he would not be allowed to step out of the room.

They are not given a chance to speak alone.

Inger himself seldom found an opportunity to speak to him.

However, on some political issues, Alex still consulted him and sought advice as usual.

If Inger tried to apologize, Alex would just stare at him silently, and then he would be unable to continue.

He would rather have a big quarrel with him.

Unlike what Ninifer said, Alex would not listen just because he said it.

But as time went by, Inger became more and more worried.

Alex has begun preparing what is needed to attack the Eastern Continent.

Whether it's a long or short time, he will have to lead his troops to set out sooner or later.

And the name Inger Nyka is definitely not on the list of colleagues.

Inger never understood.

They really only have one life, and as for himself, not to mention the six times he had died, excluding the last one he had kept, he still had two chances.

Although Inger was prepared, he did not intend to waste the opportunity.

He could still try, a possibility of reaching a perfect ending.

Alex intends to deprive him of all his efforts.

Alex is indeed very powerful now, and he has more helpers, but past battles have taught them that they should never be careless, because no matter how much power they have, it is not enough.

Now that the goddess has lost her power, this is their last chance and they cannot afford to fail.

The best scenario would be that Alex succeeded and everyone survived, but Inger knew that the possibility was too low.

Alex's thoughts are also obvious. He is not afraid of sacrifice, not even those who fight with him.

And if they fail.

Inger couldn't bear the consequences.

He has to choose between surviving alone in a destroyed world and surviving alone in a surviving world.

If they're lucky enough, they can even create a happy ending together.

So he could never understand Alex's choice.

He wanted to communicate with Alex, but Alex refused to communicate.

Inger didn't know what to do.

Inger looked at Ola and Christine, his eyes silently pleading for help.

Ola and Christine each shook his hand.

They quickly let go.

Because Inger started coughing and there was blood in his nose and mouth.

Ola and Christine stood up suddenly.

"What's wrong with you?!"

Inger wiped it with his handkerchief, said it was all right, closed his eyes and passed out.

Alex walked over, wiped his face with a towel, and helped him lie down.

He looked at the unconscious Inger for a while and said, "This is his sequelae. Every time he died and resurrected, he would have wounds and sequelae on his body. He had been poisoned before, and he finally came back to life. After he died of poisoning, he began to cough up blood severely, sometimes from the lungs, sometimes from the stomach, and it was not pathological. In addition to these, he occasionally had difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, vomiting, headaches, dizziness and coma because of anemia, overwork..."

Inger thought Alex didn't know.

In fact, he saw all of this.

Alex couldn't take any of the blame for him.

Inger could only stay on the battlefield.

The sequelae did not disappear, but they came and went. They did not threaten his life, but they continued to torment his body.

Christine covered her mouth.

Alex couldn't continue speaking and was stuck there.

He felt as if a thorn had pierced his throat.

He turned to the two of them and said, "Have you guys agreed on what you want to say? If you have, get out of here."

Alex took out the note that Inger was holding in his hand and took from Ola, threw it into the trash can without even looking at it, and sat back in his seat.

Ola looked back and forth at the two of them, feeling very uncomfortable.

Christine finally said, "If I had seen anything, I would have come and told you first."

She was talking to Alex.

Alex just nodded calmly.

The days that followed were peaceful and almost boring.

Alex immersed himself in the busy political affairs, staying in his room to work when he had no meetings or external schedules.

Inger was very nervous about their relationship at first, which made him feel very bad and he never recovered.

But as time went on, he got used to it, and this time he was no longer alone.

Alex is always there for him, whether he speaks or not, and his family and friends visit him often, so he no longer feels lonely.

Apart from the shackles on my hands and feet and the fact that I couldn't leave the room, everything else was satisfactory.

The person who came to take care of them was Cecilia, who had previously taken care of Inger and was doing well in the palace.

She was responsible for serving them tea and cleaning. After finishing her work, she would sit in a rocking chair and knit. Because she knitted so much, she also knitted a set of clothes for Coco, Ferné and Fantine respectively.

Inger started to read Alex's eyes when speaking, but it didn't take long for him to return to normal.

艾利克斯會強迫他吃一些補身體的食物，英格爾一開始會硬着頭皮吃下去，後來不喜歡就會直接說，然後艾利克斯就會想辦法讓人将這些東西做成他喜歡吃的模樣。

英格爾的身體有在一天天好起來，他睡眠的時間越來越長，身體也越來越懶。

“我需要适當運動，不然我的身體會廢掉。”

當他這樣對艾利克斯說的時候，艾利克斯頭也不擡，“你可以在房間裏運動。”

然後，在床上躺了一個月的英格爾就如同複健一般在房間裏走來走去。

“我可以出去嗎？”

得到的回答始終是沉默。

英格爾有點煩躁起來。

從艾利克斯給的文件裏來看，各國正在飛速地重建家園。之後就是投入大量人力開采魔石礦，種地生産糧食。國家政策上全力支持工農的發展，尤其鼓勵提高生産力的新機械的研發還有電力驅動裝置的應用。

英格爾夜晚站在窗口一眼便能望見，王城之外，已無燭光，取而代之的是一枚枚電燈的白色亮光。

他沒想到僅僅幾個月的變化竟然能如此迅速。

戰争時期，國內的生産發展幾乎是完全停滞的。這幾個月相當于是報複性地反彈。

其中，妮妮芙的功勞是最大的，她的勞作基本上是不支付報酬的，她的存在讓大多數人一段時間內不必擔心吃飯問題，能好好投入重建工作。

等到土地恢複，農業重新開始運作的時候，大量機械農具要投入使用，那個時候也能支持人們的日常生活所需了。

他沒辦法上街去看看城市裏真實的生活，沒辦法在實際層面給予幫助。

沒了魔力，他也沒辦法聯系翡冷，不過好在，他之前多留了個心眼，打造了一個銘牌将其和使用方法都交給了列霞他們，這樣就算他不在也能有個人能接收消息。

英格爾繞着房間轉圈轉累了又只能躺回床上。

要麽看書，要麽陪菲涅和可可玩。但就連他們倆也是想去哪就能去哪，菲涅從窗戶跳出去就能在天空上飛個好幾圈。

但每次他想跳上菲涅的背的時候，艾利克斯都在盯着他，讓他只能自動回屋，在沒有魔法保護的情況下從高空摔下來也不是鬧着玩的。

打仗的時候他只想躺在床上不起來，但現在他恨不得出去繞着首都轉三圈，是不是人就是那麽犯賤？

兩人各自用完餐，一個辦公，一個看書，就這樣持續到了深夜。

英格爾看着昏暗的燈光眨巴着眼睛：“你這樣眼睛不難受嗎？再開亮一點也不影響我睡覺的........”

說着說着，他就閉上眼睛睡着了。

在這段時間的調養下，他的生物鐘總算逐漸恢複了正常。

艾利克斯擡頭望了他一眼，看了看手頭已經告一段落的工作，伸手熄滅了燈。

随着夜色深去，月光靜靜地顯露它的清冷浩渺光輝。

艾利克斯用手撐着臉頰。

看向床上的人。

英格爾的睡臉沐浴在皎淡月光裏。

艾利克斯也想像他一樣閉上眼睛就能進入夢鄉。

可是他做不到。

他致力于用工作填滿自己的每一分每一秒。

他坐在自己的位置上。

發呆的時候，過去不久的那段戰鬥時光就會重回他的腦海。

他發現英格爾那樣各種後遺症也是在那個時候。

他忘了他的那一段時間。

英格爾把艾利克斯的記憶存在了最安全的地方。他把它交給了神。

即便把艾利克斯的記憶封印，英格爾還是不讓艾利克斯知道自己受傷的事情。

因為他知道艾利克斯是那種即便是陌生人，做出了這樣的犧牲，也不會放置不管的人。

那個時候，艾利克斯看到了英格爾在生活中的細節。

英格爾會在商讨一些重要事情的時候，在無關緊要的地方突然皺緊眉頭，好久不說話，然後在他詢問地時候像無事發生似的輕輕帶過。

他會用揉眉角和捏眉心的方式掩飾自己的頭痛。

他會随身攜帶帕子擦血，因為不能經常換，所以那帕子都被血色染透。

戰場上的食物本來就只用來填飽肚子的，胃部不好的他只是硬着頭皮吞了下去，事後再偷偷吐一半出來。

因為戰事頻繁，英格爾被叫起的頻次和艾利克斯差不多，要知道，他是幾天不睡也不會有任何健康問題的高階騎士。

戰場上的英格爾只是不斷地消瘦。

而那個時候，艾利克斯什麽都沒有做。

他所覺得英格爾是個能夠吃苦，很有毅力，不怎麽喜歡表現出來卻令人值得敬佩的巫師，他和其他巫師不一樣。

他對自己狠，對別人溫柔，冰冷寡言的面具底下是一顆暖的心。

他“不了解”他的過去。

但他知道他是一個值得托付身後的戰友。

那時的艾利克斯對他的犧牲，沒別的想法，因為換作他自己也會這麽做。

英格爾和他親口說過沒什麽大事。

他看起來是個很謹慎的人，處處也都很小心，于是他信了。全信了。沒有絲毫懷疑。

戰場上的人沒有不吃苦的，只要不是致命的傷和病，不至于多麽矯情。

他也從沒有“親眼見過”他的死亡與複活。

應該說，他不記得了。

一個厲害的、聰明的、表裏不一的、值得敬佩的巫師。

他對他的想法就是這是這麽多。

然而，當記憶全部歸位，他方才得知。

一方以為是初見，一方明知是再見。

那段理所當然的“想法”，每每想起都能把艾利克斯絞得窒息。

他無法容忍自己直面這一切，看到了這些，卻無動無衷。

哪怕，失去記憶，并非他自主所願。

那不是他。

剝去了那段記憶的他真的是原來的他嗎？

或者說，現在的他，還是原來的他嗎？

這樣的自我活剖過後。

他又怨恨起英格爾。

艾利克斯猜測記憶的恢複和自己突破等級有關。

英格爾那副表情，分明是猜不到他能夠恢複記憶，完全是意外和害怕。

他不想他恢複記憶。

他是做好了艾利克斯一輩子都記不起他的準備，之後下的決定。

艾利克斯醒來後有很長一段時間沒有見到英格爾。

他在刻意躲着他。

這兩個事實讓艾利克斯難以承受。

艾利克斯有時候真的恨英格爾的決絕。

艾利克斯覺得自己之前做的已經足夠狠，但是英格爾比他還要更狠。

騙人。

全都是騙人的。

英格爾從始至終沒有将他自己的命放在天平上。

因為能複活？

因為還有兩次機會？

放什麽狗屁？

艾利克斯手掌攥成了拳頭，抵在顴骨上，下巴上。

艾利克斯死死盯着英格爾，直到視線模糊。

他知道自己不應該繼續這樣想下去。

很多次他都覺得自己要瘋了。

看到英格爾的時候，又總是舍不得。

如果他都不能保持清醒，誰能來救英格爾呢？

英格爾從來都不會是瘋子。

他非常清醒地自己邁出步子，走向絕路。

這正是艾利克斯最害怕的。

從第一次瀕死的英格爾身上，艾利克斯能看到活着的渴望。

他害怕痛苦，害怕死亡。艾利克斯能清楚地感受到。

但是那之後，艾利克斯看不清了。

關鍵性的改變來自那一晚。

女神告知他不死鳥真相的那一晚。

英格爾完成了轉變。

他找到了比他自己好好活着與好好地死更重要事情。

為此，他會毫不猶豫地燃燒自己，榨幹自己的最後一絲價值。

多麽可怕的犧牲。

多麽蠻橫獨斷的抉擇。

艾利克斯恨這一切，以及讓他下定決心的自己。

他甚至會想，如果他當初不接近英格爾，是不是他就能好好在家裏做他那個金貴的二公子。

如果，他們沒有成為生死與共的朋友，是不是他就不會像現在這樣生不如死了。

大多數人忘卻記憶是為了保護自身，沒有這種保護機制的英格爾，他該怎麽辦呢？

艾利克斯的共情能力偏偏在這個時候發揮了最大的作用。

他可以讓自己忙起來而暫時忘掉這一切。

卻往往是夜深人靜忽然想起然後淚如決堤。

無事可做的時候，他真想就此暈過去，或者想着，為什麽要記起這一切，這樣就可以逃離這樣的精神折磨。

可這樣的想法也令他痛恨。

于是他一遍又一遍提醒自己，不要忘記，這是英格爾也能體會到的。

他在經歷一樣的事情。

艾利克斯近乎自我折磨地一遍又一遍複刻那些他不願意再次記起的畫面。

仿佛這樣就能彌補忘記他的那段時光，那些淹沒他的愧疚。

“艾……艾利克斯……”

艾利克斯再胡思亂想中聽到了一個聲音。

但是光線昏暗再加上模糊的視線，他一時間每認出朝他輕輕走來的人。

艾利克斯勉強放下了手，按住了顫抖。

他聽清了對方的聲線，奧拉用他從未聽過地顫抖腔調輕聲道：“我……對不起我敲門了……我是來拿白天忘記的一個文件……本來我想偷偷拿的，我不知道你還醒着……”

Alex lowered his head with a tense face: "…"

In the moonlight, Ola saw Alex with tears in his eyes.

If it were someone else, they would only see hatred in Alex's eyes.

All Ola saw was a man who was about to tear himself apart in the suffocating and silent night.

After saying a few stupid things, Ola froze for a moment, then walked over and gently hugged Alex.

She patted his back awkwardly, the only time she had ever hugged Christine in this intimate way before.

"Let's go out. If we go out, we won't have to worry about waking him up."

Alex grabbed the back of Ola's collar, and Ola could feel her palm shaking unconsciously.

"It doesn't matter. We will be back before dawn and he will see you when he wakes up."

For the first time, Ola, like a real sister, pulled her brother out of the room.

Last time, she dragged Alex to the battlefield.

This time, she won't make the same mistake again.