Chapter 32 Xu Nuoyan's Awakening
The silence in the ward made them uncomfortable and felt worthless. They were also angry that Ran Yian cruelly abandoned Xu Nuoyan and left, which led to Xu Nuoyan's current state.
But he was also angry that Xu Nuoyan was not motivated enough, and he made himself look like a ghost again and again for Ran Yian. "Get up!" Compared with Song Xuexi, Liao Feng was more cold-blooded. He pulled Xu Nuoyan off the bed and did not dare Song Xuexi to stop him.
"Brother, what did you do to make him like this? Do you still want to beat him?" She pried Liao Feng's hands apart with force, separating the two of them, while Xu Nuoyan looked at them quietly as if he knew nothing.
"Look at his expression. He always looks like a dying man. He didn't even act like this when his parents died." The more he thought about it, the angrier he became and said the words he least wanted to say. When Xu Nuoyan heard the word "parents", his eyes moved.
Then he stood up as quickly as possible and punched Liao Feng in the face. Liao Feng was not angry after being hit and felt relieved. Xu Nuoyan was not completely crazy yet. If scolding him was useless, he could only apologize to the Xu couple and say something to the two of them.
"Just go like this. You've lost everything for an old man. If you die like this now, how are you going to face your parents in the afterlife? Tell them that you've gone crazy for a man?" Song Xuexi pulled Xu Nuoyan to stop him from getting up and beating people again, while Liao Feng continued to provoke him.
"You were lost at birth. Those criminals performed human experiments on you. You were rescued from that hellhole when you were four. Your parents felt guilty about you and let you do everything. Your grandfather died in that Colosseum trying to save you. When we first went to see you when you were ten, do you still remember your mother crying, holding Xuexi and my hands, and choking up, 'I thought my son couldn't find any friends. Thank you!'"
If Song Xuexi hadn't pulled him back because she really wanted to beat Xu Nuoyan up to sober him up physically, Xu Nuoyan's shoulders would have slumped lower and lower, and fragments flashed through his chaotic head, a picture of his grandfather touching his hair and calling him a genius before he died.
There was also the proud look on his parents' faces every time he won an award, and the worried look on his mother's face when he was quiet and silent alone. Before he was 9 years old, he didn't have any friends, would not take the initiative to talk to anyone, and would not respond to others.
It was Song Xuexi and Liao Feng who forced their way into his world. It was useless for him to push them away. When the school people knew that he was being used for human experiments at the age of 17, and they mocked him, and he locked himself in the sports equipment room, Liao Feng broke open the door and hugged him.
It was a gift given to him by his parents when he turned 18. He seemed to be the object of many people's love, a treasure in the eyes of his elders, and the most important person in the eyes of his friends. But since he met Ran Yian, there was only that person in his eyes and heart, and he could not see anyone else. Although his parents were sad, they did not say anything wrong about him.
When he felt what they called parental love, it was his parents lying in the morgue. He knelt on the ground and cried for the first time. He hated himself for not feeling their love earlier. They never heard their precious son call them mom and dad normally until they died, but they never said he was abnormal. They just always blamed themselves for not protecting him.
Liao Feng's words were like a rusty, cold key, which suddenly stabbed into Xu Nuoyan's almost stopped heart and forcibly pried open the locked door of his heart.
Those fragments of memory buried by extreme sadness and despair, accompanied by sharp pain, madly flooded into his chaotic mind.
Grandpa's rough palm touched the warmth of his head...
When his mother looked at his award certificate, her eyes sparkled with tears and she smiled with immense pride...
When his father clumsily tried to communicate with him, his cautious yet expectant eyes...
The cold touch of the morgue and his own heart-wrenching yet silent sobs...
And… when Liao Feng smashed open the door to the equipment room, came against the light, and tightly hugged the 17-year-old boy who was huddled in the corner, his body cold, the strength that almost broke his bones and the warmth of his body…
"ah--!"
Xu Nuoyan, who had been silent like a puppet, suddenly let out an extremely hoarse and painful wail as if his vocal cords were torn.
He suddenly hugged his head, his body shaking violently, and tears no longer fell silently, but burst out like a flood.
Those were not tears shed for Ran Yian, they were tears for his relatives whom he owed too much but could never make up for, and also for himself who had been hurt and isolated, but was finally pieced together with great difficulty by love.
Song Xuexi was startled by his sudden outburst, and then her eyes turned red. She stopped trying to stop him, but just let go of her hand, and stood aside silently, looking at Liao Feng.
Liao Feng looked at Xu Nuoyan who finally had a violent reaction, and the anger in his heart finally relaxed a little.
There were still red marks on his face from the beating he had just received, but his eyes were no longer cold, but instead held an almost cruel regret.
He walked forward, but did not try to pull him. Instead, he squatted down and looked straight at Xu Nuoyan, who was curled up on the ground and crying bitterly. His voice was low but clear:
"Why are you crying? Xu Nuoyan, tell me why you're crying right now?" His tone was even a little demanding. "Is it because of Ran Yian who left without saying goodbye, or because of your parents who never heard you call them mom and dad until they died? Or is it for yourself?"
Xu Nuoyan cried so hard that his whole body was trembling and he was unable to answer. The huge guilt, sadness and self-loathing almost swallowed him completely.
"Look at you now," Liao Feng's tone slowed down, but every word was still piercing. "Who are you worthy of? Are you worthy of your grandfather who risked his life to get you out? Are you worthy of your parents who couldn't let go until their death? Are you worthy of Xue Xi and I treating you like our own brother for so many years?"
"Ran Yian doesn't want you anymore, that's because he's blind! He doesn't deserve you! But just because he doesn't want you anymore, you deny everyone who truly loves you and destroy yourself? Xu Nuoyan, is this what your genius brain thinks?!"
Every word Liao Feng said was like a heavy hammer, hitting Xu Nuoyan's most painful place. He was not denying the harm brought by Ran Yian, but telling Xu Nuoyan: Your world should not only have Ran Yian, and you cannot deny all other love and the value of your own existence just because you lost him.
This is an extremely painful "awakening" process, but it is necessary.
Xu Nuoyan cried for a long time, as if he wanted to shed all the tears in his life.
Until finally, he collapsed on the floor exhausted. Although his eyes were still empty, the thick layer of haze that isolated him from the world seemed to have cracked.
Liao Feng didn't force him anymore, but just sat quietly beside him. Song Xuexi also came over and silently handed him a pack of tissues.
The only sound in the ward was Xu Nuoyan's heavy and tired breathing.
A long time passed, so long that the sky outside the window began to darken.
Xu Nuoyan spoke very slowly and hoarsely, his voice so soft that it was almost inaudible:
"……go out……"
Liao Feng frowned.
Xu Nuoyan repeated it again, his voice a little louder, with a kind of extreme exhaustion and pleading: "...Please...go out first...let me be alone...for a while..."
Liao Feng and Song Xuexi looked at each other.
This was a signal. The completely closed-off Xu Nuoyan finally began to respond to the outside world, even if it was just to expel them.
Liao Feng stood up and said one last thing: "Xu Nuoyan, think about it carefully. Think about who is truly worthy of your cherishment."
After saying that, he took Song Xuexi, turned around and left the ward, gently closing the door.
They stood outside the door and did not leave. The silence inside was unsettling, but they knew that there were some hurdles that Xu Nuoyan had to overcome on his own.
In the ward, Xu Nuoyan was still lying on the floor, tears silently sliding down the corners of his eyes, but this time, his eyes were no longer dead and empty, but filled with pain, struggle, and... the guilt and sense of responsibility for past promises and love that began to rekindle little by little.
Ran Yian also heard about Xu Nuoyan's situation. He wanted to go over and see Xu Nuoyan, but found that he didn't have the face to do so. It was he who made Xu Nuoyan look like that. What's the point of him going now? It might even make Xu Nuoyan's condition worse.
Xu Nuoyan wanted to stay in the hospital for a few days to calm down, but Liao Feng slapped him on the head and told him to leave. He wanted to stop him but couldn't. The man's plan didn't seem to work, so he planned to start with the weakest person around Liao Feng, Ruan Xingfeng.
After taking Xu Nuoyan out of the hospital, Liao Feng and Song Xuexi both took a week off to relax with Xu Nuoyan. Ruan Xingfeng had also started school, and Liao Feng didn't want him to live alone at home, so Ruan Xingfeng happily returned to the dormitory.
It was rare for Liao Feng to drive out Lion 03. The car was driving on the highway, almost appearing to be a phantom, especially at night when the purple lights came on, and they were the only car speeding on the road.
"Damn, Liao Feng, do you want to die? You're driving so fast!" It was the first time for Song Xuexi to ride in such a fast car. It was as fast as an airplane. At least she was sitting in the back seat, otherwise she would have vomited in the passenger seat.
"Why would I cherish it so much if it doesn't run fast? Don't worry, there is no one on this road at night." As he said that, he accelerated again. Song Xuexi wanted to write a suicide note now, while Xu Nuoyan looked outside with no expression on his face, but in fact he also wanted to vomit. Liao Feng drove too fast and he couldn't see the scenery outside the window.
The purple light stretched into countless brilliant and blurry lines outside the car window, and the roar of the engine almost tore through the silence of the highway at night.
Lion No. 03 is like a real beast, releasing its suppressed power on the deserted road.
"Liao Feng! Slow down! I... I'm carsick!" Song Xuexi clutched the armrest of the back seat tightly, her face pale, and her stomach churning.
She didn't even dare to look down at the speedometer, as that number would definitely make her heart stop.
Liao Feng seemed to be deaf to the noise. He held the steering wheel with one hand and placed the other hand casually on the car window. The night wind ruffled his hair and he stared sharply at the endless darkness ahead.
He seemed to be using this extreme speed to dispel the anger, worry and powerlessness accumulated in his chest.
"Don't worry, you won't die." His voice was a little muffled by the mixture of wind noise and engine noise. "This car is much more stable than you think."
As he spoke, he even lightly pressed the accelerator again, and the car body suddenly jumped forward again!
"Ah——!" Song Xuexi screamed and closed her eyes completely, "Mad! You two are crazy!"
Xu Nuoyan, who was sitting in the passenger seat, was still looking ahead with an expressionless face.
His face was pale, his lips were tightly pursed, and his hands on his knees were unconsciously clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white from the force.
He really felt like vomiting. The feeling of weightlessness and dizziness brought by the extreme speed kept hitting his already fragile nerves and stomach.
But strangely, this extreme physical stimulation was like a shot of adrenaline, forcibly pulling him out of the numb state of being immersed in sadness.
His brain could no longer focus on the thought "Ran Yian doesn't want me anymore", but was instead occupied by more primitive and instinctive fears and physiological reactions such as "it's too fast", "it's going to collide", and "I feel dizzy".
The scenery outside the window blurred into a single block of color, and the world seemed reduced to nothing but speed, noise, and two familiar figures beside him. This near-out-of-control experience paradoxically brought an eerie sense of reality, reminding him that he was still alive, that his body was still responding to the world.
Liao Feng glanced through the rearview mirror at Song Xuexi who was about to faint in the back seat, then turned his head to look at Xu Nuoyan who was standing next to him, but his eyes seemed no longer so empty.
This is exactly the effect he wants.
Finally, just when Song Xuexi felt like she was about to die, Liao Feng slowly released the accelerator and slowed down the car. The roar of the engine turned into a low whimper, and the car glided smoothly into the night.
The sudden silence made Song Xuexi collapse in the back seat, gasping for breath: "...I will never... ride in your car again..."
Xu Nuoyan also subconsciously breathed a sigh of relief, and his tense body relaxed slightly. Only then did he realize that his palms were full of cold sweat.
Liao Feng opened the car window, letting the cool summer breeze dissipate the tense atmosphere inside. He lit a cigarette, took a puff, and then spoke softly, his voice much calmer:
"How do you feel? You're not going to die, are you?"
He was asking about the car, but it seemed like it was more than just the car.
Xu Nuoyan did not answer, but slowly, extremely slowly, withdrew his gaze from the window and fell on his still slightly trembling fingers.
A crazy car race seemed to temporarily break the thick ice shell outside his heart.
Although there was still cold pain beneath the cracks, at least there was a faint reaction of a living person.
"Thanks, I'm much better now. I'll go get something to eat." He made a decision that would make him regret but he wanted to do it now. In his heart, he felt sorry for his two brothers, but he really needed to do it.
Song Xuexi and Liao Feng had been completely relaxed about him, and they didn't even know that he had put sleeping pills in the wine.
Xu Nuoyan took out his cell phone and called Ruan Xingfeng. It was already late at night and he didn't know whether the other party would answer the call. Ruan Xingfeng was still playing games with Fu Hangxing and had not slept at all.
He was surprised to see Xu Nuoyan's phone call, but he still answered it. Just as he was about to speak, he heard Xu Nuoyan say, "You don't have to say anything, just listen to me." He was outside now, and Liao Feng and Song Xuexi were already asleep in the box and would not wake up until noon the next day.
"Liao Feng and Xue Xi are in Box 3 of Wen Bar in the North District. Come and pick them up tomorrow at noon. Liao Feng can't eat too much sweets. He listens to you the most. Don't let him smoke and drink all the time, and eat desserts every day. Ask him to control his eating habits. He just has a little bad temper, but he really likes you. If he really does something to let you down, don't hesitate. Take the money he gives you and run. Remember, love can't give you everything. It will only make your brain chaotic." He said a lot of things and Ruan Xingfeng hadn't digested them yet when the other party hung up the phone.
"What's wrong?" Fu Hangxing asked curiously when he saw his dazed look. Ruan Xingfeng didn't answer but just shook his head. The amount of information was a bit too much for him to understand. He just heard Xu Nuoyan say that it seemed like he was going to leave, so he asked him to take good care of Liao Feng and not to get completely involved.
Was he trapped? He himself didn't quite understand. Perhaps he regarded Liao Feng as his support and forgot that he could be his own mountain instead of relying on Liao Feng.
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