Chapter 90 Sweeping Snow in the Courtyard "I mean, you could... consider giving me a..."
The vermilion gates have faded, the blue tiles are now covered in white, the fragrance of medicine lingers, and the red plum blossoms have all been removed.
In the span of a year, red paper was replaced by white banners, and the once-prosperous Xie family was now draped in mourning.
Officials came to offer their condolences, their faces filled with grief and panic.
The Emperor himself came, deeply grieved, and fainted several times.
Amidst the deafening wails, Ning Lu, dressed in plain clothes and kneeling beside Shen Jing and the spirit tablet, was almost numb with grief.
He threw handfuls of gold paper into the brazier, the flames leaping across his pale face as if he were oblivious, neither dodging nor avoiding them.
If time could really turn back, Ning Lu would wish to return to that Spring Festival.
If Xie Qinghe were to ask her again, "Ning Lulu, now that we're here, would you like to act in a play with me again?"
She was going to answer him, but no.
For the first time, she realized how fair the world could be. Even someone as intelligent as Xie Qinghe had to pay such a heavy price for a peaceful and tranquil life.
The play he invited her to co-star in was so long and so heavy that even though she knew it was just a play, she didn't dare to rewatch it.
·
In the third year of the Qianning era, the capital was rife with intrigue and the court was in turmoil.
On the first day of the Lunar New Year, Emperor Jiang Xu issued an imperial edict, praising Xie Qinghe, the Imperial Censor, for his early entry into the Eastern Palace, his long-standing loyalty and integrity, his strategic planning during the Jingni Rebellion, and his dedication to the nation despite suffering from severe diarrhea. He was appointed Grand Secretary, granted a jade belt and a mansion, and a hundred acres of land.
The imperial decree bestowed along with the official titles and ranks was a blessing concerning marriage.
The Ning family's daughter, Lu, supported each other through thick and thin, and was bestowed the title of Princess Zhaohua. The imperial treasury allocated funds to prepare the wedding gifts, as a sign of the imperial family's favor.
At the start of the spring court session, Grand Secretary Xie Qinghe made his first public appearance since returning to the capital from Changzhou. He strongly advised the authorities to deal with Prince Jing and his remaining rebels, to eradicate them completely and prevent future troubles.
Emperor Jiang Xu, mindful of his deep brotherly bond, could not bear to see his brethren fight and thus avoided the topic. Xie Qinghe, however, was assertive and commanded the officials, repeatedly making extreme remarks, which displeased the emperor, who then suppressed his anger.
The following month, the emperor issued an edict demoting Prince Jing, Jiang Yi, to commoner status and confining him to the ancestral mausoleum to reflect on his past mistakes.
Xie Qinghe advised the emperor to think deeply, and the officials praised the emperor's benevolence, but discord gradually arose.
In the summer of the third year of the Qianning era, Xie Qinghe thoroughly investigated the remaining followers of Prince Jing and dismissed seventeen officials of various ranks, including the Vice Minister of Revenue, officials of the Salt and Iron Bureau, and the Minister of Works.
From high-ranking officials to minor officials of the seventh rank, anyone implicated with Prince Jing was dealt with swiftly and decisively, leaving court officials feeling insecure.
In late summer and early autumn, Xie Qinghe submitted a memorial requesting the transfer of the Commander of the Palace Guard to the Privy Council, arguing that the important position was solemn and that he was old and frail, and should be allowed to enjoy his remaining years.
This move, ostensibly a promotion but actually a demotion, was aimed directly at someone close to the emperor. The emperor was furious and ignored it.
Grand Secretary Xie Qinghe spoke earnestly and repeatedly submitted memorials, even vomiting blood in the imperial court.
The Emperor was deeply saddened and alarmed, and granted the request to replace the Commander of the Palace Guard. However, concerned about the burden on the Grand Secretary, he appointed several Deputy Grand Secretaries to assist in managing state affairs, and promoted Cen Wei, a protégé of the former reformist Deputy Grand Secretary Sima, to the capital.
In late autumn, Xie Qinghe's influence waned, and his household fell into disrepair. For several months, he remained secluded at home. When court officials occasionally visited, they were often found ill and coughing up blood incessantly.
In early winter, the emperor often had in-depth discussions with his deputy and others at the Hall of Mental Cultivation. Officials in the court were replaced, and a reform movement was gradually initiated.
In the depths of winter, amidst heavy snow, Xie Qinghe fell critically ill. The entire Imperial Medical Academy mobilized, but their efforts were futile. The renowned physician, Imperial Physician Luo, resigned and returned to his hometown.
Princess Ninglu of Zhaohua knelt before the Forbidden City, hoping to marry him to bring good fortune, and begged to give it a try. Xie Qinghe refused with all his might, and the matter was dropped.
In the spring of the fourth year of the Qianning era, Grand Secretary Xie Qinghe died at his residence after several illnesses, causing shock throughout the court and the country. Princess Zhaohua was particularly grief-stricken and performed the rites for a wife on her behalf, holding a family memorial service.
The Grand Secretary's funeral was grand, and the posthumous conferment ceremony was complete.
Later generations, in their remembrance, lamented that the Grand Secretary Xie Qinghe possessed an unparalleled memory, quelled chaos, and was a man of extraordinary talent, a pillar of the nation.
·
A gentle breeze blows on a spring night; the city gates open, and horses gallop south.
Past events are left behind.
Ning Lu, still dressed in plain clothes, leaned against the edge of the couch.
On the soft couch, a thin figure was wrapped in a velvet blanket, dressed in white, with a sickly expression, mouth and nose tightly closed, and no movement.
My hands are cold, and my body is cold.
Even though the girl's fingers were intertwined and she leaned in to kiss him one by one, he showed no reaction.
In the mourning hall, Ning Lu, who had been trying to maintain her composure, finally broke down. She silently bit her lip, her fingertips tracing his eyebrows and nose, which had become even more pronounced due to his thinness, gliding over the dark circles under his eyes, and finally touching her lips.
Knowing full well that no matter what she did at that moment, Xie Qinghe would never be able to look up at her again, she couldn't help but feel a deep sadness in her heart.
I lowered my head and looked down, cupped his curled hand, and reverently pressed it between my brows.
After an unknown amount of time, the horse's hooves slowed down, a knock came at the carriage door, and a palm-sized dark blue porcelain bottle was passed in through the crack.
“Miss, we have left the capital, you can take the medicine now.”
Ning Lu felt as if she had been granted a pardon. She rushed over and almost rudely snatched the medicine bottle, pouring out the pills inside with trembling hands.
It has a bitter, pungent smell and is pitch black and terrifying.
She tried to push the pill into his mouth with her fingers.
Lips and teeth tightly closed, not in the right way.
Fear instantly overwhelmed her, and she panicked, tugging at his sleeve and shaking it, hoping he would open his mouth and cooperate with her to take the pill as before.
Outside the carriage, insects chirped and birds sang; the dozen or so people in the carriage held their breath and lowered their eyes, waiting for the sounds to come from within.
After taking the elixir that Physician Luo had developed, he remained silent and stiff, indistinguishable from a dead body.
She already knew about this, but even though he was lying there so quietly in front of her, she still felt scared.
Gritting her teeth and forcing back her remaining rationality, Ning Lu turned and stuffed the dark pill into her mouth, covering his cold lips.
With a flick of her tongue, she almost forcefully pried open Xie Qinghe's tightly closed lips and teeth, and pushed the pill in.
A lump forms in my throat, making it difficult to swallow.
In her confusion, she leaned over and pressed her hands tightly against his shoulders.
The soft tip of her tongue pushed the pill haphazardly towards her throat.
Her purplish-red lips turned crimson as they rubbed against each other.
Overwhelmed by her unease, Ning Lu paid no attention to these details. While focusing on gently stroking him with her breath, she frantically massaged his weak heart with her other hand.
Amidst the tension, resentment arose.
She had said long ago that there are many ways to fake death, so why choose the most dangerous one?
His body was already weak; how could he withstand such a strong dose of medicine...?
She had long begged him to marry her ahead of schedule if he insisted on taking the risk, so that she could have a legitimate marriage and have no regrets.
Stubborn bastard.
"Cough...cough cough..."
Suddenly, a low, muffled groan escaped his lips, followed by a cough that seemed to come out of his head.
A faint resistance brushed against the tip of her tongue, followed by a very light and shallow breath of air that brushed across Ninglu's nose and across her eye sockets.
The air was stagnant.
The next instant, her half-open lips were abruptly covered.
Their lips touched, but they had no strength left.
Only the subtle air currents flowing between the eyebrows and eyes are truly real.
Ning Lu stood frozen in place, neither daring to dodge nor to move.
I fear it is a dream, or a nightmare that will shatter my illusion; I am caught between a rock and a hard place.
Only when her cold cheeks moved again amidst her labored coughing did she finally dare to acknowledge the reality of her situation.
She hurriedly pulled away from him, created some distance, and gazed at him longingly from afar.
As the thick fog dissipated, the man's eyes gradually focused, glancing vaguely at her eyebrows and eyes before falling onto her shoulders.
They wore plain white clothes and mourning attire.
The medicine prescribed by Physician Luo only made her sleep for three days, and the little girl lost a lot of weight.
Their fingertips trembled slightly as they tried to raise their hands to close the distance between them.
Having been lying down for a long time, his stiff body showed no intention of giving him any face.
After struggling for a moment, he could only tremble uncontrollably, his chest heaving with shortness of breath.
They had no choice but to give up and stare intently.
"Ning Lulu...I'm sorry..."
Sorry, fuck it.
Seeing him wake up, Ning Lu felt a surge of resentment and anger, and tried to quickly suppress her tears.
Unsuccessful.
The rain was torrential.
"I no longer trust you, Xie Qinghe!"
The complaints I had deliberately suppressed rang in my ears, and the gentle pounding on my shoulders was deliberate.
All talk and no action.
The stiff, cold body was completely embedded into the warm body.
Blood slowly flowed back into his arm, and Xie Qinghe struggled to raise his hand to wrap around her waist.
"Xie Qinghe. My heart aches so much."
Suddenly, a thunderclap boomed, and he could barely breathe.
Sobs rose and fell, Ning Lu's words were stammering, and her heart was being torn apart by the unbearable burden.
Aside from apologizing, I couldn't find any other words to say for the time being.
He knew perfectly well that what she wanted to hear wasn't an apology.
A year has passed, and I have devoted myself wholeheartedly to this cause.
He was already at his last gasp, yet he struggled on relentlessly.
The few words recorded in historical records are insufficient to summarize her year of anxiety and fear.
There were many times when she almost really lost him.
What pained Ning Lu even more was that one night she woke up in a panic and suddenly realized that she had only been by his side for a year and was already exhausted. She wondered how many more years he had endured like this.
That same night, Ning Lu finally admitted that she was completely finished.
It's the kind of complete despair where even if Xie Qinghe were dead, she couldn't fill the void in her heart even if she ordered a hundred male models.
“Ning Lulu…”
What are you doing?
"I'm sorry... you probably won't have the chance... to find many men..."
She looked down and stared.
Despite her still pale face, her still struggling to breathe, and her still looking like she could be strangled with the slightest effort... how dare she speak so recklessly and boast to her?
Who gave him that confidence?
"Lord Xie! No! Ji Amin, I now hold the reins of the family finances. I advise you not to be too arrogant."
Ning Lu pursed her lips and changed her tune, saying indignantly, "That's not right. The Grand Secretary Xie Qinghe, with whom I was engaged, is dead. You're just a man without a title now."
"I advise you to be careful with your words and actions."
Xie Qinghe opened his mouth to speak, but then felt he had no way to refute it, and let out a heavy sigh.
His confident demeanor vanished in an instant, replaced by a dejected tilt of his head as he hooked his little finger around hers.
"I...am still sick...don't have the strength...to argue with you..."
Before she could finish speaking, Ning Lu felt the body in her arms sinking downwards. Knowing that he wasn't just being coy, she quickly bent down, hooked her arms around his knees, and pulled the blanket up a little.
"Then I'll call Physician Luo to take your pulse."
Although she had the strength to argue with him, Ning Lu was still shaken after having just faced death and witnessed his serious illness. She dared not be reckless and withdrew her hand to get up.
"Lulu..."
Seeing that she was about to leave, Xie Qinghe called out to someone in a trembling voice.
"What's wrong?"
She had already moved to the side of the carriage, and turned her head at the sound. Seeing that Xie Qinghe's face showed little panic, she couldn't help but stop what she was doing.
The man had a pair of phoenix eyes that shimmered with water, and his thin, pale face with a clearly defined jawline made him appear even more aloof.
They looked at each other, a thousand words unspoken.
Xie Qinghe took a deep breath, but didn't know where to begin.
From Changzhou to the capital, he originally wanted to do everything he could to give her a carefree life, to let her live freely and do as she pleased, so that she would feel that staying here was worthwhile.
But all the things that happened in the past made him worry and troubled her, and he felt very sorry.
It wasn't that he didn't want to marry her as Xie Qinghe, nor that he didn't want a grand wedding procession.
The truth is that Xie Qinghe's life was filled with too many unfulfilled expectations and unfulfilled desires, making it far from splendid.
He is rarely superstitious, and I fear he will not have a good end.
He wanted to say that since he had mistaken Ji Ming for Ji Ming when they first met, and the days he spent with Ji Ming were more relaxed and enjoyable, he was willing to use Ji Ming's identity to do his best to give her even more.
In the past, Ning Lu had always taught him to speak his mind, to express his love, and not to shoulder all the burdens himself.
He is also trying his best.
When the moment finally comes when I should speak, it feels so difficult.
Those bright, doe-like eyes gazed at him with gentle affection.
A fragile heart pounded in the chest cavity, fingertips twitched, and breaths died silently.
"Ji Amin?"
"Ning Lu, I... I don't eat much... I have some savings... I'm relatively easy to feed..."
The words had barely left his mouth when his handsome face was filled with regret.
Even Ning Lu's eyes widened silently.
In a moment, she guessed what Xie Qinghe really wanted to say. Her shock turned into affection and understanding, her lips, which had been pressed into a straight line, twitched slightly, and she tilted her head to signal him to continue.
"I mean, you could... consider giving me a formal status..."
Ning Lu's eyes sparkled even brighter. She lowered her head, her shoulders trembling, adjusted her expression, and looked up at Xie Qinghe again.
He nodded solemnly.
"Okay, I'll think about it."
A beautiful figure flashed out of the carriage, amidst the hustle and bustle of the surroundings.
Her cheerful voice lingered in my ears, and my pale fingertips suddenly lost their grip.
Xie Qinghe leaned back, closed his eyes, and smiled.
It's true.
She always understood him.
-----------------------
A note from the author:
The next chapter concludes the main text...
(The author, after failing to burn himself out for an extra chapter, bows as he steps down.)
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com