Chapter 121 He is not worthy of her love
He Xilou paused, his voice lonely and cold:
"I'm a bastard."
He Yuanzhou, his biological father, was born into a wealthy family and had everything.
When he was in high school, he fell in love with Qin Zheng, who was performing classical dance on the stage, at first sight. He began to force his love on her madly, drove away all the suitors around her, and directly declared his sovereignty.
Qin Zheng had no choice but to gradually compromise, and the two were together in college.
After graduation, the two held a small wedding. He Yuanzhou deceived Qin Zheng and got a fake marriage certificate.
After trapping Qin Zheng in the villa as a canary.
He Yuanzhou turned around and formed a business marriage with Su Jingjing, the eldest daughter of a prominent family, and got married to pave the way for his business development.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Su Jingjing loves He Yuanzhou passionately. Even though she knows that the two have been in love for a long time, she insists on getting married. After getting the marriage certificate, she rushes into the villa with bodyguards, arrogantly ridicules Qin Zheng as a mistress, and throws the real marriage certificate in Qin Zheng's face.
How could Qin Zheng be willing to interfere in other people's marriages? She just packed up and ran away, but was caught and robbed by He Yuanzhou again and again.
He Yuanzhou threatened her parents and forced her to give birth to a child for him, and he would let her go after she gave birth.
Qin Zheng was trapped in a villa abroad. Countless failed attempts to escape had completely extinguished her hopes.
She was forced to give birth to a son for He Yuanzhou.
It was named Hexilou.
Qin Zheng originally thought that after giving birth to the child, she could finally fly away, return to her freedom, and see her father and mother.
But this was just a scam by He Yuanzhou.
He believed that a woman who had a child should be willing to live a stable life with him.
So what if it was an extramarital affair? He gave Qin Zheng everything he had, hired the best nanny, gave her the most luxurious and beautiful clothes, and gave her the best food and clothes. She should kneel down to thank him and be grateful.
As for his son, what was he? Just an illegitimate child, not presentable. Since he couldn't help him tie Qin Zheng down, what did He Xilou's life or death have to do with him?
Qin Zheng was trapped in the villa for a long time and was forced to have sex with He Yuanzhou, gradually becoming mentally ill.
She didn't dare to resist He Yuanzhou anymore. She was afraid and panicked. She was afraid that He Yuanzhou would beat her or force her, so she could only transfer her hatred towards He Yuanzhou to He Xilou.
How could a little child resist her?
Qin Zheng grabbed little He Xilou's neck, cursing and whipping him crazily. She hated He Yuanzhou and He Xilou, she hated their child, she hated the fact that He Xilou had her and He Yuanzhou's blood flowing in his body, she hated it so much that she wanted to strangle He Xilou to death.
——He Xilou, you were born as a disgrace. I hate you, I hate you so much, why don’t you just die?
——I curse you, curse you to hell.
He Xilou grew up in a depressing and dark environment since birth. When he had a fever or was sick, he was pressed into the dim basement and beaten. His dearest mother vented her anger at him and beat him until he was covered with bruises and blood.
Countless pieces of glass mixed into his porridge and rice, countless vases smashed and exploded on his forehead, and countless knives cut his tender skin.
If the nanny and housekeeper had not discovered it in time, he would have been killed several times by his own mother.
So he knew from a young age that he was a shameful thing in the gutter, mud that could not be exposed to sunlight, an existence that was not loved by anyone and did not need anyone's love.
He hated the day of May 20th, but he hated himself even more...
Meng Shiyi listened to his calm narration and silently clenched the corner of her clothes. "And then?"
He Xilou gripped the steering wheel tightly and drove on the winding road leading to the top of the mountain.
Then?
Su Jingjing later gave birth to a son, who was his half-brother, He Cheng, who was only three years younger than him.
The woman who interfered with other people's love became the mistress of the He family, and the mistress's son became the legitimate heir of the He family.
And he, He Xilou, has always been a mouse in the shadows.
The He family never recognized Qin Zheng, let alone He Xilou.
Su Jingjing loved He Yuanzhou deeply. The Su family kidnapped Qin Zheng abroad and designed Qin Zheng's accidental death. She herself was hated and alienated by He Yuanzhou, and finally became depressed and died of illness.
He Xilou still remembers that when he was very young, he was always dirty and his face was covered with scars. He was unfamiliar with the place and had no friends.
There is a black stray cat that often appears around the villa.
It seemed like an unwanted child. Occasionally, when it saw He Xilou, perhaps out of sympathy, it would go over and rub against his legs.
He Xilou ran to feed his meal to the little black cat and couldn't help petting it. It was very well behaved and obedient. When it licked the meal, its eyes were wet, as if the whole world belonged to it.
He has kept the cat for three years.
Later the cat died.
She was abused and tortured to death by He Cheng, and was even maliciously made into a beautiful and exquisite specimen and given to He Xilou, who said with a smile: This is a birthday present for my brother.
At that moment, his only thought was shattered.
He didn't hate his mentally ill mother, but he hated He Yuanzhou, Su Jingjing, He Cheng... He also hated himself and why he was born.
These memories are like festering scars. Every time I recall them, new cracks appear, and rotten and dirty pus and blood flow out.
"Shiyi, will you dislike me or hate me?"
He Xilou turned his head slightly and looked at Meng Shiyi, with an obscure emotion in his eyes.
But Meng Shiyi turned her head to look out the window, with the back of her head facing him. She didn't comfort him, didn't look at him, and didn't say another word.
Probably also against him.
He Xilou couldn't see her expression, so he pursed his thin lips, his Adam's apple rolling, and wanted to say something.
In the end, he just silently withdrew his gaze, the veins on the back of his hand holding the steering wheel bulged, silently concealing the loneliness in his eyes.
The sky gradually darkened. The car was not driving fast and a gentle evening breeze blew in.
Meng Shiyi turned her head to look out the window, not looking at He Xilou. She dug her nails into her palms tightly, trying to suppress the urge to cry.
A puff of steam gradually blurred her vision.
Her throat felt tight, and her heart felt like it was being gripped tightly by a large hand. She felt suffocated and unable to breathe due to the pain.
She wanted to say something to He Xilou, but she was unable to open her mouth.
She knew nothing about these things.
Like everyone else on the forum, she thought that He Xilou was born a favored child of heaven, born to stand at the top of the pyramid, born to enjoy everything that ordinary people could not get, with the support of a wealthy family, smooth sailing all the way, and he could get whatever he wanted and call the wind and rain.
In her eyes, He Xilou has always been a rebellious, wanton and bad boy, a young man who was born with a brilliant halo.
But in reality, he is not.
Even his experience was completely opposite to what she imagined.
No wonder, no wonder her brother once told her that He Xilou’s identity was not simple.
Meng Shiyi lowered her head dejectedly, as if something was blocking her throat.
She couldn't describe the complicated feeling in her heart, and she thought of the stone she had just casually given to He Xilou. As his birthday gift, would it hurt his feelings?
The winding mountain road is like a twisted snake, getting narrower and narrower as you go along.
The weather became a little gloomy, and dark clouds pressed down heavily, looking like they were going to swallow up the entire mountain from a distance.
Dull, damp, and depressing.
After a while, it started to rain.
The fine rain fell on the car window, hardly noticeable.
He Xilou felt suffocated and couldn't breathe. He gradually slowed down the car and said in a hoarse voice:
"When I was very young, I saw He Yuanzhou forcefully kissing Qin Zheng countless times, pressing her to the bed and beating her and having sex with her."
"I was devastated and disgusted, so disgusted that I wanted to vomit. I rejected kissing and doing these intimate and ambiguous things."
"I've been in so many relationships, firstly because I wanted to give them a smokescreen, and secondly, it's true, because I wanted to have some fun. I wanted to be liked by others. I'm a jerk, I'm sick, I'm a jerk. If I knew in advance that I would truly like you, I would never date anyone else."
"I haven't had much contact with anyone else. It was only during the month I was with you that we did a lot of intimate things. It wasn't just because I liked you physically, but because I liked you. I truly liked you as a person, your soul, your every move... I loved it all to death. From the beginning to the end, it was all sincere and it was never a joke."
His voice was hoarse, and he spoke seriously, enunciating each word:
"I don't want to kiss."
"Meng Shiyi, I just want to kiss you."
He has too many dark histories. He has dated countless ex-girlfriends, and they have been posted on forums countless times. There are even rumors about his private affairs and group parties. He is too lazy to pay attention to them, and he doesn't care at all.
But Meng's poetry is different.
She would be afraid that she would be burned out on by the new, and that she would be dumped like his ex-girlfriend, and would care about his previous relationships.
This is all his fault.
It was because he did not explain it clearly, his image of being a playboy and casual was too deep, and he did not notice her low mood during their relationship. He even said out of spite that it was just a joke, which deeply hurt Meng Shiyi's heart.
He Xilou took a deep breath, rolled his Adam's apple, and his eyes were a little red.
In the end, thousands of words turned into just one sentence:
"sorry."
He is not a good boyfriend.
He doesn't deserve it.
He was simply not worthy of Meng Shiyi's precious love, not worthy of her pure sincerity, and even less worthy of her five-year-long bitter secret love...
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