"Ayan, you and Jiangjiang are the most important to me. It would be wonderful if our family could find a place with beautiful mountains and rivers and live a peaceful life.
Ah Yan, agree, okay?"
Qi Yan trembled as he reached out to hold Sheng Xiyan's hand, and touched the Bodhi wood rosary on her wrist.
He recognized that this was a string of Buddhist beads that Emperor Xuanwu had used since he was young. The Bodhi seeds had become patina-like and moist from years of caressing.
Qi Yan retracted his hand as if he was suddenly scalded.
Sheng Xiyan grabbed his arm and said with a firmer tone than ever before,
"Qi Yan, make them stop!
I won't leave the capital...
I...can't marry you."
"What did you say?"
Dusk seeps in through the window lattice, and laughter as sweet as silver bells comes from afar.
Qi Yan thought he had misheard the second half of the sentence, so he grabbed her hand and begged:
"Ayan, I was wrong. We won't leave the capital. I will hurry up and prepare for the wedding and get married as soon as possible."
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.
Sheng Xiyan's eyes were red. She didn't want to hurt Qi Yan, but she had to.
I closed my eyes, tears rolled down my cheeks, I made up my mind, and spoke slowly.
"Qi Yan, I once loved you deeply.
I am looking forward to your return in Zhuyuan day by day.
Even after learning of your heroic sacrifice, I still love you.
When I was holding Jiang Jiang in my arms and was too scared to sleep at night, I had an urge to take poison with him, and after we died, we would go to heaven together to find you.
How scared was I when your mother and sister-in-law came to snatch Jiang Jiang?
When you escaped to the Grand Hyatt Inn, your father took Jiang Jiang away.
I knelt down and kowtowed to him, saying that I was willing to give the child to them as long as they took me back with them, even if I had to be a maid to take care of Jiang Jiang.
Qi Yan burst into tears and grabbed her hand to hit his face.
"I'm sorry, Yan.
I'm sorry, it's my fault that you've suffered so much."
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