Chapter 10: I Can’t Love the One I Want
The weather is sunny today, but my mood is gloomy.
Going home seemed like a torture.
I want to fly freely like the Seven Fairies and go wherever I want.
——"Zhen Hao Diary"
Zhen Hao's heart began to lift as he walked into the tile-roofed house that leaked whenever there was a typhoon or heavy rain.
"Mom, I'm back." She walked cautiously into the inner room. Her voice was not loud, but it sounded clear enough in the empty room.
When she returned to her and her sister Zhenmei's room, she heard her mother He Yunlian's loud voice: "When you get back, go help your sister cut vegetables and feed the ducks. Day after day, you only move when I call you. You two are just wasting money. Don't you know how tired I am from working so hard?"
That familiar feeling of suffocation surged into Zhen Hao's heart again.
She didn't answer, but put down her schoolbag and walked to the small courtyard in the north to look for Zhen Mei.
What He Yunlian meant by cutting vegetables was chopping the mustard greens, shredding the pumpkin, then taking some bran and adding water, mixing it and feeding it to the ducks.
Not only in Citong Village in Min Town, but also in Min County and even the entire Min City, duck soup is like a panacea - if you have a cold, drinking duck soup will quickly cure it; if you have anemia, drinking duck soup will quickly cure it; during puberty, drinking duck soup will speed up your growth; after giving birth and confinement, drinking duck soup will help you produce milk...
In short, drinking duck soup can be involved in everything.
Zhen Hao didn't know what other people's children were like, but she herself hated drinking duck soup.
"Sister, you're back." Zhen Mei, who was squatting on the ground pushing pumpkin shreds, raised her head with an innocent smile on her young face.
When there was no one around, Zhen Hao really liked this sister who was five years younger than him.
When she was eleven years old, she met Zhen Mei for the first time when she returned to her hometown from Tianjin.
At that time, the six-year-old Zhen Meiren lived up to her name. Her round almond-shaped eyes looked cute and innocent. At such a young age, you could already see that she had a high and straight nose. The most beautiful thing about her was her cherry mouth, which everyone who saw her would praise.
On the one hand, Zhen Hao felt curious because he actually had a younger sister, and on the other hand, he felt happy because he had such a beautiful younger sister.
If it weren't for what happened later...
"Sister?" Seeing her in a daze, Zhen Mei called her again.
Zhen Hao broke free from her memories and said with a stern face, "Don't call me sister."
Zhen Mei was unmoved: "Sister, you just rode your bike for such a long time, you must be very tired, right? How about this, you just pretend to be helping me and sit down and rest for a while."
Her brief words left Zhen Hao with mixed feelings.
Comparing the two, she felt that she was stingy and evil. It was just as they said - Zhen Hao was inferior to Zhen Mei in every way.
Thinking of this, Zhen Hao hated himself even more.
However, Zhen Mei's good intentions were ultimately in vain. He Yunlian soon came over to oversee the work: "Don't be lazy, move quickly, those ducks are our food money, we can't go hungry. Also, keep an eye on your brother, don't let him get lost."
"mom--"
Zhen Hao just uttered a word when He Yunlian interrupted: "What do you mean by 'mom'? Hurry up and do your work. I'm in so much pain, I need to lie down for a while."
Before turning to leave, she turned back and instructed: "Remember to make dinner after feeding the ducks."
Zhen Hao opened his mouth, wanting to say something but in the end he didn't say a word.
She squatted down slowly and cut the vegetables mechanically without saying a word.
"Sister, let me cook later." Zhen Mei looked up at her and gave her an innocent smile.
At this moment, Zhen Hao felt even more ashamed of himself.
Zhen Mei, who is only eight years old, already knows how to love her family, so why do some adults...
She looked up at Zhen Li who was playing with a stick nearby, and there was obvious impatience in her eyes.
The next second, Zhen Li came towards them, swinging his stick and shouting, "Watch out for the sword!"
Zhen Mei was unable to dodge and was poked in the neck by the sharp end of the long stick, and her delicate skin quickly turned red.
"Zhen Li! What are you doing?!" The impatience in Zhen Hao's eyes finally turned into complete annoyance, and he shouted loudly at Zhen Li.
As soon as she finished yelling, Zhen Li threw away the stick, sat on the ground and burst into tears.
The deafening cries quickly attracted He Yunlian, who was resting in the main house. She hurried over, cursing. Seeing her beloved little son sitting on the ground with a dirty face, she was furious: "How can you be a big sister? Didn't you see your brother fall down and help him up? I really don't know what the point of raising you is! You two are such a pain in the ass!"
"Mom, my second sister hit me..." Zhen Li cried and pointed at Zhen Mei who was still squatting on the ground, complaining, "It hurts so much——"
Upon hearing this, He Yunlian flew into a rage. She pointed at Zhen Mei's nose and yelled, "I told you not to hit your brother! I told you not to hit your brother! He's only five years old, don't you know how to be gentle with him? Huh?!"
When her slap was about to land on Zhen Mei's face, Zhen Hao somehow found the courage and used her body to block the hand.
"Mom! That's not the case. It's..."
He Yunlian didn't even give Zhen Hao a chance to speak. She pushed them away and said, "Get out of the way. Go do what you need to do."
As she spoke, she squatted down, hugged Zhen Li with a distressed look on her face, and comforted her, "Li Li, where does it hurt? Mommy will blow on it and it will go away. Be good, Li Li..."
The moment He Yunlian pushed her away, Zhen Mei couldn't help but burst into tears after holding back so long.
Zhen Hao pulled her into the kitchen, his face as cold as frost in December.
"Sister, it hurts too." Zhen Mei's crystal clear tears fell one after another, "I want my mother to blow on me too."
After all, she is just a little girl and also wants the care and love from her mother.
"Let's cook." Zhen Hao said nothing, but turned around and washed the pot silently.
She shed a lot of tears when she was a child, but what's the use of crying? Her life has not changed at all, and her mother still only dotes on her younger brother.
Little Zhen Mei didn't understand the emotions of these adults yet. She only knew one fact: "Sister, I hate my brother."
As she lit the fire, she complained angrily, "My brother is annoying! I don't want a brother!"
Zhen Hao never commented on what she said. He left the kitchen after washing the rice and putting it into the pot.
When she came back, she had two more things in her hands: "Amei, come here."
Zhen Mei added another piece of dry firewood to the stove before standing up and walking over to her: "What's wrong, sister?"
Zhen Hao didn't say anything, but just silently wiped the wound on her neck with disinfectant alcohol.
Zhen Mei's skin stung from the contact of the disinfectant alcohol, and she hissed unconsciously. Despite the pain, her eyes shone brightly, so bright that Zhen Hao couldn't bear to look.
After disinfecting, Zhen Hao put a cartoon band-aid on her: "It's done."
She learned about disinfectant alcohol and cute Band-Aids from Yu Ling after she entered junior high school. She saved money for a week and bought them home as a backup.
"Thank you, Sister." Zhen Mei's round eyes turned into crescents as she smiled, "Sister is always so kind to me."
"You're so silly." Zhen Hao reached out and ruffled her hair, which was almost as long as his.
Faced with Zhen Mei's pure smile and sincere gratitude, she felt guilty.
She should have taken something to help Zhen Mei treat the wound immediately, but the little girl was giggling with joy.
"Sister, can you help me watch the fire?" Zhen Mei's raised mouth corners never retracted. "Give me the things, I'll put them back."
"Okay." Zhen Hao said and handed the things to her.
Less than a minute later, Zhen Mei ran into the kitchen again, her voice full of surprise: "Sister, sister, this Band-Aid is so beautiful!"
As she spoke, she gently rubbed the small Band-Aid on her neck.
"I've already told you, don't call me sister." Zhen Hao deliberately put on a cold face and emphasized it over and over again.
"But you are my elder sister." Zhen Mei still didn't listen to her and changed the subject. "Sister, is the county very lively? Are there many new things I haven't seen?"
Zhen Hao was stumped by her question.
In fact, Zhen Mei had lived in the larger and more prosperous city of Jincheng, but she was young at that time and did not have many memories of it.
As Zhen Mei spoke, she sat back down on the small stool to watch the fire. The dancing orange flames reflected on her delicate face, making her look as delicate as a porcelain doll.
Zhen Hao turned his head to look at her longing expression, not knowing how to respond. In the end, he just said in one word: "Not bad."
"Sister, I also want to study hard and go to bigger and farther places like you." Zhen Mei said this with confidence under the warm firelight.
The aroma of rice wafted out at this time, as if responding to the beautiful vision, drifting farther and farther away.
"Mom, I'm hungry!" Zhen Li's baby voice followed.
"Okay, okay, Mom will ask your sister to serve Li Li some food, okay?" He Yunlian's gentle voice fell into the ears of the two sisters, bringing a hint of bitterness.
They were never given the tenderness of their mother.
At the dinner table, He Yunlian chased the lively Zhen Li from the chair to the door, and then chased her out of the house, calling her "Li Li" one after another, and patiently coaxing her: "Li Li, be good. Li Li, you have to eat well so that you can grow taller..."
Zhen Hao and Zhen Mei ate their food quietly, and no one spoke.
After dinner, the two sisters returned to their little room and did their homework on the paint-chipped table.
Zhen Mei was only in the second grade, and after finishing just a few questions, she felt so excited: "Sister, I want to see the Seven Fairies..."
When "The Seven Fairies" was popular, countless girls were captivated by the beautiful dresses and accessories, and Zhen Mei was one of them.
"It would be great if I could fly freely in the sky like a fairy and go wherever I want." Zhen Mei fantasized while biting the pen.
Zhen Hao couldn't bear to break her vision of freedom and beauty.
The seven fairies seem free, but in fact they are full of shackles and cannot even love the person they want to love.
"Do you cook when I'm not at home?" Zhen Hao answered the question irrelevantly.
"Mom is very tired from working." Zhen Mei said somewhat dejectedly, "I can cook so that Mom can rest a little longer."
Zhen Hao felt a little stuffy in his chest after hearing this.
He Yunlian was still chasing Zhen Li to feed her. The big-butt color TV at home was placed in the small living room at the door of their room.
Zhen Hao took her sister's hand and tiptoed to the living room. She carefully plugged in the TV and, as always, she turned on the TV while Zhen Mei pressed the mute button. The two sisters watched one hit show after another this way.
There were also times when He Yunlian discovered him, like this time.
"You little bitch, watching TV again! Are you going to pay the electricity bill?" He Chaolian strode into the living room holding Zhen Li's unfinished bowl of rice.
Almost subconsciously, Zhen Hao took his sister's hand again, and the two of them ran towards the gate.
As long as they could escape the present moment and wait for He Yunlian to calm down, they could avoid being scolded.
Although He Yunlian has a loud voice, she is more like a paper tiger. She only curses at the sisters and never takes action.
This is the rule Zhen Hao has discovered over the years.
When they returned home, He Yunlian had already taken Zhen Li back to the house to sleep.
None of the dishes in the kitchen were washed. After the two sisters finished their work, Zhen Mei was so sleepy that her head was nodding straight up, like a chick pecking at rice.
"Sister, I'm sleepy and want to sleep." Zhen Mei rubbed her eyes and looked at Zhen Hao.
"Go back to your room and sleep." Zhen Hao wiped her hands and said.
Zhen Mei fell asleep soon after lying down, but Zhen Hao was not sleepy.
She sat at the desk with a small desk lamp on, took out a pen and paper, and wrote a modern poem of about a hundred words.
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