Chapter 63 63 The pain burns in my chest and penetrates into my bones.
It rained for too long that day. Raindrops as big as beans hit her body one after another, soaking her skin, numbing her heart, and making her legs feel heavy as if they were filled with lead.
Dark clouds enveloped all her worries. She stood in the heavy rain, like a stone statue without any emotions.
The water stains on her face were so thick that she couldn't tell whether they were rain or tears. Chen Zhan closed her eyes, the corners of her lips trembling slightly with a tense expression, and she clenched her palms.
Until He Shiyi came back holding a small umbrella, her clothes were wet. She ran while blaming the horrible weather for the heavy rain. She raised the umbrella edge slightly and saw Chen Zan at a glance.
"Zhanzhan!" She ran over and held the not-too-big umbrella over her head. "No, it's raining so hard, why are you standing here?"
She pulled her into the dormitory building.
Both girls were soaked. He Shiyi was better off, as only part of her body was wet. Chen Zan was soaked like a drowned rat, with not a single dry spot on her body.
He Shiyi took out some toilet paper from her bag and handed it to Chen Zan to wipe the water off her face, but she found that she was numb and empty, her soul had been sucked out, leaving only a shell.
"Zhanzhan?"
He Shiyi tilted his head to look at her, worried that her eyebrows would fall, "What's wrong with you?"
Tears suddenly rolled down from the corners of her eyes.
He Shiyi was startled, "What's wrong with you? Don't scare me..."
The little bit of emotion she had managed to hold onto ultimately couldn't withstand He Shiyi's words. A choked sob escaped her throat, bitterness and grievance gripping her heart.
Such a broken and painful cry bloomed in He Shiyi's ears. She hugged her with heartache and patted her back like coaxing a child.
"Zhanzhan, don't cry..."
Her crying was so painful and distressing that He Shiyi hugged her tightly and asked, "What happened?"
As if she had finally found a fulcrum, Chen Zhan cried and hugged He Shiyi tightly. She buried her head in her neck and sobbed fiercely, "Shiyi..."
"I lost him..." Chen Zan's voice was so trembling that it was hard to tell what she was saying. "I'm really sorry. This is all my fault..."
After she recovered, He Shiyi asked her the reason.
Only then did I know that she had broken up with He Jingsui.
Chen Zhan was so sad that she told He Shiyi, "It's all because of me. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have lost that opportunity..."
"I feel really guilty. I don't want him to be like this."
He Shiyi probably understood what she meant. She held her hand with some heartache, "So... are you really planning to..."
Chen Zan raised his watery eyes, looking so broken, and said with such difficulty, "Shi Yi, I am no longer qualified to stand with him."
Hot tears fell.
He Shiyi hugged her, his eyes red with sadness, "It's okay, Zhanzhan, it's okay..."
After being caught in the rain, Chen Zan woke up the next day and found that her throat was extremely sore. The other three people in the dormitory all knew that she had broken up with He Jingsui. They took extra care of her for fear that she would be depressed, and did not mention anything related to He Jingsui.
He Shiyi poured her some water, and Ji Miaomiao bought her some medicine. Chen Zhan couldn't help but laugh as he watched them busying around. "You guys are so considerate of me."
"How is it?" Ji Miaomiao asked her with a smile, her tone light, "Are you touched?"
Chen Zhan also nodded with a smile, "I'm so touched."
"Zhanzhan, are you going to class today?" Tao Yiran asked, "If you are going, I can help you pack your things."
"I'll go." Chen Zan nodded, but declined her offer, "I'll sort it out myself."
After everything was packed up, the four of them went downstairs together. Before they went out, they heard a noisy voice outside.
Ji Miaomiao took two steps forward curiously, "Why is there so much noise outside?"
Then she saw He Jingsui.
“…”
He looked haggard, with dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept all night.
There were too many stares around him, but he didn't care.
Ji Miaomiao secretly thought that something was wrong. Just as she was about to push the three people behind her inside, Tao Yiran caught up with her and looked outside innocently, "Why is it so noisy outside? Are there new melons to eat again..."
“…”
The syllable of "吧" was dragged on like this until He Shiyi and Chen Zan also saw the person standing outside the dormitory.
“…”
"He Jingsui, what is he doing here..."
The dark figure looked so dejected that Chen Zhan paused, her eyes slightly sore. She watched him from afar, taking in his cold brows and the tight lines of his lips, before finally meeting his gaze.
"Zhanzhan, do you think he came to see you?" Ji Miaomiao turned her head to look at her and asked cautiously.
She is no longer qualified.
Their eyes shifted, and Chen Zhan shook her head. It was difficult for her to answer this question. "Let's go first. Class is about to start."
But she didn't leave. When she passed by him, He Jingsui raised his hand, grabbed her arm, and pulled it hard.
He lowered his cold brows and looked at her, his voice hoarse, "Chat?"
Chen Zhan didn't look at him, and said in a cold tone, "We have nothing to talk about."
There were too many people around, so He Jingsui held her arm tightly. Everyone's eyes were focused on them, and the buzzing sound like mosquitoes and flies made his nerves ache.
He frowned, "Can you please stop messing around?"
"I admit that I was too emotional yesterday and said something I shouldn't have said to you. Please don't be angry, okay, Chen Zhan."
The gaze that was glued to her was a little tired, and Chen Zhan's heart ached. She broke free from his hand, her words still resolute, "I'm not quarreling with you, nor am I angry."
"He Jingsui, we've broken up. We broke up yesterday. Stop pestering me."
Ignoring everyone's gazes, Chen Zan shook off his hand forcefully, without even looking at him again, and walked away from him.
His palm fell empty, he could no longer hold her hand. He Jingsui seemed to hear the sound of his heart, which he had tried so hard to hold together, breaking again. He stood there in a daze, waiting for the scent of her passing to dissipate.
There was a commotion all around. Ji Miaomiao and Tao Yiran glanced at each other and hurried forward to chase Chen Zan. He Shiyi walked to He Jingsui's side, feeling sad, "Brother..."
He didn't notice that his eyes were already slightly red. Although he was so sad, he was still tense. He pulled the corner of his lips towards He Shiyi and said, "I'm fine."
He patted her shoulder and said, "Take good care of her."
After saying that, he turned and left. His dejected back made He Shiyi's nose sore.
Chen Zan still shed tears, but she wiped them away quickly. She walked faster than anyone else. It had rained yesterday, and the sun was very gentle.
The fair skin was illuminated brightly, and the slightly red eye sockets became particularly obvious.
The faint specks of light filtering through the leaves were unclear. The wind blew, swaying them and blurring Chen Zhan's vision. She suddenly remembered the first time she'd met He Jingsui during military training in her freshman year. The sun was blinding that day, but his face was incredibly clear in her eyes.
She felt like she had won the jackpot that day. She was stunned and surprised, and even her heart was beating hotly.
But, we can never go back to that day.
The news of Chen Zan and He Jingsui's breakup quickly spread throughout the entire academy, and everyone was discussing why they broke up suddenly.
[Mango Sticky Rice: Is there any need to think about this? He must have dumped her.]
[Hehehehe: That doesn't look like it. I saw He Jingsui trying to keep her at the bottom of the dormitory building earlier. It seems that Chen Zan dumped He Jingsui when they broke up.]
What's so funny? What?! Chen Zan dumped He Jingsui? And He Jingsui still keeps asking for a reconciliation?! Did I hear correctly? Is this some new joke?
[Dudududu: Really, I witnessed the whole thing. It was Chen Zan who dumped He Jingsui.]
There were people gossiping everywhere, and He Shiyi was afraid that Chen Zan would be sad because of these words, so she followed her every day, wherever she went.
But Chen Zan's mental quality was not as bad as she thought. She turned a deaf ear to the gossip and did what she had to do.
After that, He Jingsui came to the Academy of Fine Arts and secretly watched her. He stood very far away from her, watching her thin back. She would occasionally go shopping in the school supermarket with her roommates, occasionally discuss the work of the painting club with the boy named Lu Wei, or go to the studio where they used to paint together. He still remembered that studio, he even remembered the shy and embarrassed look on her face when he exposed her secret there.
He Jingsui sneered at himself, and he suddenly felt like a failure.
It was the first time he loved someone like this, but in the end he lost her because of his recklessness.
If he had told her early on that giving up the opportunity to go abroad really had no impact on him, would the result be different?
Unfortunately, if there were no ifs.
Long after they broke up, Chen Zan could still occasionally hear some things about He Jingsui.
They said he went to play in the competition again, and was still the first as always; Qin Yuyao pursued him even more closely, and tried her best to pester him, but He Jingsui still had no intention of winning.
"He Jingsui looks like a scumbag, but I didn't expect he's actually a sentimental guy."
"I'm so envious of Chen Zhan for dating him. Do you think He Jingsui can't forget Chen Zhan?"
“…”
“…”
Her heart ached, and Chen Zan ignored the words and squeezed them out of her ears. She stood up, picked up the book on the table and left.
In her junior year, Chen Zan got the opportunity to go to the United States as an exchange student. She resolutely agreed to the professor's suggestion and planned to go abroad to further her studies in painting.
This news hit the three people in their dormitory like a bolt from the blue.
"Zhanzhan, are you really going abroad?" Ji Miaomiao couldn't believe it.
But Chen Zhan nodded and said, "Well, I have already applied. I will leave after it is approved."
"Then you and..."
Tao Yiran spoke too quickly and almost blurted out the name that should not be mentioned.
Although they had broken up for a long time, she always felt that they just had a conflict and would be together again soon.
Ji Miaomiao also glared at her, as if blaming her for bringing up something that was not relevant to her. Tao Yiran pursed her lips into a straight line, with a guilty apology in her eyes, for what she almost said wrongly.
But Chen Zan knew that she didn't mean it, and she also understood that the last three words were He Jingsui.
So I told her very frankly: "It has nothing to do with him."
Lou Yan soon learned about my study abroad in the United States. She was a little upset, "Why are you leaving again? Didn't we agree on this before..."
Chen Zhan's face was dull, and the eyes that looked at her were still dark, but not as bright as before. They were as empty as a puppet. She said, "Because I want to leave you."
"Mom, don't meddle in my affairs anymore." Her voice was so tired that she didn't want to say another word.
Lou Yan choked up, her throat felt sore and blocked. She looked at the girl in front of her, with a thin figure and slender back, but carrying a broken soul.
Jiang Yu also helped with the matter of going abroad. At Lou Yan's request, he helped Chen Zan find an apartment near the school in the United States, and even dropped his work and came back to pick her up.
On the day of her departure, the three sisters in the dormitory came to the airport to see her off. They held her hands reluctantly and told her to take good care of herself over there, to call them often, and to take good care of herself.
Chen Zhan hugged them and said, "It's not like I won't come back. We will meet again in the future."
The airport announcement was prompting passengers to board the plane. Chen Zhan let go of them and waved to them, "Goodbye."
She was about to leave, but He Shiyi stepped forward and grabbed her hand, his eyes red and his voice choked with sobs, "Can you wait a little longer..."
"Chanchan."
The words "my brother" were interrupted by Jiang Yu.
He Shiyi heard his gentle voice, "We have to go."
Chen Zan had to let her go, turned his head to look at Jiang Yu, and said okay to him.
According to the information on the ticket, Chen Zhan and Jiang Yu boarded the cabin and found their seats. The window seats had a good view. The plane took off, and the wheels quickly crossed the runway and rushed into the clouds. The city of Beijing became smaller and smaller in their eyes, and the people in the city also became smaller and smaller.
The sunlight shone through the window into her palm, and the small ring sparkled.
Her nose suddenly felt sore, and she remembered that a long time ago, He Jingsui personally put this plain ring on her finger. Such a beautiful and happy moment, but now it has become a burning brand.
Every time she thought of it, she felt a sharp pain.
The plane drew a beautiful arc in the sky. She would never know that there was a fool outside the airport that day, watching it for a long time with red eyes.
The white exhaust gas in the clear sky gradually dissipated, and he shed a tear in embarrassment, just like a hot brand.
It burns in my chest and hurts deep into my bones.
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The author has something to say: The previous part ends here, and the next part will start tomorrow!!!
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P.S. Just to let you know, I'm probably going to be very busy with TVT lately. I'm going to start revising the script for the next show, "Secretly." I might not be able to update too frequently, but I'll try to keep it up daily. If I have to take a break, it won't be for long. I didn't update yesterday because I was working on the outline for the urban chapter, and I'm very satisfied with it! You guys should like it!
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