Rollover
The night before yesterday, Ling Hong used a dream to demonstrate his childhood memories to Hu Ziyu as compensation and exchange for the investigation of his wealth.
Despite the endorsement of the previous generation Rabbit God Hu Tianbao, before officially deciding to recommend the newcomer to heaven, the personnel department of Guanghan Palace and Ling Hong and others still conducted repeated thorough investigations to ensure that the character, temperament, knowledge, appearance and other items can meet the average standards of the heavenly realm.
The list of suitable successors included not only Acheng Ziyu but also another well-mannered, ambitious young bisexual. In terms of age, experience, academic ability, preferences, ambition, godhood, and physique, these were slightly inferior. After careful consideration, Taiyin Xingjun chose Hu Ziyu from the two.
Ling Hong said, "This man is from Lu City, and is an eighth-degree blood relative to you. Being an immortal is fine, but becoming a god is too high a priority. It would be more appropriate to have him be your exclusive spokesperson in the mortal world." The gods' spokespersons in the mortal world were, of course, mediums. Such individuals required not only exceptional talent but also a modicum of divine connection. Hu Ziyu couldn't recall a bisexual young relative in his extremely conservative family; even if he did, he was still in the closet.
Due to the importance of finding the medium, Ling Hong was reluctant to dwell on the topic long after the official banquet, the seventh day appearance, and the internship at Yue Lao Temple. Hu Ziyu also did not seek to understand it in detail, and the topic was left unresolved.
After a short rest, Ling Hong gave some instructions on how to create dreams, send dreams, and convey other people's dreams, and allowed Hu Ziyu to try it boldly.
At midnight, most of the female fairies are asleep. A novice on the journey naturally has to choose those with lower Taoism and less experience. In particular, if one can understand the desires of others and create dreams according to that person's wishes, it is often the easiest to succeed, but also the easiest to trap the person in a dream forever.
Hu Ziyu treated Yuchan to a Western buffet, gave Xia Lian and Qiu Xiao each a plate of home-style duck and goose, and served Donghua some Shandong dishes... Most people ate with gusto, and some even shed tears of emotion.
Unfortunately, he couldn't fathom Chunxiang's preferences. The red crab rice cakes, steamed and grilled lobster, and pork knuckles all didn't suit Chunxiang's taste. After swallowing a few mouthfuls, Chunxiang spat them all out. After several rounds, Hu Ziyu's magic power was exhausted, and he didn't want to ask Linghong for help. So he stopped dreaming and focused on preparing for the imminent official banquet.
Even though he had practiced climbing up and down stairs, bowing, and responding to bows thousands of times, Hu Ziyu still didn't have the confidence that he could pull off a flawless performance in front of the Lingxiao Palace.
If the nervousness level on the day of the exam was one, and the level after checking the results was five, then now it was at least a hundred. He felt every hair on his body tremble, and no matter what words of encouragement the people around him said, they couldn't reach his ears or his heart. In the end, even the Moon God personally came to encourage him.
"Eat a few more cakes, it will calm your mind." The Star God sent a fairy to deliver a few pounded medicine mooncakes, each as big as Hu Ziyu's face. She stuffed them into his mouth without even breaking them.
"I can't eat anymore..." Hu Ziyu said in a trembling voice: "Before leaving, I had already eaten up all the Mid-Autumn Festival mooncakes that Jinchan distributed to our temple. Now I just need strong tranquilizers, Prozac, and serotonin reuptake inhibitors..."
"We don't have that kind of stuff. Shennong Temple only has Chinese medicine." Ling Hong said coldly, "The people from the Jinchan Institute have already stopped in front of the main hall of Guanghan Palace. Before we set off, let's review it again."
"Okay..." Before he finished speaking, Hu Ziyu raised his foot to leave his temple, but he forgot to lift the hem of his skirt slightly, and his right foot stepped heavily on his skirt, causing his left foot to twist, and he almost crawled on the corridor.
No one was able to offer any comfort, and Ling Hong's face turned pale again.
"I thought you wouldn't make this kind of low-level mistake again." "No... If something happens once, it's likely to happen a second time. After the second time, the third and fourth times won't be far away..." Hu Ziyu was almost in tears. Didn't he walk well during practice?
"Well, please repeat your response to the order."
"Very well... I accept your honorable position, and I have no need to be thankful. I will live up to the Emperor's trust and will do my utmost to... Uh, and then what..." At the end of his speech, Hu Ziyu's voice was barely audible. Ling Hong shrugged and sighed heavily.
"Never mind. You can review it later. It's normal for newcomers to be nervous. If you're lucky, there will be one or two people who perform worse than you."
"good......."
Before he even got on stage, Hu Ziyu had already called out his PAD and pulled out the "Course Guide for Civil Service Conferment and Honor Ceremonies." He'd actually read it over a thousand times and memorized it by heart. It was a shame, because Ling Hong and the others hadn't told him until breakfast that "the old bones of the Lingxiao Palace = the regent ministers, to please the Jade Emperor and the Queen Mother, always come up with a trick or two to prank the newcomers at every official banquet. Who knows what they'll pull this time?" To protect his own children from any harm, the Moon Star Lord even dispatched a female immortal on good terms with the Lingxiao Palace to investigate, but after a flurry of inane activity, they still couldn't find out anything.
All Hu Ziyu could think of was to look up past exam questions as a last resort. Ling Hong said, "When I was in the class, the challenge for the immortals was to compose a poem in 100 steps. The new gods are even tougher, requiring a poem in 10 steps. If you can't do it, the punishment is to drink a mixed vegetable and fruit juice made from a whole, rotten peach, cilantro, green peppers, minced garlic, and duck blood."
"Ew...! Then, what are you going to do?" Although he didn't know what the bad and normal peaches tasted like, as an immortal god, he didn't have to worry about symptoms such as diarrhea or vomiting, but the fact that there were coriander and green peppers was enough to give Hu Ziyu goose bumps all over his body.
Linghong replied: "Fortunately, I immediately memorized the Zen poems that the master in the temple forced his disciples to recite all day long. My master is unknown, mediocre in qualifications, and lacks literary talent. After his death, he went directly into the reincarnation channel. Although his poems are boring, they are still okay to use to deal with those old people." "Oh." Hu Ziyu thought for a while and asked: "Should I also find a few poems to recite?" Linghong shook his head.
"No need. This was done more than three hundred years ago. Today's questions are probably more lively, more diverse, and more difficult to solve." Hearing this, Hu Ziyu's head and stomach both began to hurt again, and he became even more tense.
On top of the bright white clouds, a brand new and cool red God is traveling at high speed... no, speeding.
His body was sometimes bent, sometimes tilted to the right, sometimes tilted upside down, sometimes with his head tilted upwards, and sometimes with his tailbone raised high. And even though he was in the clear blue sky, all four windshield wipers were whirring rapidly. In the driver's seat sat a young man in black, his expression unfazed. His hands moved the steering wheel calmly and effortlessly, his feet alternately pressing the accelerator and brake pads. In the passenger seat, another young man, pale and nearly fainting, clutched the seatbelt tightly, constantly shouting, begging, wailing, and praying.
"Master Hong, you, you, you, you are driving too fast!" The young man in black, Master Linghong, glanced down at the speed displayed on the dashboard.
"Will it? It's only three hundred."
"You're not wearing your seatbelt! And the wipers are moving! Both front and back!" The young man, wearing a black Xuanduan dress with a purple skirt and a yellow sash, the new rookie Rabbit God Hu Ziyu, screamed repeatedly: "Help! No, help! God help! I don't want to die a second time ah ah ah ah ah ah -"
"Don't worry, God will never die because of such a small thing as a disaster. Even if the incense is cut off, and he is forgotten and despised by people, he will only fall into a long sleep." Ling Hong responded.
Suddenly, I jerked the steering wheel and the throttle, swerving left and right, up and down, until a few morning stars flashed by. After a moment, I finally noticed the windshield wipers waving in front of me.
"This thing looks like a fly with its wings spread out. It's really in the way." As he said this, he freed his left hand, which was not holding the steering wheel, and slid it to the outside. The four wipers immediately detached from the roots and flew backwards.
An unlucky white crane following the god was hit in the neck for no reason, flipped several times and fell on the floating clouds; a magpie slightly deflected its wings to avoid two oncoming wipers, but accidentally hit the rear bumper of a Tesla.
"Get out of here, you bastard." Ling Hong glanced coldly at the rearview mirror and continued to accelerate.
"Today is the official banquet, why are you joining in the fun with others, you damn little bastard."
Hu Ziyu suppressed his uncomfortable stomach and looked back frequently.
"Can't you just stop and take a look? Is this a hit-and-run or should it be considered... plane crash? And you stole my line."
"It's okay, Xi Que. We're one of us. A messenger and stepping stone for Yue Lao Temple," Ling Hong said. Another eight hundred meters later, there was another sudden stop. The car shook violently, and all the airbags deployed. Despite this, Hu Ziyu's forehead struck the right passenger window. After the car came to a stop, his body, Ling Hong's, and the seats beneath them were twisted into a tangled mess.
"Fuck - you old bastard!" "Don't say bad words, it will reduce your merits." Ling Hong straightened up and pointed at a strip-shaped object seven hundred meters away outside the window.
"The dragon boat is about to pass by. Let's wait for a while to avoid colliding with it." Hu Ziyu took out a piece of wedding candy from his left sleeve, put it in his mouth and chewed it slowly. At the same time, he stretched his neck to look at the dragon boat.
Ling Hong said, "There are seven new gods in total. The most imposing and highest-ranking of them all is undoubtedly Suanni, the fifth son of the dragon, who has returned after a tour of the human world. Due to his reincarnation, his appearance, personality, and disposition have changed somewhat. This time, he has returned to heaven as a newcomer and will be reintroduced to the gods at the induction banquet."
To put it bluntly, he was a second-generation official who had risen to prominence again thanks to the protection of his predecessors. Before setting off, Hu Ziyu reviewed the list of the new immortals and gods.
The first to appear on stage was Ao Botong, the master of the Suanni Palace of the Dragon King Hall, who came from Jiangcheng and was at the end of the upper class, the third rank; the second was the leader of the Tiger Lord of the Fujian and Taiwan branch of the Fude Palace of the Land Administration Hall, Wan Taian, a young opera troupe from Yilan, whose rank was the same as his, the fifth rank; the third was himself, followed by one auxiliary god each from the City God Hall, Wenchang Hall, Yue Lao Hall, and the God of Wealth Hall.
The Tesla waited in place for about three seconds before a majestic, blue dragon boat, over 500 meters long and covered in flags, passed through the sky. Its eyes could move, becoming two floor-to-ceiling observation windows; its tongue could spit out, acting as a propulsion engine; its scales could rise, becoming windows facing the outside of each compartment; and its tail could swing, a device used for cornering and accelerating leaps.
They lost! Whether it was a pumpkin or a million Teslas, they couldn't even match the Ao family's wealth. After the dragon's tail swept away, Ling Hong spat, "Leaving and rising, as if that's a big deal. A newcomer, and yet they sent their entire family to the Lingxiao Palace to watch the ceremony." Hu Ziyu wiped the sweat from his sweaty forehead.
"He said he was leaving, so we are not much behind. We were just reluctantly found from the family to take his place." Ling Hong smacked his lips a few more times.
"That's different. You were carefully selected by us, but theirs is a family business, so there's a big difference."
"Okay, just focus on driving and forget about everything else..." The red Tesla had flipped 180 degrees when it suddenly braked, now its silver-gray bottom facing up. High-speed vehicles often skid and sway when they suddenly braked. Even more dramatic were rollovers, and they were currently experiencing the most severe of these.
Ling Hong tested the accelerator. Even if the wheels couldn't touch the ground, the god, powered by mana and talismans, could still keep moving. However, driving with his head down and his feet high was not comfortable at all, and it was difficult to increase speed. The point was, they absolutely couldn't reach the Lingxiao Main Hall in this state.
"Does the official website teach how to turn over and get back to the front?" After driving forward for dozens of meters, Linghong gave up struggling.
"In the human world, it's impossible to continue driving after an overturned car. Let's call back and ask." Hu Ziyu pulled out his right hand that was pressed down, called out his PAD, and while looking for the phone number of the Golden Toad Institute, he did not forget to take a look at the standard time in Heaven.
Fortunately, there were still three quarters of an hour left, so he shouldn't miss the trip to the capital. Ling Hong pushed hard, hoping to cast a spell from the outside to right himself. Before that, he might have to rescue the trapped Hu Ziyu first.
"After three days of staying up late, those engineers must be fast asleep now! Social animals who are usually busy with work and have no time to practice cultivation cannot restore their physical strength by meditating or breathing a few times," he said.
After brute force failed to break free, Ling Hong considered using a mana bullet to forcibly blast him free. However, if he did so, upon reaching Lingxiao Palace, the gods would see a blood-like hole in his body. Hu Ziyu wasn't interested in Cheng Hao walking the red carpet, not to mention that this was unexpected wealth, beyond his ability to manage.
"Boss Hong, let's ask the security department to come over and rescue us first. Otherwise, the Star God Lady and her group just left not long ago. It's not too late to call now..."
"No, that would be too ugly! I have a good idea, why not give it a try?"
As soon as he finished speaking, Ling Hong, his body curved into an inverted moon shape, reset his navigation, aiming directly outside the Ziwei Palace of the Lingxiao Hall. Then, he slammed on the accelerator, instantly reaching 300 kilometers per hour. Automatic navigation-assisted driving was activated—this was Tesla's strength.
"What do you want to do!" Hu Ziyu screamed again.
He seemed to understand Ling Hong's plan, but because the details were so horrifying and crazy, he didn't want to think too deeply about it. But there was a strange voice in his heart, making him hope that this plan would succeed.
──Turn it back the way it was turned!
The Red God flashed through the sunspot belt surrounding the Sun Temple with a startling fright, then passed over the sulfur-filled and scorching heat of the Phoenix Residence, the divine beast. Of course, many drivers, seeing the high-speed car's tumbling belly, hurriedly avoided it. Soon, the Buzhou Mountain, a pillar of heaven requiring thousands of immortals and gods to embrace, came into view. Beyond that pillar, the Lingxiao Temple was not far away. Seeing no one around, Linghong planned to execute another earth-shattering emergency move before the God passed through the central cave of the pillar.
It’s a pity that man proposes, God disposes.
"There's a bull!" Hu Ziyu called out. A massive, dark-gray old bull paused in front of the cave, grazing and resting. A man and a woman sat atop a metal saddle. The two men and the bull were about to rise, but just as they suddenly came into Hu Ziyu's sight, they were struck by a sudden and brutal blow to the side. The bull, involuntarily high, spun several times in the air, and then toppled over onto a low hill on the Buzhou Mountain wall.
There was also a man and a woman on the stage.
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