Chapter 24 I'd rather die than go back!
Chunyan didn't want to go home.
Chunyan was truly determined to die; if her first attack failed, she would try again. Still, she failed.
Shanlai was on guard against her, so he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly.
"Sister! Why go to such lengths! This is a good thing! The indenture has been given to you. After a trip to the government office, you will be a free person, and everything will be up to you! What could be better?"
“What kind of good thing is this! Without money, going home... how can you even be considered a human being? They'll torture you to death sooner or later anyway, so it's better to die now and suffer less... good sister, don't stop me!” Tears kept flowing, like a spring, washing away streaks on her face covered in soot.
Shanlai knew a little about Chunyan's situation at home. She wasn't one to listen to gossip, but she still found out. There was no escaping it; everyone was talking about it, partly out of indignation, and partly to see her suffer.
Chunyan was the second daughter in her family, with two older brothers and an older sister, and a younger sister and a younger brother. She was the middle child, the most neglected and least favored, a natural-born person who swallowed her grievances. Her clothes were always tattered, torn beyond repair; every single piece was like that. What was her fault? Yet her mother scolded her for it, accusing her of wasting things. Not only did she scold her, but she also beat her—every time. She would slap her face, left and right, until her mouth bled. After beating her, she would make her kneel, giving her no food and no new clothes. But if her sister had new clothes, her brother would too. Before coming to the Liu family, Chunyan had never worn new clothes; she was the only one among her siblings who had never worn anything new. She always wore tattered, patched rags, forever looking like a beggar. Chunyan also helped with the fire at home; she was very good at it. Men weren't allowed in the kitchen; it was beneath them. Their mother had to work in the fields and couldn't cook either, so the task fell to the two sisters. The older sister was the one in charge, while Chunyan just tended the fire. The older sister would add ingredients to the pot and then run off to play, returning only when the food was almost ready. Chunyan wanted to play too, but she had to stay by the stove, tending the fire in the sweltering heat. Yet, all the credit for cooking went to the older sister; she was clever and capable, unlike some people who were foolish and only knew how to waste food. When Chunyan first started tending the fire, she didn't know what boiling was. Her sister hadn't come back or told her to stop, so she didn't know if it was done, and she kept burning until the firewood burned out, the water boiled dry, and the pot was glowing red. When their mother came home, she only scolded Chunyan, beating her for how much more food she would waste! After the scolding, of course, she would beat her. She was always beaten for various reasons. When Chunyan was ten, her eldest brother was sixteen and her second brother was fifteen, both with someone in their hearts and clamoring for engagements, but where would the family find so much money? It was heartbreaking. Some worldly-wise people in the village suggested that since they had so many girls, they should sell two of them to make money. The Song family parents thought it made sense. So Chunyan was sold. Only she was sold.
After Chunyan was taken away, the villagers gathered together, guessing where she would end up. Some lewd people, disrespectful to their elders, grinned with yellow teeth, saying, "Maybe she'll be sold into a brothel, then she'll live a good life!" A group of people laughed, and someone chimed in, "Chunyan is so ugly, unlike her eldest daughter, the brothel probably won't take her." Another group of people laughed, and they laughed even louder than before.
Chunyan was never pretty; she never had the chance to be. So thin, always disheveled, dressed in rags, she looked like a ghost—a poor ghost, no less. Even when she was about to be sold, her mother still wouldn't give her a decent set of clothes. When she left home, only one shoe was still in good condition, and her mother kept it. "Where will she go? She'll have shoes to wear," her mother thought. "This shoe is still good; it's not worth taking it!" She decided to keep the other shoe too, thinking she could make a new pair with scraps of cloth. When Chunyan entered the city, she was barefoot. Among a group of children, all from impoverished families, none looked as pitiful as Chunyan. The old steward, who had bought her, took pity on her, and Chunyan entered the Liu family mansion.
The broker took a small portion of the thirty taels, and the rest was sent back to her family to help her two older brothers get married. Perhaps a little would remain to become part of her older and younger sisters' dowries in the future. However, no one in the Song family cared about Chunyan's fate.
Chunyan was also a cook at the Liu family mansion. She didn't know how to cook, so there was no way to promote her. Besides, she was ugly and timid. She would hide from people every day, like a rat, and was not presentable.
When Chunyan received her new clothes, she hugged them tightly to her chest, touching them again and again, asking repeatedly, "Is this really for me? Really?" She slept with the clothes in her arms that night, tears streaming down her face. The clothes were soaked, and when she wore them the next day, they felt damp, cold, and chilly.
Incredibly, Chunyan quickly became beautiful. This was not only because she had bright new clothes, but also because she started sneaking food in the kitchen, getting fat and fair-skinned. She even went with the other maids to buy rouge and face powder.
That's gold! That's silk!
"Is this silk? It's so smooth..." "Second sister, if you don't wear this dress anymore, can I have it? It's so beautiful, I want to wear silk too..." "Why should I give it to you? Of course, it's for me!" "Give it to you? Can you even wear it?" "Why can't I wear it?"
The two sisters started fighting.
The two of them often fought, which was nothing unusual, but this time was different from the past. This time it was related to Chunyan, and they were fighting for Chunyan.
Chunyan saw it all and felt a surge of satisfaction. The look in her parents' eyes when they saw the money also brought her satisfaction. They were both looking at her. This had never happened before.
Later, whenever she had the chance, Chunyan would go home, always bringing a lot of money with her. If she happened to be short of money when she went home, she would borrow some, and even if she had to borrow, she would bring the money back with her.
Money wasn't important; how they viewed her was what mattered most. That's why she never had money. And she never will. They would still look at her, but with a completely different meaning.
Chunyan couldn't accept it; she felt she was finished. Without money, she was doomed. She'd rather die than live the life she had before. It was too terrifying; just imagining it made her tremble… She foresaw a tragic future, her eyes gradually losing focus, and she murmured, "Good sister, don't stop me, let me die, don't stop me…"
Just then, someone outside called out, "Chunyan, your mother is here! She wants you to go quickly! She's at the side gate!"
The word "mother" triggered a sharp pain in Chunyan, as if someone had stabbed her with a needle. She suddenly jumped up, clutched her head, and screamed hoarsely, "My mother has come to take me! She's come to take me back! I won't go back! I'd rather die than go back!"
“Okay, I won’t go back, I won’t go back… Don’t be afraid, your mother might not be…” Shanlai tried to comfort her, holding her hands tightly and speaking to her softly, but she went crazy, like a rabid dog, yelling: “She’s come to pick me up! She’s come to pick me up!” Shanlai was thrown out, and before he could even utter a sound, he was thrown hard to the ground, too painful to speak.
Chunyan was still going crazy, her eyes were glazed over, but her limbs were in a frenzied state, waving and kicking incessantly.
Shanlai was frantic. He stood on tiptoe, raised his hand, and slapped Chunyan with all his might. Chunyan's face was twisted to one side, with five bright red finger marks on it. She stopped moving.
"Wake up! How could they be here to pick you up! It hasn't been that long since the incident. It must be something else! Stop making a scene!"
Two more lines of tears, leaving two streaks of white, crawled across Chunyan's face.
Chunyan's mother certainly didn't come for Chunyan's sake. She wouldn't come for Chunyan's sake; the carriage would cost money, and Chunyan could pay for her own way home, so why waste her money? That's why, even after Chunyan had been at the Liu family for several years, she had never visited once. This time, she came for Shanlai. Yao Yong paid for her carriage, giving her a considerable sum. She had seen the pomp and circumstance of Shanlai's last homecoming; he clearly had a promising future. If she didn't curry favor now, it would be too late later! The high-ranking official's aunt was a benefactor!
She was a close neighbor of a nobleman, and as the saying goes, "A close neighbor is better than a distant relative," so they were practically family! As a close relative of a nobleman, Chunyan's mother felt she deserved respect in the Liu household, and that they should give her gifts, just like the ones Shanlai had brought home last time. She thought this all the way there, her demeanor aggressive, but when she actually arrived at the Liu household's gate, the plaque, the gate, the vermilion pillars—they were all too tall, so tall that she worried they might collapse at any moment and crush her. Therefore, despite being a close relative of a nobleman, she still felt intimidated in front of the Liu household's servants.
"Sir, I'm looking for a man here named Shanlai, surnamed Yao..."
"Who goes there? I've never heard of you. Get out of here!"
"She works as a maid here! Serving the young master inside!"
"Go ask at that side gate!" the servant pointed in a direction.
Chunyan's mother bowed repeatedly in thanks, then ran hunched over to the side gate.
It's still the same.
The gatekeeper over there also said, "I've never heard of such a person."
Chunyan's eyelids twitched. What was going on? Wasn't she supposed to be very respected? Why didn't she recognize anyone? She couldn't be considered highly regarded.
It turns out she was just putting on a brave face, Chunyan's mother thought disdainfully, "She might not even be as good as her daughter!"
“Then I’ll find Song Chunyan. I’m her mother. Tell her to come to me.”
Upon hearing Chunyan's name, the gatekeeper immediately laughed, "So you're Chunyan's mother! Why didn't you say so sooner?" He then spoke to someone nearby, who immediately ran away.
Chunyan's mother was extremely proud. Sure enough, it was all an act. She didn't even have as much face as Chunyan!
"Auntie, it's hot over there. Why don't you stand under the tree?"
Again, I expressed my deepest gratitude.
I sat under the shade of a tree and waited for a long time. Finally, I heard a sound and quickly stood up.
But the one who came was Shan Lai.
"Auntie, did you visit my house before you came? How is my father?"
Yao Yong is indeed in bad shape, and that's why Chunyan's mother came here.
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