Change one line and go back to do it again.
"Change one line and go back to do it again."
68.
"But when I found out that she could really marry me, my biggest fear was that one day she would find out how much I had wanted to be with her, but I thought I couldn't, so I gave up."
"I gave up all possibilities of loving her."
"But she never gave up on me."
"Therefore I am not worthy to be her husband."
...
The four sentences, each word dripping with blood, echoed in Lan Jian's ears, who had once been completely unaware of this.
It turns out that in the past she was unaware of, he struggled alone in the forbidden zone of love, letting her love wander aimlessly, unwilling to give her any love or hope.
It wasn't that he was unwilling, but that he couldn't.
“Chongming,” Lan Jian opened her arms, “hug me.”
Chongming awoke from his long reverie and silence. He saw Lanjian's tearful face, yet she was still trying to smile at him. His heart ached. He knew why she wanted him to hug her at this moment.
Because she is too kind and soft-hearted.
She didn't want him to see her tears fall.
Chongming slowly reached out, first wrapping his right arm around her slender waist, pulling her against his chest, then moving his left hand up her back, his warm palm clasping her shoulder. Her teardrops fell onto his left pectoral muscle. He deliberately turned her head to his left, so that she could feel his heartbeat, so that she could feel all his vibrant, passionate, yet unacknowledged love, unfolding and gently spreading for her at this moment.
"So you really gave up on all possibilities of loving me?"
Lan Jian asked softly.
“If only I could really give up.” Chongming sighed deeply. “I never knew before how difficult it was to give up. You’re by my side every day, right before my eyes. I can control my eyes, but I can’t control my heart. I know this isn’t fair to you, but Lan Jian…”
In the subtly tense room, after casting aside all inhibitions and timidity, a moment of emptiness filled the space between the two.
Chongming slowly revealed the mountain range that had been weighing on his heart to Lanjian.
"War is the cruelest thing in the world."
If there were anything in this world that Chongming could single-handedly prevent a war between the North and the South from breaking out, he would willingly give up everything and go through fire and water. This was an inescapable duty etched into his very bones, a mission passed down through generations of his Lu family.
Lan Jian sensed Chongming's heavy mood and tightened her arms around him, bringing herself closer to him.
Chongming stroked Lanjian's soft hair and continued, "But if it weren't for this war that ultimately didn't happen, we wouldn't have gotten married."
"Will you blame me? When I married you, my sorrow outweighed my joy, and I always pushed you away, always saying things I didn't mean to you." After saying this, Chongming felt ashamed of himself. "I deserve to die, how could I be worthy of you..."
"Chongming, stop talking." Lan Jian hurriedly stopped him.
"I know you didn't push me away intentionally before, and you never really gave up on me. That's enough. Some love is like the blind men and the elephant; neither of us had experience, and we stumbled and struggled to get to where we are today." Lan Jian's voice
A dull ache rose from his chest. "I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Just like me, accept the feeling that 'there wasn't enough time to love properly,' and face our impending separation with equanimity, okay?"
What could make us cherish our time and loved ones more than the imminent separation?
"Okay, I promise you."
There were no passionate debates or clinging to the past with bitterness.
There was no passionate declaration of "I love you, I love you too".
Only through the vicissitudes of fate have they finally broken free from the misplaced time and memories, and bravely let their true feelings flow.
At that time, they didn't know that there are many kinds of love in this world.
Some people's love is like the blind men and the elephant.
Some people's love is like Wei Sheng clinging to a pillar.
-
As the spring breeze of April gradually fades, people's hearts, like the sudden heatwave of summer, become restless.
Meng Lanjian's doctoral qualification exam was scheduled for the day of Lixia (the beginning of summer).
She studied diligently every day under Chongming's encouragement. Although she had just moved her seat, she moved back for convenience, as if she had returned to the days when she sat at the same table with him.
No one else in the lab dared to disturb the two senior students. Chongming was meticulous and gentle, but when Lanjian was careless and didn't understand the problem, he would still sternly and firmly correct her.
That night, when no one was around, Lan Jian rubbed her tired, blurry eyes and tugged at Chongming's sleeve, pleading, "Can you take a look for me? I've already gone through the troubleshooting process several times and still can't find the key problem."
“You said the same thing last time, but after I checked it for you, I realized you just switched the settings to the wrong environment.” Chongming never tried to brush Lanjian off on these kinds of things; he would criticize her when necessary. “You never take your mistakes seriously, thinking they’re just accidents, but how many times have you caused accidents that shouldn’t have happened?”
During the days Lan Jian was preparing for her exams, he would often lecture her until she was completely exhausted. If he really loved to preach, that would be one thing, but he always just touched on her problems superficially, and after speaking, he would patiently continue to help her review them.
Lan Jian genuinely dislikes coding and is truly clueless about it. But Chongming's tireless patience with her is also genuine.
She always relied on him for everything, harboring a dependency mentality that was difficult to change in the short term. Chongming, on the other hand, was the type who, seeing her fiddling around for ages without making any progress, would rather he do it himself. As a result, Lan Jian's progress in taking matters into her own hands was slower.
She's never been properly scolded by Chongming, so she's still just getting by.
"Meng Lanjian, do you make this many mistakes when designing aircraft and ballistic systems?"
"That's different!"
"What's different?"
"The design of the ballistic system is based on the physical theory and mathematical deduction I have learned, but writing code is like finding obscure words in a dictionary for me. Every word is difficult."
Chongming, having heard her excuses countless times, began to feel foolish. Everyone has things they're not interested in, and even the smartest person has their weaknesses. If it weren't for the qualification exam, Lan Jian's research wouldn't be using this code that's torturing her.
"Fine, I'll fix it for you." Chongming resignedly pulled the chair closer. "Take a good look."
"Okay!" Lan Jian's sweet talk was as effective as ever.
"Senior brother, you're the best!"
Since there was no one else in the lab and no cameras, she brazenly leaned in to kiss his cheek.
The quick-thinking man pressed his palm against her full forehead.
“I’m not buying it.” He stared straight at the screen. “This is a lab, don’t mess around.”
Lan Jian pouted and moved the chair away.
He teased, a little unwilling to give up, "Can't we even kiss in the lab?"
“Meng Lanjian.” Chongming took a deep breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was tinged with a hint of gritted teeth, “I’ll debug it for you line by line now…”
Oh no, I've touched a nerve with "Senior Chongming" again. As usual, I'll make him fix a bug in one line, and then I'll have to do an extra assignment.
Meng Lanjian waited for his next words with tears welling up in her eyes.
Chongming: "Change the line and go back to do it again."
Lan Jian: "!"
beginning of summer.
After the bell rang, Meng Lanjian came out of the large classroom on the seventh floor.
A group of college students were leaving get out of class next door, and the corridor instantly became crowded.
"Lanjian!"
Guan Shaoxiao and Zhuang Huiting went against the flow of people to pick up Lan Jian after her exam and take her out for a meal.
The two, beaming with smiles, flanked Lan Jianwang on either side as they walked up to the twelfth floor. The elevator was always packed, and the emergency exits were also crowded with students heading to the cafeteria to buy food.
"I ordered your favorite wood-fired pizza place. Your junior, Wen Chu, and the others are already waiting for you." The thoughtful girl carefully introduced the lunch, and at the same time, she took out a wet wipe from her bag. "Here, wipe your sweat."
“Chongming is here too!” Only women understand women best. Zhuang Huiting whispered to Lan Jian, “He came to Lao Guan’s place very early today to help out. We asked him if he wanted to come down and pick you up, but he said no.”
"He probably thought I didn't do well on the test and was afraid I'd embarrass him, so he didn't come!"
"Huh? You didn't do very well on the exam?" Zhuang Huiting chimed in casually. "I can't believe it. I heard from Chongming that the person in charge of setting the computer language exam this time was Lao Tong. Lao Tong never sets exams in a way that makes things difficult for students."
Lan Jian suddenly stopped.
Zhuang Huiting, who was pushing her waist up the stairs from behind, cried out "Ouch!" and bumped into her back.
"You two, stop standing there like idiots! Hurry, it's the last floor!"
Lan Jian glanced at Guan Shaoxiao, then suddenly turned to stare at Zhuang Huiting, "Did you all know all along that it was Lao Tong who set the questions this time?"
Their relationship with Lao Tong was as close as that of a family of three. Lao Tong, like Zhuang Huiting, was a big mouth; he wouldn't leak exam questions, but whether he said he was the one who set the questions was irrelevant—the Nuclear Research Institute only had a handful of professors capable of setting exam questions. Zhong and Xue Xiang had to avoid suspicion, leaving only a handful—besides, Lao Tong was the "youngest" among the candidates. Who else but him would do such a thankless task as setting exam questions?
Lan Jian had been forced to stay in the lab by Chongming every day to work on the difficult problems he set for her. Sometimes, after returning home, he would even make her legs weak from being fucked. She never thought that the qualification exam questions might not be as difficult as the questions Chongming set for her.
Seeing the anger rising on Meng Lanjian's face, Guan Zhuang and the other man exchanged a glance and then quickly ran upstairs.
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