It's Sausage Week right now.
"It's Sausage Week right now."
53.
When Chongming carried the first dish of stir-fried eel with onions from the kitchen to the dining room, Lanjian was sitting at the only wooden table on the first floor, writing something. Her posture was very upright, with her head bowed and pen held about a fist's distance from the edge of the desk. She would occasionally use the pen tip to draw lines against a ruler. Chongming assumed she was drawing in her journal again on a whim, so he picked up a piece of eel and walked over to her, saying, "Help me taste this eel."
Lan Jian's gaze was fixed on the drawing paper, and she opened her mouth wide, "Ah—"
The targeted feeding was successful. The person, whose attention hadn't wavered, mechanically chewed a few times. Chongming had to take a tissue and help the person spit out the fish bones. Lan Jian pursed her lips, as if seriously savoring the taste, "It seems a little burnt. Let me taste it carefully later."
Chongming moved the plate directly to the side where she was sitting, picked up another piece with his chopsticks, and fed it to her mouth, saying, "If it really burns, I'll throw it away and make it again."
"No, please," Lan Jian said, not liking to remove the bones when eating eel. After another round of deboning and chewing, she licked her lips. "Keep this bowl, and you can make another plate."
Chongming looked embarrassed and said, "If it's burnt, don't eat it. It's on me if you waste it."
"No, it's just that it's so delicious that I'm afraid if I finish it all, you won't get any."
Chongming smiled upon receiving the praise and couldn't resist feeding her another piece. "It's okay, I'll just eat the onions. Even if it's delicious, I can't eat too much at once. Let's eat more tomorrow."
"Tomorrow is the second day of the Lunar New Year. I'm going to Lao Guan's resort to soak in the hot springs."
Lan Jian has a good memory; Chongming almost forgot about their date on the second day of the Lunar New Year. "So, how are we going to pick her up then?"
“Apart from Senior Sister Hui and her husband, we each have our own room. Zhuangzhuang and I can’t sleep together. She’s a restless sleeper and I’d be crushed if I slept with her.”
"Oh." Chongming knew that the two of them couldn't possibly sleep in the same room in front of outsiders, so he accepted the arrangement without protesting. He saw Lan Jian drawing a calendar and was slightly intrigued. "Why are you drawing a calendar by hand?"
“I’m drawing my menstrual cycle chart! Aren’t we helping Xie Nandu with his male contraceptive experiment? I can’t keep waiting until you’re about to ejaculate before telling you to take the pill, can I? He said the effect takes about 30 minutes. I’ll draw my menstrual cycle chart for you so you’ll know when to take the pill.”
Chongming noticed she had marked it all with a red marker for the entire week. "Is this your period?"
"Yes, the yellow areas represent the safe period, and the blue areas are the unsafe period, which is the day you need to remember to take your medication in advance!"
"Could you draw a diagram next to it? I have a poor memory for colors and I'm worried I'll confuse the fertile period with the safe period."
"Okay!" Lan Jian readily drew three primary colors in the blank space, but hesitated when it came time to write a note. "But I want to stick this paper on the refrigerator door... If I write it directly, it might not be appropriate if guests see it."
"Why not put it in the bedroom?"
There was no one else in the house besides Chongming, but Lanjian still lowered her voice, "You don't just get horny in the bedroom."
"Tsk." Before getting up to continue cooking, Chongming lightly flicked her forehead. "You seem to know me quite well."
Lan Jian wrinkled her nose at his retreating figure, puffing out her cheeks. "I told you long ago, I know a lot more than you think!"
If Chongming had known that Lanjian would label it in such a peculiar way, he would rather not have opened the refrigerator at all.
The red line ends with an overturned bottle of tomato sauce, the yellow line represents a string of triangular cheeses, and the blue line contains a piece of pink sausage.
Chongming glanced at Meng Lanjian, who was staring at him expectantly, and gave an ambiguous evaluation: "Your painting is very vivid and lifelike."
"Right? Even the blue outer packaging matches the color of the little pill Xie Nandu gave me. You won't get them mixed up, will you?"
Chongming held back, but still
Unable to resist, he flung open the refrigerator door and saw that ketchup, triangular cheese, and male birth control pills were cleverly tucked together in the bottom drawer by the door. He saw Meng Lanjian staring at him with a wicked grin, and he was furious. He slammed the refrigerator door shut, squatted down, and hoisted Meng Lanjian onto his shoulder.
"Ah!" Meng Lanjian was startled by his reckless actions. Her head was a little throbbing, but her tongue was still quick to respond. "Are you imitating Lu Zhishen uprooting the willow tree?"
"I'd rather pull out your radish head!"
The idiom "radish head" comes from a time when Ma Yuehe saw Chongming and Lanjian walking together. He jokingly teased Hui, "Our Jianjian doesn't usually look short, but when she stands next to the smart senior, she looks like a radish head, so much shorter!"
Lan Jian and Chongming weren't deaf, yet he spoke so loudly that Lan Jian was so angry that he picked out all the radishes from his plate and gave them to Chongming that noon.
"Chongming!" Now that Lan Jian heard him call me "Radish Head" again, all her pre-existing idol image vanished. She angrily punched his strong back, "You're not allowed to call me 'Radish Head'! It sounds awful!"
Chongming rushed over and tossed the person onto the spacious bed. Because there were relatives and friends at home, the two of them hadn't cooked for several days. Chongming hadn't been eating meat for long, so he was already finding it hard to get used to a vegetarian diet.
He couldn't bear to wake her up last night because she was sleeping so soundly. He had been holding her fragrant breasts in his mouth and couldn't sleep well all night. He dreamed of her naked body beneath him, indulging in endless springtime pleasures, which almost drove him crazy.
Lan Jian watched as Chongming opened the bedside table and tore open the aluminum foil packaging in the small square box. Just as she was about to speak, he silenced her with a kiss. He knew she didn't like him using his hands, so after putting on a condom, he gently poked around her labia with the tip of his large penis. Lan Jian's vulva was only touched a few times before her juices overflowed, wetting the surrounding lush pubic hair.
She let out a soft, wheezing sound, and Chongming withdrew his lips and tongue, slowly inserting his penis into her hazy, teasing eyes. As he entered, he couldn't resist teasing her, "I wonder who always pretends to be hospitable when they're picky about food. It's one thing to not eat cabbage, but then they stopped eating radishes too. Every time they say, 'Come on, senior, let me treat you to my radish,' aren't you just a radish? Why aren't you offering me any now?"
"You're the radish! Ugh... Ouch... Stop, that hurts!"
She was so tight down there that he was stuck halfway in when he went in, leaving him in a dilemma. He could only squeeze her soft breasts and knead them with his palms to help her relax. "She never lets me use my hands first, and then she cries out in pain when I go in. She's so hard to please."
"Who told you to be the wrong size for me? Whose fault is it?" Lan Jian retorted defiantly after hearing his last muttered remark. As if deliberately waiting for her to finish speaking, he thrust deeper and harder into her the next second. "Ouch! You can't do that, Chongming, um... no!"
"Don't what? Don't eat you?" Chongming hadn't released for several days, so he played with her slowly for a while before he started to speed up. He found that Meng Lanjian's sharp tongue was the same in bed, and she was hard to change. He wasn't in a hurry to force her to change; he had plenty of time to soften both her lips. "If you were really a radish, I would gladly accept you, but you have no flesh on your waist and look even more fragile than a willow."
"Ugh, what are you saying, you dirty talk!" Lan Jian thought, amused by his patient conversation with her, his tone quite serious, yet the content utterly vulgar. What a refined scoundrel! Chongming probably guessed Lan Jian's inner thoughts. He pinched her ticklish side, and unable to escape, she could only be even more shameless than him, "Look at what you've done to me, and you still complain that I'm not good enough for you, huh?"
“You’re quite impatient.” Chongming nodded seriously, his hot, swollen, hard member withdrawing slightly. He patted Lan Jian’s buttocks to make her change positions. She reluctantly cooperated, and had to listen to him whisper in her ear, “You can only do it once each time, and you can’t do it a second time.”
Meng Lanjian's fighting spirit was ignited by his words, and her cooperation instantly reached its peak. She lowered her back even further, her buttocks raised high, her waist offering her vulva to match the frequency of his thrusts, "Come on,"
Today I'm going to show you how I fight to the bitter end!
Chongming chuckled at her choice of words. He kneaded her soft, bouncy buttocks and penetrated her even deeper. She cried out in a hoarse voice, clearly enjoying herself. Chongming was soaked by her gush of fluids, and his thrusts became increasingly unrestrained as he pounded into her like a madman.
“Meng Lanjian, you said it yourself. If you fall asleep again later, I'll stay up all night to wake you up.”
Having just experienced one climax, Meng Lanjian felt as weak as if she were soaking in a bathtub. Clutching the sheets, she secretly resented herself for falling for his tricks again and being provoked by him.
After Chongming finished ejaculating onto the knotted condom, Meng Lanjian remembered what she had been about to say before his kiss interrupted her: "Why did you forget to take your pill and wear a condom again?"
Chongming hooked the trash can to the side of the bed, threw away the first one, and immediately opened the second one. He calmly put it on while stroking his semi-erect penis, saying, "I didn't agree to you taking the pill during your fertile period."
Lan Jian squinted at him, puzzled. "When do you want to eat?"
"Are you in your safe period? What if I forget to take my contraceptive pill during your fertile period if we keep not using condoms?"
"But my calendar clearly shows when I can ejaculate inside you, and when you can take the medication. Why don't you just strictly follow the week indicated on the calendar when you take the medication?"
As Chongming listened to what she said, his previously high libido was almost gone. He covered her mouth with his hand, pressed her waist, and continued to enter her from behind. He answered her simply and roughly, "No."
Lan Jian's mouth was covered by him, and her voice was muffled in his palm. She licked between his fingers with her tongue for a while before he released her. The next second, he turned her over and faced her.
Chongming stopped her from saying anything more and began to stimulate her lips and tongue by mimicking the frequency of impacts between her lower body with his tongue, moving it up and down.
Meng Lanjian, aroused by his actions, forgot her original topic and began to moan obediently beneath him...
When it ended, Meng Lanjian had her eyes closed again, looking as if she were sleepwalking.
Chongming carried her to wash up, and heard her ask in a half-asleep state, "Chongming, why do you only take the pill during my safe period?"
Do you know how Xie Nandu's son, Xie Tangqian, came to be?
"Could it be... that they got on the train first and bought the ticket later?"
"No, they were already married when Wang Xiyu got pregnant."
"Oh, then why are you keeping me in suspense?" Lan Jian pinched his pectoral muscle. "Tell me!"
"The first phase of clinical trials for Xie Nandu's male contraceptive failed because of a successful pregnancy case—Xie Tangqian, that's how it came about."
Lan Jian was stunned for a moment. After the warm water washed away the stickiness between her legs, she came to her senses. "Then from now on, Cheese Zhou should take her medicine and Sausage Zhou should wear a condom!"
Drawing is one thing, but why come up with a secret code? Chongming couldn't believe his ears. "You said... something about Zhou?"
“It’s Sausage Week now.” Lan Jian grasped his finally limp shaft and rubbed it back and forth. “A soft, round thing, how fitting. Wearing a condom makes it even more like a sausage.”
Chongming pulled his manhood back from her dangerous grasp, saying, "How can a sausage compare to me?"
"Yes, yes, yes! A man's length remains at twenty centimeters until he dies."
“I’m sorry,” Chongming smiled meaningfully, “but when I’m erect, I’m much longer than this.”
Seeing that Meng Lanjian was about to speak, he immediately added, "If you don't believe me, you can bring a ruler to measure it next time."
Meng Lanjian: "..."
@Author: ...Chongming's persona has collapsed.
@Lanjian: What happened to the ascetic type?
@Chongming: Any man would have measured it with a ruler.
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