Chapter 92: Blood Letter Punishes the Heart, No One Owes Them
The osmanthus tree in the west wing had shed its leaves again, the withered, yellow flakes whirled by the cold wind, clinging to Xiao Jin's cloth shoes like a layer of unresolved sorrow. He squatted in the center of the room, a plain wooden box before him, covered in the plain clothes Yun Zhi had worn in those days. The weathered, withered skeleton was carefully placed on the fabric, not wanting to miss even a tiny fragment.
The broken wood was set aside, and Xiao Jin used a warm handkerchief to wipe away the dust. His hands were still shaking, and the wounds on his fingertips were bleeding again from the force, staining the handkerchief red, but he was completely unaware - he just wanted to see clearly what the blurred blood-stained words on the wood said.
"Be gentler, don't rub the words off." He murmured to himself towards the dry bones in the box, his tone as gentle as if he was coaxing a sleeping child. "Zhi'er, I know you're anxious to whisper to me. Wait a little longer, I'll be able to see clearly soon..."
The secret guards standing outside the door, their eyes tearing up at the sight of him. Ever since bringing the withered bones back to the west wing, the prince hadn't left the house, hadn't had a proper meal, and hadn't slept soundly. During the day, he spoke to the withered bones, and at night, he sat under the osmanthus tree, cradling the box, like a statue guarding his memories.
The handkerchief brushed across the cross section of the wood, slowly brushing away the rotten sawdust. The outlines of the bloody words became clearer and clearer. First, the character "Xiao" (肖), the strokes vigorous and trembling, as if she had used all her strength to carve it. Then came the character "Jin" (淨), the "fire" on the right carved so deeply that it almost cut through the wood. It was his name, carved with such force, yet so decisively.
Xiao Jin's heart suddenly tightened, and his breathing became rapid. He paused holding the handkerchief, took a deep breath, and continued wiping. The words at the end were: "Broken Moon Dust Heart."
"Broken Moon, Dust-filled Heart..." He muttered, tears suddenly falling, hitting the wood and leaving a small dark mark. "This is our name... Do you remember, you said, 'Broken Moon Shines on Dust-filled Heart, Meeting is Fate'? You said our fate was predestined... Are you writing this now to renew your connection with me? Zhi'er, if I atone for my sins, can we go back to the way we were before?"
His voice held a hint of hope, as if he had grasped at a last straw. He quickened his pace, and the last few words finally emerged: "You and I owe each other nothing."
"You and I owe each other nothing..."
These six words, like a thunderclap, exploded in Xiao Jin's ears.
The handkerchief in his hand fell to the ground with a "clatter," and he sat down heavily on the ground as if all the strength had been drained from his body. He looked at the bloody words on the wood, reading them one by one, over and over again, as if he wanted to carve these six words into his bones, as if he couldn't believe his eyes.
"We owe each other nothing..." He suddenly chuckled, his laughter filled with self-mockery mixed with blood and tears. His shoulders trembled violently with laughter, but the tears kept flowing. "So this is what you wanted to tell me... So you don't want to renew our relationship, but to completely break it off..."
He finally understood how calm and resolute Yun Zhi's heart was when she carved those words. She had no hatred, no resentment, not even a trace of nostalgia. She simply wanted to tell him that all the grudges and ties between them had ended completely with her death. She didn't want to hold onto any more hatred for him, nor did she want to give him the chance to atone for his sins.
"I haven't paid you back yet..." Xiao Jin crawled to the box and carefully picked up the broken jade pendant. The cracks on the jade pendant pricked his palm, like the tears she had shed back then. "I haven't taken you to see the peach blossoms in Jiangnan, I haven't made amends to the 173 members of your Yun family, I haven't observed mourning for the child in your belly... How can you say we're even? How can you just let it go like this?"
He pressed his face against the box, feeling the softness of the plain clothes and the coldness of the dry bones, his voice filled with desperate pleading: "Zhi'er, are you still blaming me? Blaming me for being too stupid and being deceived by Shen Qingyue? Blaming me for not protecting you and our child? Just scold me and hit me twice, okay? Don't tell me we're not responsible, don't leave me here alone..."
But the withered bones in the box would no longer respond to him; the bloody words on the wood would never change. Those resolute words, like knives, repeatedly cut into his heart, telling him a cruel truth - his atonement, his regret, his longing, in her eyes, were all meaningless.
"ah--!"
Xiao Jin suddenly picked up the box and let out a wail that was not human. He held the box and rolled frantically on the leaf-strewn ground, tears mixed with dirt, covering his face. His hair was tangled and draped over his shoulders, and the wrinkles on his face were twisted together with pain. He looked like a madman on the verge of collapse.
"Zhi'er! Come back! I don't want to be even with you! I want you to hate me! I want you to blame me! I want you to let me atone for my sins!"
"How could you be so cruel? How could you leave me alone? You said you would be with me forever, how could you go back on your word?"
"I was wrong! I was really wrong! I will return the throne to Your Majesty and distribute all my property. I don't want anything anymore. I just want you to come back! Will you come back?"
His wails echoed through the west wing, passing through the open door and reaching the ears of the secret guards, bringing tears to their eyes. The wind blew through the osmanthus tree, and the leaves fell even faster, as if accompanying his despair, or sighing for Yun Zhi's determination.
After an unknown amount of time, Xiao Jin finally stopped and slumped to the ground, clutching the box tightly in his arms, his body still trembling slightly. His voice was too hoarse to utter a single word, and he could only lean against the osmanthus tree, staring at the bloody words on the wood, his eyes as empty as two dry wells.
"We owe each other nothing..." He recited these four words for the last time, a faint, sad smile curling up at the corner of his mouth. "Okay, I'll listen to you. We owe each other nothing... But I will remember what I owe you for the rest of my life, until I die, and into my next life..."
He slowly closed his eyes, his mind flashing back to Yun Zhi's last look at him—cold, relieved, and without any lingering feelings. It turned out that from the very beginning, she had never intended to give him a chance to atone for his sins; it turned out that from the moment she jumped from the palace wall, everything between them had been settled.
He held the box, slowly stood up, walked to the osmanthus tree, and gently placed the box next to the roots. He picked up the blood-stained handkerchief again and carefully covered the bloody words on the wood again, as if guarding a precious secret.
"Zhi'er, this will be our home from now on." He whispered into the box, his voice so gentle it sounded like a whisper. "I will stay with you and protect you until I die... Then I'll make amends to you, okay?"
The wind blew up fallen leaves from the ground, covering the box like a thin quilt. Xiao Jin leaned against the osmanthus tree and closed his eyes. The sunlight filtered through the gaps in the leaves, falling on his pale face, but it couldn't warm his cold heart.
He finally understood that some debts could not be repaid in the rest of his life; some people, once lost, could never be returned. And the "no debt owed" carved by Yun Zhi with her life would become the cruelest curse of his life, trapping him in a hell of regret, with no hope of escape.
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