Chapter 28. Her life must be in her own hands.
The light woody aroma in the Wanli Hotel room slowly activated Ke Fan's brain, and her eyes gradually focused.
As I realized where I was, memories of last night came flooding back.
Yi Lingjia seemed like an insatiable animal. His attacks were rapid and intense, causing her to tense her body countless times and become almost speechless.
He refused to let go of her body, even though she had just reached her peak.
Soft lips pressed against her still shrinking little mouth, sucking and wrapping devoutly. Wave after wave of pleasure threatened to overwhelm her. White light flashed in her mind, and more moisture spread on the bed sheets.
Ke Fan felt like a stranded fish on the beach. Under the direct sunlight, his water content became less and less, and his body became hotter and hotter.
Until this point, everything was according to her plan.
She asked Nie Fei to pretend to convey the news of their engagement because she wanted to deal another blow to his crumbling icy shell.
She also wanted to know how far he would go.
But faced with such an out-of-control situation, her overly muddy mouth and dizzy brain made Ke Fan clearly realize that what he gave her was a little too much for her to bear.
Just like six years ago, she could not bear his fanatical love and devotion like a gambler, and longed to spend her life with him, get married and have children.
Because the fear of family that was engraved in her genes was aroused to the fullest.
She is not afraid of hard work, nor is she afraid of studying until late at night and bleeding from the nose, but she is afraid of being unable to control her own affairs.
What's more, they are both students, and she doesn't want to change her living conditions because of anything before she is ready.
She had no basis and could not try and fail.
She must take control of her life.
Not only for myself, but also for my mother.
A long time after Liao Qingmei passed away, Ke Fan opened the book "To the Lighthouse" which she often placed on her bedside table and read it again with heartache.
When I saw the beautiful small words in the last chapter, tears welled up in my eyes.
Liao Qingmei wrote her own name next to Mrs. Ramsay and Ke Fan next to Lily.
This seemed to be the only way to give her a little hope. She was busy washing clothes day after day in the yellowed and dilapidated house, forcibly picking the flower of her dream, grinding it into flower mud, and turning it into nutrition for the family.
With such expectations from his mother, how could Ke Fan allow himself to indulge in the hotbed of love, accept the support of the other party's family, and become a dodder-like existence?
"How about we get married right after graduation? Then we can have two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy can play soccer with me, and the girl would be more like you. She'd be really pretty."
On the eve of graduation, Yi Lingjia was immersed in his own world.
Ke Fan's face became paler and paler.
She didn't speak for a long time. Yi Lingjia came back to his senses and looked at her eyes.
Only then did he realize that her face was as white as paper, and that dark, bottomless vortex appeared in her eyes again, just like when he stopped her in the corridor.
"Xiao Fan, what's wrong with you?"
Ke Fan looked at him in a daze. Yi Lingjia felt an inexplicable pain in his heart. She was sitting right next to him, but suddenly she seemed as far away as the ends of the earth.
After a long moment, she shook her head gently: "Nothing."
What he didn't know was that she had made the decision to break up at this time.
When he imagined being together forever in the future.
His body was getting hotter and hotter, and Ke Fan was caught in an unstoppable offensive.
It has been too long since I last experienced such joy, and even the most rational person would have to let himself sink into depravity.
The scent of wood incense filled the room, accompanied by blushing and heart-pounding gasps and moans, making the room charming.
After a long time, the noise finally subsided.
Yi Lingjia still held her body tightly, but she did not feel any resistance, but a warmth.
When he kissed her, she tilted her head back in response, their warm breaths intertwined, and every cell in her body relaxed.
Comfort, ultimate comfort.
Dopamine falls from its peak, but stops at just the right point, making it comfortable enough to feel slightly tipsy.
She always thought that she could not bear such passionate love.
But it turned out that she also missed the feeling of being loved so devoutly and recklessly.
Or maybe, in fact, only this kind of love can move me?
Otherwise, why have we been apart for so long and no one can enter our hearts?
Maybe she also needs some loss of control.
The red bean sweet soup in Fengshun Seafood and the lighthouse necklace on his neck.
Such love moved her.
The person who set up the scheme was eventually trapped in it.
These days, she has been wondering over and over again whether there is still a possibility for them to reconcile.
She knew that the decision must be in her hands, but should she make this decision?
In such a charming atmosphere, she inappropriately thought of a disgusting face.
Xing Xiao.
Six years ago, she had nothing.
The vague feeling of uneasiness that she had no support for was like a vine that grew stronger and stronger, wrapping around her heart all the time.
Even if she had a partner like Yi Lingjia who was almost perfect in the eyes of the world, she could not plunge into marriage because of her genetic fear of family.
This was an animal-like intuition about danger that she had developed since she was a child.
“Do not go gentle into that good night.”
She has been very smart since she was a child and has a clear understanding of her situation.
A smart and beautiful girl who has become successful through her own education has rejected too many temptations.
She felt like she was walking on a wire bridge, with countless hands trying to pull her down.
There were countless moments when, as long as she was willing to fall, she could live her life numbly.
This also includes marrying Yi Lingjia upon graduation.
But the name her mother Liao Qingmei wrote in the final chapter was like a brand on her heart, reminding her all the time.
She wanted to reach that lighthouse, she wanted to realize their career aspirations, and she wanted to freely paint the canvas of life.
Instead of following the routine, being swayed by society, and completing the template-like life that is expected of women.
This is how she is today, with a PhD, publishing in top journals, and being a leader in the industry.
She didn't regret breaking up. Without those six years of dedication, she would have been like Xing Xiao said:
"How long can a woman be active in her career? Once she gets married and has children, won't she just take a backseat and give opportunities to men who are truly capable of fighting for it?"
It was just this love that was still as passionate as ever after six years that moved her.
In their interactions after the reunion, she also felt his growth.
He no longer thought that life was easy. After experiencing so many changes and facing all kinds of human warmth and coldness in society, he seemed to have a better understanding of her predicament.
Such a person may become a more qualified partner.
If he is willing to infinitely expand the boundaries of his freedom.
She still doesn't want marriage, doesn't want to be bound--
She wants to have complete control over her life; that's the only way she can feel at peace.
Amidst the faint scent of woody incense, Yi Lingjia held the soft body in his arms.
Their naked, warm skin touched each other, their breaths intertwined, and she lay quietly in his arms. He had the illusion of returning to the time when they were in love.
He lowered his head to look at her in his arms. Her forehead was wet with sweat, sticking to her face, and her thick eyelashes were like a silent sea.
He suddenly felt an inexplicable desire.
This desire burned away his perception of reality like a burning fire. He forgot that she had a "boyfriend" and forgot the pain after their separation. He returned to the summer in Suzhou that year. After their first night together, he was filled with great satisfaction and joy.
He had her, and he wanted to have her forever.
The warmth in his arms gave birth to his endless courage. He rubbed his chin against the top of her head, kissed her, and said softly:
"Let's get married, okay?"
After the words fell, the person in his arms did not respond for a long time, but there seemed to be a slight tremor of dissatisfaction in his eyelashes.
In an instant, an icicle pierced his heart. He was like a person hanging on the edge of a cliff, struggling to hold on, and lost the last bit of strength.
Even though he was so attached to the beauty in the room, he knew it was just an illusion she created.
Yi Lingjia slammed the door and left in the middle of the night.
The morning light shines into the hotel room.
Ke Fan stood in front of the only relatively tidy table.
The room was messy, just like the various tangled emotions that filled her mind at the moment.
She knew she couldn't answer and she needed more time to make a decision.
The hotel's welcome fruits were placed on the table. One of the apples was rosy and plump, with a slight golden luster in the morning light.
It was exactly the same as the Christmas Eve when she ate the biggest and reddest apple in the class.
Ke Fan couldn't help but smile. He stretched out his white hand, picked it up and put it to his mouth.
She took a small bite of the apple.
Bitter.
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