Chapter 64
Hearing Zhao Mao's apologetic yet somewhat nonchalant voice on the phone, Shi Luyi stared at the figure in front of him and slightly raised the corners of his mouth.
Should I say as expected?
No one could see Shi Luyi, the man hiding in the shadows, through Lin Mian's light.
Shouldn't he have known this long ago?
As long as Lin Mian is there, the light will never shine on him.
Knowing this, Shi Luyi became more strict with himself.
When he entered high school, he didn't know what kind of mentality he was in. He stood next to the notice board with the class arrangements, almost unable to wait to see the name at the top.
When Shi Luyi saw that the first name was his own, he was stunned.
This... He will have to live without Lin Mian for the next three years.
He should be happy, because no one will say that he is the first place unfairly, he can be seen by everyone, and he won't see her cold eyes passing over him.
He should be happy...but why can't he be happy at all?
Shi Luyi grabbed the collar of his clothes at his chest, holding on tighter and tighter, as if he was not grabbing the clothes, but his own heart.
Huh, huh, huh, even breathing became extremely difficult. I wanted to take a breath but found that I couldn't breathe at all.
A heavy stone pressed on Shi Luyi's heart, causing him unbearable pain.
What's wrong with me?
Shi Luyi looked at his hands in confusion, but had no idea what to do. He pushed the crowd away and walked back.
There were probably too many people and he couldn't breathe.
Shi Luyi thought indifferently.
But the discomfort did not ease until we reached the pond behind the teaching building.
The sunlight shines lazily through the leaves onto the pond. The water surface sways gently in the wind, sparkling, and I don't know whose eyes it dazzles.
It was clearly a beautiful scene, but Shi Luyi felt that it was so dazzling that it was suffocating.
He put his hand into the pond, disturbing its tranquility.
The little goldfish swimming freely in the pond was frightened and swam to the deep end of the pond in panic.
Shi Luyi sneered, what was the difference between him and the goldfish in this pond.
Similarly, when frightened, they will only run away, thinking that they can find freedom by escaping to the depths.
But how can you escape just because you want to?
With his palms resting on the uneven stone steps, Shi Luyi flipped over and fell into the pond.
Letting the water spread over his waist, Shi Luyi held his breath and observed. When he saw a small fish swimming happily in that small area without sensing any danger, he dived into the water.
His hair spread out in the water like seaweed, and his pale face made him look no different from the water ghost in the legend.
He succeeded, and the little fish struggled hard between Shi Luyi's closed hands.
So, running away is useless.
Shi Luyi let go of his hand, and the fish jumped without hesitation. The desire for freedom is engraved in every life.
After the crisis was resolved, the little fish soon began to swim leisurely again.
You really don't learn your lesson.
Shi Luyi chuckled, not knowing whether he was laughing at the fish or at himself.
He laughed for a long time before climbing out of the pond, not caring that he was soaked.
The September sun was still dazzling and sultry. When I walked to the front of the classroom, some of the water on my clothes had dried, and my body became sticky, which made me feel as if I was soaked all over.
Shi Luyi pushed the door open as if he couldn't feel anything. Countless eyes of surprise, curiosity, and sarcasm looked at Shi Luyi.
He sat down expressionlessly, supporting his head with one hand and looking out the window.
He knew that Lin Mian’s favorite thing to do when he was in the classroom was to look out the window and see the birds chirping and making noise.
What's so good about those birds? Shi Luyi often wondered, why would she rather look at those birds than at him who was always staring at her?
But now, when he repeated Lin Mian's actions and experienced her perspective firsthand, he still couldn't understand.
But he wanted to know more about Lin Mian, especially now that Lin Mian was not by his side. He wanted to know what Lin Mian's past actions meant.
What was she thinking? What was she thinking of him?
He accidentally cut his arm with the knife he used to peel fruit, and when he came to his senses, his hand was already cut.
Shi Luyi felt somewhat relieved as he watched the bright red blood trickling out from the wound.
The weight of the stones that were pressing on his heart seemed to be lightened.
He had no idea what Lin Mian was thinking, nor did he know what Lin Mian was thinking now.
The pain and discomfort piled up day by day without any relief.
And now, the pain in his heart was masked by the physical pain. If this wasn't joy, what was it? This was what he had always wanted.
Shi Luyi fell in love with this superficial pain.
But as time goes by, those tiny wounds are no longer enough to cover up the pain in my heart.
Not being exposed in front of others is Shi Luyi’s last bottom line.
Those places that would not be seen by others were replaced with fine and mounded wounds of varying sizes.
At the same time, Shi Luyi was like a rat in a sewer, constantly asking about Lin Mian's news.
At the beginning, he still needed to use some means to get the other party's information, but gradually, he no longer needed to do so.
She was mentioned more and more frequently in newspapers and magazines. Shi Luyi cut out all the reports that mentioned Lin Mian and pasted them into a notebook, then put the notebook in the deepest part of the drawer.
When Shi Luyi heard the news that Lin Mian was admitted to North City University in her second year of high school, she was not surprised. This was something she could do.
But panic still spread in my heart.
Would she go to college? Would they not even be in the same class? This was the closest connection he had right now.
With this thought in mind, Shi Luyi became more depressed.
When he learned that Lin Mian had not chosen to enroll in school early, Shi Luyi's eyes lit up with a brightness that he had never seen in recent days.
It is possible that they will become classmates again.
After realizing this, even in his busy senior year of high school, Shi Luyi would take time to exercise. He thought she would see him in a new light.
Instead of the insidious Shi Luyi who loves to complain, dodges, and is insidious.
This motivation has kept Shi Luyi from cutting himself for a long time, but life is not something that can be done as one pleases.
When he returned home and saw his mother sitting quietly on the sofa, or to be more precise, when he saw the familiar notebook on the coffee table, Shi Luyi shuddered.
"Today I finally understood what kind of person my son is. But that's good. He won't be taking the college entrance exam this year. I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't be the top scorer this year, right, Lu Yi?"
She picked up the notebook and gently hit Shi Luyi's shoulders a few times, without seeing the expression on Shi Luyi's face when he lowered his head.
She placed the notebook in Shi Luyi's arms and walked away calmly.
She thought that Shi Luyi was a smart child and didn't need her to say more.
It wasn't just Shi Luyi who was embarrassed, but also her, as Shi Luyi's mother.
Shi Luyi tightly clenched the notebook in his hand, then as if he had thought of something, he loosened his grip and held the notebook carefully in his arms.
That night, Shi Luyi cut his shoulder several times with a knife and started this repetitive behavior again.
His grades were already good, and he later showed his determination to sweep away all opponents, successfully becoming the top student in science in North City.
During the summer vacation, Shi Luyi often had trouble sleeping. He wondered what kind of expression Lin Mian would have when she saw him?
For this reason, he chose the same major as Lin Mian. He always wanted to be closer to her.
When counselor Zhao Mao contacted him to speak as a representative of the freshmen, Shi Luyi agreed.
He didn't want to replace Lin Mian and be the one standing on the stage. He already knew that feeling. He knew that this should belong to Lin Mian. Maybe Zhao Mao and the others couldn't contact Lin Mian or Lin Mian refused.
If they were contacted and Lin Mian agreed, he would definitely be abandoned as a backup. With him as a backup, there would be one less person in the world who hated Lin Mian. He didn't want someone to snatch his place away.
If Lin Mian refused, then it would be best for him to do it, just like before, when he would take over what she didn't want.
He would no longer have the same thought as before. He would cherish it very much. This was also what she gave him. Although what he wanted more now was Lin Mian to pick up the knife and carve her name on the skin above his heart.
But this would scare her, Shi Luyi tried hard to restrain his desire.
On the day of freshman orientation, he was the first one to arrive because he didn't know when she would show up.
When the figure appeared before him, even though he hadn't seen it for a few years and had changed a lot, Shi Luyi could still recognize it at a glance.
He had cut off his long hair before coming, revealing his entire face.
Shi Luyi pretended to walk towards Lin Mian casually, but he didn't get any glance from her until their figures passed by.
It was like...she didn't remember this person at all.
How can this be? How can this be!
His nails dug deep into the palm of his hand, blood staining the nails red, but Shi Luyi continued to press his hand as if he didn't feel it.
How could these pains compare to the pain in his heart!
I'm afraid it would have to be multiplied ten or a hundred times before it could be placed on a scale.
Why is he the only one suffering, why is there someone new around her, why does she look at him like a stranger?
It hurts because I can’t find the answer or the way out.
Shi Luyi didn't want to suffer so much, so he secretly followed Lin Mian. Seeing how gentle she was to a stranger, hatred wrapped around his heart like thorns, constantly hurting him.
Hating himself was too painful, so Shi Luyi chose to hate Lin Mian.
So when Lin Mian left, he could no longer control himself and walked up to talk to Chen Ke.
Give up those thoughts, she is not as beautiful as you think.
Before he could finish his words, he was interrupted by the other party. The trust revealed in the tone made the fire in Shi Luyi's heart burn even more fiercely.
After the other party left, Shi Luyi had no strength to support himself and sat on the ground dejectedly.
He knew he was wrong, he knew it was wrong.
But hating himself was so bitter, so bitter that he could no longer taste anything else.
"Are you okay?"
This is... Hearing this sound that could only be heard in dreams, Shi Luyi suddenly raised his head.
"I just felt that you looked very familiar. Sure enough, you are Shi Luyi."
The words fell softly, but like the warm sun lazily sprinkled on a rainy, damp and dark corner, it penetrated the heavy clouds that had accumulated in Shi Luyi's heart for a long time without any warning.
Shi Luyi, who was trapped in the summer, finally received the forgiveness of the gods this autumn.
He left the summer and could welcome the following autumn, winter, spring, and every season as long as Lin Mian was there.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
