Chapter 31, Section 31: She conceived the idea of escaping the Eastern Palace. ...
However, she only slightly shifted her position, and even her expression didn't change, but Gu Zhan noticed the change in her and turned to ask her, "Zhi Niang, are you hiding from me?"
Shen Mi felt a chill run down her spine and shook her head in denial: "No." She quickly came up with another excuse: "The hair ornament on my headdress wobbled and got cold on my neck."
Gu Zhan indeed shifted his gaze to her elaborate headdress and didn't ask any more questions.
Shen Mi breathed a sigh of relief.
But for the first time in her life, she felt that the person she had married was so terrifying that it made her feel suffocated.
He is of high rank and power, never showing his emotions, suspicious and distrustful. When he wants to treat her well, he might do something like today, throwing a lavish banquet at the Eastern Palace for her birthday, inviting many guests, with the so-called birthday rewards and gifts being sent separately. When he doesn't want to treat her well...
Shen Mi didn't want to dwell too much on the past.
Can people like this really grow old together?
The weather was clearly sunny and cloudless today, and she was wearing a thick cloak, but she inexplicably felt a chill.
It is not from the outside to the inside, but from the inside to the outside.
So much so that when she saw the person Gu Zhan said he would take her to meet, she was still somewhat taken aback.
Instead, that person called her by her childhood name first: "Zhi Niang!"
Shen Mi only regained her wandering gaze when she heard the familiar voice.
Standing before her was none other than her former calligraphy teacher, Lu Lin, whom she had studied under in Yanzhou.
Meeting an old friend in a foreign land, Shen Mi immediately forgot all her worries. Her eyes crinkled into a smile, and without caring that Gu Zhan was still holding her waist, she took a few steps forward and called out, "Teacher!"
Lu Lin's hair and beard were now completely white, and he was slender. He wore only a black square scarf tied around his hair, a dark blue robe, and a wooden cane, giving him a rather otherworldly and venerable appearance. If not told otherwise, no one would recognize him as the former Minister of Personnel, Lord Lu, from many years ago.
Shen Mi's eyes stung, and she murmured, "I never thought that after going through something like that, I would be able to see my teacher again."
"Tsk, why are you crying on such a joyous day? Don't cry." Lu Lin took out a clean handkerchief from her sleeve. Out of courtesy and with His Highness the Crown Prince still nearby, she didn't dare to directly wipe Shen Mi's tears, but simply stuffed the handkerchief into her hand.
Shen Mi sniffed and then gently wiped away the tears from her eyes with a handkerchief.
Lu Lin gestured with his hands in front of her and said, "When I bid farewell to General Shen and left Yanzhou to travel again, you were only this tall and had your hair in double buns. Now you're this tall too." He looked at Shen Mi and said, "You also look much more composed than before."
Hearing about the past, Shen Mi couldn't help but lower her eyes. She had become more composed because she no longer had a powerful backer who could make her act as she used to.
She knew that her teacher felt sorry for her, but after a moment, she looked up and asked Lu Lin, "Teacher, when did you arrive in Bianjing? I didn't even know."
Lu Lin stroked her beard and smiled as she looked at Gu Zhan standing behind her. "It was Your Highness who requested this. I have been staying in the East Palace for several days, but Your Highness will not let me see you. He insists on waiting until your birthday to give you this surprise."
Shen Mi looked at Gu Zhan in surprise, only to see him with one hand behind his back, calmly asking, "Do you like it?"
Shen Mi nodded and replied, "I like it. Thank you for your trouble, Your Highness."
After saying this, her feelings became even more complicated.
If it were ordinary gold, silver, or jade, she might not be very moved, but Lu Lin was her mentor whom she hadn't seen for many years, and the only remaining hope she had for the past.
She pursed her lips, not letting Gu Zhan and Lu Lin notice the unusual expression on her face.
Gu Zhan nodded, "Alright, then let Lord Lu stay at the East Palace for a few more days."
Since the Crown Prince had spoken, and the Eastern Palace had its own beloved disciple, Lu Lin naturally wouldn't refuse, and simply bowed to Gu Zhan.
Shen Mi concealed her emotions and looked at Lu Lin again: "Teacher, His Highness is hosting a birthday banquet for me today. It seems that there are some of your students from when you presided over the imperial examinations many years ago in the front hall. Would you like to go and see them?"
Lu Lin laughed heartily: "There's no need for that. Since I made up my mind to resign from my official post many years ago, I've decided to never get involved in court affairs again. Once I've made up my mind to not look back, it means I'm completely cutting ties with the past." He looked at Gu Zhan as he spoke: "I hope Your Highness will understand."
Gu Zhan didn't react much to this. "I understand what Lord Lu means," he said, turning his head to look at Shen Mi. "Now that we've met the person, we're just waiting for the two of us ahead."
Lu Lin insisted on doing so. Shen Mi never forced others to do things they didn't want to do, let alone someone who was her mentor.
She agreed to Lu Lin's request and promised to come back to catch up with him another day before going to the front hall with Gu Zhan.
The Eastern Palace was bustling with activity today, not to mention the deafening sounds of gongs and drums, with a large number of guests gathered. Shen Mi knew that nine out of ten of these people were there because of Gu Zhan.
After all, now that the Prince of Wei has lost power, many people in Bianjing are thinking of flattering Gu Zhan. If they could leave a good impression on him when he was still the Crown Prince, they would at least have a smooth career if he ascended the throne in the future.
Only a few were female relatives she had met and spoken to during previous banquets.
During the banquet, toasts were exchanged and the officials from the Crown Prince's Palace loudly announced the list of congratulatory gifts. The treasures among the gifts were commonplace, and some even presented luminous pearls, which drew gasps of amazement from the crowd.
If not told otherwise, who could tell that this was an ordinary birthday banquet rather than a wedding?
Although Shen Mi was a concubine, Gu Zhan surprisingly allowed her to sit in the main seat with him to receive everyone's congratulations.
She was momentarily stunned.
The birthday banquet could be handled by servants like Sun Cheng, and Gu Zhan wasn't short of money for ordinary gifts, but finding something for Lu Lin would require some effort.
As far as she knew, Lu Lin had been a wanderer for many years, never having a fixed abode. Even when she first arrived in Yanzhou, she did not come to visit her father immediately. It was only by chance that she came to their home and was invited as an honored guest by her father because she shared the same political views as him.
From this perspective, Gu Zhan was actually quite attentive to her?
A wavering feeling arose in her heart once again.
Although Gu Zhan is suspicious by nature, how many emperors throughout history have not been suspicious?
Even though he wanted to marry Su Yuzhao, Su Yuzhao was not arrogant, domineering, or difficult to get along with. She was even willing to patiently explain to him why Su Xingjian could not come to the East Palace in person and hand over the jade bracelet to her in person, instead of just giving her a perfunctory answer.
If only she wouldn't ask for Gu Zhan's love anymore in the future, would that be alright?
Thinking of this, Shen Mi's heart seemed less heavy. Instead, she picked up her wine glass and smiled as she toasted Gu Zhan.
Gu Zhan clinked glasses with her, and only after she took a sip and tasted the sweetness on her tongue did she ask Gu Zhan, "This is... fruit wine?"
Gu Zhan remained expressionless: "It's fruit wine."
Shen Mi slowly sipped the wine, as if reluctant to finish it. The thin ice that had finally formed in her heart began to crack.
As the banquet ended and Shen Mi and Gu Zhan returned to Qingluan Palace, they passed by Lu Lin's residence and suddenly remembered what he had said during the day: "Once you've made up your mind not to look back, you're essentially cutting ties with the past."
She glanced up at Gu Zhan, and the cold, hard profile of the person beside her caught her eye. A gust of wind roused her from her reverie.
She asked herself, "Do I really have to cut ties with the past?"
If it's about giving up, is it giving up the past before marrying into the Eastern Palace, or the year after marrying into the Eastern Palace?
Shen Mi glanced at the courtyard of the East Palace. It was still as impersonal as ever. After the guests had left, it had returned to its usual dignified and solemn state. From her perspective, she could see the moonlight flowing on the roof ornaments not far away, casting an arc of light on the back of the ridge beasts, which looked even colder. Only the red silk flowers hanging under the eaves indicated that a banquet had just taken place in this East Palace.
What would it be like if you were at home right now?
If it were at home, the scale of the event might not be as grand as it is today, nor would it be as crowded with guests as it is in the Eastern Palace, where everyone is either rich or noble.
Most of the people who came to visit the Shen family were her father's close colleagues, her brother's good friends from school, and some of Shen Mi's close sisters in the capital. Her mother was from Runzhou, so her close friends would not come from afar, but every year they would always ask someone to bring them back to Bianjing during the New Year.
But it won't be like nothing happened once the performance is over; instead, it will be lively all night long.
She would wear a red padded jacket and chase her brother around the yard. If it snowed, she would take advantage of her brother's inattention, pick up a snowball from the ground, find a chance to stuff it into his collar, make a face, and say to her brother, "Today is my birthday, brother, you are not allowed to fight back!"
So her brother really didn't fight back, which made her even more smug. She threw snowballs at her brother, but he was agile and she couldn't hit him no matter how many times she threw them. So, relying on the fact that her parents always doted on her, she grabbed them, put her hands on her hips, and complained to them that her brother was bullying her.
At this point, Father would put on a stern face, not asking the older brother why, but only telling him not to bully his sister. Although the older brother was not convinced, he could only stand in the yard like a wooden figure, motionless, letting her throw snowballs at him. Father and Mother would stand aside, and Mother would even say, "That was a good throw, quite accurate."
After she had finished making a scene, her brother brushed the snow off his clothes and went to change. He put on a fierce look and said, "Just wait until tomorrow when our parents are gone, and I'll get my revenge!"
She was emboldened at the time and scoffed, "Then you should try it."
As it turns out, her brother only talked the talk every year and let her "bully" him every year.
She thoroughly enjoyed the time every year on her birthday when she would open her gifts. Her parents, brothers, and she would gather around the fireplace, the whole house warm and cozy from the fire. Her brother would then act as her "tool," reading out the names of the gifts from each family one by one from the gift list. If she heard a gift she liked, she would have the servants find it. This would go on and on until almost midnight, and she would be covered in a bunch of jingling things, yet she felt like the most powerful person in the world.
As she thought about the past, her vision gradually blurred, and her consciousness was pulled away from the brief memories.
Even though she had been reminding herself ever since she married into the Eastern Palace that things were different now, and that she was no longer the capricious and willful Shen Zhi Niang of the past, but could only be Shen Liang Di, who "complemented" the Eastern Palace.
But when Shen Mi saw Lu Lin today, she suddenly realized that those were days she had never wanted to give up in her entire life.
It was at this moment that she suddenly understood the meaning of the line from a poet of the previous dynasty that she had read when she was studying: "Most good things are not durable, colorful clouds easily disperse and glass is fragile."
The red ribbon above her head fluttered in the wind, creating a faint sound, but it sounded exceptionally clear in the silence.
After the wind swept past the red silk, it seeped into her clothes through her collar, making Shen Mi shiver and shrink her shoulders. The arm around her shoulder tightened slightly at that moment.
Gu Zhan turned his head and saw the girl with her hands in her sleeves, her lips pursed and silent, a layer of frost on her eyelashes. Even at the banquet just now, when it was so lively and the guests could chat freely, she rarely spoke, as if she had something on her mind.
He pulled the person closer to him and asked, "Something on your mind?"
Shen Mi didn't know where he had gotten that from, and she didn't deny it. She just said, "Today is the thirteenth, and the moon will soon be full. The ancients said that gazing at the moon makes one think of those far away and homesick. I can't help but feel that way too."
Gu Zhan patted her shoulder lightly and said, "Seeing how close you are to Lord Lu, I'll let Lord Lu stay in the East Palace for a few more days so he can catch up with you."
Shen Mi hummed in agreement and lowered her head, "Thank you, Your Highness."
Although it was her birthday, from getting ready in the morning to dealing with various guests, the heavy headdress made Shen Mi's neck ache all day. She didn't enjoy herself as much as she did when she was a child at home. So after returning to Qingluan Palace and taking a bath, she wanted to rest early.
As Gu Zhan sat on the edge of the couch and lifted the quilt, Shen Mi habitually propped herself up to sit up.
Gu Zhan raised his hand and gently pressed her shoulder. "I know you don't like having the lamp on." After saying that, he casually picked up the lamp cover and turned off the lamp.
Shen Mi lay down on this side.
But perhaps because her mind was preoccupied with many things today, she found it difficult to fall asleep and could clearly hear the rustling sound of the blankets being turned.
At first, she thought Gu Zhan was just adjusting his sleeping position, but when the man turned over and lay on top of her, she realized what Gu Zhan was going to do.
His warm, moist breath gently brushed against her neck. She opened her eyes, but the bed curtains made it pitch black inside, almost impossible to see her own hand in front of her face. She couldn't see Gu Zhan's expression, but after a year of marriage and so many times, she knew what Gu Zhan was up to.
Sure enough, the man grabbed her wrist with one hand, interlocking his fingers with hers, while his other hand, through her nightgown, held her waist, his palm caressing her and easily finding her belt.
Then, a soft, cool pair of lips landed on hers.
Normally, she would have done nothing and let Gu Zhan do as he pleased, but today, her hands acted faster than her brain.
Her other hand, which was still free, gently pressed against Gu Zhan's chest. As he lifted his face and released her lips to kiss her in another place, Shen Mi said softly, "Your Highness, my period will start in two days, and my lower abdomen is aching slightly. I'm afraid I won't be able to serve you tonight."
Gu Zhan paused for a moment, still supporting himself above her, and did not immediately withdraw.
When sight is taken away by darkness, hearing inevitably becomes more sensitive.
She could clearly hear Gu Zhan's breathing becoming slightly rapid. Her period was still five or six days away, so tonight would have been perfectly fine, but for some reason, she subconsciously wanted to refuse Gu Zhan.
Then his lips pressed against her collarbone. Just as she was about to speak again, Gu Zhan released her hand, lay back down on his side, and said in a slightly hoarse voice, "Rest now."
Shen Mi breathed a sigh of relief.
Nothing happened that night.
The next day, when she woke up, Danju served her a bowl of red date, goji berry, and lotus seed soup. Puzzled, she looked at Danju with a question in her mind.
Danju said, "His Highness gave the order when he left for court this morning."
Shen Mi wondered if it was because she had lied to Gu Zhan last night that her period was about to start?
But he didn't say much, only uttered a soft "oh".
As she drank the soup, she found herself increasingly unable to fathom Gu Zhan's thoughts.
By mid-winter, the two ministries, three offices, and six departments all had to reconcile accounts, calculate the excess of the court's fiscal expenditure this year, and report any important matters requiring funds from the six departments next year. The Ministry of Revenue and the three offices would then jointly calculate the accounts. As the crown prince, Gu Zhan was naturally extremely busy and felt he had too little time at the Eastern Palace.
Life in the Eastern Palace should have been extremely boring, but because Gu Zhan invited Lu Lin to the Eastern Palace, Chen Mi was able to meet an old friend in the Eastern Palace, and her mood was unusually pleasant.
All day long, she either played chess with Lu Lin or had Lu Lin give her pointers on calligraphy.
Lu Lin said that although her calligraphy has improved a lot compared to before, and her strength and brushwork have matured, she hesitates a little when putting down and finishing a stroke. Running script is all about flowing like clouds and water, and if you want to write beautiful flying white strokes, you must not have any sense of hesitation or obstruction in your mind.
Shen Mi simply chuckled to herself, "Perhaps it's because I'm living in a state of constraint now."
Lu Lin gave her a deep look, then finally sighed and said nothing more.
However, what Shen Mi enjoyed most was listening to Lu Lin recount the people and events he encountered while traveling the world after resigning from his official post. Lu Lin had once passed the imperial examinations with top honors in all three categories and entered the court as an official. Not only was he the best calligrapher of his time, but his literary talent was also outstanding. When he described those glorious scenes, Shen Mi always felt as if she had traveled with him, experiencing the majestic Jianmen Pass, the towering Mount Hua, and the beautiful Suzhou and Hangzhou that Lu Lin spoke of, seeing those people, and breathing that air.
Looking up at the square sky above her, she found herself wanting to escape.
Unfortunately, she couldn't; she had no way to leave.
Knowing her helplessness, Lu Lin made her a kite.
She couldn't escape the palace, but she could with her kite. However, the weather had been gloomy for days, so she was hoping that the weather would clear up so she could go out and fly a kite.
She thought this kind of life would continue until Gu Zhan finished his work after the New Year, but she didn't expect Gu Zhan to come back early on this day.
Knowing she shouldn't stay any longer, Lu Lin got up, bowed to Gu Zhan, and took her leave. Gu Zhan didn't try to stop her either.
Gu Zhan casually poured himself a cup of tea and sat down on the soft couch where Lu Lin had just sat. He took a sip, but the tea had gone cold and tasted bitter.
"Why has this tea gotten so cold?" he asked Shen Mi.
Shen Mi got up and put away the chess basket. Hearing Gu Zhan ask this, she turned around and said, "Perhaps it has been left out for a while. Let me brew you a cup of fresh tea."
As she spoke, she gestured for Cuiwei to bring over the tea-making tools.
Before long, tea cakes, tea grinders, tea sieves, tea cups, and other items were neatly arranged on the small table between the two of them.
Gu Zhan watched as Shen Mi rolled up her sleeves, secured them with her armbands, and began to concentrate on preparing tea.
Grinding tea, placing the powder into the cup, pouring hot water to mix the paste, whisking and preparing the tea—every movement was performed with practiced ease.
Gu Zhan had seen palace instructors teach Gu Chiying how to make tea, but learning tea requires patience at the beginning. Gu Chiying was impatient and would always give up after learning for a while. Although she eventually learned it, she was not as calm and composed as Shen Mi.
He thought the tea was finished once it was poured into the cup, but to his surprise, when Shen Mi added tea, she made a slight movement and actually created a cloud-like dot on the surface of the tea.
"This is?"
Shen Mi and Lu Lin chatted for a long time. In a good mood, she was able to patiently light a cloud. After she finished, she pushed the teacup in front of Gu Zhan, raised her face, and slightly curved her eyes: "This is called tea art. It was popular among the common people before. Your Highness has been living in the deep palace for a long time and has been busy with government affairs. Perhaps you have no time to pay attention to it."
Gu Zhan rarely saw Shen Mi smile so warmly; her eyes seemed to hold the gentle ripples of autumn water and the faint beauty of spring mountains.
He took the teacup, sipped it slowly, then froze, and said, "I had no idea you were also skilled in this art?"
The smile on Shen Mi's face faded slightly. "Your Highness is too kind. I dare not claim to be an expert."
In fact, she has many talents, but Gu Zhan never wanted to learn more about her.
Although she loved to play when she was young, she learned things quickly and never missed anything she was supposed to learn.
Gu Zhan put down his teacup and inadvertently glanced at a paper kite lying to the side. "What is this paper kite?"
Shen Mi told him the truth.
Gu Zhan nodded and said calmly, "When the weather clears up in a couple of days, I'll go with you to the outskirts of the city to relax with kites."
The tone was still one of giving orders, not of discussing.
Shen Mi's heart stirred.
She's been in Bianjing for so long, but she's never been to the outskirts of the city.
She thought Gu Zhan was just mentioning it casually, but to her surprise, after the weather cleared up, Gu Zhan actually ordered someone to load up a carriage and go to the outskirts of the city with her.
Gu Zhan did ask Lu Lin, but Lu Lin didn't want her old friends to know that he was in Bianjing, so she declined Gu Zhan's offer.
Because the Bian River flows through Bianjing, even in winter, the wind that blows after the weather clears is not like the knife-like wind of Yanzhou; instead, it carries a slight chill.
Shen Mi released her kite, holding the string and lifting the hem of her skirt as she jogged a few steps over the distant fields. The kite quickly took flight with the wind. She observed the kite's height, stopping occasionally to carefully adjust the string, sometimes loosening it, sometimes tightening it, enjoying herself immensely. Suddenly, she recalled the carefree life she used to have at home.
Gu Zhan had been bound by etiquette since childhood. He said he was accompanying Shen Mi, but he really only accompanied her and did not participate. He just stood with his hands behind his back not far from Shen Mi, watching her run, chuckle, pull the string, and reel in the kite. The kite's tail drew ripples in the air.
It was rare for Shen Mi to be so bright and lively in his presence, instead of being lifeless.
The last time he saw Shen Mi like this, it was when Shen Mi was facing Su Xingjian, so he didn't give Su Xingjian another chance to go to the East Palace in a short time.
A melodious laugh, like the tinkling of silver bells, filled his ears, and his heart felt as if it had been gently tickled.
If Shen Mi behaves herself from now on and stops associating with Su Xingjian, he can completely indulge her and let her do as she pleases.
He has always disliked others touching his people or things.
Shen Mi was completely absorbed in the kite, so she had no idea what Gu Zhan was thinking when he was staring at her.
Suddenly the wind picked up, and she tried to reel in the line, but it was too late. With a flick of her wrist, the kite broke free of the string and soared into the sky, while the string limply fell to the ground and piled up in a heap.
She turned around and saw Gu Zhan.
"It... flew away?"
Shen Mi was somewhat disappointed and said, "I placed it too high, and the fuse broke."
Gu Zhan took the coil from her hand, casually tossed it to Sun Cheng, and said, "It's alright, we can just have someone make another one when we get back, and replace the thread with a stronger one."
Shen Mi nodded, but her interest waned, and soon she returned to the East Palace with Gu Zhan.
Upon returning to the East Palace, she met Lu Lin and, with a sense of guilt, told her about the broken kite string.
Lu Lin, however, didn't seem to care and laughed, "So what if it's broken? As the saying goes, 'The sea is wide enough for fish to leap, and the sky is high enough for birds to fly,' so it doesn't matter."
Shen Mi was taken aback; Lu Lin's attitude was completely different from Gu Zhan's.
Gu Zhan went to the Hall of Diligent Governance to attend to his own business, so Shen Mi returned to the Qingluan Palace first. There was a letter on her desk with no name on it. She opened it with some doubt and found that it was left by Lu Lin.
Lu Lin said that he had no intention of coming to Bianjing, a place of trouble, but Gu Zhan said he wanted to give Shen Mi a birthday surprise, so he agreed to come to Bianjing for a while. Seeing that Shen Mi is doing well now, he was relieved. Because he was afraid that she would be sad, he did not say goodbye in person.
After reading the letter, Shen Mi realized that she had just seen Lu Lin at the door, and now she was afraid that she couldn't stop her now.
Thinking of Lu Lin, she murmured, "The sea is wide enough for fish to leap, and the sky is high enough for birds to fly."
The scene of the kite breaking free of its string and flying away reappeared before her eyes, but what were the mountains and rivers like outside the Eastern Palace?
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Author's Note: The next chapter will only cover the second paragraph of the synopsis! [Pity][Pity]
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