Chapter 75. Gu Zhan's regret deepened.
Shen Mi wasn't sleepy to begin with, and hearing Cuiwei say that not only made her more alert, but also stirred up her thoughts into confusion.
She pressed herself under the covers, turned over, and faced the wall, offering no reply.
Cuiwei, wearing a coat, glanced at Gu Zhan standing in the rain through the crack in the window. Afraid that the cold wind would blow in and make Shen Mi catch a cold, she closed the window from the inside.
She slipped on her shoes and walked to Shen Mi's bedside, asking, "My lady, it rained last night and the weather is very cold. I heard that when Your Highness escaped during the bandit uprising, you were hit by several arrows and your wounds have not yet healed. Would you mind if I fetched an umbrella for Your Highness to take out?"
When Shen Mi heard Cuiwei say that Gu Zhan was injured, she pulled her half-clenched fist back a little, and her heart ached.
She didn't reply to Cuiwei. She tossed and turned on the couch, feeling somewhat agitated. So she lifted the covers and sat up.
Cuiwei was slightly surprised: "Does Madam intend for His Highness to come in and take shelter from the rain?"
Shen Mi, without putting on any clothes, walked to the window and opened it a crack from the inside.
The rain outside was getting heavier and heavier. The short eaves in front of the door were not enough to keep out the falling rain. Through the fine rain curtain, Shen Mi saw that figure.
The man stood outside the door, tall and straight, motionless in the rain, his whole body soaked through. His moon-white clothes clung to his body, outlining his lean waist. Visible bloodstains seeped from his chest, shoulders, back, and other places, but he seemed oblivious, his gaze fixed on the tightly closed door.
A moment later, he seemed to notice the gaze coming from the window and turned his head slightly.
The moment their eyes met, Shen Mi slammed the window shut from the inside, even locking it tightly. Then she turned her back and leaned against the edge of the bed.
The sound of wind and rain pattering on the lush leaves still echoed in her ears. The pattering rain, while dripping onto the bricks of the eaves, also dripped into the lake of Shen Mi's heart, stirring up ripples.
The wind rushed past his ears and brushed against the willow branches hanging outside the courtyard, leaving a light but not heavy touch on Gu Zhan's heart.
Even though Shen Mi moved quickly, he still caught her hastily averted gaze.
Gu Zhan looked at the window, where the woman's slender and graceful figure was reflected in the window paper.
He knew that it could only be Shen Mi, not Cuiwei beside her.
The fact that Shen Mi was willing to open the window and glance at him meant that he still held a place in her heart, and that she still cared about him to some extent.
With this thought in mind, Gu Zhan suddenly felt that being injured and soaked in the rain wasn't such a big deal after all.
Fan Nayan's self-inflicted injury strategy actually had some effect.
His gaze remained fixed on the dark figure, and he did not look away.
Shen Mi, inside the house, was unaware of this floor and was glad that she had been quick-witted and nimble-fingered.
Unable to gauge Shen Mi's feelings for the Crown Prince, Cuiwei softly called out, "My lady?"
Shen Mi lowered her eyes and looked at the umbrella placed in the corner.
She suddenly remembered that year Gu Zhan had promised her that he would only go to Fanlou to welcome Su Xingjian back and would return soon. But it snowed in the evening, so she ordered someone to prepare a carriage, took some warm clothes, and went to wait for him outside Fanlou with an umbrella. She waited for a long time before he finally arrived.
It snowed heavily that day. She sat in the car, her fingers numb with cold. She didn't know how long it had been before she finally saw Gu Zhan. Beside Gu Zhan was the smiling Su Yuzhao. Gu Zhan casually took the umbrella she handed him and then gave it to Su Yuzhao, who was standing to the side.
Even though Su Xingjian later explained the hidden story behind Gu Zhan's actions, she now knows that Su Yuzhao and Song Zhaohuai were in love, but she didn't know that at the time. She had also been treated coldly by Gu Zhan back then, and now, thinking about it, it is still a thorn in her heart.
The thorn was buried so deep that if Shen Mi hadn't seen Gu Zhan waiting for her in the rain to open the door today, she would have almost forgotten about it. But whenever she thought of it, the thorn would still poke at the soft spot in her heart.
And this pain reminded her again and again of how cold-hearted Gu Zhan was.
Seeing that Shen Mi remained silent, Cuiwei assumed that Shen Mi had tacitly approved of her giving Gu Zhan an umbrella. She sighed softly and bent down to take the umbrella.
“No need,” Shen Mi interrupted her. “He likes to get wet in the rain, so let him get wet.”
Cuiwei withdrew her hand, somewhat surprised by Shen Mi's decision.
Shen Mi didn't stand by the window, but sat back down on the couch. "It's not like I asked him to come, or that I asked him to wait in the rain. Let him be."
After she finished speaking, she lay back down and wrapped herself completely in the blanket.
Doesn't she understand Gu Zhan?
She didn't believe Gu Zhan could wait all night in the rain. He was a man of noble birth; he wouldn't be able to wait outside for long. He would probably ask the postmaster to arrange a room for him.
Gu Zhan, seeing Shen Mi's silhouette through the window, assumed she was coming to see him at the door and even straightened up a bit, but Shen Mi did not appear.
He looked down slightly and noticed the bloodstains on his clothes. He wanted to treat the wound first, but he was afraid that Shen Mi would open the door as soon as he left, so he stood still.
However, they stayed in the rain for the entire night.
As dawn approached but before daybreak, the sudden rain had just stopped. The sound of a rooster crowing came from next door, and the shouts of the night watchman echoed from the street.
Gu Zhan glanced casually at the marks on his clothes. His body could hold on with his willpower, but the moon-white clothes he had specially changed into to see Shen Mi were now filthy from the blood seeping from his wounds. Rather than making Shen Mi feel sorry for him, he was more afraid that his disheveled appearance would frighten her. Therefore, he only listened to half of Fan Nayan's idea, did not wait any longer, sighed softly, and turned to leave.
As the sky began to lighten, Shen Mi woke up as usual. Although she had now arrived at Tongguan, she had been working tirelessly in Bianjing, and waking up early had become a habit that was difficult to break.
When Cuiwei brought her a copper basin filled with hot water to help her wash her face, she asked, "What's the situation outside?"
Cuiwei paused for a moment before realizing that Shen Mi was asking about His Highness the Crown Prince. She carefully considered her words and said to Shen Mi, "This servant went out just now but did not see His Highness."
Shen Mi gave a soft "oh," and she knew it.
When Gu Zhan returned to his temporary residence in Tongguan Prefecture covered in blood, Yang Qing was shocked and rushed over: "Your Highness, did you encounter danger last night? Where were the villains? Should I inform Vice Envoy Fan?"
Gu Zhan covered his mouth and coughed softly, then waved his hand and said, "No need, it's nothing. It's just an old injury flaring up. Go find me some clean clothes."
Yang Qing accepted the order and withdrew.
Gu Zhan returned to the room, intending to change his clothes, but found that the wound that had finally scabbed over had gotten wet and, because he hadn't treated it in time, was now stuck to his undergarments.
Yang Qing knocked on the door from the outside, and Gu Zhan said, "Come in."
When Gu Zhan opened his eyes, he found that Yang Qing had actually called over the doctor who had treated him earlier. However, it was just in time for him to arrive, so he gestured for the doctor to come over and peel his clothes off his flesh and blood and reapply the medicine.
When the doctor saw the several horrific wounds on his body, even with years of medical experience, he couldn't help but gasp.
“You were already badly injured before, and now that the wound has gotten wet, applying medicine will be extremely painful.”
Gu Zhan remained calm: "It's alright."
The doctor carefully cut open his clothes and changed the wound medicine, not daring to be distracted for even a moment.
After treating all of Gu Zhan's wounds, the doctor breathed a sigh of relief. "You must take good care of yourself this time. But since your wounds have gotten wet, I just checked your temperature, and you have a fever. I will prescribe some antipyretic medicine later. Once you get the medicine, please decoct and take it on time."
Gu Zhan closed his eyes, nodded, and told Yang Qing to see the doctor out.
The physician breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't know the identity of the man in front of him, but the deputy envoy Fan, who was stationed at Tongguan, seemed to value him highly. He must be some important person from Bianjing. He dared not be perfunctory or ask too many questions. He just lowered his head and did his duty as a doctor.
After taking the medicine, Gu Zhan should have rested as advised by the doctor. However, he had only closed his eyes for a short while when he received news from Yang Qing that Consort Yang had arrived in Shangzhou yesterday and was expected to reach Tongguan before noon. He immediately lost his sleepiness and ordered people to tidy up the rooms in the mansion while sending people to the brokerage to buy several clever maids to serve Consort Yang. He then went to personally welcome her.
Yang Meiren arrived at Tongguan smoothly under the protection of her subordinates whom he had previously sent, earlier than Gu Zhan had expected.
As soon as the carriage stopped at the gate of the mansion, he quickly stepped forward and waited to the side for Lady Yang to lift the curtain.
When Yang Meiren met the people sent by Gu Zhan along the way, she already knew everything that had happened during this period, including the news that Gu Zhan had spread that he had faked his death in order to escape and then make further plans.
Even when she saw Gu Zhan, her heart was filled with the relief of surviving a disaster, but the memory of how she and Shen Mi had both been heartbroken over Gu Zhan's death dampened her joy somewhat.
Gu Zhan helped Yang Meiren up and said, “Mother, you have traveled a long way and must be very tired. I have already instructed someone to prepare lunch. Please come with me to the residence where we are staying for the time being.”
Lady Yang simply nodded and said, "It was Zhi Niang who thought things through. How is she?"
Gu Zhan looked troubled and answered truthfully, "She is not here, nor does she wish to see me."
After he finished speaking, he glanced at the servants serving in the room, and they tactfully withdrew and closed the door.
"Alright, Mother, have your lunch first. This is..."
Gu Zhan didn't want to bring up the matter between himself and Shen Mi in front of Yang Meiren at this moment, but before he could finish speaking, he was slapped by Yang Meiren.
He looked at Yang Meiren in astonishment, his eyes filled with disbelief.
Before Yang Meiren sat down, she said coldly, "This slap is for your child who died unjustly back then."
As soon as he finished speaking, another slap landed: "This slap is for Zhi Niang."
The third slap landed. "This slap is for me."
Gu Zhan stood still as Yang Meiren slapped him three times, then pursed his lips and said, "I didn't understand her feelings before and did many things that wronged her. Let alone this slap, even if I were to be cut into a thousand pieces, I should accept it."
Yang Meiren ignored him and sat down. "I rarely saw you when I was in the imperial mausoleum. I always thought you were polite and knew your place. I never imagined that my son would be such a cold-blooded and selfish person."
Gu Zhan had no way to refute Yang Meiren's rebuke.
Consort Yang asked him, "Last time I was ill, you came to see me at the imperial mausoleum. Do you still remember what I said to you back then?"
"You two are one, and you have a long road ahead of you. You must respect her, value her, honor her, and love her. Only in this way can you last."
Gu Zhan recalled what Consort Yang had said and said, "I will never forget my mother's teachings."
"Not daring to forget is one thing, but whether you can actually do it is another. Think carefully about whether you have actually done it."
Gu Zhan took a breath and said, "No. I only now realize my own feelings, but I don't understand why she would shed tears in front of me but refuse to see me."
Yang Meiren sighed, “Although I don’t know what you two went through in the past, and I have no intention of asking, you must understand that between husband and wife, love and desire may be ignited instantly when they are reunited after a long separation, but trust is built up over many years. If you really don’t understand, think about how she treated you in the past.”
Memories of the past flashed through Gu Zhan's mind like a revolving lantern: Shen Mi waiting patiently by the lamp, Shen Mi washing her hands to cook for him, Shen Mi's unwavering trust in him...
Despite her scolding, when she saw the bandage wrapped around Gu Zhan's hand, Yang Meiren couldn't help but ask, "What happened to your hand?"
Gu Zhan put the hand behind his back and replied curtly, "Accidental injury." He paused slightly, "Mother has worked hard, so please have your meal first. As for Zhi Niang, I know what to do."
Yang Mei's popularity hadn't completely faded, but given her status, it was still inappropriate for her to get too involved in the affairs between Gu Zhan and Chen Mi, so she stopped there.
After Gu Zhan settled Yang Meiren in, he asked Yang Qing to call over the doctor who had previously treated his injuries.
After the doctor nodded to Gu Zhan, he took out some wound medicine from his medicine box and asked, "Is there any wound that is bothering you?"
Gu Zhan raised his hand to interrupt the doctor, saying, "No need to get medicine. I called you here to ask if there are any medicinal diets that can help a woman in the early stages of pregnancy to nourish her body."
The doctor thought to himself that he had never seen a young woman in this residence, but he did not dare to ask too many questions. He only replied, "If it is just for a normal pregnancy, crucian carp and ginger soup or steamed perch with cardamom will suffice. If you want to replenish your qi and blood, you can have a yin-nourishing porridge with donkey-hide gelatin. If the pregnant woman is prone to restlessness, she can also try lotus seed, lily bulb and white fungus soup. For normal nourishment, you can stew an old hen with yam and wolfberry and make a chicken soup." He thought for a moment and then instructed, "Just avoid using ginseng, codonopsis, rehmannia, and peony. If used improperly, they may be harmful to the pregnant woman's health."
Gu Zhan nodded, keeping it in mind, and asked Yang Qing to send the doctor before going to the kitchen.
The cook whom Fan Nayan had invited bowed to him: "My lord, is there anything you require for dinner?"
Gu Zhan walked straight in, looked around the kitchen, and mentioned the names of the medicinal dishes that the doctor had just mentioned, "Which of these dishes can be made?"
The cook thought for a moment and said, "Bass is hard to find in Guanzhong, but the crucian carp you mentioned is worth a try. The rest can be made."
"Then make one of each. Is that enough time before evening?"
The cook glanced at the sun and looked troubled. "This might be a bit rushed. It's almost dusk, and there are less than two hours until it gets dark."
Fan Nayan initially followed his wishes and didn't arrange many servants in the mansion, only one cook and a few servants responsible for cleaning and washing. Only now does he realize that it is inconvenient.
Without hesitation, Gu Zhan rolled up his sleeves and said, "I'll help out; it'll be faster."
The cook dared not order this distinguished guest around, whom even Vice Envoy Fan treated with utmost respect, and hurriedly said, "It is said that 'a gentleman keeps away from the kitchen,' how can you trouble yourself with such a matter?"
Gu Zhan said, "It's alright. 'A gentleman keeps away from the kitchen' means that a gentleman should have compassion for all things. Besides, what I'm doing for my wife is hardly a 'trouble'."
With that, the cook could only swallow his refusal, but dared not actually order Gu Zhan around. He simply found a yam and said, "Then please cut this yam into small pieces, my lord. In a little while, I'll start stewing the yam and goji berry chicken soup you mentioned."
The yam used for stewing chicken soup doesn't require much knife skill; as long as the skin is removed cleanly and it's cut into chunks, it's fine.
Gu Zhan took the yam and told the cook to go and do other things.
He had never done anything like this before. Even peeling and chopping yams was the easiest and simplest thing he could do, and he was completely at a loss when he first held the cleaver.
He pondered for a long time before finally cutting the yam into irregular small pieces. After cutting the yam, patches of redness appeared on his forearm, and it was still itchy.
The cook, having prepared the ingredients for the other dishes, came over and noticed patches of red on Gu Zhan's exposed skin. But there was nothing he could do; having been a cook for so many years, he was used to such things and hadn't considered this aspect at the time.
"It was my oversight, my lord. Perhaps you could wait a bit?" the cook asked tentatively.
Gu Zhan frowned slightly and said, "It's nothing, just a small matter. Is there anything else I can help with?"
Although he said that, the cook only dared to ask him to do some things like preparing ingredients. He gradually went from not knowing where to start to being able to do it with ease. After working in the kitchen for more than an hour, everything was done except for the chicken soup, which was still a little short of cooking time and needed to be simmered.
The cook packed the other medicinal dishes into lunch boxes. After hesitating for a long time, he couldn't help but explain to Gu Zhan, "If you want the chicken soup to be flavorful enough, it needs to be simmered from morning to night. It won't taste good if it's not simmered for at least six hours."
Gu Zhan looked puzzled: "Six hours or more?"
He remembered that Shen Mi used to stew chicken soup for him every few days, and it was always delivered with dinner. He never knew that stewing chicken soup was such a complicated process. So, when he went to court at dawn, Shen Mi would wake up with him, get up and help him change his clothes, and never take a nap. Instead, she would go to the kitchen of the East Palace to stew soup for him.
No one had ever mentioned these things to him, and it seemed that he had always taken Shen Mi's sacrifices for granted.
Gu Zhan's regret deepened.
He took the food box containing the soup from the cook and went to the official post station before it got dark.
The post station is no longer in the East Palace as before, and Shen Mi's residence is no longer staffed with many servants. Now it's just her and Cui Wei, and when Gu Zhan arrives, no one will announce their arrival.
The sky cleared up early this morning. A spring rain brings warmth, and as evening approached, the wind that blew was not cold, carrying the fragrance of peach blossoms from the courtyard, which was even more refreshing.
Gu Zhan saw through the window that Shen Mi was sitting by the window, holding an embroidery board in her hand, doing needlework.
Light and shadow streamed through the window, falling on the woman's face, making her eyebrows resemble distant mountains, her eyes like autumn water, and her lips bright red.
Gu Zhan stood motionless under the tree, quietly watching the scene. In a daze, he thought he had returned to the Eastern Palace several years ago. At that time, Shen Mi was just like that. She always liked to sit on the soft couch by the window, but she would see him at a glance and come out to greet him.
Gu Zhan, you really didn't know what was good for you before.
He shook his head and sighed softly.
Cuiwei was splitting the thread for Shen Mi when she looked up unintentionally and saw Gu Zhan standing under the willow tree. She turned her head to look at Shen Mi and said, "My lady, His Highness has arrived."
Shen Mi paused in her movements, looked up, and met Gu Zhan's gaze.
Seeing that Shen Mi had noticed him, Gu Zhan didn't linger. Fearing that Shen Mi would close the window and shut him out if he was too late, he quickened his pace and walked towards Shen Mi.
He looked at Shen Mi, his tone tentative: "Zhi Niang, I brought some medicinal food to see you."
Shen Mi then noticed the food box he was carrying, and her heart skipped a beat.
There was a time when she also waited outside the Hall of Diligent Governance with a food box, hoping to win Gu Zhan's favor. However, Gu Zhan's reaction was indifferent at the time. Now, for the first time ever, the tables have turned, and Gu Zhan is the one carrying the food box, asking her if he can come in.
She didn't want to communicate with Gu Zhan, because whenever she saw him, her mind would become a mess, all her emotions would become tangled together, inseparable, unclear, and impossible to sever. The only way she could avoid these emotions was to avoid seeing him.
However, Gu Zhan did not come empty-handed. It was unclear how long he had ordered others to prepare the food box. After hesitating for a while, Chen Mi finally opened the door, accompanied by Cuiwei.
Cuiwei stepped aside to welcome Gu Zhan into the room, and then tactfully left the entire room to the two of them.
Gu Zhan then realized that Shen Mi was embroidering a tiger-head hat.
It seems that when she was pregnant with that child, she also enjoyed doing needlework. However, at that time, Shen Mi was extremely dependent on him and would discuss everything about the unborn child with him.
But now, from the moment he entered the room, Shen Mi simply calmly put away the needles and thread and the embroidery frame, without uttering a single unnecessary word.
Shen Mi managed to calm herself down. When Gu Zhan placed the food box on the wooden table in the room, she looked at him and noticed red finger marks on his face, as if he had been slapped.
She pursed her lips, frowned, and asked Gu Zhan, "Your face..."
Gu Zhan's eyes flickered slightly with unease for a moment before he said, "I did something foolish before, and my mother beat me."
"Empress Yang?"
Gu Zhan discerned her tone and said, "She is also worried about you. The post station is not a place to stay for long. Why don't we move back to my residence in Tongguan, so that our family can still be together?"
Shen Mi refused Gu Zhan without hesitation: "If you came here just to talk about this, you can leave now."
She never felt that Gu Zhan trusted her as unconditionally as family members do.
Gu Zhan sensed the anger in Shen Mi's tone and took back what he was about to say. "Fine, fine, let's not talk about it," he said, taking out the prepared medicinal meals from the food box and placing them on the table. "The doctor said you were overworked before and need to nourish your body. After asking the doctor, I prepared some medicinal meals with different effects. Would you like some?"
Shen Mi glanced at the food on the table. Although she wasn't particularly tempted, she didn't want to waste it, so she sat down at the table, scooped out a small bowl of lotus seed, lily bulb, and white fungus soup, and gently stirred it with a spoon.
Seeing that Shen Mi's attitude was not as firm as before, Gu Zhan breathed a sigh of relief, picked the tender fish meat off the back of the sea bass for her, and put it into a small cup.
Shen Mi swallowed a mouthful of white fungus soup, and when she bit into a lotus seed, she frowned and spat it into her handkerchief.
Gu Zhan thought she was vomiting, so he asked, "Are you feeling unwell?"
Shen Mi clutched the handkerchief, somewhat amused and exasperated. "The lotus seeds weren't cooked properly, were they? They were raw." Then, a thought struck her, and she asked Gu Zhan, "You didn't make them, did you?"
A hint of embarrassment flashed across Gu Zhan's face.
He made this lotus seed, lily bulb, and white fungus soup himself. It was not difficult; all he had to do was wash the ingredients, add some sugar cubes, and simmer it on the stove. He estimated that the time was about right and served it, but he didn't expect it to be undercooked.
Seeing Shen Mi looking at him with a complicated expression, Gu Zhan admitted, "Yes."
Shen Mi looked at the meal laid out in front of her. "You're not lying to me?"
Gu Zhan actually went to the kitchen? And even cooked for himself?
Gu Zhan was afraid she would misunderstand, "Only this white fungus soup was made by me; the rest were made by the family cook."
As he spoke, he handed the small bowl containing the sea bass to Shen Mi, adding, "I didn't put any scallions in it."
"Why do you do these things?" Shen Mi's cheeks tingled with a soreness.
She found herself increasingly unable to grasp Gu Zhan's thoughts lately.
Gu Zhan sat opposite her, looking into her eyes, and said without much thought, "I'm very worried about you and the baby."
Shen Mi's hand holding the spoon paused. "Don't mention the child to me."
She wondered why Gu Zhan had suddenly changed his mind; it turned out he wasn't worried about her at all, but about the child.
"Zhi Niang, you are pregnant now, and I don't want you to be angry with me and hurt your health." Gu Zhan tried to soften his tone as much as possible.
Shen Mi lowered her eyelashes. "If you don't want me to get angry and hurt myself, then leave. I don't want to see you, and I don't want to hear you mention the child. Take your things and leave."
Gu Zhan frowned, suppressing his discomfort little by little. He hesitated for a long time before finally uttering only a single word, "Okay."
After Gu Zhan left, Shen Mi gave a self-deprecating smile. In the end, she had overthought things. Gu Zhan was still the same Gu Zhan.
That's all.
However, Gu Zhan was right about one thing: staying at the post station was not a long-term solution. Since she had recovered a bit in the past two days, she might as well go to the brokerage tomorrow to look at renting a courtyard house. That way, she wouldn't have to be tied to Gu Zhan in everything.
She hadn't figured out how to get along with Gu Zhan now, after everything she'd been through.
She knew that she did have feelings for Gu Zhan; on the contrary, these feelings were too deep and too pure, so she could not accept that there was deception, scheming, or inequality involved.
At the same time, she knew perfectly well that someone like Gu Zhan, who was always aloof and superior, could never do this.
Shen Mi, don't be silly.
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Author's note: I will try to update more frequently in the next few days, adjusting the update time to around midnight each day. Based on the chapter outline, the main text should be finished by Sunday.
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