Move aside
In the evening, the room was lit by a dim kerosene lamp. After coaxing Wen Laifu to sleep, Wen Sheng read a book for a while before quietly getting up, carrying a kettle, and walking towards the main room.
The door to the main room was half-open. Wen Dazhi had just finished washing his feet, put the basin in the corner, squatted by the threshold, and was smoking his last cigarette. The cigarette butt was flashing between his fingers as he stared blankly outside.
Wen Sheng stood at the door with a water bottle in her hand. She paused for a moment, then took a few steps forward and squatted down beside Wen Dazhi. "Dad, you're still awake?"
"Come inside after you finish this one." Wen Dazhi looked at her. "Do you have something to say?"
Wen Sheng nodded, pursed her lips, and whispered, "Dad, this morning I heard you talking with Grandma and Aunt Li in the main room."
Wen Dazhi tilted the cigarette in his hand and whispered, "What did you hear?"
“I heard Grandma say that I should stop studying and get engaged as soon as possible; I also heard Aunt Li say that vocational school is better than high school, that job placement is faster, wages are earned, and the family can have an easier time.” Wen Sheng lowered her eyes, her fingertips unconsciously tugging at the hem of her clothes. “Dad, I know you’re hesitating too.”
Wen Dazhi stared at her face for a while, then sighed, stubbed out his cigarette in the bricks at his feet, and didn't rush to reply.
Wen Sheng continued, "It's the same now. I want to continue studying. Dad, I don't want to go back to the past."
He was silent for a moment, then reached into his pocket and felt around. He touched the cigarette pack, rubbed his fingertips on it a couple of times, but ultimately didn't take it out.
“Your grandma’s words make sense. Our family is having a hard time. Dongliang needs to get married, and when Laifu grows up a bit more, Chunhua will also have to go to the factory to help support the family.”
“I know.” Wen Sheng raised her eyes and said her thoughts: “But if I don’t study, things won’t be much easier for my family. At most, it’ll just be one more mouth to feed in exchange for getting married earlier.”
Wen Dazhi frowned, his tone somewhat harsh: "You don't even want to go to vocational school? Aren't you a top student? Everyone in town says that if you're willing, you'll definitely get a recommendation. Your older sister's grades aren't as good as yours, so she doesn't even have a chance."
"Father, I want to go out."
Wen Sheng looked into Wen Dazhi's eyes and used all her strength to tell him, "Dad, I know that vocational school is good. You can get a job after graduation. Even if you work in a factory now, people will envy you. But I want to study, leave the village, leave the town, and go to places that others dare not even think about."
“I’m not afraid of being tired, not afraid of hardship, and not afraid of suffering losses. What I’m afraid of is being trapped here for the rest of my life, lighting kerosene lamps when it gets dark, farming in the summer and making fires in the winter, with no hope at all throughout the year.”
“I don’t want my future children to only be able to tell them, ‘Your mother also wanted to study when she was a child, but my family was poor back then, my grandmother disagreed, and my father couldn’t do anything about it.’ I don’t want to say those kinds of things, and I don’t want them to think that this is just how fate is.”
Wen Sheng's voice had become a little hoarse as she spoke. She looked at Wen Dazhi without avoiding his gaze and suddenly asked:
"Dad, do you remember the year I changed my name?"
Wen Dazhi paused for a moment, then nodded and said, "I remember."
“You were only in fifth grade then. You came to me crying and said you wanted to change your name. You cried for several days. Your mother said you didn’t even want to eat. I was annoyed, so I agreed.”
As Wen Dazhi spoke of this, he recalled how Er Ya had cried her eyes out, snot and tears streaming down her face, clinging tightly to his trouser leg and refusing to let him leave. He lowered his head and smiled.
“You were just a little kid back then, squatting there crying and saying, ‘When I grow up, I still want to study and go out into the world.’ I found it funny, but I also felt…” He didn’t finish his sentence, only raising his hand to rub his face, “Sigh, even when you get old, your memory is still there.”
Wen Sheng looked up at him, her eyes a little red, but she didn't shed tears. "Back then, you didn't scold me or tell Grandma, and you just took me there."
“You knew perfectly well that changing your name wouldn’t change your fate, but you still took me there. It’s the same now. I know that studying won’t make our family rich immediately, and I can’t start earning a salary for the family right away, but I still want to give it a try.”
"Father, I just want to know, this time, are you still willing to stand on my side?"
Wen Dazhi stared at her silently for a long time. Wen Sheng's palms, which were holding the water bottle, were already sweating as she waited for his answer.
“Didn’t you ask me why I didn’t stop you from choosing this name?” Wen Dazhi suddenly said.
"Because I think your name has more backbone than mine."
“My name is ‘Dazhi’, but to be honest, my life has been a pathetic one. I dropped out of school halfway through, and I’ve been farming all my life. I have to bow and scrape wherever I go. Whenever anyone asks me, I just say that’s my fate, and I accept it.”
"But you are different. You have been different since you were a child."
“When you were in fifth grade, you cried and tugged at my trouser leg, saying you wanted to change your name and go to school elsewhere. Your mother thought you were just talking nonsense because you had a fever, but I knew you were serious. At that time, I thought to myself, this girl may be young, but she's got some guts.”
"That's why I took you to the household registration office without telling your grandma or anything else. It's not that I'm enlightened, it's that I understand you're different from me."
“I’ve already wronged Chunhua, I…” Wen Dazhi paused, “Actually, she came to see me this afternoon as well.”
Wen Sheng suddenly looked up. She hadn't expected that Chunhua had also heard what they had said that morning.
Wen Dazhi gave a wry smile: "You two sisters are really something. One of you is blocking me from coming in for a meal, and the other is blocking me from coming in to sleep."
“She said you are different from her. She has no interest in studying, does not regret dropping out of school, and does not blame her family. But you are different. You are the only one in the family who can finish your studies. If she doesn’t let you study, she will drag Laifu away to stay far away.”
"Wen Sheng, I'm not going to take care of you anymore."
In an instant, the main room became so quiet that only the soft flickering of the kerosene lamp wick could be heard.
Wen Sheng stared at him blankly. This was the first time she had heard Wen Dazhi call her by her new name since she changed it.
It's not "Er Ya" or "Lao Er," it's Wen Sheng.
A warmth welled up in her chest, and she was about to say something when she saw Wen Dazhi stand up, shake the ash off his trousers, put his hands behind his back, and walk into the house. "Alright, go to sleep."
As he reached the door, Wen Dazhi suddenly remembered that afternoon many years ago.
That day, he had just finished his work and was about to go to the field to help people fetch water when he saw his second daughter squatting by the door crying. She cried until her voice was hoarse and she was clinging tightly to his trouser leg.
She said she didn't want to be called "Er Ya" anymore; she wanted to change her name, she wanted to study, and she wanted to go out into the world.
He originally thought she was just throwing a tantrum and would be fine in a few days, but the girl didn't speak or eat for three days in a row. She cried in bed at night until her eyes were swollen like walnuts.
He was preoccupied at the time, and it was the busiest time of year for farm work, with a shortage of manpower in the fields. He simply couldn't spare the time to comfort her. But that night, as he got up to fetch water, he passed by the door and heard her clasp her hands together, making a wish upon the night: "I don't want to be called Er Ya for the rest of my life... I'm not a money-loser..."
He didn't go over or say anything; he just stood there for a while, then turned and went back into the house.
The next morning, before dawn, he squatted under the eaves, finished smoking a cigarette, went back inside, woke her up, and said, "Get dressed and come with me."
She thought he was going to take her to work in the fields, and she put on her shoes in a daze. It wasn't until they reached the entrance of the town's household registration office that her eyes widened in surprise.
The town clerk initially refused, asking with a stern face, "Change her name? The young girl is perfectly fine, how can you just change it like that?"
He rubbed his hands together and told a lie with a smile: "The child is not healthy and is always sick. We consulted a feng shui master, who said that the character '丫' (ya) is too oppressive and that changing it to '笙' (sheng) will help him survive."
The man looked up at her and said, "You don't look frail, child. Your eyes are so resolute."
He chuckled dryly, but had no choice but to take out two packs of cigarettes and place them on the corner of the table. He then ran out and treated the man to a bowl of noodles before he was able to get the job done.
Wen Dazhi stood by the door, his hand still on the door frame. Behind him was the dim light of the kerosene lamp inside the house, and in front of him was his daughter squatting on the threshold, hugging her knees, crying so hard she could barely breathe.
As he looked at it, he felt as if he had returned to that summer afternoon.
The little girl cried like that too, clinging to him and saying she didn't want to be called Er Ya, she wanted to change her name, she wanted to go to school, she didn't want to live like this for the rest of her life.
The little girl has grown up, but apart from changing her name, everything else about her remains the same.
Wen Dazhi suddenly felt that fate had come full circle. She was still the child who cried and begged him back then, and he was still the father who couldn't do anything but couldn't bear to shatter his child's hopes.
He leaned against the door, inwardly mocking himself:
"Wen Dazhi, Wen Dazhi, you'll never escape this environment in your entire life."
"I've farmed all my life, with the sky above and the land below, and I've hardly ever left the county town."
"You couldn't get Chunhua to continue her studies, nor could you get Laifu new clothes, nor could you stop your mother's preference for sons over daughters. You're covered in mud, and you have to knock your shoes on the soles of your shoes before you can enter anyone's house."
“But your daughter is different. She said she wanted to go out into the world, and she said it through gritted teeth, her eyes full of light. But she has to run into a rough father like you who can’t give her anything.”
But he knew that was her path, and he had to make way for her, just like when he led her to the household registration office when they were children.
He didn't give her many good days in his life, didn't accumulate any skills, and didn't shield her from many hardships.
The only thing he could do was not stop her from walking into the light; that way, he, as her father, wouldn't have been wasting his life.
——
Time flies, and the entrance exam for high school is just around the corner.
Early that morning, before dawn, Wen Sheng left home with her schoolbag on her back, clutching two pens, an eraser, and the pencil stubs that Chunhua had sharpened for her the night before.
Wen Chunhua, wearing an old coat, quietly followed her all the way to the village entrance, constantly giving her instructions, as if she were the one waiting to take the exam.
"Don't be nervous about the exam, Wen Sheng. You definitely know more than they do."
Wen Sheng hummed in agreement, then turned back and hugged Chunhua tightly before leaving, her eyes slightly red. "Chunhua, I want to get first place in the exam."
Wen Chunhua reached out and helped her straighten her collar, then took out an egg wrapped in a handkerchief from her bosom and stuffed it into the side pocket of her schoolbag.
"Don't skimp on lunch, eat first and then write."
"I have to go. I snuck out. My family needs me to make breakfast."
Wen Sheng nodded, watching Wen Chunhua's figure disappear into the morning mist. She then turned around and walked firmly toward the town.
It had rained last night, and the mountain path was incredibly muddy. One step in and your shoe almost got stuck. Wen Sheng, pulling up her trouser legs, carefully avoided the puddles, showing no intention of backing down, and continued on her way.
The test center was located at a junior high school in the town. When Wen Sheng arrived, several groups of people had already gathered by the playground.
But when she actually arrived at the examination hall, she found that half of the people were missing, and the examination hall was not even full. Some had gone to work early, some had been called home to help with rice planting, and some simply did not come.
"It's pointless to read it anyway."
"Why should girls study so much?"
Wen Sheng had heard these words countless times before. She sat down quietly, put down her pen, and looked at the test paper that had been handed out. Her heartbeat gradually calmed down.
This exam was very important to her; it was a promise she made to Wen Dazhi.
Wen Sheng took a deep breath and wrote her name on the exam paper.
Wen, Sheng.
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