Chapter 20 Excitement
Gurgle gurgle——
The feeling of suffocation is like drowning.
He knew that he was ill again and tried his best to stabilize himself.
Everything in front of my eyes was black and white.
Jiang Shen didn’t know how long this suffocating feeling lasted, but it finally spared him.
He was breathing rapidly, and when he came to his senses he saw the white ball again.
Bai Tuanzi had untied her gloves at some point and covered one of his hands with her two warm little hands. His other hand was also covered with a scarf.
She tried to warm his hands as well.
Feeling the warmth in his hands, Jiang Shen, who had recovered from the feeling of suffocation, wanted to say something, but his dry throat prevented him from speaking.
He swallowed slowly, and his dry roar became more stinging after being moistened.
"What's wrong with you?" Ren Fenghe didn't know how many times he had asked this question.
Her eyes and nose turned red again, and tears were welling up in her eyes.
When she saw Jiang Shen's obvious discomfort just now, her tears instantly welled up in her eyes. She held back her tears and tried every possible way to help Jiang Shen, but she was only a child now. No, even if she were an adult, she didn't know how to help him.
She held Jiang Shen's hand. His palms were sweating and his fingers were particularly cold. The only thing she could do was to warm Jiang Shen's hands, so she took off her scarf and gloves first.
Jiang Shen recovered completely. He stared at Ren Fenghe, who was in tears, and squatted down slowly and heavily, keeping the same height as Ren Fenghe. He looked at Ren Fenghe, whose neck was exposed, and then looked at the scarf wrapped around his hand like a bandage, and said, "I'm fine. I was lost in thought. Did I scare you?"
"I'm sorry." Jiang Shen apologized and put the scarf back on Ren Fenghe, as well as the gloves.
As Ren Fenghe listened to Jiang Shen's apology, the tears that she had been holding back suddenly fell down. The warm tears were blown by the cold wind and stuck to her face, sounding especially cold.
Ren Fenghe wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his coat and sobbed, "Are you really okay?"
"real."
"You didn't tell me the truth because I was still young."
Seeing the little girl in front of him about to cry again after saying this, Jiang Shen hurriedly said, "Let's go home. I'll tell you when we get home."
It’s so cold, don’t freeze your face if you cry outside.
Ren Fenghe had no intention of playing in the snow at this moment. The snow that had made her so excited that she wanted to scream just now was now dispensable.
She grabbed Jiang Shen's clothes and dragged him towards home, "Let's go back now."
Jiang Shen followed her force and walked forward, forward, then suddenly turned his head and looked behind him.
The romantic snow never cares what people are thinking. It just keeps falling, turning the land completely white without any more colors.
"Wait." Jiang Shen suddenly said.
Ren Fenghe stopped, not knowing what was going on.
Jiang Shen squatted down and scooped up a handful of snow. His hands without gloves turned red instantly after scooping up the snow. His hands, which had been warmed up by Ren Fenghe's efforts just now, became cold again.
He took out his cell phone, took a picture of the snow in his palm, returned the snow to the earth, stood up again and said, "Let's go."
Ren Fenghe didn't know what he was doing, but after what happened just now, she already regarded Jiang Shen as a fragile bubble that would burst with a single poke. She subconsciously held his snow-capped hand again, wanting to warm it up again.
The warm hand slipped into his palm, continuously emitting heat, driving away the fatigue brought about by the onset of his illness.
Jiang Shen said: "Thank you Yuanyuan, I am grateful for your presence today."
It’s true. Otherwise, after the onset of the disease, he would have been alone in the white. How scared and lonely he would have been, Jiang Shen thought.
After returning home, Ren Fenghe rushed to the kitchen immediately and stood on a small stool to get a cup of warm water for Jiang Shen.
The feeling of being cared for by a child is different from being cared for by peers or adults. This feeling is amazing and makes Jiang Shen feel like he has become smaller.
He took the water from Ren Fenghe's hand, drank two sips, and was about to get a glass of water for Ren Fenghe, but Ren Fenghe had already hinted for him to come over and sit on the sofa with his actions.
Jiang Shen brought Shui and sat on the sofa. Ren Fenghe immediately crossed his legs and faced him on the sofa.
Jiang Shen felt that this scene was a little familiar. Did he also sit cross-legged on the sofa with Yuanyuan some time ago, talking about important things face to face?
Ren Fenghe sat upright, waiting for him to speak.
The way he looked just now, anyone could tell that he was sick.
In other words, everything written in the sick leave notice was true. He did suffer from panic disorder, and he was indeed taking a break because of the panic disorder, not because he suddenly found out that he had a daughter.
But why do people get this disease? Is it a panic that is triggered by specific stimuli or a panic that can pop up at any time and place without anyone knowing?
Thinking about what happened just now, everyone was clearly watching the snow, but Jiang Shen suddenly broke out in cold sweat. Ren Fenghe thought: it might be the latter.
If it is the latter, it would be too terrible. The threat and pain will follow you like a shadow, and you never know when they will completely hang over your head.
You don't need a panic attack to be afraid and worried all the time.
Ren Fenghe not only understood, but also empathized with him.
After she had her leg amputated but still felt pain in her legs, she searched online for the cause.
Her phantom limb pain is as much a brain problem as a psychological one.
The brain does not know that the leg is gone, but it knows that the leg is not functioning according to the brain's command, so it constantly stimulates the leg with pain.
She was also always afraid, afraid that her legs would hurt so badly at any time that her body and mind would be unable to rest.
After truly confirming that Jiang Shen suffered from panic disorder, Ren Fenghe quietly resolved his last knot in his heart about Jiang Shen.
Ren Fenghe didn't know how serious panic disorder was, but she knew that many actors and idols had gradually faded from the public eye because they could not overcome panic disorder.
There are always many magical fan categories in the Korean circle, including the girlfriend fans and career fans that we often hear about, the less frequently appearing birth fans, the doting fans that are often ridiculed, and the life fans that always appear together with the doting fans.
As a lifelong fan, because the idol is sick, I just hope that he can take care of his body and appear healthy on the stage and on the screen. As long as it does not touch the legal and moral bottom line, he will do whatever he wants and does not ask for more.
Ren Fenghe, who said a few days ago that she would turn into an avatar to chase fans, was frightened by Jiang Shen's illness. She originally wanted to forgive Jiang Shen for not keeping his word, but now she has completely become a lifelong fan.
Jiang Shen didn't expect Ren Fenghe to be so serious.
She sat there attentively, pursing her lips and saying nothing, staring at him with her dark eyes, as if her eyes could turn into X-rays to confirm his physical condition.
No, it's normal for her to be so serious.
Because her mother was also in the hospital.
She had seen her mother too many times, haggard and in pain due to illness, and she still forced herself to smile and pretend that nothing was wrong.
It was because her mother was in the hospital that she was given to him to take care of.
When she saw how sick he was, would she be afraid that she would be handed over to someone else to take care of her?
Jiang Shen looked at the stubborn girl who was waiting for him to speak, and saw his shadow again.
More than ten years ago, he also stayed by his mother's bedside, and his mother also asked others to take better care of him.
Jiang Shen compromised. He originally wanted to coax her up first, find an excuse to fool her, and then coax her to sleep and put the matter behind him, but he decided to tell the truth.
Back then, he also hoped that his mother would tell the truth.
Instead, one day in the middle of class, you were suddenly called out by the head teacher and rushed to the hospital.
Then, with many regrets, I was unable to say goodbye to my mother.
"I just had an attack of my illness. I didn't expect it to happen so suddenly." Jiang Shen was considering how to tell the four-year-old girl in front of him about his illness.
"What's wrong with you?" Ren Fenghe asked knowingly, waiting for Jiang Shen to confirm his panic disorder, just like waiting for the guillotine to fall.
The notice did not clearly state what kind of disease Jiang Shen had, only that he was feeling nervous and uneasy. Ren Fenghe simply judged that it was panic disorder based on the situations of other idols, but maybe it wasn't?
Ren Fenghe, who knew what was waiting for him, tried to deceive himself.
But the result was just as she guessed.
"There is a disease called panic disorder, and I have it."
"This disease will not manifest itself in daily life, it will only appear when stimulated."
Jiang Shen tried to explain the disease in words that children could understand.
"When I get this disease, I feel dizzy, nauseous, and can't breathe like I have a stuffy nose. I also feel weak."
"If I'm like I was just now, don't worry, I'll be back to normal after a little while."
He described the feelings caused by panic attacks lightly, diluting the pain of a hundred times into one point.
But looking at Ren Fenghe who was biting his lower lip to hold back tears, he knew that even if he described the uncomfortable feeling as if he had a fever, the other party was still worried about him.
"It's really okay, really, I'm not lying to you," Jiang Shen opened his eyes wide, trying to prove that he was telling the truth in this way. He added, "And even if I get this disease, I will take good care of you."
Ren Fenghe nodded vigorously and said "hmm", and the tears that he had held back flowed back into his throat, making it feel sour.
She nodded in response, swallowing the sour feeling in her throat.
Doesn’t she know Jiang Shen yet? When he fractured his ankle, he told fans that he didn't feel any pain, but it was just a little inconvenient for him to walk. When fans found him pressing his waist in the material, he explained that he didn't have a waist injury, but that he accidentally bumped into the table.
All the hardships and pains seemed light and faint in Jiang Shen's mouth.
But Ren Fenghe knew how heavy the burden he had to bear was.
She wanted to know more and more about why he became sick, and since there were certain stimulating scenes, what stimulated him.
"Why do you have this disease?"
"What excites you?"
"Can I help you?"
Jiang Shen also sat cross-legged on the sofa, his eyes half closed as he stared at the white ball in front of him.
Worried, the pink on Baituanzi's face had faded, and her eyelashes trembled nervously, just like the first time he saw her.
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