Chapter 22 Orange Sea
"My profession has no impact on this matter." Jiang Shen said calmly.
He didn't think that the exposure of his taking care of Zhang Tuanyuan would have any impact on his career.
Zhang Jingchun and her family are all his family.
He takes care of his family, even though they are not blood relatives, and he doesn't think there is anything to be criticized.
Moreover, there are less than two years left until the end of his contract, and he is not even sure whether he can successfully return to the stage given his current condition.
Jiang Shen laughed at himself.
"The only thing that matters is my gender. I am of the opposite sex. Can you really rest assured that I can take care of Zhang Tuanyuan?"
"If I don't even trust you, there is no one in this world that I can trust," said Zhang Jingchun.
Jiang Shen understood, "Okay, I will take good care of her during this time, you take good care of her, and I will bring her to visit you often."
"No, don't bring her here. She worries about me all day long and has nightmares every time she comes to the hospital."
"Are you sure?" Jiang Shen frowned slightly.
Zhang Jingchun's face was filled with sorrow. She murmured in a low voice: "I don't know. I can't bear to let go, but if, if..."
She didn't say what if, but skipped the sentence and continued: "She will always get used to it."
In this way, it was decided that Jiang Shen would take care of Zhang Tuanyuan for a period of time.
After the discussion, Jiang Shen opened the door of the ward, waved to Zhang Tuanyuan, who was staring out the window just like before, and said, "Come in, we're done talking."
Zhang Tuanyuan didn't look at Jiang Shen. She walked past Jiang Shen with her eyes downcast. From Jiang Shen's perspective, he could just see Zhang Tuanyuan's trembling eyelashes and the drooping corners of her mouth.
"Mom." She called Zhang Jingchun, sat down on the chair closest to Zhang Jingchun, and held Zhang Jingchun's hand tightly with their fingers interlocked.
Zhang Jingchun gently stroked the back of Zhang Tuanyuan's head, smoothing out her messy hair and her uneasy heart. Zhang Tuanyuan was beside Zhang Jingchun, like an obedient kitten, snuggling up to its mother and being gentle with her.
"Come, call someone, call Uncle Jiang." Zhang Jingchun said.
Zhang Tuanyuan quickly glanced at Jiang Shen, then looked away. Her small voice was particularly clear in the quiet ward.
"Is he really not the father?"
Somehow, Jiang Shen could actually hear Zhang Tuanyuan's grievance from these words.
Jiang Shen knew about Zhang Jingchun. Upon hearing this, he looked at Zhang Jingchun.
When Zhang Tuanyuan asked him if he was her father, he knew that Zhang Jingchun had not told Zhang Tuanyuan about her father's death, nor had he let Zhang Tuanyuan see a photo of her father.
"Mom is sick, why doesn't Dad come to take care of her?" Zhang Tuanyuan continued.
Zhang Tuanyuan, who spoke very softly when he was alone with Jiang Shen outside, spoke much louder in front of Zhang Jingchun.
There was no complaint on her child's face, only confusion. Zhang Tuanyuan said, "Can't Dad take a few days off to take care of Mom?"
Zhang Jingchun said: "Dad has to work to earn money so that Mom can have money for medical treatment."
Zhang Tuanyuan said "Oh" and accepted this statement.
But she still looked at Jiang Shen unwillingly, "Are you really not my father?"
Jiang Shen thought for a while, and thinking that Zhang Tuanyuan would live with him for a while, he said, "If your mother is willing, I can be your godfather."
Zhang Jingchun's mother has always said that she is his godmother since he was a child, and he is closer to her because of this. If this additional relationship can make Zhang Tuanyuan trust him more, that would be great.
Zhang Jingchun opened his mouth and wanted to say something, but in the end he selfishly swallowed all the words.
In this way, Jiang Shen will take better care of Yuanyuan after she passes away, right? Just like her mother.
Zhang Tuanyuan stared at Jiang Shen with his eyes wide open.
"Dad." she called.
Zhang Jingchun held Zhang Tuanyuan's hand and said, "You can't call him that. He's not your dad."
Zhang Tuanyuan had a sullen face and looked unhappy. She said, "He said he could be my father."
Zhang Jingchun said helplessly: "He is a godfather, not like a father."
Zhang Tuanyuan was still unhappy, "Same."
Zhang Jingchun was about to explain everything to Zhang Tuanyuan, but Zhang Tuanyuan refused to listen. She moved closer to Jiang Shen and took the initiative to hold his hand.
Jiang Shen smiled helplessly and said, "It's okay if it's a misunderstanding. Just leave it like this for now. When you're discharged from the hospital, explain it to her."
If being her father can make her feel more at ease, it's not a problem for him to be her father for a while.
Compared with this, what is more important is how to tell Zhang Tuanyuan that he wants to live with her for the next two years.
Jiang Shen originally thought that Zhang Tuanyuan would cry and make a fuss because she wanted to go with him, but unexpectedly, Zhang Tuanyuan was quiet for a while and then nodded very straightforwardly.
She walked to Zhang Jingchun's bed, stepped on a chair, pulled up the quilt for Zhang Jingchun, and said to him with sensible concern like a little adult: "Don't worry, mom, I will listen to dad. You also have to listen to the doctor and don't get sick, okay?"
Zhang Jingchun controlled her trembling expression, swallowed her saliva and said, "Okay, Mom will listen to the doctor."
Jiang Shen took the key to their house from Zhang Jingchun, said goodbye to Zhang Tuanyuan and Zhang Jingchun, and closed the door.
As soon as the door was closed, Zhang Tuanyuan became quiet again. She silently hugged the picture book in her hand and followed Jiang Shen.
When she got into Jiang Shen's car and looked at the hospital going away, she suddenly said, "Dad, is Mom going to die?"
"The fathers in other wards will take care of their mothers. Will you take care of your mother?"
"I don't want my mother to die, can you help me?"
There was no trace of pink on the face of the little girl who spoke, and her eyelashes trembled again with anxiety.
Jiang Shen suddenly realized.
He didn't know whether Zhang Tuanyuan could distinguish between her father and her godfather, and whether she really thought he was her father.
But at this moment, he knew that Zhang Tuanyuan didn't really want a father, she just needed someone who could take care of Zhang Jingchun.
Because the other fathers she saw in the hospital all took care of their mothers.
Looking at the little girl sitting in front of him with tears in her eyes and red eyes, Jiang Shen felt a little guilty.
He made her worried, too.
He gently pulled aside the scene of their first meeting that he suddenly recalled and reached out to touch her head.
Seeing that he was silent for a long time, Ren Fenghe became anxious, and she hurriedly said, "You promised to tell me."
Jiang Shen comforted him, "I'll tell you. I was just thinking about how to put it so that you can understand it more easily."
He probably wasn't just trying to coax her, he really meant it.
Worried Ren Fenghe swallowed his saliva, and his body returned to its original position, his eyes still filled with panic.
Jiang Shen bit his dry lips and spoke while thinking, trying to talk about his story as simply as possible.
“My job is an entertainer, someone who sings and dances on stage.”
"When you video chatted with me that day, the uncles who greeted me were also singers and dancers. We are a group, a team, and we will perform together on stage."
Seeing Jiang Shen start to talk about him, Ren Fenghe nervously grabbed the sleeve of his clothes and scratched it back and forth.
She wanted to know, but was afraid that if she knew, she would get panic disorder, which was proof that Jiang Shen's path was difficult and painful.
"In the beginning, we were not entertainers yet. We were just ordinary people who practiced to be on stage."
All members of amanecer seldom talk about their trainee period. Even if they do talk about this period, they only talk about the interesting things that happened during this period and never talk about how hard and tiring this period was.
But to stand out from the auditions with tens of thousands of participants and hundreds of trainees and enter the debut group with only a single-digit number of people, the competition has never been less.
One can imagine the hardships he had to endure in order to get a debut position.
Even if the relationship among amanecer is good now, before they are selected as debut members, the atmosphere will be like a taut string, accompanied by sensitivity and vigilance.
"I was lucky enough to debut because I know a little bit about martial arts."
"Later, we performed on stage many times. No matter where we performed, there would be many people coming from different places to support us."
"In order to make everyone go back satisfied, we practiced singing and dancing very hard."
“But sometimes, I feel very tired.”
Ren Fenghe raised his head and looked at Jiang Shen.
When Jiang Shen talked about the past, he did not look at Ren Fenghe. His gaze fell on the wall not far away, and seemed to be on the past years.
His expression was calm and there was no emotion when he spoke about these things. He stated his statements objectively.
As he spoke, he gradually forgot his original intention. He had originally wanted to just pass it by, but gradually he went into more depth.
"I have expectations for myself, my teammates, my fans, and the company. I know this is the path I've chosen, and these expectations are inevitable. But these expectations are really heavy, and I've been carrying these expectations for many years."
Maybe he also needs someone to talk to, and the kid in front of him is different from his teammates, company, and fans.
She had nothing to do with his career, and there was no need to worry about the content of their chat being leaked, so even though he knew that the other party was very young, couldn't give him any advice, and might not even understand what he was saying, he couldn't help but speak out what was in his heart.
"I've seen many fans of our group or other groups online say that watching a performance is a happy and painful experience."
"They said that they could immerse themselves in immense happiness while watching a performance, but once the performance was over, this happiness would be quickly stripped from their bodies, and the withdrawal reaction would cause endless pain to grow."
“In fact, we performers are the same.”
"Standing on the stage, even before the spotlights started to shine on us, the screams of fans began to surround us. All our efforts were truly rewarded with love at this moment. Tens of thousands of people and tens of thousands of pieces of love surrounded us."
"Fans will hold our group's cheering sticks. Our cheering color is orange. On the stage, there is a sea of orange that you can't see anywhere else in the world."
“But once I get off the stage and return to my dark home alone, I always feel dazed and like everything just happened was a dream.”
"The happiness I feel on stage is no less than the happiness my fans feel off stage. Fans will suffer from withdrawal, and I will also suffer from withdrawal."
"Every time I go home, I wonder if everything that just happened was a dream, is it really real? Am I really loved by so many people?"
Jiang Shen said.
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