Chapter 66: Incomplete
Ren Fenghe sat on the sofa, looking at Jiang Shen, who was sleeping cross-legged on the ground in a very uncomfortable position.
Jiang Shen cares about and is afraid of the outside world's gaze, isn't she the same?
Ren Fenghe lowered his head and gently stroked his right leg.
There were no scars on the child's legs, they were healthy and intact, like a thriving seedling.
Since coming here, she rarely thinks about the past. But at this moment, her thoughts were pulled back to the past.
After the operation, she locked herself in the room, drew the curtains and closed the door, completely isolating herself from the outside world.
"Feng He."
Aunt Wang, the nanny, came from outside the door, cautiously asking, "Can I come in for a moment?
Ren Fenghe, who was sitting on the bed and daydreaming, was indifferent and seemed not to hear the sound. The quilt fits snugly around her legs, and her body seems to have merged into the bed.
Aunt Wang, who got no response, knocked on the door twice more and said, "Feng He, I have a problem that I can't solve, and I want to ask you, can I come in?"
She finally responded. After getting up like a petrified person, Ren Fenghe did nothing and just stayed on the bed. He slowly turned his head and his eyes fell on the door.
The door was locked by her.
Ren Fenghe didn't want to talk or move, she just stared at the door lock.
Rather than saying she "looked", it would be more accurate to say she just made a "look" gesture.
There was no light in her eyes.
There was another noise outside the door, and the key was inserted into the keyhole. With a metallic sound, the horizontal bar of the door lock turned into a vertical line.
Aunt Wang opened the locked door and walked in quietly.
The room was dark.
The curtains were not open and the lights were not on. The only light came from the faint sunlight coming through the gaps in the curtains that could not be completely closed.
"Feng He, can you do me a favor?" Aunt Wang said cautiously, her voice very soft, as if there was a butterfly landed on the bed, and a slightly louder tone would scare the butterfly away.
Ren Fenghe looked up at her and blinked slowly.
Aunt Wang felt relieved because this time he just unlocked the door and came in. Ren Fenghe didn't yell at her to get out like before, nor did he throw everything he could reach to the ground.
Aunt Wang came in and sat next to Ren Fenghe without touching her quilt.
She opened her cell phone and showed a photo to Ren Fenghe.
In the photo, the hydrangeas in the villa's small garden are in full bloom, which is extremely beautiful.
Aunt Wang enlarged the photo and pointed at the leaves on it. The edges of the leaves looked brown and black, as if they had been burned by fire.
Aunt Wang said, "Feng He, can you help me find out how to take care of the hydrangea so that the leaves can grow normally?"
Aunt Wang handed the phone to Ren Fenghe, and while waiting for her to pick it up, she stood up and walked to the window and said, "You can see the hydrangea in the room, why don't you come to the window and take a look?"
Aunt Wang tentatively placed her hand on the curtain, and seeing that Ren Fenghe did not react and did not seem to be resisting, she grabbed the curtain and pulled open a corner.
The dazzling white light instantly poured into the room, shining on Ren Fenghe's face, and she subconsciously closed her eyes.
It took her a long time to slowly get used to the long-lost brightness.
Along with the dazzling light, the warmth of the sunlight also entered the room.
Wen Nuan gently put her arms around Ren Fenghe's hand that was on the quilt, pulled her gently, and coquettishly asked her to go to the window.
Ren Fenghe looked down at her arm. Her left wrist was wrapped in layers of gauze.
Ren Fenghe, who hadn't spoken for several days, spoke. Her voice was hoarse and stuck. She said, "Let me see."
Aunt Wang nodded twice, and when she saw Ren Fenghe lift the quilt to reveal her empty trouser legs, she wanted to go over and help her up, but her feet felt like there were nails stuck in them and she didn't dare to take a step easily.
Ren Fenghe stood up with the help of the bedside table, steadied himself, leaned on his crutches, and slowly walked to the window.
Yangguang hugged her completely, kissing Aunt Wang and her without favoritism.
Ren Fenghe lowered his eyes and looked down.
The garden is a sea of flowers, and different flowers are full of vitality and colorful under Aunt Wang's skillful hands. The wind blew gently, the sea of flowers swayed, and the fragrance of flowers drifted from the gap in the window that Aunt Wang had opened at some point to Ren Fenghe's nose.
"I'll search it online," said Ren Fenghe.
Aunt Wang nodded again and said, "Okay, okay. Without Feng He's help, I can't take good care of these flowers."
"I can't live without Fenghe." Aunt Wang said again. As she spoke, she looked at Ren Fenghe's bandaged wrist and the new and old scars on his arm, and her nose felt sour.
Aunt Wang took the opportunity to say, "Feng He, why don't you go downstairs and take a look? The photo I took isn't clear, can you take a photo with your phone and post it online to ask?"
Perhaps Aunt Wang’s concern for Ren Fenghe touched her. Ren Fenghe, who had not left the room for a long time, put on her prosthesis and went downstairs.
The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and the breeze is blowing softly.
Ren Fenghe felt comfortable after a long time.
Her legs didn't hurt or itch at the moment, and the presence of the prosthetic joints became less noticeable. Her heavy, weak body was warmed by the sun, and she felt very comfortable.
Ren Fenghe walked slowly into the garden, and Aunt Wang followed closely beside her, with her arms in a position as if she was about to stretch them.
Ren Fenghe said: "I won't fall."
"Oh, okay." Aunt Wang hastily withdrew her hand and nervously grabbed her body twice.
She pointed to a certain place and said, "It's that place and that flower."
They walked to the hydrangea, and Ren Fenghe took a photo with her mobile phone and posted it online for help.
Soon, netizens who love plants responded one after another, and Aunt Wang’s problem was solved.
"So that's how it is! Then I have to go to the flower market to buy these things." Aunt Wang said as she wrote down the method.
After that, Aunt Wang hesitated for a long time and said, "Feng He, do you want to go to the flower market with me? There are a lot of beautiful flowers there."
"Or we can go to the park. There's a park next to the flower market. How about we have a picnic there? Didn't you say before that you really wanted to try a picnic in the park?"
Looking at Aunt Wang who was trying to persuade her to go out, Ren Fenghe suddenly remembered a text from junior high school.
She looked around and saw so many flowers, just like what was written in the textbook.
The yellow flowers are elegant, the white flowers are noble...
Ren Fenghe didn't expect that she could still remember the sentences in the book. The author's emotional changes that the teacher described in class seemed to still echo in her ears.
"Okay." Ren Fenghe agreed.
Aunt Wang was overjoyed and hurried to make preparations.
She packed up everything, including the picnic blanket, food for the picnic, and insect repellent, and went out with Ren Fenghe.
Ren Fenghe, wearing long sleeves and long pants, covering his entire body tightly, came to the park.
The weather was very good and there were many people having picnics in the park. The children running around, laughing and playing made the green park look even more vibrant.
Ren Fenghe stood stiffly in the crowd, her long-sleeved shirt and long pants suddenly becoming very short, so short that the injury on her wrist and her legs were exposed.
Aunt Wang noticed her tenseness and quickly diverted her attention, saying, "Feng He, can you help me open the lid of the lunch box?"
Instead of sitting on the ground like everyone else, they spread a picnic blanket on a small square table in the park. Ren Fenghe's legs were not convenient for him to sit on the ground.
Ren Fenghe looked down at the boxes of afternoon tea prepared by Aunt Wang and stood to help open them.
"Why don't you sit down?" Aunt Wang asked.
Ren Fenghe couldn't sit down.
Once she sits down, her pants will be pulled up with the movement. Will her prosthesis be exposed?
"Wow! There are so many delicious foods!" The child at the next table came over and asked excitedly, "Auntie, sister, can we eat it?"
Aunt Wang looked at Ren Fenghe, and Ren Fenghe nodded imperceptibly.
"Great!" The children cheered. After getting their parents' consent, they took the drinks and cakes handed to them by Aunt Wang and ate and played excitedly.
Ren Fenghe looked at them with envy as they jumped around.
Then, someone tripped over whom, and one of the kids staggered and was about to fall towards Ren Fenghe.
Ren Fenghe's heart tightened and he took big steps to try to steady the child.
At the same time, the drink in the child's hand spilled onto her, leaving a large wet mark on her pants.
"Oh my, you kid! So naughty! Hurry up and thank your sister for helping you, and apologize to your sister!" The child's parents rushed over and were about to wipe Ren Fenghe with a tissue.
Aunt Wang also reacted and quickly stretched out her hand to stop him: "It's okay, I'll do it..."
But it was still a step too slow.
The parent's fingers brushed across the cloth, and his expression suddenly froze, with some surprise.
The wet pants should have stuck to the skin, but at this moment, an unnatural gap appeared below the knees.
It was discovered.
Bathed in the sun, Ren Fenghe felt cold and his body was shivering slightly.
The surprised parents looked up at her.
His eyes were instantly filled with pity.
Time completely stopped at this moment.
Ren Fenghe felt dizzy, her breathing stagnated, and she avoided her parents' gaze, her nails digging into her palms. She didn't dare to look up, as she felt that the sounds around her were gradually becoming distant, and everyone was staring at her legs.
Sympathy, pity, or even...disgust.
Ren Fenghe, who was lying on the sofa, let out a long sigh.
After she was separated from her original body, she finally realized how wrong she was at that time.
At that time, she only felt a little safe in the room. Once she went outside, she felt that everyone was staring at her legs, and everyone could see the defects of her body.
But is anyone really watching her?
And her long sleeves and pants completely covered her scars and prosthetic limbs.
No one ever called her legs disgusting.
From the beginning to the end, she herself could not accept her legs and felt disgusting about herself.
Like Jiang Shen, her self-doubt made them overly concerned about other people's eyes and gazes, and they felt that they were always surrounded by malice.
Jiang Shen became sick and suffered from panic disorder.
She wasn't much better and tried many times to completely escape from this world.
Ren Fenghe thought of Jiang Shen who had a panic attack and couldn't breathe but still practiced dancing without slacking off in order to one day return to the stage. He also thought of Miao Qingqing who, after going through so much hardship, was not afraid to talk about her physical defects, walked out of the house, picked up a paintbrush and started to record the world.
They are all trying hard to find their true selves in the midst of illness and moving forward with determination.
What about her?
Can she accept her imperfect self, even if she will face countless curious, pity, or strange looks from outsiders in the future?
If her parents and relatives don't love her, can she love herself doubly?
Ren Fenghe thought of Zhang Tuanyuan's tears during the video call with Zhang Jingchun and the dream that he couldn't remember no matter how hard he racked his brains.
Zhang Tuanyuan may still be in this body.
This is Zhang Tuanyuan's body, not hers.
She has her body, her body is imperfect, but her soul is not.
Ren Fenghe got down from the sofa and covered Jiang Shen with the small blanket on the sofa.
Even though it is difficult to ignore the voices of the outside world, Jiang Shen is trying.
Even though it is difficult to accept her own imperfect body, she will try her best.
After being here for two whole months, it was the first time that Ren Fenghe sincerely wanted to go back.
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