Chapter 364 I Won't Lie to You
"As long as I am alive, as long as I am still myself, I will always do the same thing. I will always crush my hope of standing up again in order to save others. It will be like this every time, every time, and every time, as long as the sky falls, I will hold it up..."
"But I don't want to be a hero. I just want to be an ordinary person who can be with the person I love, even if it's just to look at her. I don't want to be a burden to the person I love."
"But I was the tall guy, and I knew what I was capable of, so there was no way I could just sit back and do nothing."
"Perhaps after a long period of torture, I will become cold, cold-blooded, and heartless, but that is not how I want myself to be, nor is that how I should be when standing by your side. If I become this kind of person, even if you don't dislike me, I will dislike myself."
At this point, Lu Qiu slowly let go of Xia Wange's hand and whispered, "So what if I can be cured? I have to choose between the inner torment and the physical relapses. I might as well choose to do good deeds with all my strength, choose the most dazzling way to save more people, live up to my conscience, and then let my body return to its original state and wait for death. Isn't this the best of both worlds?"
He is a burden for now and will be a burden for the rest of his life. Even if he can withstand the repeated torture in the future, what about the people around him?
Did he want to watch them go from full of confidence to numbness and then to exhaustion? What did he have to gamble with? Why did he ask Xia Wange to stay by his side and help him?
These endless days, these endless repetitions, the forced cycle between hope and the abyss, and the inconsolable inner torment...
He didn't want to bear it, nor did he want the people around him to bear it.
Xia Wange sat down slowly, raised her hand to push the loose hair on her forehead back, and scratched her head. She just felt that her chaotic brain was running a little too slowly.
She actually felt that what Lu Qiu said made sense.
What he said is objective. Even after the condition is cured, it is still the same. He still has to do it over and over again. To save people, he has to endure physical pain. He is about to stand up, but in the end, he might be paralyzed. If he doesn't save people, he will experience mental torment. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, he will recall what happened at that time and condemn himself for not saving them. If he had saved them, even if he had saved them slightly, after seeing the news and seeing so many people died, he would start to regret it again. If he had tried harder at that time and saved more people, would such a tragedy not have happened? But he will have to endure physical pain again...
Save those ungrateful ungrateful people?
Forget it. Rescue dogs won’t even bother to sniff out the people, let alone save them.
After saving a good person, the good person would be grateful, and the gratitude would be returned many times. Then Lu Qiu's body was attacked, and she slowly took care of Lu Qiu to recover. When something happened, she couldn't help but save the good person, and then she was attacked again. If it went on like this, no one could bear such psychological torture...
If it was Wende, then the problem would be easily solved. His ambition was to suffer all the sufferings in the world, so for him, the physical harm he suffered was cultivation, it was suffering, it was doing good deeds. But Lu Qiu was different. He didn't have such lofty ambitions. He just wanted to be an ordinary person, an ordinary person who would consider himself and his family. He didn't have such lofty ambitions, but he was put in this position. He saved the physical torture but not the inner torture.
So difficult.
What Lu Qiu said really makes sense.
It's over. Xia Wange scratched her head again. She had to use her brain. She couldn't find a starting point to persuade him.
She felt that for Lu Qiu to fight with all his might and then end his life in a grand and brilliant way was indeed the solution that would leave the least psychological pressure on him.
No, no, there must be something she overlooked. There is still some advice.
Lu Qiu looked at Xia Wange scratching her head desperately and thought she was adorable. He reached out to touch her face, but when he was about to touch her, he woke up again. He slowly curled up his fingertips and pointed at his legs, "So you don't have to feel sad for me. I have achieved inner peace. I have tried my best. I don't have any regrets in my heart..."
At this point, Lu Qiu paused and said, "Actually, there is still some. I haven't saved enough jade for you to use in your lifetime."
Exhaling slowly, Lu Qiu closed his eyes and tried to force out a smile that would reassure the other person. "Now that we've talked about it, you don't have to feel sad for me. Your coming here can be regarded as a formal farewell for me and I can see you again. I heard you say that you like me and accept my confession. I really have no regrets. Xia Wange, do you still remember that you promised me two things? One is that I asked you to tell me a fairy tale, and the other is can you promise me that you will leave here and wait for me to die, take these jades and live well..."
"I don't remember, and I don't agree." Xia Wange stopped and looked at Lu Qiu, saying confidently, "A piece of paper without a signature is like shit in the toilet. I don't remember it, so I don't agree. Don't talk for now, let me think it over."
Lu Qiu: “…”
"Why are you doing this again..." Lu Qiu glanced at Xia Wange's stubborn expression, laughed, raised his hand and drew a line on his waist with his fingertips. "When my legs were not good before, I went to see doctors everywhere, but I also set a bottom line for myself, that is, the moment I found that I couldn't take care of myself, I would decisively end my life. I can't accept that, I would be incontinent, and I would have to rely on others to take care of me for eating, drinking, defecating and urinating. My dignity would not allow it, and this time is the same. When that moment comes, I will end my life. I think it should be soon. Now I can't even feel you sitting on my thighs..."
Xia Wange said bluntly: "Then should I sit up a bit?"
Lu Qiu: “…”
"Huh? Wait, are you saying that you just can't feel your legs now?" Xia Wange caught a glimpse of this, her eyes slightly brightened, "No, no, no, you sent so many blessings, and you had already begun to receive sincere thanks from others before the earthquake, and then your legs and feet started to hurt you, and even if you are not a vegetable now, you should only be able to move your head... There must be some turning point that I haven't discovered yet, don't worry, wait for me to study it slowly."
Xia Wange opened her heavenly eye and scanned Lu Qiu's legs, and found that all the purple energy was concentrated on his legs. When she was about to take a closer look, she felt pain in her eyes. The moment she closed her eyes, her heavenly eye was forced to close. She had used it too much in the past few days and was too tired. She could not support such use for the time being, and could only wait until she had a thorough rest.
Thinking of this, Xia Wange said, "Really, I'm not lying to you, there is still hope."
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