Chapter 37 Chapter 37 Everyone has desires, and I also want to fall in love.
The entire carriage was very quiet; the tiny rustling sounds seemed to blend into the silence and become the background.
The two of them stared at each other quietly in this small space isolated from the outside world.
After a long time, Jiang Chi gently loosened his hands and the blindfold covered Sheng Jianan's vision again.
He couldn't see Jiang Chi, but could vaguely feel that Jiang Chi seemed to be moving, and then his breath came over and leaned against his side.
"Sheng Nannan." Jiang Chi whispered in his ear, with a hint of laughter in his voice, "You are not allowed to have any opinions."
His speaking style is still the same as before.
Sheng Jianan moved his lips slightly but didn't say anything.
Jiang Chi looked at his beautiful lips that opened slightly, as if he wanted to say something but didn't. He smiled and said, "It's not like we didn't kiss when we were kids."
Sheng Jianan: “…”
When a child is five or six years old, he is ignorant. If you give him a kiss and spit on him, can it be the same as a twenty-year-old?
Jiang Chi leaned sideways next to Sheng Jianan and looked at the half of his face that was exposed.
Seeing that he didn't say anything, after a moment, Jiang Chi raised the corners of his lips and said proudly: "We lost our first kiss."
Let’s see who dares to laugh at him for still having his first kiss.
It was such a trivial matter, but Jiang Chi was teased almost from high school to college, as if they had been in a relationship, which was so glorious and great.
Even if they had been in love, that’s great, but did they have Sheng Jianan? These people are just jealous of him.
After a long while, Sheng Jianan pursed her lips, feeling that there seemed to still be the warmth left by Jiang Chi on her lips.
He was silent for a moment, then said, "...This is not a first kiss."
"Why doesn't it count?" Jiang Chi got angry and retorted, "Of course it counts, we haven't kissed anyone else."
"...Only a kiss between lovers can be considered a first kiss." Sheng Jianan said.
Hearing this, Jiang Chi suddenly fell silent, staring quietly at Sheng Jianan's black eye mask, as if trying to find out something through the eye mask.
After a while, his eyes couldn't help but glance down and fell on those plump and moist lips. After looking for a moment, he looked away, swallowed, and took out mineral water from the bag.
Seeing that he didn't say anything, there was another rustling noise. After a while, Sheng Jianan said again: "Our kiss was at most a kiss between friends."
After drinking two sips of water to moisten his dry throat, Jiang Chi suddenly laughed when he heard this.
As he twisted the bottle cap, he said, "Sheng Nannan, think about what you said last time. Didn't you say friends can't kiss? Now that your first kiss is gone, you say it was a kiss between friends and doesn't count. What? Do you want to keep your first kiss?"
He had just moistened his mouth, and his voice became much clearer.
Seeing that Sheng Jianan had nothing to say, Jiang Chi continued: "Since this is not a first kiss, it's just a kiss between friends anyway, so why didn't you let me kiss you before?"
"... Jiang Chi, you are really unreasonable." Sheng Jianan couldn't argue with his twisted logic. Anyway, he was right no matter what he said, "Didn't you kiss him first?"
"I kissed you first." Jiang Chi said confidently, leaning forward and wrapping his arm around him, "Why can't I kiss you? Why doesn't this count as a first kiss?"
Sheng Jianan: “…”
"Why can we be a couple? Isn't our relationship better and more intimate than that of a couple?" Jiang Chi said, "Sheng Nannan, don't even think about it. You can only do all the intimate things with me. Don't even think about it with others. We must be the only ones who are the closest."
-
Taking into account that most people come here for fun, the club discussed it in advance and, after obtaining everyone's consent, booked a hot spring hotel in Longdong Mountain.
Because the winter is too cold and there is a lot of snow in the mountains, some people don't want to go out, so the hot spring hotel is equipped with a series of entertainment facilities. There are computer rooms, game rooms, singing rooms, etc., which are exclusively for paid use by holiday tourists.
After arriving at Longdong Mountain and checking in, the group had a meal first, and then rested in the hotel or had free time.
In this kind of weather, the most comfortable thing to do is to soak in hot springs. As soon as we arrived at the hotel, several boys made an appointment to go to the public hot spring pool together. Ling Mo was also among them.
During this time, a boy suggested calling Jiang Chi and Sheng Jianan together and asked Ling Mo to make a phone call.
Although Ling Mo knew that Jiang Chi would definitely refuse, he still didn't spoil everyone's fun and beat him in front of them. As he expected, Jiang Chi refused without saying a word when he heard that they were going to a public hot spring.
Ling Mo had this experience a long time ago. Not to mention taking a bath in such a narrow and crowded hot spring pool, Jiang Chi didn't want anyone else to even touch the water that Sheng Jianan had stepped on.
Sometimes Ling Mo felt that reincarnation was really a technical job. Some people's personalities were destined to be reborn into rich families. Without money, they simply could not survive.
For example, Jiang Chi.
With a physique like Sheng Jianan, Jiang Chi was reluctant to let him take a cold shower even in summer. Not to mention the public swimming pool which was crowded with men and the water was not even clean. Fortunately, his family is rich and has a villa with a private heated swimming pool. When summer comes, if Sheng Jianan wants to swim, they can go to the swimming pool at home.
Ling Mo was very lucky and had never been there once.
-
The room that the club booked did not include a private bath, and Sheng Jianan was a bit of a germaphobe, and Jiang Chi couldn't possibly let Sheng Jianan go to the public hot spring, so after checking in, they upgraded to a private bath room with a snow view.
After entering the room, Sheng Jianan took off his thick coat, went into the bathroom, and washed his hands thoroughly with hand sanitizer.
Jiang Chi followed him in and hugged him: "Do you want to take a hot spring bath?"
Sheng Jianan shook his head, wiped his hands with a towel, and took his hands off his waist.
"Not soaking now." Sheng Jianan said indifferently and walked around him.
"Okay." Jiang Chi had no objection.
As for such trivial matters in life, as long as they were not related to Sheng Jianan's health issues, he was willing to listen to Sheng Jianan on everything.
Jiang Chi held his hand again and walked out with him: "What do you want to play this afternoon? I'll accompany you."
Sheng Jianan didn't say anything, pulled his hand away from him, walked straight into the glass room of the hot spring pool, stood in front of the transparent glass and looked at the snow scene outside the forest.
Jiang Chi walked over and was about to reach out to hug him from behind, but Sheng Jianan grabbed his hand and pulled him away.
As long as they were in a private space, Jiang Chi wanted to stick to him almost all the time.
"Jiang Chi." Sheng Jianan said calmly, "Don't hold me all the time."
Sheng Jianan could feel that Jiang Chi behind him suddenly paused, and for a moment he felt a little bit reluctant. However, thinking of what Jiang Chi said in the car, he hardened his heart again.
After all, this relationship between them will have to be broken through sooner or later.
Even if he is willing to maintain the closest relationship with Jiang Chi without any ambiguity, what will it mean in the eyes of others if they remain like this after work?
He knew Jiang Chi's feelings for him and that he almost regarded him as everything. In comparison, the title of lover seemed a little light. But others won’t understand and will just think that they have done everything and are unwilling to admit the relationship to others.
To take a step back, Sheng Jianan was also very curious about whether there was any love in Jiang Chi's feelings for him, and what proportion it accounted for.
In fact, he had thought about confessing his feelings. But I couldn’t help but wonder, what if? What if Jiang Chi really only has strong family affection for him?
After all, whether in the novel or in the more than ten years they had actually been together, Jiang Chi really didn't seem to have any intention of falling in love with him, and family affection must have played a very large role.
If his confession failed, even if Jiang Chi would not stay away from him, he was afraid that it would cause a rift in their future relationship.
To be on the safe side, Sheng Jianan felt it necessary to test his attitude first.
"It's not good for you to keep hugging me like this." Sheng Jianan said, "Others will think our relationship is weird if they see it."
There was no sound behind him, and Sheng Jianan didn't know what Jiang Chi was thinking.
They were both silent for a while before Sheng Jianan heard Jiang Chi speak: "Who else is that? Aren't there just the two of us here?"
"But you're not just like this in the room," Sheng Jianan said. "You're also like this in the car and in the hotel lobby. Many classmates are looking at us with strange eyes."
After another long silence, Jiang Chi said, "We have always been like this, who doesn't know?"
After a slight pause, he continued, "Besides, why haven't I heard you say this before?"
This time it was Sheng Jianan's turn to be silent.
Habits are really terrible things, and they have maintained these intimate little habits for more than ten years.
Sometimes Sheng Jianan felt a little scared when he thought back to the past ten years. Because he knew the ending of the novel and his own ending, he had been trying hard to restrain his response to Jiang Chi's feelings and had survived for more than ten years. It was not until the stage of love beginning in high school that she finally could not resist and fell in love with Jiang Chi's meticulous love and care for more than ten years.
If there was no support from the plot, Sheng Jianan thought, he might really be spoiled by Jiang Chi, and his heart and eyes would be filled with him.
Just like the poor little cannon fodder in the book. He had no foresight. He had been loved wholeheartedly by someone for more than ten years, and then was abandoned for no reason. This feeling would be difficult for a normal person to bear. Just thinking about it makes me feel suffocated.
When Sheng Jianan occasionally thinks back on it, he still feels scared and fortunate.
The room was quiet for a long time, and neither of them spoke, until there was a knock on the door.
Sheng Jianan turned around and was about to open the door, but Jiang Chi was one step faster than him: "I'll go open the door."
Outside the door were Gu Panyu and a girl.
Seeing that it was Jiang Chi, Gu Panyu was a little reserved: "Excuse me, I have something to ask my junior."
She pointed inside the room and said, "By the way, can I visit your snow view room? I heard the scenery is very beautiful."
Hearing this, Jiang Chi smiled, opened the door, and said generously: "Sure, feel free to visit."
"Thank you." The two girls nodded politely and walked into the house.
Hearing Gu Panyu's voice, Sheng Jianan also came out: "Senior."
Looking around the high-end snow-view rooms, Gu Panyu said to Sheng Jianan who was walking over, "We're going to go sketching later, and I wanted to ask if you want to go. But there aren't many people here, and many people are going to the hot springs and taking pictures together."
When Sheng Jianan heard this, he thought it was a very good opportunity to give Jiang Chi the cold shoulder and make his attitude clear.
"Okay." Sheng Jianan said with a smile, "I'll go with you."
Jiang Chi looked at him for two seconds and said, "Me too..."
"You stay here." Sheng Jianan glanced sideways and interrupted him, "We are going to go sketching. It will be boring for you to go there. Why don't you go and play with Ling Mo and the others?"
Jiang Chi didn't say anything, just stared at him without blinking, and Sheng Jianan looked back at him frankly.
Gu Panyu's keen sixth sense told him that something was not right between the two of them, at least it was different from how they usually interacted with each other.
Gu Panyu looked at Sheng Jianan, then at Jiang Chi, and couldn't help but twitch in her temples. What sin had she committed? She had only spent a few times with them, but every time she met them it was like a hell.
Is she at odds with the handsome guy? You are destined not to make friends with handsome guys.
"Um--let's first..." Gu Panyu wanted to find an excuse to leave here.
Considering that Jiang Chi probably wouldn't let him go once they left, Sheng Jianan said in time: "I'll go down with you."
The moment she finished speaking, Gu Panyu felt that the temperature within a three-kilometer radius centered on Jiang Chi suddenly dropped, making her scalp tingle.
"Wait a moment." Sheng Jianan turned around and picked up the schoolbag on the sofa.
Jiang Chi stood at the door and stared at him.
After getting dressed and carrying his schoolbag, Sheng Jianan stopped as he passed by Jiang Chi: "Have fun."
Then he turned around and walked towards Gu Panyu and the others, saying, "Senior, let's go."
As soon as she walked out of the door, Jiang Chi grabbed one of Sheng Jianan's hands, and then she heard him say, "Senior, you guys go down first. I have something to say to him."
Gu Panyu looked at Jiang Chi, then at Sheng Jianan, feeling a little embarrassed for a moment.
After all, the atmosphere between the two of them seemed tense. If a dispute really happened, she would be a little worried about Sheng Jianan. But on second thought, she felt that with Jiang Chi's care for Sheng Jianan, he would definitely not bully Sheng Jianan. She felt that she had nothing to worry about, but she couldn't help but feel a little worried.
"Jiang Chi." Sheng Jianan brushed his hand away, her tone firm but gentle, "I'm going to sketch, and I'll be back to have dinner with you later."
Jiang Chi's Adam's apple twitched twice, and he opened his lips slightly. After a while, he said, "It's a bit boring here. I'll go with you."
"It's more boring there." Sheng Jianan said, "and you will disturb me."
After a slight pause, he said seriously: "Jiang Chi, I'm here to learn."
Seeing Jiang Chi didn't say anything, Sheng Jianan looked at him twice, took a deep breath, hardened her heart, and turned around: "Senior sister, let's go."
Sheng Jianan thought that they were probably the only couple in the world who were separated from each other for only a few hours but felt like they were parting forever.
-
There were about ten people going to sketch this time. The location was not far away, but they still needed a bus driver to take them there.
When they reached the hotel entrance, Sheng Jianan knew that Jiang Chi had also gone downstairs, but he resisted the urge to look back. I walked all the way to the car, and before getting in, a scarf was handed to me.
"Cold." Jiang Chi said.
After a two-second pause, Sheng Jianan slowly took the scarf, said thank you, and walked up the stairs.
After getting in the car, Sheng Jianan sat by the window, looking at the scarf in his hand, and was in a daze for a while. He could feel Jiang Chi looking at him from under the car, probably looking pitiful again. In fact, Jiang Chi also knew how to make him feel distressed.
Sheng Jianan resisted the urge to look outside.
Until the car started slowly and drove farther and farther away, when Sheng Jianan was sure that Jiang Chi could not see him clearly, he took out his mobile phone and took a picture. Jiang Chi stood there without moving, and his figure was getting smaller and smaller.
Sheng Jianan lowered his eyes and let out a long breath.
-
In the afternoon, the group of people who stayed in the hotel rented a private room for singing.
After singing a song, Ling Mo sat next to Jiang Chi and handed him a bottle of beer: "You have been in a daze, what are you thinking about?"
After taking the beer, Jiang Chi still sat there motionless, looking listless.
In such a private occasion, Jiang Chi would never be willing to separate from Sheng Jianan. Without even thinking, Ling Mo knew something must have gone wrong between them.
However, from what he had known since childhood, Jiang Chi and Sheng Jianan seemed to have never quarreled, and he had never seen anyone in the world who had such a good relationship as theirs.
After all, even the most loving couples will have quarrels. In all interpersonal interactions, it is estimated that no one can have no complaints about each other. But they can.
One has a good temper, and the other treats the other as a treasure and is reluctant to raise his voice even a little. The baby doesn't feel pain, but he feels pain.
Not to mention quarreling or anything like that.
This is all full of love! Ling Mo sighed silently, and at the same time couldn't help but be curious, what was the problem that could separate these two people?
The only possibility he could think of that could cause Jiang Chi to be angry with Sheng Jianan was that Sheng Jianan was going to leave him.
This was the problem he had assumed with Sheng Jianan before. If Sheng Jianan wanted to fall in love, it would basically mean leaving Jiang Chi for the rest of his life.
In this situation, Jiang Chi would really go crazy.
"Alas." Ling Mo sighed, worried about his own assumptions.
Both of them are his good friends. After all, they grew up together. If this situation really happened, he doesn't know what they would do. Who can stand who else?
Ling Mo touched Jiang Chi's beer bottle with his beer: "Want some?"
Hearing the sound, Jiang Chi raised the beer bottle and drank half of it.
He is really confused now and doesn't know what to do. Why did Sheng Jianan suddenly change in the past two months? It was as if a barrier was separating them from each other. He had never rejected him so coldly before.
There have been too many problems between them recently, and Jiang Chi's heart has been up and down almost all the time, and he has never let it go. He and Sheng Jianan had never encountered so many problems in the past ten years.
Ever since Sheng Jianan went out to eat with her senior schoolmate without telling him for the first time, everything seemed to be out of control. He would start hiding many things from him, such as saving money, going to Rong Town, not wanting him to accompany him to sketch, making friends with Mi, and so on.
Everything seemed to be an attempt to distance himself from him.
But he was clearly trying to give Sheng Jianan freedom.
He wanted to make friends, so he didn't stop them from chatting on WeChat. Someone talked to him on the road, but he didn't say anything to interrupt. He wanted to go out sketching with his senior, so he accompanied her silently. He has listened to his mother and given Sheng Jianan enough space to make friends. Isn't that enough?
What else can you do to him?
Like today, let him go out alone, let him make other friends, and let someone else replace him? Let him fall in love? Why? Why can others just take away from him the treasure he raised from childhood?
Why?
Sheng Jianan is his.
Jiang Chi held the beer bottle tightly in his hand, almost crushing it.
As expected, he shouldn’t have let Sheng Jianan go out just now!
Moreover, he clearly knew his physical condition. Why did he have to stay outside alone in this kind of weather? What if he got sick, caught a cold, or had a fever?
In an instant, all kinds of complicated thoughts flooded into Jiang Chi's mind. He was so annoyed that he couldn't control himself. He raised his head and drank the rest of the beer in one gulp.
"Damn it." Seeing this, Ling Mo couldn't help but curse, "I remember you didn't drink much. Drink less and don't get drunk. If you can't find Sheng Jianan by then, I'm afraid you won't know where to cry."
After drinking, Jiang Chi put the beer bottle heavily on the table, stood up expressionlessly, and walked out.
"Where are you going?" Ling Mo shouted from behind.
Seeing that Jiang Chi didn't react, Ling Mo thought about it and decided to follow him for safety reasons.
After all, Jiang Chi, who had an unpleasant experience with Sheng Jianan, probably had no rationality at all, especially since he had just drunk a bottle of liquor. If you don't have a good alcohol tolerance, you might get drunk to death, and in this weather you might even freeze to death.
However, Jiang Chi seemed to be quite organized. As soon as he arrived at the hotel front desk, he asked them to call a car for him to go to the place where Sheng Jianan was sketching.
The car stopped at the door. Ling Mo watched Jiang Chi get in the car and leave. After thinking for a while, he sent a WeChat message to Sheng Jianan.
-
It started snowing again on the mountain, and the vast white snow covered the ground. From afar, the whole mountain was covered in silver in the dead of winter, which was a beautiful sight.
In the past, Jiang Chi never wanted to let Sheng Jianan go out in this kind of weather.
But he likes this kind of snow scene very much, and likes the falling snowflakes, which allows him to better feel and grasp the ever-changing nature.
Sheng Jianan was wearing a thick white down jacket, wrapped up like a polar bear, with the khaki scarf that Jiang Chi had just handed to him wrapped around his neck.
At this time, he was standing in front of the easel discussing something with Gu Panyu. The two of them were talking and laughing, and had a very pleasant chat.
After chatting for a while, Gu Panyu raised her head while talking and laughing, noticed a figure not far away, and was suddenly stunned.
Sheng Jianan was still talking about his observations on the changes in color and tone of the sky and snow when Gu Panyu bumped his arm and pointed in a certain direction.
Sheng Jianan turned his head and saw Jiang Chi standing not far away. His collar, shoulders and hair were covered with snow, and it seemed that he had been standing there for a while.
After a few seconds of pause, Sheng Jianan sighed silently and walked over.
Jiang Chi's face showed no emotion.
Walking up to him, Sheng Jianan said, "Why are you here? Why didn't you call me?"
As he spoke, he took out his cell phone. There was no missed call from Jiang Chi, but there were two messages from Ling Mo.
[Ling Mo: Jiang Chi went to find you]
[Ling Mo: He drank a little bit of wine, and he might be in a bad mood. You should be careful.]
[Sheng Jianan: OK]
After sending the message, Sheng Jianan put his phone in his pocket and when he looked up, he saw Jiang Chi's eyes were red.
Sheng Jianan's heart softened immediately.
"Sheng Jianan." Jiang Chi called out softly, his voice slightly hoarse and his chest heaving. "I can't stand you doing this to me."
Sheng Jianan was stunned.
Jiang Chi opened his lips slightly, and his voice was a little dry when he spoke: "You said you were afraid of me making friends. I don't know if you were serious. But I am serious."
"Jiang Chi..." Sheng Jianan murmured.
Jiang Chi couldn't listen to anything now, and didn't want to listen to anything, so he interrupted him directly: "Can I hug you?"
Jiang Chi felt that he was like a tree, and Sheng Jianan was his soil and nutrients. Once he left Sheng Jianan, he would begin to wither and madly wanted to absorb his breath.
Sheng Jianan took two steps towards him and was pulled into Jiang Chi's arms. He tried desperately to absorb the breath from Sheng Jianan as if he was addicted.
Like a savage in the desert, absorbing the life-saving nectar.
In the cold snow, the two tall young men hugged each other tightly.
Feeling the ups and downs of Jiang Chi's breathing, Sheng Jianan felt distressed and patted his back soothingly: "Don't be sad, I won't chase you away."
He felt that Jiang Chi was about to cry out of grievance.
If this continues, after hitting bottom, it will probably go out of control.
As expected, he shouldn't think about Jiang Chi with a normal person's way of thinking. If he was like a normal person, their relationship wouldn't have developed to the point where it is today.
Let me give you some direct hints.
Sometimes when Sheng Jianan thought about it carefully, he wondered if Jiang Chi really was raising him as a child.
After all, even though the plot has gone off track, it doesn’t mean that Jiang Chi will definitely be gay for him.
What should we do if this is the case?
That, to him, was the equivalent of Plato.
But everyone has desires.
-
It was icy and snowy outside and it was really cold. After dinner, Sheng Jianan returned to the room and took a hot shower first. After coming out of the shower, he sneezed and showed signs of a cold.
Generally speaking, when this sign occurs, Sheng Jianan will most likely catch a cold. Jiang Chi quickly contacted the hotel and asked them to prepare ginger soup.
Sheng Jianan has a problem: he doesn't like using the heating. Especially in winter when you have a cold or fever, the heater will make your breathing difficult, so they rarely turn on the heater at home in winter.
In order to prevent him from feeling unwell, Jiang Chi turned off the heating early, and after drinking the ginger soup, he let Sheng Jianan cover herself with the quilt.
A better way to keep warm in winter than heating is natural body temperature, which is also the natural heater that Sheng Jianan has used since he was a child.
After taking a hot shower and raising his body temperature, Jiang Chi climbed onto the bed and hugged Sheng Jianan: "I knew you would catch a cold."
The cold brought a chill to the body. Sheng Jianan shrank back into Jiang Chi's arms, sniffed, and said, "But today's experience was good."
He likes nature and snow scenes. He has lived a very restrained life since he was a child, but he would occasionally want to be willful.
Jiang Chi didn't know what he was thinking and remained silent.
Sheng Jianan looked out the window and thought quietly.
The room was silent for a long time, so long that both of them seemed to have fallen asleep, before Sheng Jianan slowly opened his mouth and called out, "Jiang Chi."
Jiang Chi hummed softly.
"Have you never thought about falling in love?" Sheng Jianan asked.
Jiang Chi didn't say anything, but he tightened his grip around him and seemed to bury his head in the back of his neck.
Feeling the warmth coming from his back, Sheng Jianan looked at the snowflakes falling outside the glass house and said, "I've thought about it."
There is a slight nasal sound in the voice when speaking
Another moment of silence.
"Jiang Chi, everyone has desires, and I also want to be intimate with others." Sheng Jianan said calmly, "One day, I will want to fall in love."
*
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