Three-legged toads are easy to find.
Before entering the hospital, I called out to Gu Wanlin as he drove his wheelchair straight ahead, "Hey, Gu Wanlin, why are you running so fast? Wait for me."
Gu Wanlin turned her wheelchair around, raising an eyebrow at me. The gesture seemed to say, "What do you want now? Humph, I know her too well."
I squatted down in front of her, took out a sealed mask from my bag, tore open the packaging and hung it on her face. While adjusting the nose strip, I gently pinched her nose. "Wear your mask properly. There are a lot of germs in the hospital."
I pinched her nose unexpectedly, and she frowned in displeasure, but since I was helping her put on her mask, she couldn't protest. She just told me, "You wear it too."
It was early winter, and the hospital was overflowing with people. Every now and then, someone would rush past without looking, bumping into Gu Wanlin's wheelchair before realizing they'd bumped into her, turning around without even glancing back, leaving behind a curt "Sorry" before running off. Afraid that Gu Wanlin might have dislocated her legs and fallen off the wheelchair without even realizing it, I followed closely behind her, bending down to check on her over her shoulder.
I noticed she was nervous; her left hand, peeking out from under her sleeve, was trembling slightly. Until now, I had never imagined what the world was like for Gu Wanlin, who could only see it from a sitting height. At 166cm, she was already quite tall for a woman, but now she could only sit, having to crane her neck to see anyone's shoulders, while others, standing and looking straight ahead, often overlooked her. In the six months since returning to China after her injury, she had been shuttling between hospitals, home, and rehabilitation centers. Jiang Yu said she had almost no time to go out to crowded public places. Did she feel uneasy now?
It seems so. I bent down behind her head, wrapped my right arm around her neck and shoulder, and gently patted her shoulder. "Don't be nervous, I'm here with you."
She stubbornly insisted, speaking rapidly, "I'm not a three-year-old. Why would I be nervous coming to the hospital? I'm not nervous." She speaks quickly and rapidly when she's nervous, without even realizing it herself.
Then, she brought up the previous topic again, asking why you came to the hospital for a follow-up appointment, and whether you had stomach pain again. She said she saw you pressing your stomach at dinner yesterday.
I didn't lie to her and said that I had been living an irregular life for the past few weeks. I was working from home and was too busy to eat lunch, so I had a stomach ache once.
She sighed and said, "How many times have I told you to eat properly? Why won't you listen?" Then she told me to go to the specialist clinic by myself and not to come with her.
I showed her my appointment time slot, which was still a long way off. "Well, I don't have anything to do right now, so let's help each other out. I'll go with you to your place first, and then you can come with me to the gastroenterology department this afternoon. You're not nervous, but I am. I get nervous as soon as I enter the hospital, and I get even more nervous when I see the doctor. Please come with me, I'm begging you."
She agreed. She took me to the outpatient clinic of the spinal cord injury center. There were very few people there, and it was quite deserted. Her number was called quickly, and I accompanied her into the examination room.
The doctor was a kind-looking middle-aged woman, an associate chief physician. Judging from her name tag, her surname was Sun. She seemed to know Gu Wanlin well. When she saw Gu Wanlin come in, she greeted her, typed a bunch of words on the keyboard, and brought up Gu Wanlin's medical records. As she looked at them, her eyes behind her glasses narrowed and she frowned. "Why haven't you come for rehabilitation in so long?"
Gu Wanlin was unwilling to say more, only vaguely saying that something had happened at home and he couldn't take care of it, and later he also fell ill.
Director Sun was quite understanding and didn't press the matter further. He only advised, "You haven't been injured for long, and there's still a lot of rehabilitation training you need to do. This is very important for improving your self-care ability and quality of life. Take good care of yourself and don't delay."
After saying that, he glanced at me from behind his glasses and said, "The family members need to pay more attention."
I secretly rejoiced at the mention of "family member," and Director Sun seemed even more kind and approachable. Gu Wanlin opened her mouth as if to say something, but then closed it again. I understood. If she said this wasn't her family member, she'd have to give me an identity; if she said she was an ex, she couldn't bring herself to say it; if she said she was a friend, it would be even more awkward for both of us. It was better to just pretend we didn't hear it.
Director Sun then asked her about her recent urination and defecation, whether the spasms were frequent, and whether she had neuralgia. While asking her questions, he wrote her a prescription in a flamboyant manner and also told her to keep the lumbar brace on while sitting to prevent scoliosis.
She obediently agreed to all of them.
Finally, Director Sun asked her about her right leg, and whether she experienced phantom limb pain during her neuralgia. She gave a soft "hmm" and said that sometimes she did. Director Sun added a few more notes to the prescription, "Then you should continue taking the antispasmodic and painkillers as usual." He then stood up, pulled back the curtain to reveal an examination bed, and said to Gu Wanlin, "Lie down, I'll examine your right leg stump."
I lifted Gu Wanlin onto the examination bed and helped her lie down. Just as I was about to help her pull down her pants, she pressed my hand tightly, her eyes filled with earnest pleading: "Qingyi, get out." Seeing my hesitation, her tone became even more anxious, "Please get out, okay?"
Director Sun didn't ask any further questions, saying, "Then you should step aside, I'll handle it."
I squeezed her hand tightly. "It's okay. I'll wait for you outside." Gu Wanlin finally breathed a long sigh of relief.
I stood at the door, and I could vaguely hear Director Sun's voice. She said my blood circulation was too poor, and I should massage it more often. Unless I needed balance support, I should avoid wearing the prosthesis, otherwise, my skin would get chafed and I wouldn't be able to feel it, making the wound prone to infection. Hearing this, my heart ached again. After the examination, there was a long rustling sound from inside before the door finally opened. Gu Wanlin sat upright in her wheelchair, turning to look at me.
Director Sun said that's all for today. You can go with the nurse to change the indwelling catheter later. Is this the first time this family member has come? Go and learn along. Come back to me afterwards, and I'll explain some things family members should pay attention to.
Gu Wanlin pursed her lips and said, "She doesn't need to learn."
This time, Dr. Sun wouldn't let her have her way. She said, "Xiao Gu, you can't be so stubborn. If you can't handle it yourself, it's always good to have someone else help you. I know you can do many things yourself, but you shouldn't refuse help when necessary. Everyone needs help sometimes."
Gu Wanlin fell silent. I mentally gave Director Sun a thumbs-up; those words were so well said, even though I wouldn't dare speak to Gu Wanlin like that.
When the nurse led us to the operating room, I finally understood why Gu Wanlin was so reluctant to let me see her pants being pulled down, but not so resistant to letting me see her catheter being changed—because her catheter was inserted into her lower abdomen. Her once flat and firm abdomen now looked somewhat soft and loose, but it was still fair and delicate. Pulling down her waistband slightly, I could see a white dressing attached to her skin, with a tube protruding from the middle and disappearing into her trouser leg.
The nurse told me that this is called a suprapubic indwelling catheter. In Gu Wanlin's case, independent urination is very difficult, and she can only rely on the catheter for drainage. However, her fingers are not very flexible, making it inconvenient for her to perform intermittent procedures herself. A suprapubic stoma is easier to care for, has a lower infection rate, and involves regular water intake, opening the valve periodically for drainage, and changing the catheter monthly – it's the ideal bladder management plan. She then explained how to clean the stoma in daily care and how to handle catheter dislodgement in an emergency.
Gu Wanlin kept her head turned away the whole time, pretending to rest with her arm over her eyes. She didn't look at me or talk to me. I felt so sorry for her that I almost cried. I gritted my teeth and followed the nurse's instructions, and didn't say anything more.
Long after we left the operating room, she asked in a low voice, "My body is acting strangely right now. Did it scare you?"
I knelt down in front of her, took her hand in my arms, and poured hand sanitizer into both of our hands, rubbing them together carefully. "Gu Wanlin, how can you be so hypocritical? If you see something different about someone else's body, would you say they're weird? You talk about diversity and tolerance to others all the time, but why can't you be tolerant and understanding of your own body?"
I put her hand back on my lap and patted it gently. "Don't worry, it's just that this long tube has been stuck in your body. I was worried you'd suffer."
She laughed self-deprecatingly, "It's okay, I can't feel it, how could it hurt?"
Just as I was about to leave, Director Sun called me back and said that when my family members came in, I had some things to say.
I walked into the consultation room by myself. Director Sun casually asked if something was wrong today, since her parents usually accompanied her. I then lowered my voice and told Director Sun what Gu Wanlin meant by "something happened at home." After listening, Director Sun sighed deeply for a while before speaking, saying that this was actually why I called you in. Rehabilitation for spinal cord injuries is not only about physical rehabilitation; the patient's mental health and rebuilding their enthusiasm and hope for life are equally important, if not more so.
“Xiao Gu is a very strong-willed person and doesn’t like to talk about many things. But I’ve consulted with the psychiatrists about her situation. She needs to continue taking her antidepressants. Take her there for a follow-up appointment and to get her medication later. The family should pay close attention to her sleep and mood. The rehabilitation training at the hospital should be resumed as soon as possible.” Director Sun adjusted his glasses and gave a serious instruction.
Gu Wanlin was waiting outside. When she saw me come out, she asked me, "What did she say to you?" I joked with her and said, "What else could it be? She just went over all the precautions with me again since it was my first time accompanying you. Director Sun is really good to you and very dedicated. Hey, do you think we should give her a banner? I'll have to ask Li You and the other doctors what kind of gift would make them happiest."
Gu Wanlin glanced at her phone; there was still some time before my appointment. She said she had to go somewhere else and that I didn't need to come with her. Dealing with Gu Wanlin is all about persistence; I have plenty of experience with that.
I said, "Where can I go? There's nothing to see at the hospital. I'm about to see my doctor and I'm nervous. I'll go wherever you go."
Having no other choice, Gu Wanlin took me to the psychiatric clinic. I pretended not to know anything and asked her what was wrong with me lately. Gu Wanlin turned her wheelchair around and said it was nothing; these days, it's easy to find three-legged toads on the street, but it's not easy to find people who are 100% mentally healthy.
This person sometimes talks like that, it can drive you crazy. Seeing that I was about to snap at her, she casually said it was nothing, she just hadn't been sleeping well lately. "You wait outside, I'll go in myself."
My nose stung with tears. Gu Wanlin always kept things to herself like this. She used to tell me the same thing, "I haven't been sleeping well," picking out the least important one from all the problems and bearing everything alone. I only realized how hard she was working before, and I cried and asked her why she never told me anything. She just sighed softly then, "Aqing, telling you won't solve anything. I don't want you to worry."
But I have to hold back now. I said, "Okay, Gu Wanlin, you can go in by yourself. You're a big kid now, Mom doesn't worry about you."
She rolled her eyes at me.
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