Gu Wanlin, many people like you.
I dare not sit.
Seeing that I didn't move, Gu Wanlin shook his head impatiently, "Come on."
I gently persuaded her, "Gu Wanlin, I can't sit on your lap."
When she was drunk, her speech was slower than usual, and she drew out the last syllable, "Why?"
"Because I'm heavier than a dog." I started talking nonsense to her, hoping to confuse her and make her forget what she wanted to do. "Look, I won't let Cai Cai sit on your lap. If Cai Cai finds out that I secretly sit on your lap behind her back, she will be very sad. Cai Cai is a very good dog, and you like her very much. We can't let Cai Cai be sad, right?"
Gu Wanlin nodded thoughtfully, her head drooping. I bent down to carry her to bed. "Alright, we need to sleep." I leaned down and put my arm around her shoulder, and suddenly felt warm liquid dripping onto my arm.
She cried? How could her mood change so quickly, faster than the weather?
Gu Wanlin's eyes were brimming with tears, her face showing utter grievance. "But all I want is to hug you face to face. I can't stand up anymore, why won't you sit on my lap? You don't want me to hug you, do you? Because I'm a... disabled person who can only sit in a wheelchair..." Her lips trembled for a long time, unable to utter the last two words, but she still stubbornly pressed on, "Is that so?"
How drunk are you to be talking such nonsense?
I sighed, squatted down again, cupped her face in my hands, took out a tissue, and gently wiped away her tears. "I didn't, Gu Wanlin. I want you to hug me. I've never disliked you, and I never will. I'm just afraid of hurting you."
"Don't cry, I'll think of something."
I first had her hug my neck tightly, then supported her hips and helped her stand up from the wheelchair.
Calling it "standing" is an understatement; it's more like simply dragging her off her wheelchair. Without anyone's help, I couldn't even straighten her legs. Freed from the support of her foot brace, her left leg dangled, with only her toes touching the ground, her leg twisted and crooked because her knee couldn't be secured. The rest of her right leg dangled and swayed beneath her with our staggering steps.
...
I really can't hold this position for even a second; I definitely can't hug someone while they're standing.
I can't sit on her lap, so she has to sit on me instead.
I reached the edge of the bed and sat down, placing her on my lap. I made sure she kept her arms around my neck so I could put her legs on top of mine. With one hand, I had to prevent her missing leg from slipping, and with the other, I had to support her back. I couldn't help but praise myself inwardly for being so great, having such a stable core, and for all the hard work I had put in.
"Gu Wanlin, you can hug me however you want now."
Something feels off about this position. I'm holding her, letting her sit on my lap, and I want her to hug me however she wants.
It's a little bad. No, it's very bad.
I convinced myself that she was drunk, and I should let her have her way.
I won't argue with a drunkard tonight.
Gu Wanlin sat on my lap, her upper body naturally a head taller than mine. Her head rested on my shoulder, her warm breath brushing against the side of my neck. Without the support of the wheelchair backrest, the parts of her body that had sensation felt as if they were suspended in the air, which clearly frightened her. Her arms clung tightly to my back, and even her breathing became a little rapid.
I comforted her, "Don't be afraid, I'm holding you tight, you won't fall."
She slowly relaxed. Her hands, thin and bony yet supple and boneless due to her paralysis, gently traced the butterfly-like contours of my shoulder blades on my back.
I remembered the dream I had the night before we reunited, in which her hand climbed onto my back in the same way.
As I was lost in thought, she suddenly pressed her lips to the side of my neck and placed a tender, lingering kiss on it. But it was so brief that I felt a sense of unreality, only the small patch of skin on my neck that her trembling lips had just brushed against felt hot and burning, the veins inside throbbing pulsating.
It looks like something is melting...
A kind of indescribable emotion welled up in my heart, like waves surging one after another, crashing onto the shore.
I tried my best to control myself. She was drunk and disoriented, unable to give clear consent to any of my actions, and I couldn't take advantage of her while she was intoxicated.
But if she tries to take advantage of me, then let her. I'm clear-headed. This consent was given to her by me, and I gave it to her with all my heart.
Before my core could even give way, her body couldn't take it anymore. She had no strength left in her back and abdomen. Sitting like this was already difficult enough, and with her legs propped up on mine, she started to tremble in protest. Her right stump was probably stretched, and the spasms were particularly severe, rubbing tightly against my leg and shaking incessantly.
I casually lay down on the bed, letting her lie on top of me, then turned her over and got a pillow for her to lie on.
Gu Wanlin was puzzled. "Hmm?" His eyes were misty with a hazy, drunken look.
I patiently explained to her, "Your body is protesting because it feels uncomfortable; it's having a spasm. You should lie down for a while."
Gu Wanlin raised her neck and looked down at herself, then defiantly lay back down on the pillow. "Let it be, ignore it."
I massaged her to relieve the pain, saying, "What are you saying? Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it for you. Go to sleep if you're tired."
Gu Wanlin's body gradually calmed down and stopped trembling.
Wanting her to rest early, I followed the checklist Zhang Jie gave me to help Gu Wanlin with her bedtime care: her right leg needed to be wrapped in an elastic bandage, her left foot needed to be put on a foot brace, soft pillows needed to be placed under her knees and on both sides of her body, the drainage bag was hung on the wheelchair by the bed and the valve was made to be open, and a sponge ball was placed in her palm to prevent her fingers from being too stiff, painful and numb after a night of curling up when she woke up the next day.
I didn't hear her make a sound while I was massaging her, so I thought she had fallen asleep long ago. After finishing all the pre-sleep work, more than half an hour had passed, and I was about to turn off the light and lie down when I turned to check on her one last time.
To my surprise, she was biting her lip with her eyes closed, her brows furrowed, and tears silently streaming down her face, soaking the pillow.
I feared that her spasms had triggered some other problem. "Gu Wanlin, is there anything else that's bothering you?"
She mumbled a soft "hmm".
I asked anxiously, "Where? What kind of discomfort is it? Is there any pain anywhere?"
Gu Wanlin's closed eyelashes trembled. "I feel uncomfortable everywhere. Every day since the car accident, from the first second I open my eyes in the morning to the last second I close them before going to sleep, I feel uncomfortable."
I didn't know what else I could do for her, so I just helped her turn over onto her side, pulled her into my arms, and patted her gently.
Her cheeks were still flushed from the alcohol, and I could feel them burning when they were pressed against my neck.
"Why?" she murmured softly, nuzzling her forehead against my neck, like a child who had been wronged outside coming home to find an adult who could support her. "Why did you let me get into a car accident?"
"Why did the injury involve the cervical spine?"
"Why did you have to amputate my leg?"
Why?
Her tears slowly trickled down my neck and into my pajamas, sliding down to my chest, burning me so much that I could hardly breathe.
I am a useless adult. I can't protect her, I can't answer her, and I can't even help her more.
"Did I...do something wrong to...get...punished?"
I only realized this now. After all, Gu Wanlin rarely shows weakness when he is sober. It's okay if he sobs softly, but if he cries harder, it will affect his breathing, and he will speak intermittently with a weak and feeble voice.
Afraid that she wouldn't be able to breathe properly, I didn't dare let her bury her face in my neck anymore. I could only pull her away temporarily and try to get out of bed to get a tissue to wipe away her tears, but her arms were holding me very tightly.
"Are you leaving?" Her eyes weren't even open, her brow furrowed, and a string of round tears streamed down her face. "Please don't go."
Because I had broken my promise before, I was even less likely to say it easily in the future. But at this moment, I don't know where I got the courage, I blurted out a promise to her: "Of course, Gu Wanlin. I won't leave."
"I won't leave as long as you need me." I gently cupped her face in my hands, and on a whim, I leaned closer and carefully kissed away her tears.
It's so painful. Gu Wanlin, if you remember when you wake up, please forgive me for losing my temper and self-control, and for being so abrupt with you this time.
Her thoughts were a bit jumbled from being drunk, and what she usually wouldn't say because of her pride and self-respect poured out all at once: "Okay. Leaving was the right thing to do. I don't like myself either. Every time I see myself like this in the mirror, I don't like it."
I continued to kiss away her tears. "Gu Wanlin, I told you I wouldn't leave. Many people like you."
Gu Wanlin, I am one of them. I like you, or rather, I love you.
"What do you like about me? I don't have a right leg that everyone should have, and I have to carry a catheter with me every day, which is something I shouldn't have. What's there to like about that..." She was so sleepy that she was about to lose consciousness. Her voice grew softer and softer, and the last few words disappeared into her slightly labored breathing.
"Gu Wanlin, there's no such thing as 'should' or 'shouldn't.' Don't belittle yourself. People who like you won't stop liking you because of these things. You deserve to be liked, you deserve the best of everything in this world. Get some sleep, goodnight."
I was woken up by the slight shaking of the mattress.
The room was still pitch black; it must still be the middle of the night. I turned my head and saw Gu Wanlin trying to turn over. Perhaps because she was worried about me lying next to her and didn't want to wake me, she didn't use her arms to turn over, but instead tried to use one arm to prop herself up on her shoulder and roll her upper body over first, but she fell back down as soon as she let go.
The hotel bed offered her no leverage; she couldn't manage it using only her shoulders and arms. She struggled, like a little turtle whose shell had been flipped over, unable to find a way to get started.
I set my alarm before bed, but my watch hasn't vibrated yet; she must have woken up on her own. I turned over to help her. "Don't worry, I remember turning you over. I already did it once."
"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry," Gu Wanlin said apologetically, sounding completely sober. She then tentatively asked, "Was I drunk before bed? Did I bother you?"
It wasn't exactly "making a scene." Having seen her usual self so often, I actually find her drunken antics quite endearing. But aside from that, she shed so many tears. I'd rather she never have to think about those painful memories.
"No. You're very well-behaved when you're drunk; you just fall asleep quietly. How are you feeling now? Are you thirsty? Do you want some water?"
"That's good." She licked her lips. "I do seem a little thirsty."
I got out of bed to get her some water, unscrewed the cap, and helped her sit up against the headboard. She held the water bottle with both wrists and drank it herself. After she finished drinking, I took the bottle away and put it on the bedside table.
She slowly moved herself back to lie down, and asked me to help her turn onto her side. "Thank you, Qing. Turn off the alarm you set for me to turn over. I'll turn her over again when it's time to get up, and that should be enough. Next time I can turn onto my back by myself, so you don't need to worry about me. I already feel bad for waking you up. Goodnight, sweet dreams."
When he was drunk, he had the nerve to hug and kiss me, but when he woke up, he was all polite and distant, even just to drink water or turn over. What exactly does Gu Wanlin mean to me? I lay back down, tossing and turning, thinking about it all, feeling like a swarm of butterflies were fluttering wildly in my chest.
The second day didn't have any complicated activities planned, since we were there to relax. Plus, Gu Wanlin's morning routine took a long time after getting up. After brunch, we went to the lake to paddleboard for a while before heading back.
To be precise, I played with Jiang Yu, and Gu Wanlin watched.
When I called the night before, I was surprised to find that all the other activities were fully booked, and only paddleboarding had seats available. Gu Wanlin said that I didn't need to worry about her and that Jiang Yu and I should go have fun while she could sit or lie down by the lake.
Although I have seen paraplegics participating in water activities on YouTube, Gu Wanlin has only been injured for a short time and has never even been in a swimming pool. It would be too dangerous for her to go into the water rashly. We still need to proceed gradually and slowly.
Going back to work on Monday felt more like going to a funeral. After a non-stop morning of meetings with various teams on the same project, I couldn't wait to leave the company and go home to work in peace and quiet. Once I entered Gu Wanlin's study, I sat there from sunrise to sunset, so busy that I didn't even have time to go out for a drink of water.
Gu Wanlin came in once and asked me what I wanted to eat for dinner.
I didn't care about that and just said anything was fine. Gu Wanlin said that seeing how hard I'd been working lately, eating something random would ruin all the fun in my life. She happened to be free anyway, so she asked if I wanted to eat at a certain family restaurant near my house again. We'd eaten there several times, and I really liked some of their signature dishes.
I shrugged and smiled wryly, saying that I was afraid I wouldn't have time to go out for a meal. Otherwise, you and Sister Zhang could go and bring some back for me after you're done eating.
Gu Wanlin closed the door. "Go about your business. You don't need to worry about this. I'll call you when it's time to eat."
I thought she had gone out with Sister Zhang. A little while later, I went to the bathroom and passed by the living room, only to see Sister Zhang sitting on the sofa playing on her phone.
I asked curiously, "Sister Zhang, didn't you leave with Gu Wanlin? Where did she go?"
Sister Zhang told me that Gu Wanlin said he hadn't gone downstairs all day, and he went out by himself in his electric wheelchair without Sister Zhang accompanying him, saying he was going to the restaurant to pack up dinner and bring it back.
I nodded. It's a good thing that she's willing to go out more. The restaurant isn't far from home, and the electric wheelchair is fully charged, so there shouldn't be anything to worry about.
As we were talking, Gu Wanlin opened the door and came back. Several takeout boxes were neatly stacked in the delivery bag and placed on her lap. I went to greet her and took the delivery bag. She pulled out a transfer board and was about to transfer herself to her wheelchair at home.
When I took the takeout bag, I casually touched the bottom and found it was still a little hot, which immediately made me feel uneasy.
"Gu Wanlin, have you been keeping the bag on your lap the whole time?" I asked in vain. What other answer could I expect? She had to operate the remote control with one hand, and her fingers were too weak. Where else could she put it if not on her lap?
Although the temperature of the takeout box wasn't high enough to burn you with just a touch, prolonged close contact with your skin would definitely be bad. And the pants she was wearing today were thin, so she might have already gotten burned.
"Huh? Yeah. What's wrong?" She looked up at me, not quite understanding what I meant, her eyes filled with confusion.
"Don't move."
I carried her into the bedroom and carefully pulled down her pants. Sure enough, her right leg, wrapped in a prosthesis, was fine, but her left leg had a rectangular red burn mark that had already developed blisters. It was exactly the shape of a takeout box.
"Gu Wanlin, we need to go to the hospital."
As I was speaking, I went to find some clothes to change into, but Gu Wanlin stopped me, saying, "Sister Zhang can take me. You stay home, have dinner first, and finish your work."
Seeing that the blisters on her legs were getting bigger, I paced anxiously, saying, "No, I can't rest easy."
“I’m not discussing this with you.” Her tone was very firm.
I stopped to look at her.
"You skipped dinner to come with me, and you're in the hospital for hours. What about the work you haven't finished?"
"We can do it again when we get back..."
She interrupted me, "Then how many minutes do we have to work on?"
Just as I was about to speak again, I heard her sigh, "Aqing, don't make me feel useless and like I'm just a burden to others."
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