I'm awake. How can I see her again after I wake up?
That evening, after much hesitation, I sent a message to a profile picture on my phone that I hadn't contacted in a long time.
"I've run into her. If it's convenient, may I call you? If not, please consider this an intrusion, and I apologize."
When the status on the other end changed to "typing...", I trembled with nervousness.
I desperately wanted to know how she was doing, but I was also afraid to hear anything bad about her, even though I already knew she was not doing well.
Jiang Yu quickly replied: "Have you seen her? If you have time now, I'll call you."
After the call was answered, I remained awkwardly silent for a long time, unsure of what to say. Those few seconds felt like centuries. During the years Gu Wanlin and I were together, our social circles didn't overlap much. We were usually busy with our own things at our respective schools, and would meet up on weekends and holidays. Jiang Yu was one of her best friends from university, and also the friend I met the most among her friends.
After breaking up with Gu Wanlin, our relationship dragged on on and off for a long time until we finally deleted each other's contact information. I never deleted Jiang Yu's contact information either. In my heart, I still regarded Jiang Yu's contact information as the last thread connecting us. Perhaps one day I will see Gu Wanlin happily holding someone else's hand and smiling radiantly at them at a gathering in Jiang Yu's WeChat Moments. I haven't thought carefully about how I would feel if that moment really came, but I don't want to be unable to find any news of her in the vast sea of people.
But I never imagined that I kept Jiang Yu's contact information for this day.
Jiang Yu broke the silence first. After a brief greeting, she got straight to the point and asked me, "Have you seen her? Where is she?"
I sighed. It wasn't really a formality; I just saw her, unilaterally, at the hospital. Her attending physician this time was a colleague of my friend's. When I went to my friend's office to have lunch, I passed by her room, only glancing at her through the glass door, not daring to recognize her. Later, feeling uneasy, I asked, and only then did I find out it really was her. She doesn't know yet, and I haven't figured out how to see her; most importantly, I don't know if she wants to see me.
Jiang Yu sighed heavily and said she could understand. When she first came back, I didn't even dare to recognize her.
I then asked her what exactly happened to Gu Wanlin and how long it had been going on.
Jiang Yu told me that Gu Wanlin was in a car accident abroad a year ago. At night on the highway, a speeding truck driver flipped his car over, sending it rolling dozens of meters. Gu Wanlin suffered a severe impact and fractured his cervical spine, with fragments penetrating his spinal cord, causing immediate and complete damage. The car was badly deformed, causing his right leg, which had lost a lot of blood, to be trapped for a long time before rescue arrived, so he couldn't be saved.
I closed my eyes, trying to imagine, yet afraid to imagine, for the first time truly feeling the "heart-wrenching pain": the girl I cherished, the girl I treasured like a priceless gem, the girl I worried about even when she had a minor headache or fever. When she lay alone in the car, so badly injured, how terrified she must have been, how much pain she must have been in.
Jiang Yu continued, saying that Gu Wanlin had only been back in China for about six months. For the first six months, she couldn't return home at all; she couldn't even leave the hospital. Her treatment and the first phase of rehabilitation were all done abroad. Her parents flew to take care of her after the accident, but the language barrier caused many inconveniences, and their visas had expiration dates. They couldn't leave her alone abroad, so once her condition stabilized—at least enough to sit through takeoff and landing—they took her back to China to continue her rehabilitation.
As Jiang Yu finished speaking, her voice became heavily nasal. She said, "Qingyi, do you know what? I just found out that after being injured like that, it takes her months to practice sitting still for even ten minutes."
Tears streamed silently down my face.
Jiang Yu, I don't know. I hate myself for not knowing. I hate myself for finding out so late.
I steadied myself and asked her, "So what happened this time? How did it get to such a severe respiratory failure?"
Jiang Yu was silent for a few seconds before telling me that her parents had passed away last month in an accident that happened quickly, and they hadn't suffered much. Gu Wanlin had managed to handle the funeral arrangements herself, and right after sending her parents off, she fell ill and was hospitalized. The accident was so sudden that everyone was in a panic. Gu Wanlin wasn't in good health, but she resolutely refused to rely on others, gritting her teeth and enduring her discomfort without saying a word. By the time they found out, her condition was already extremely serious.
Jiang Yu said, "I don't want to speculate, but I'm afraid that after all these things, she's lost all will to live. Anyone would be overwhelmed by so many blows in quick succession. Do you know what she said to me the first thing after she woke up from her coma?"
She said, "Why did you save me?"
Jiang Yu was already sobbing as she spoke, saying, "Qingyi, I know she's suffering so much, but how can we just stand by and do nothing to save her?"
Jiang Yu, I understand. I understand everything.
We talked a lot about Gu Wanlin's current illness and her previous recovery. Finally, I asked the most important question: what are your plans for the future?
Jiang Yu sighed again: "That's exactly what I was worried about. Before her parents' accident, she lived with them, but since they were old, she didn't want to. So she hired caregivers to come to her home in shifts, which made her parents' care burden much lighter. All she had to do was send her to the hospital for rehabilitation."
“I asked her what she wanted to do after being discharged from the hospital. Her relatives suggested that she be sent to her uncles' or aunts' homes. Her relatives have a good relationship with her, and these elders have watched her grow up and they all feel sorry for her. But she absolutely refused and was unwilling to change to a full-time live-in caregiver, saying that she would just continue to have the same two shifts of morning and evening visits as before.”
I hesitated and asked, "Will this work?"
Jiang Yu said, "You know how strong Gu Wanlin's pride is. Even though she has physical limitations, we should still respect her wishes first." She replied that she could manage on her own, and that she would look after her more after work and on weekends. If things didn't work out, they would discuss the next steps.
I hesitated for a moment before speaking: "Jiang Yu. I know I don't have the right to say this right now, but I really want to thank you for taking care of her so much. Please don't take this as a polite remark. Just tell me if there's anything I can do. To be honest, I was a little afraid to see her, afraid that she wouldn't want to see me. But the breakup we had back then is nothing compared to what's happening now. Right now, I'm willing to do anything for her."
Then I added, "Don't tell her I know about her situation yet, and don't tell her about this phone call either. These are things I should tell her myself. Give me some time to think about how to talk to her."
Jiang Yu agreed and sent me Gu Wanlin's current address after hanging up the phone. She said it would be great if you could lend a hand, and if I needed to go and look after her, I would let you know.
I looked at the address, and it was only a five-minute drive from my current home. For the past six months, I've been so close to the girl I've been longing for, yet I haven't seen her even once.
I had already asked Li You to keep an eye on Gu Wanlin. She's too proud and never shows weakness. She doesn't like to talk about her discomfort, and now that she has no family to accompany her, I'm really worried she'll be mistreated. Fortunately, Li You replied that Gu Wanlin's recovery is going quite well. Although she looked frightening the day I saw her, it was only because of her special medical condition. Her pneumonia symptoms have significantly improved. When she was first admitted, her condition was so critical that her department even considered whether she needed another tracheotomy. But thankfully, she overcame the most difficult hurdle and regained spontaneous breathing. Recently, her temperature has returned to normal and she hasn't had a fever much. Blood tests and imaging examinations all meet the discharge criteria, so she should be discharged in the next day or two.
Before I could even figure out how to find her, the day after Gu Wanlin was discharged from the hospital, Jiang Yu called me, asking if I was near home and if I could go see Gu Wanlin. The early shift caregiver sent Jiang Yu a WeChat message saying that before leaving, Gu Wanlin said she had been in the hospital for too long and would get moldy if she stayed at home any longer. She wanted to go downstairs with the caregiver and sit in the community garden for a while to soak up the sun before going home.
But now that the weather looks like it's about to change, she called to ask if Gu Wanlin had gotten home yet, but no one answered.
I've been enjoying a lot of freedom at work lately, and I'm currently working remotely from home. After hearing this, I immediately jumped up and said, "Okay, okay, don't worry, don't worry, I'll go check it out right away."
I glanced outside; the dark, gloomy clouds in the distance were pressing lower and lower. It wasn't so much that I was trying to reassure Jiang Yu, but rather that I was trying to comfort myself. I paced nervously around the house, looking for my car keys and wallet. My hands were still trembling slightly as I grabbed my phone and left, afraid I wouldn't be able to find Gu Wanlin before the rain started—her current physical condition couldn't withstand any more rain.
Gu Wanlin lived in a very upscale residential complex, with each building having only one apartment per floor, ensuring a high level of privacy. Although the complex covered a large area and boasted a luxurious proportion of green space, there weren't many residents overall. I was worried she might be trapped in some secluded corner, with no passersby to ask for her help. The security guards were familiar with the residents and clearly recognized Gu Wanlin. After I explained the situation, they quickly let me in and even pointed me towards the central garden.
I rushed there, my heart pounding with anxiety. All I could rely on was Jiang Yu telling me if I'd managed to contact Gu Wanlin. I thought to myself, no matter what Gu Wanlin said today, I had to get her contact information back first. I could always talk about breaking up with her later; I couldn't let this emergency situation of being unable to reach her happen again.
Sure enough, she wasn't on the main road, so I had to look for her on a small path winding through the woods. The path was paved with bluestone slabs for an elegant design, with pebbles filling the spaces between the slabs. I had a feeling I was in the right place and would find her soon.
Sure enough, just as I turned a corner, I saw the figure that had only appeared in my dreams for the past five years.
She originally had a slender and well-proportioned figure, which was meticulously sculpted by years of disciplined diet and exercise. Her muscles showed obvious signs of training, achieving a perfect balance between slenderness and strength. Back then, when we were lying in bed, I always liked to grope her from her shoulders to her calves, saying in a strange tone, "Gu Wanlin, if you go out and find some young girl, you're finished. I'll take all your family's wealth."
Gu Wanlin said, "What nonsense are you spouting? Why should I be the one going to find other girls? Why can't you be the one going to find other girls?" Then I would bury my head in the crook of her beautiful neck and laugh, "Of course it's only you who can find other girls. Can't I just be lusting after you? It's only you who doesn't want me, not me who doesn't want you."
After the breakup, every time I think about our tender moments and the warm touch that lingers in my memory, I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy, thinking that some other girl still got the better deal.
But now, her figure is so thin that she doesn't match the person in my memory at all. My last shred of hope that I hadn't seen her clearly that day has also been shattered.
She sat in a black manual wheelchair, wearing black half-finger sports gloves. Her pinky and ring fingers appeared completely immobile, curled up towards her palm, while the other three fingers were loosely spread, but they didn't seem to be able to exert much force, as she was trying to propel the wheelchair with her wrists and the base of her palms.
The wheelchair was stuck between two stone slabs, and no matter how hard she tried, it wouldn't budge. The back of her wheelchair wasn't high, and because she was trying to use her arms to hold onto the wheels, her back inevitably slumped down a bit, and her head tilted slightly forward.
Her hair was much shorter than before, now only about shoulder-length, and the straight black hair fell to her shoulders as her head was tilted forward, revealing a light red scar on the back of her neck that looked like a centipede, lying on her fair skin. She seemed extremely tired, so she simply let her arms hang down at her sides, leaned back against the backrest, and let out a long sigh, as if she had resigned herself to her fate.
Seeing her like this, my heart ached. I didn't care about anything else and quickly went over to her and helped her with the handles of her wheelchair.
She sensed someone approaching and seemed startled, her shoulders jerking as she tried to turn around to see who it was. However, she couldn't control her upper body and could only strain to twist her neck backward.
Afraid that she might hurt herself, I quickly turned around and went to her side, squatted down in front of her wheelchair, and said with some reluctance to look at her, "Sit still and don't move. It's me, Gu Wanlin."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com