I'm so happy, I haven't been this happy in a long time.
When Gu Wanlin came out, I didn't ask her anything, I just handed her her small water cup and said, "It's almost time, drink more water."
The hospital was well-heated, and a thin layer of sweat had already formed on her forehead. I remembered Director Sun's instructions earlier: Gu Wanlin needed to drink plenty of water to reduce the chance of infection, and that her body below the injury site had lost its ability to regulate temperature and therefore could not sweat on its own.
I reached out with a tissue to wipe away her sweat and tidied up the stray hairs on her forehead. She let me do as I pleased, obediently holding her water cup and drinking water, just like a well-behaved kindergarten child.
My doctor was very easy to see. If it weren't for tricking Gu Wanlin into having me accompany her to the hospital, I wouldn't have needed to make this appointment.
I entered the examination room full of energy. Gu Wanlin, who had just recovered from a serious illness, was sitting in a wheelchair with me, looking sickly. The doctor thought the patient was her and only found out it was me after asking around for a while.
The doctor gave me the same old advice: take good care of your chronic illness, avoid smoking, alcohol, and coffee, maintain a positive mood, and keep regular sleep and eating habits. Then he asked me, "Young people these days face a lot of work pressure and live fast-paced lives. Do you often eat takeout or skip meals?"
I chuckled sheepishly, "I've been busy lately, and I haven't had time to cook lunch for myself. It's not easy to cook for one person. I'll be more careful next time."
Gu Wanlin stared at me from the side, her eyes like an iceberg that never melts, so cold that I dared not look at her even a little bit.
I know what Gu Wanlin means; she's scolded me for these things many times before. I've always had a weak stomach, and it easily flares up when I mess with myself. Several times, I was in so much pain that I was curled up in bed clutching my stomach like a shrimp, and Gu Wanlin would rush around feeding me water and medicine, hugging me tightly from behind to comfort me.
During the time we lived together, she always woke up earlier than me, even though I loved to sleep in. She would make breakfast and make sure I ate it, or if I was too late, she would pack it up for me to take with me. Since we lived in different places, she always liked to check if I had eaten properly. I would take pictures for her and post them online, and she would praise me on the other end of the phone for being such a good girl. It had become a habit.
She blamed me for not taking care of myself.
I even blame her for being irresponsible with her body these days, but I can't look at her like that.
After leaving the consultation room, I walked alongside her wheelchair. To break the silence that seemed to freeze the air, I wanted to ask her how she had eaten. After all, Jiang Yu had brought her dinner last night. She complained of being tired and refused to eat, and she ate so little. Who knows, she might be even more reckless than me.
I asked her, "Hey, Gu Wanlin, does Sister Zhou make you lunch before she leaves this morning? How's her cooking?"
Gu Wanlin remained silent for a long time. Just as I was wondering what was going on, I finally heard her speak, as if she had made a great decision, "Your stomach really can't keep going on like this, eating one meal at a time. You need to take good care of yourself. If you're really too busy, come and have a meal with us."
Huh? She seems to have misunderstood, thinking I was hoping to mooch a meal off her? What a beautiful misunderstanding. With such a good opportunity, I should readily agree; even a second of hesitation would be disrespectful to myself. "Okay, then I can't just eat your food. I'll pay for your meals; consider it payment to Sister Zhou."
She glanced at me. "Then don't come." She sighed. "Do we still need to distinguish between ourselves like this?"
In college, I studied Chinese literature, a subject I knew very little about, while Gu Wanlin studied finance, a field with a promising future. I didn't really care about that. My family's accumulated assets over generations, while not wealthy, were certainly enough to ensure I would have no worries about food and clothing. My parents came from highly educated families and had open-minded parenting philosophies, so I only chose to study what I liked.
Gu Wanlin wasn't exactly greedy for money; it's just that, in her own words, she was forced by her strict parents to always be number one in everything since she was a child, and she never really thought about what she liked. Since her scores were high enough that she could choose any major, she chose the one with the highest admission standards.
When we were inseparable, many times when I was struggling with my thesis, I would simply close my laptop and tell Gu Wanlin that I didn't want to try anymore. I told her that she should go out and earn money, and I would be the woman behind her; I was counting on her. Gu Wanlin would accompany me to the library, sit opposite me, nod, and say okay. She would say that she would do the soulless work and earn the soulless money to nourish his lofty and unconventional literary ideals.
Later, just before we broke up, a similar conversation happened again. I had just started working at the ideal university I had always dreamed of, and I was overwhelmed with work and responsibilities. When we talked on the phone, silence filled long stretches. Gu Wanlin said softly, "You're working so hard, how about I support you in the future?" I changed the subject, laughing it off, and said, "No way, I'm a modern independent woman. I can't rely on someone else to support me. I have to support myself."
Then we all thought of how we used to laugh and joke, and how we would fall silent together, so quiet that we could hear the buzzing of the signal through the receiver.
Standing in the hospital lobby, I checked my watch; it was already 4:30 PM, and only then did I belatedly feel hungry. At noon, I heard Gu Wanlin couldn't get a taxi, and worried she'd catch a cold from being out in the wind, so I rushed out, naturally skipping lunch. Without thinking too much, I asked Gu Wanlin, "Are you hungry? I'm starving! Will you come with me to get something to eat before we go home?"
As soon as I said it, I realized it was inappropriate. Gu Wanlin had been out for four or five hours. Could she handle that kind of fatigue? So I changed my mind and said, "Never mind, you must be quite tired. I'll take you home first, and you can go home and get some rest."
Gu Wanlin stopped her wheelchair and looked at me seriously. "I'm not tired. Qingyi, please don't always treat me like a patient. I'm already tired of being treated like one. I'll tell Sister Zhang that we'll have dinner with you before we go back."
I was overjoyed to be able to bring her dinner after we'd been out for so long, but I didn't forget Director Sun's instructions. I whispered to her, "Let's go to the restroom before we get back in the car."
The hospital has comprehensive accessibility facilities, and the accessible stalls in the restrooms are large, but the words "disabled person" still deeply stung my eyes. Gu Wanlin told me she would go in by herself. I patted her head, "I don't treat you like a patient, but you heard what Director Sun said: don't refuse to help when necessary. Go in by yourself, but don't lock the door. I'll stay outside and call me if you need anything, okay?"
Gu Wanlin nodded.
I stood guard outside the door, hearing the rustling of clothes and the scraping of plastic. She must be turning off the valve and rolling up her trousers to adjust the drainage bag. I waited outside for a long time without her coming out, so I didn't rush her. But I heard her breathing becoming heavier and more rapid, so I couldn't help but knock on the door: "Gu Wanlin, am I coming in?"
She hummed in agreement.
Pushing open the door, I saw her upper body folded over her legs, her head bowed, her hands trembling as she tried to reach the drainage bag strapped to her leg with her unruly fingers. The bag was tightly bound with thin rope, making it too difficult for her fingers. I quickly went over to help her sit up, seeing she was still breathing heavily, I gently patted her chest to help her catch her breath, and asked her what was wrong.
Fortunately, after a while she caught her breath and said that lying down for too long made her chest feel tight, but it was nothing serious.
I knelt down to help her remove the drainage bag, and said casually, "I had pneumonia last winter, but the symptoms were very mild. I didn't even have a fever, but for the next month I felt chest tightness and shortness of breath, and I couldn't even exercise. You just had such a serious illness and were only discharged from the hospital a few days ago. You need to take good care of yourself. This bag is really hard to untie. I'll have to talk to Sister Zhang about changing it to Velcro."
As I was talking, I took her drainage bag and prepared to go to the toilet to empty my bladder. She stopped me, saying, "It's dirty... I'll empty it myself."
I turned my head and feigned surprise: "Dirty? Gu Wanlin, I've touched you from head to toe, inside and out, and you're telling me this? When I asked you to wash my soiled underwear before, were you always reluctant and called me dirty? Did you?"
Gu Wanlin's ears turned red from my teasing, and she said, "Stop talking nonsense and hurry up and wash your hands and get out."
I exclaimed "Hey!" and took her hand, carefully lathering it with soap, rubbing it, and rinsing it. I straightened her fingers, which were curled up towards her palm, but as soon as I let go, they stubbornly pulled back. "Don't bother, you can't straighten them." I dried her hands thoroughly. "Of course you have to wash your hands carefully. Do you usually wash them for at least twenty seconds? If you don't wash them for long enough, Mommy will give you a good scolding."
She rolled her eyes at me again.
Sitting in the car, I held up my phone and swiped in front of her. "It's so cold today, I just want something hot. How about we go for hot pot? Pork tripe and chicken? Beef hot pot? Or coconut chicken?" I picked out all the foods we used to love to eat.
She said she wasn't hungry and didn't care, and let me choose what I wanted to eat the most.
The hospital was full of patients in wheelchairs, so no one would give Gu Wanlin a second glance. But when she went out to eat, some crazy passersby would stare at her. Only when I noticed and glared back at them did they awkwardly look away.
Gu Wanlin clearly noticed as well, and somewhat awkwardly raised her hand to lower the brim of her hat. I followed behind her, my hand resting on her shoulder, gently patting her to let her know I was there.
Fortunately, we arrived early, before the dinner rush, and were seated smoothly once inside. Several staff members came over to help remove chairs and adjust tables so that Gu Wanlin's wheelchair could be easily wheeled in. We ate quietly, in that long-lost, comfortable tranquility between us. We simply enjoyed our meal without any pressure to find topics to talk about.
I helped her scoop the blanched meat and vegetables into the small bowl in front of her, and she ate steadily with a fork between her fingers.
Halfway through the meal, her fork suddenly fell. I heard the sound and looked up at her. I saw her pressing down on her arm, clenching her teeth, and whispering to me, "Take me to the restroom."
I looked down and, sure enough, something was wrong. Her feet were shaking violently on the wheelchair footrest, and it seemed to be getting worse. It was my fault; I was only thinking about food and hadn't helped her up to relieve the pressure after she'd been sitting for so long. No wonder she was having spasms.
I went into the bathroom with her and locked the door. At this point, her attack became more intense. Her legs and feet kicked and kicked until they fell off the wheelchair footrest, landing on the floor shaking violently like a wound-up toy. Her arms and hands, which were crossed on her legs, did the same. She said, "Don't be afraid, it's okay. The shaking will pass in a while. It won't hurt. It's a kind of passive movement, so it might not be a bad thing."
I knew she was telling the truth, but I still couldn't help blaming myself. "Why didn't you say you were tired? I shouldn't have kept you out here for so long without going home."
Once her hands and feet calmed down, I had her put her hands on my shoulders, supporting her bottom and lifting her upper body off the seat to relieve pressure. She whispered in my ear, her breath tickling my ear.
She said, "Qingyi, you know what? This is the first time in a year I've eaten out. For months after my injury, I couldn't get out of bed. I lay there every day, even when I didn't want to sleep, the medication would make me drowsy, only to wake me up in pain. I didn't know day from night. After I came back, everyone treated me so carefully, as if my broken body was the only thing that mattered. They'd go to the hospital as soon as I left home, and come home as soon as I left. I know it's very hard to take care of someone like me, and I didn't want to ask them to worry about me anymore. I'm so happy to be eating out with you today. I haven't been this happy in a long time."
I put her back in her wheelchair. She did look tired, but her eyes were bright.
She was so tired that she fell asleep in my car. When I took her home, Sister Zhang was already there and opened the door for us. She was still in her wheelchair and not quite conscious, but she still remembered to tell me to drive carefully on my way home, to let her know when I arrived, and to come over for lunch if I was too busy to cook for myself the next day.
Okay, Gu Wanlin. I'll be busy tomorrow, even if I'm not.
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