When have I ever forgotten what you told me?
I quietly lowered my head, trying to calm myself down, not wanting Gu Wanlin to see my tears. I felt sad just looking at her like this, but she was truly bearing all the physical pain and hardship of her life, as well as the psychological torment. What could I possibly do to help her? In front of her, what right did I have to indulge my emotions?
Until she called my name, she said, "Qingyi, get up, the floor is cold, don't sit here."
I looked up at her. Her legs had stopped shaking and became lifeless again. As soon as I loosened my arms around her calves, she wobbled and fell to either side. Afraid that she would strain herself, I helped her put herself on the footrest of the wheelchair. She then propped herself up with her arms and tried to raise her upper body a little, finally sitting properly in the home wheelchair.
She turned her wheelchair around with one hand, and I was about to go up and help her push from behind like before, but she dodged me with her shoulder. "There are no obstacles in the house, I can do it myself." As she wheeled herself into the living room, she beckoned me, "Come in and sit down."
She turned to me and said, "I won't stand on ceremony with you. There's bottled water in the fridge, and the kind of milk drink you used to like. Go get it from the kitchen, okay?"
I agreed and turned to walk towards the kitchen, looking around her house as I went: the living room was square, the floor was clean and free of clutter, there was enough space for a wheelchair to pass through everywhere, the door frames leading to each room were very wide, and when I entered the kitchen, the entire countertop was much lower than in an ordinary home, it looked like it had been renovated everywhere.
I opened the crisper drawer of the refrigerator; all the items were arranged on the lower shelf, making the upper shelf look rather empty. My gaze fell on the row of drinks.
That summer we lived together, I became obsessed with this drink, and she developed a liking for it too. Every time we went to the supermarket, we'd bring home tons of bottles. The shopping bags were too heavy, so we'd each carry one side home, jokingly calling it "stocking up." It turned out she still remembered the drink I liked. I felt a secret joy; the traces of our shared life hadn't completely disappeared from her world.
"What would you like to drink?" I called out to her in the living room.
She said she wasn't thirsty and didn't need me to get it for her.
I took my drink back to the living room and sat awkwardly on the sofa, wondering how to break the awkward atmosphere.
Thankfully, Gu Wanlin spoke first, saving my life. "Thank you for coming to find me and taking me home."
I quickly waved my hand and said, "Why are you being so polite with me?"
She sighed deeply. "Jiang Yu sent you to find me? You know about my situation, don't you?"
I hummed in agreement.
She forced a smile, lowered her head and said, "That's fine, it saves me the trouble of saying it myself. If you want me to say it, I really don't know how to start."
My heart ached, and I told you not to say that.
She then asked, "Did you find out when I was hospitalized? Did you see me then?"
I was stunned for a moment. As expected of the girl I like, she's always been so intelligent. How did she know?
Gu Wanlin didn't seem comfortable sitting in the wheelchair. His back and waist seemed to have no strength at all, and he was completely sunk into the wheelchair. He then used his arms to prop himself up and lift himself up a little.
She mentioned Qingyi. I'm not stupid; why would she keep coming to check on me for no reason? Dr. Li You isn't even my attending physician, so why is she asking so many questions during my last few days in the hospital? Don't you remember? Although you've never introduced me to her before, you've mentioned her to me. She's your best friend from high school; we used to do our homework together by flashlight in the dorms, and later she went to medical school. I saw that she was about our age, and her name matched, so I guessed that you asked her to look after me.
I said awkwardly, "I didn't expect you to still remember her name."
She stared at me intently. "When have I ever forgotten what you told me?"
Okay, okay, it really is still her. Her memory is incredibly good. When we were together, she remembered everything perfectly, but whenever we argued and she brought up old grievances, my funnel-like memory just gave out.
But that's not what I'm worried about right now. Looking at her pale face, and seeing that she seemed increasingly uncomfortable sitting up, having to prop herself up every now and then to adjust her posture, her arms supporting her body were trembling more and more, I didn't have time to catch up with her anymore, so I asked her directly, "Are you feeling unwell?"
She lowered her head and said, "Mmm, a little." She coughed softly for a while and said she was a little tired.
When I heard that, I was afraid that after all that trouble she had gone out, her lung inflammation might have relapsed before it was completely cured, and that she might have to be sent back as soon as she left the hospital. So I reached out and touched her forehead.
Thankfully, I don't have a fever.
She turned her head away from my hand: "Qingyi, I won't pretend to be strong in front of you. Don't misunderstand, I didn't mean to send you away, I just really want to lie down for a while. Thank you for coming all this way to help me today. I didn't want you to see me like this, and I even specifically told Jiang Yu not to tell you, but I'm still quite happy to see you again today. You should go and do your thing. I can manage on my own, someone will come to help me later."
I didn't respond to her, but gently asked her where she wanted to lie down, and I watched her lie down before I said anything.
She looks so sickly, she can't even move her wheelchair by herself, how can I leave her alone at home?
She tilted her head, gesturing for me to follow her into the bedroom.
Stepping into the bedroom, I truly felt her inconvenience: the room still had enough space for a wheelchair, but various medical devices, supplies, and assistive devices were neatly organized and crammed into the remaining space. In the center of the room was a home care bed, only a little over a meter wide, with guardrails on both sides and straps attached to them.
I asked her if she wanted to lie down on the bed.
She shook her head and said it wasn't necessary to go to such trouble. "Just help me to the lounge chair over there."
I roughly understand that getting her into bed would be more complicated than moving her from her wheelchair, especially since she's a bit of a germaphobe when it comes to beds. In the past, when I came home late from work and was too tired to shower, I'd lie on the bed fully clothed and play games, and she'd just throw me off. She explicitly forbade me from going to bed without showering or changing into my pajamas. I'm not capable of taking care of her yet, and besides, she probably doesn't want to change clothes in front of me now.
I said okay, and then, like moving a wheelchair, I helped her move to a recliner in the corner of the room, adjusted the angle, and raised the leg rest. I took a blanket from the foot of the bed and covered her with it.
She was probably exhausted at that moment. With her eyes closed, she whispered, "Then I won't see you off," and her consciousness quickly faded as she fell asleep.
I found it amusing; she was so tired, yet she was still thinking about all this nonsense. What was the point of bringing her anything? I left the room, though of course I was worried about leaving her home alone. Jiang Yu had just said she'd come over after work and have dinner with Gu Wanlin. I wouldn't feel at ease leaving until she or the night shift caregiver arrived.
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