Breaking the ego
Down the quiet stairs, Jiang Jingyuan didn't rush to move. She stood there, flipping through her phone and deleting photos, leaving only one. Staring at that one photo, she felt an urge to print out dozens of copies, beat the man up, and then throw him into the house.
However, after only three seconds of fantasizing, Jiang Jingyuan put away her phone expressionlessly. She felt relieved after beating him up and leaving, but what about Jiang Yunshu here?
"Let's talk about it when there's a chance." Jiang Jingyuan thought casually, not disappointed.
Hehehe~
Jiang Jingyuan curled his lips, squinted his eyes, and looked fierce, but his figure was hidden and elusive. He quickly shuttled around the Jiang family's ancestral land, causing bursts of "ping pong pong" and "crackling" sounds one after another.
A few hours later, it was almost dusk.
In a room, Jiang Jingyuan sat blankly on a chair, looking at the scattered tables, chairs, cloths and figures in front of him, and suddenly felt a sense of regret in his heart.
Jiang Jingyuan thought to himself in frustration, "Am I just being carried away by my emotions?"
Indeed, if you suffer and hold it in your heart and don't fight back, won't you become more and more stupid... uh, more, more wronged?
It doesn't make sense that other beings want to suck the marrow out of you, and you have to just endure it. The mentality you develop in this way is a far cry from peaceful.
Things can be done or not. Not doing something out of love should never be a suppression or necessity.
However, she shouldn't be led by resentment and shouldn't fuel hatred.
"If you want to fight back without any resentment, then go ahead." Jiang Jingyuan was in a daze, muttering to himself silently.
忽然，她回过神，眉眼间一点点浮现疑惑之情，迟疑地心想：“那，那要不然，我带着爱的情感再去揍一次？”
Can it be offset?
Jiang Jingyuan pondered for a moment, the more she thought about it, the more she felt it made sense and seemed quite feasible. She straightened up, looked up, and glanced at the unconscious people in the room. A dull feeling of exhaustion suddenly washed over her.
In an instant, Jiang Jingyuan collapsed into the chair again, looking a little dazed.
She felt like she had been busy for hours, but she wasn't very happy...
"I feel even more tired." Jiang Jingyuan said silently.
She was lost in thought again, thinking, "What's going on? What went wrong? Am I the wrong person? Am I using the wrong method?"
Jiang Jingyuan was in a low mood, pursing his lips. He felt a surge of sadness in his heart. "I have my own obstacles that I cannot overcome..."
Dreams and sentient beings told her that this obstacle was quite terrifying. Similarly, as long as she eliminated this obstacle, many remaining obstacles would be solved, and she would be able to start a true new life.
Therefore, she urgently needs a real retreat to be alone, without knowing how much time will pass.
“Da, da da…”
Suddenly, a girl in light gray, purple and gold stood up lightly, landed on the ground, walked through the mess, reached out to open the door, and walked out without looking back.
She was here to resolve karma and obsessions, not to settle grudges. These grudges had already made her miserable, so there was no reason for her to allow them to continue to hinder her.
This is not the beginning, not the beginning. She wants to walk through it again from the very beginning, alone, to see the original appearance of her cause and obsession.
…………
The sun is shining and the warmth is scorching.
The heat was stifling, making people dizzy. The illusory Jiang Jingyuan fell into Jiang Yunshu's presence, followed him, and stared blankly at the person in front of him.
The person in front smiled and said, "Xiao Shu..."
Jiang Jingyuan left the ten-year-old Jiang Yunshu with an expressionless face and left.
She wandered upstream in the long river of time. Suddenly, she came to her senses and froze, staring at the illusory soft light flowing around her. She felt lost: "Why should I leave?"
She asked this question subconsciously in her heart, but she herself didn't even know what she was asking.
Why do you want to leave, why why do you want to leave?
She thought that this was still not the beginning, so she should go back to the beginning.
But why isn't this the beginning? It has nothing to do with age, otherwise she wouldn't have started from Jiang Yunshu's life.
Jiang Jingyuan stood still, standing in the illusion, but the feeling of bearing weight under his feet was more real and clear than standing on the ground normally.
Very clear.
She looked confused and asked herself repeatedly in her heart.
She was silent, closed her eyes, and gradually became more aware of the tightness in her chest, the tension in her shoulders, neck and abdomen, the slight shortness of her breath, and... She raised her hand to touch her cheek, and gently opened her mouth. Only then did she realize that her teeth were clenched so tightly that it hurt.
Only then did she wake up and think, how could she not be tired if she was always tense? She felt so tired all the time.
"Relax, relax..." Jiang Jingyuan reminded himself, gently closing his mouth and controlling himself not to clench it.
After giving the instructions, she carefully felt the tightness in her chest. What was this? She asked herself why she didn't want to see clearly.
"Resistance, don't want to see him, why? Disgust, irritation, why?" Jiang Jingyuan felt like he was being torn in two. One half asked calmly, while the other half answered with a sob, "Fear, panic, disgust... why, why?" The sobbing half suddenly became furious and mad, but still screamed in reply, "Disgust, disgust, fear, fear!"
Jiang Jingyuan lowered his head, and his ten fingers curled up little by little. He felt stuffy in his chest and had difficulty breathing, but he didn't take a deep breath. Instead, he continued to ask slowly and seriously:
"Fear, what? Disgust, who?"
The long river of illusory time flowed, and in an instant, Jiang Jingyuan did not move, but stood at the beginning of this life. The eyelashes on her closed eyes trembled rapidly, and she slowly opened her eyes.
——Just like when she was born, she opened her eyes for the first time and saw the world for the first time.
The air is filled with scarlet, and the sun and the moon shine together.
The vague "I don't know what" in "I don't know what it is" shows "I don't know what it is" one after another - the newly born Jiang Yunshu can't understand it.
Jiang Jingyuan in the back watched calmly as more and more people arrived. He stared blankly with his eyes wide open for a long time, then suddenly became so excited that his body trembled and he smiled with tears in his eyes.
Jiang Jingyuan watched Jiang Yunshu being carefully passed from one person to another. The old men looked either young or old, but their eyes revealed the solemnity of time.
Finally, she saw a figure who was incredibly familiar, yet younger than she knew him, hurrying over and looking down. Perhaps out of fatigue or something else, he blinked his dull eyes in a strange way, "What is this?" Bewildered, clear and foolish.
"Yuetan." Someone turned his head to look at him and said seriously, "This is a person, Jiang Yunshu. You should take good care of her from now on."
Jiang Yuetan silently raised his hand and pointed at himself. After a while, his expression twisted and he said, "Me?"
Everyone seemed to have not noticed at all, and they lowered their heads in concentration, occasionally picking up a toy to gesture to Jiang Yunshu, "Come, baby, look here."
Jiang Yuetan: "..."
Jiang Jingyuan wanted to sneer, but she only felt like a bystander and also like an insider. While observing calmly, she also felt Jiang Yunshu - a newborn baby, after being well fed and warmly clothed, blinking his eyes and looking at "I don't know what it is", peaceful, satisfied, and quiet.
Jiang Jingyuan was silent for a moment, then chose to step back, calmly letting everything Jiang Yunshu said flood into his mind.
She grew up as an authority, and she also watched her grow up as a bystander.
She has to understand everything about the person in charge, but also remain calm and peaceful as a bystander, without being shaken or losing herself.
Jiang Yunshu grew up quietly, and the "I don't know what" perceived by his five senses gradually turned into clear and distinct words.
Seeing and hearing are no longer just seeing and hearing. Before the five senses perceive, what we perceive are words and sentences that are gorgeous, beautiful, but extremely vague images and metaphors.
Then, just as she saw in the mirror of the past, Jiang Yunshu walked out of his ancestral land and continued to grow up.
But there are some details that are not fully reflected in the mirror of the past. Jiang Yunshu didn't notice them before, and he didn't know them when he saw them again. Only now...
In order to feel more like a human being, to act like a human being, Jiang Yunshu had already begun to imitate their speech, actions, and emotions, even unconsciously. As she learned, she gradually became able to detect strong emotions, and then gradually, she became aware of small ones as well. She just forgot about it later.
Because of their words, "Why aren't you angry? Why are you standing there in a daze? At least... you should show that you are angry when you should be angry." In the end, I didn't feel happy or joyful at all, but was filled with sadness and fear.
She is obsessed.
It was Jiang Jingyuan. Even Jiang Jingyuan was possessed by the appearance.
…………
It was almost noon in the morning and the sun was shining brightly.
The child got into the car quietly, sat quietly, pursed his lips, said "head of the family" to the person next to him, and then became quiet again.
Jiang Yuetan smiled, "Yun Shu." He raised his hand and reached towards the top of her head.
Jiang Yunshu clenched her hanging hands instantly, feeling annoyed, and subconsciously raised her hands to slap his hands away, but in fact, she just turned her head to look to the other side without moving.
"Can you have some sense of boundaries?" Jiang Yunshu thought, pursing her lips. She might not be like that when she was happy, but at this moment, she was uncontrollably irritated, so she had to turn her head away early.
Feeling irritable and stuffy, with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction and sadness, Jiang Yunshu felt so complicated that his eyes and nose were sore. He blinked quickly, silently suppressing his patience, and in a few moments he regained his composure.
Calm, a calmness that made me forget the dissatisfaction I had just felt.
Beside him, Jiang Yuetan withdrew his hand and instead hooked a small bag for her, saying with a smile, "Yunshu, kittens and puppies."
Jiang Yunshu slowly opened the bag and took out a pair of crocheted cats and dogs. After a pause, he turned around and said to him expressionlessly, "Thank you, Master. I like this."
Then she lowered her head and turned the kittens and puppies over and over again with great interest.
Jiang Yuetan kept smiling and whispered caringly, "Xiao Shu, we like this. We don't want to play with those mean cats and dogs..."
Jiang Yunshu paused while crocheting a cat and dog, lowered his eyes and did not blink for two seconds, then blinked calmly and said "hmm".
"Behaved ones are fine. You can play with them when you have nothing to do." He continued slowly, "People with unstable emotions and bad tempers are the worst. When they're running around the house, you have to stay away from them. What if you're not careful and get bumped or bitten by them?..."
Jiang Yunshu listened quietly, was silent for a while, and said "hmm".
The person next to him sighed worriedly as he was talking, then smiled and said slowly, "And when we were outside..."
It seemed as if she wanted to tell him everything that had happened since the last time she met him until today.
Jiang Jingyuan lowered her head and said "hmm" or "I understand" to him from time to time. From time to time, she casually turned her head to look to the other side, and pinched the crocheted cat and dog in her hand.
It's always like this, it's always been like this... She couldn't help but feel angry and irritated. Every time, when and where she didn't expect it at all, he suddenly told her, whether intentionally or unintentionally, that he was actually looking at her at that time, and had been looking at her.
"So what do you want to say? What do you want to express?" Jiang Yunshu was angry. There were times when he was really angry. In an instant, strong disgust and resentment swept over him.
But it was only a matter of three or two seconds before she calmed down and became completely unconscious and numb.
When I didn’t realize I had emotions, I had already forgotten that I had emotions and remained calm.
They said it was strange that she had no emotions, but she had to know that "emotions are useless" and "emotions should be used when they are needed."
Make a fuss when you should, and be patient when you should be patient.
Jiang Yunshu blinked calmly, turned his head to look at the person next to him, his face showed no reaction, and said seriously:
"I see."
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