Qi Daifu's stand-up comedy
If a zombie horde were to actually appear, let alone a barbican, even if a ten-meter-high city wall were built around it, plus a twenty-meter-high watchtower and bunker, the veterans would not be able to withstand the long-term onslaught of a large number of zombies that do not need to eat or sleep, are tireless, and fearless of death.
Assuming we hold them off and the zombies can't break in, we'll be trapped in our base. The allure of human flesh and blood will keep the zombies at bay, and in a war of attrition, we're no match for them. Supplies will eventually run out. Even if we establish a self-sufficient system, digging wells and growing crops, ammunition is non-renewable, and we still have to guard against further zombie mutations. If their limbs become even more agile, they'll be able to climb walls and form human pyramids sooner or later.
The thought of familiar streets being filled with ugly and terrifying non-human creatures; the thought of my loved ones and friends being devoured by corpses; the thought of this land I love losing its vitality and becoming a paradise for viruses—my blood boils and I can't bear it!
I once warned Yu Zhongjian not to be too ambitious and take too big a step, but his highly probable guess about meeting someone in real life made me suddenly realize that if I didn't want to die, I had to take bigger steps.
Liao Donghui continued, "There are currently 147 veterans, 82 men and 65 women. Among them, four men are over 50 years old, six are under 18, and the rest are all young and energetic." He then awkwardly twitched his face, "Including me, haha. Actually, you mentioned registering special skills this morning, and I finished that work three days ago. I'll complete the registration for the survivors who have been admitted these past two days and bring it back for your review as soon as possible. As for Huaicheng, there are currently three highway exits, four national highways, and five provincial highways. We can concentrate our efforts on closing the highways first..."
I listened patiently as he finished speaking, and my stern expression gradually softened: "Over, you've really gone to great lengths to avoid going out this past week."
Liao Donghui smiled broadly: "Dr. Qi, you flatter me. It's not that I'm afraid of zombies. I just feel that doing some auxiliary management in the hospital would allow me to better utilize my expertise. After all, I worked my way up from the grassroots level and have more experience in planning and coordination. I really did conduct research before making those suggestions to Dean Qi... uh, Mr. Qi."
"What did you call me? Doctor Qi?"
"Oh, the abbreviation is too long. It's making it difficult to report."
Zhang Yanhuang covered his mouth and laughed, laughing all the way back to the veterans' home. Then he explained my new title to everyone he knew: Qi Daifu.
As I watched Liao Donghui run towards the outpatient department to retrieve his work report from the front of the administration building, I couldn't help but sigh, "We ordinary folks can't outmaneuver officials. With his eloquence, I feel like I'm committing a crime if I don't listen to him."
Yu Zhongjian stood beside me and said, "As a leader, you don't need to do everything yourself; you just need to know how to use people."
I sighed heavily: "The highest position I've ever held in my life was as a group leader collecting homework. I was only in that position for less than a semester before the teacher dismissed me for letting my best friend copy homework. You're telling me about hiring? I don't know how."
"If you don't know how, learn it. You are the most suitable person to be a leader in our team."
"I've never understood why you men are supposed to be the ones to step up and be leaders, to lead the team and be the king of the hill. Why did you push me, a woman, to be the person in charge? Yes, I'm a bit of a man, but I'm not a real man. My goal is to survive. I have no interest in being a leader."
Yu Zhongjian turned to me and smiled: "Yes, all men want to be leaders, but who will be? Just as you said, survival depends on sticking together, and unity is the most important thing."
I paused for a moment, then it dawned on me! Ah, so that's it! The so-called Doctrine of the Mean—the spear doesn't attack the shield, the shield doesn't defend against the spear—it's about balance and compromise. As someone who can be used like a man but is ultimately a woman, I am neither spear nor shield, but the Doctrine of the Mean.
It's not that they don't want to be leaders, but they're afraid of causing conflicts among their own sex and affecting unity. Being a king is still a long way off. In the early stages of starting a business, the middle way is appropriate.
The fact that these men weren't genuinely impressed by my fighting skills or personal charm, but rather used me as a tool to balance their "can't stand seeing others succeed" mentality, didn't anger me. Instead, it swept away my previous impatience and ignited my fighting spirit. Not liking something and being unable to do it are two different things. What I love most is slapping the face of "male chauvinism."
I accepted the materials Liao Donghui brought and spent the afternoon studying them in my room. Before dinner, I went to see my dad and apologized before he got angry. I acknowledged his work achievements for the week and tactfully pointed out a few shortcomings. Before he could get angry again, I expressed my concern for his health from a daughter's perspective, then argued with him for a while, finally calming him down. He agreed to give up his position as dean and do his job diligently, ready to be there wherever needed.
The canteen used the small generator that used to belong to the Qi family, and half of the dozens of fluorescent lights were turned on, ensuring that people wouldn't stuff food into their noses. It was no longer the sparsely populated scene of ten tables that weren't even full; now, more than a hundred people were busily queuing up at the window to get their food.
People I knew well pulled me aside to exchange pleasantries when they saw me come in, saying that my mom's pig-raising efforts this week had yielded remarkable results, and that my oval face was clearly showing signs of widening.
Aside from the few guys who built the barbican in the morning, most of the new survivors didn't recognize me. In the week they were admitted, the only administrators they came into contact with were my dad and Liao Donghui. So when they encountered me carrying a megaphone, they would at most glance at me out of curiosity, but when they saw Liao Donghui, they would greet him warmly: "Secretary Liao is here! Secretary Liao, are you having lunch?"
Liao Donghui gave me an awkward smile again, and I didn't say anything. I glanced around and saw that there was only one person sitting at the table in the middle of the canteen, who was engrossed in his food, eating canned salted vegetable noodles and fish soup.
I walked over and said, "Please have your meal at the table over there."
The man looked up: "What are you doing?"
I need to use this table.
"I was here first."
I put the megaphone on the table, grabbed his plate, and placed it on the next table. The man yelled, "Hey, what do you mean? I was eating perfectly fine, who are you to tell me this..."
I smiled politely at him, then stepped onto the table using a stool, picked up the megaphone, turned it on, cleared my throat, and said, "Hello, hello."
The cafeteria fell silent instantly; those queuing, those getting food, and those eating all fell silent, their eyes fixed on me.
"Quiet down, please continue to take your food and eat in an orderly manner. I'll just say a few words, it won't disturb your meal. Just listen."
Han Bo, Zhou Yi, Xiao Hei, and a few others stared at me from afar, pointing and laughing. Yu Zhongjian had his back to me and didn't even turn his head. My dad glanced at me with a sneer, then turned his head away. I clearly saw his lips move as if to say: "Troublemaker!"
"Let me introduce myself first. My name is Qi Aifeng, and you can call me Xiao Qi. I am the acting head of the survivor team at our Veterans Hospital. Since there is no head, I am temporarily in charge of the team's affairs. I was sick a few days ago, and I handed over all the affairs to the acting head, Comrade Qi Weiping, for a few days. He has achieved remarkable results, and I would like to express my gratitude to Comrade Qi Weiping."
There was a slight commotion in the crowd; some people were whispering amongst themselves, while others remained attentive, staring down at me. My dad and Han Bo were talking in hushed tones, and when I mentioned him, he glared at me unhappily.
"The purpose of standing here today is to inform everyone about the current situation and to redistribute work. Anyone can come to me for consultation, ask questions, recommend themselves, or reasonably apply for a job adjustment after I finish speaking. Please do not speak now."
The whisperers shut up. I pulled out two pieces of paper and explained the mutation of the zombie virus and its growing collective consciousness. I predicted a zombie horde and outlined the potential consequences, unsurprisingly causing an uproar. Even the cafeteria staff, including my mother, wiped their hands and left the kitchen, the murmurs rising and falling. I told them to be quiet, but in the face of such a life-or-death situation, no one could remain calm.
The man I chased to the next table raised his hand and shouted, "Nonsense! Zombies are dead people. Their brains are dead. It's impossible for them to gather in large, organized groups like you described. Even if hordes of zombies appear, it's related to the population density of the area where the infection occurred. You're just spreading alarmist rumors and trying to confuse people! What are you trying to do by saying all this? What good will it do you to cause panic!"
When faced with questioning, what would most people do? They might coldly or angrily retort: "Yeah, what good will it do me?" and then engage in a debate.
But how can I be an ordinary person?
I didn't even glance at him out of the corner of my eye. When I saw Han Bo and the others getting up with displeasure, I gave them a look to urge them to stay calm. Then I continued, "Being prepared for the worst is a quality that a survivor team should have, so we'll be quite busy lately. Please cooperate. The main tasks are divided into field operations and office operations. There are five field teams: two to clear out the zombies in Huai City, two to block all the entrances to the city, and one to continue searching for resources. Office personnel will be grouped according to their specialties and will be responsible for the canteen, medical care, land clearing, water production, and guard duties. In addition, all personnel will be on duty in shifts, especially at night. No leave is allowed without special circumstances. Now I'll read out the personnel assignments: First field team, captain Han Bo, members Fan Haizhu, Wang Xin, Song Zhenyuan..."
Standing on high ground with a megaphone in hand, I had already prepared my speech, which was concise and fluent, suppressing any discordant noises with my presence and voice. The man's mutterings could only affect a few people around him; most of the others were listening intently to see which team their name would be in.
After the list was read aloud, the murmurs suddenly intensified, and the man jumped out again: "We've already started security reinforcement work with Dean Qi and are working towards self-sufficiency. Who are you anyway? Did Dean Qi agree to do this? You threaten people like that, change posts like that, don't think you can boss us around just because you arrived a few days earlier! We may be homeless, but we are still human beings, not your slaves. Why should we be at your beck and call? You're creating a dictatorship, creating class division, and I absolutely disagree!"
What would the average person say? Is this for personal use? This is a plan to deal with the worst-case scenario. This is to do everything in our power to ensure your safety. This is why I bravely stepped forward to take the lead and shouldered the responsibility for the lives of more than a hundred people!
But how can I be an ordinary person?
I jumped off the table, put down the megaphone, grabbed the rice plate from the next table, and in full view of everyone, slammed it down on the man's head. Then, I kicked him hard in the chest, sending him flying more than three meters away, landing on the ground with his head covered in white soup. People nearby hurriedly scrambled to get out of the way, but still inevitably got splashed with some soup.
"You disagree? Who the hell do you think you are?"
The sudden conflict plunged the cafeteria into silence once more, with the occasional snicker sounding particularly jarring. The man, sitting on the ground, was first bewildered, then enraged. Surrounded and humiliated by onlookers, his anger quickly reached its peak. He roared as he scrambled to his feet and charged at me: "You bitch, I'll kill you!"
Two or three steps were covered in the blink of an eye. I didn't dodge or evade; as his fist swung towards me, I quickly crouched down, using the ground as leverage to execute a half-sweep kick—the distance between the two tables was only enough for half a kick. He lost his balance and was about to stumble to the side when I jumped up, grabbed his shoulders and back with both hands, and forcefully thrust my knee down. With a loud thud, the man cried out in pain, "Ugh!"
In less than ten seconds, I had the man's head under my armpit, and my fists were mercilessly raining blows down on his head and face. I wanted to hurl a few more insults, but I was afraid it wouldn't be dignified enough. After all, this was my first real appearance as a person in charge, and using overly offensive language wouldn't be conducive to establishing myself.
So I remained silent while beating him up until I felt something sticky and warm on my fist. Only then did I let go of him, straighten his swaying head, and finally end the conflict with a classic, utterly devastating kick.
He writhed in agony, crying out in anguish, "Dean Qi! Dean Qi!"
I glanced back, but my dad, probably not wanting to listen to my nonsense, was already gone. Thank goodness he was gone; otherwise, seeing this scene would have broken his heart and filled him with rage. He had betrayed the people's trust in him.
The people who had been surrounding us dispersed far away. No one spoke, and their eyes were filled with the panic and fear that I had grown accustomed to, along with a sense of suppressed anger.
In disaster movies, there are always some characters who think they're sober but are ultimately proven to be idiots by reality. The more you explain to them, the more excited they become. A good beating will bring peace to the world.
Of course, explanations are still necessary for the majority of the people. We are all from Huaicheng, we are all brothers and sisters. We have suffered countless hardships and tribulations to survive, and it was not easy for us to survive and join the veterans. As the administrator, it is also necessary for me to do some reassurance work. We can't let people think that they have escaped the zombies but have fallen into the hands of thugs, and thus live here in fear and anxiety.
So I picked up the megaphone again and stood on the table: "Hey, hey, hey! Let me say a few more words. To reiterate, my surname is Qi, not Zhou or Cui. I'm not a bully or a bandit. My ancestors were commoners for three generations. I've never had the habit of employing laborers or slaves or restricting personal freedom. Since the apocalypse, I've killed at least 290, if not 300. The weapons and food currently in the veterans' home were all painstakingly collected by me and my brothers. So, I'm not kidding you that this place is under my jurisdiction. Listen to what I have to say first, and feel free to offer any opinions or suggestions." Let's discuss this calmly and rationally, but we have no grudges against each other, so there's no need for this shouting and yelling like I owe you something! If you don't like me, turn right after leaving the mess hall, and I'll have someone open the main gate for you; if you want to stay at the veterans' camp, you can treat this place as your home or your workplace, but don't act like a pushover or freeload off your parents, and don't slack off. Working and eating are your due. Surviving as a group means acting like a group. Less talk, less slogans, save your energy for dealing with the zombies, because nobody wants you dead except for zombies. Everyone, eat and drink well, and get to work tomorrow!
"Excellent! Doctor Qi is truly awe-inspiring!"
No sooner had I finished speaking than someone shouted "Bravo!" and clapped loudly. It was unmistakably Zhou Yi's voice. Soon, the whole old folks joined in, laughing and shouting. Binbin stood up and clapped his hands, leading the chant: "Doctor Qi! Doctor Qi! Doctor Qi!"
The survivors, their expressions varied, some looking at me with conflicted eyes, others opening their mouths as if to join in but then closing them again. I strode past them, waving my megaphone, and flicked Binbin on the forehead: "What are you shouting about? Don't start a personality cult! I just criticized your uncle, I can't make the same mistake!"
Han Bo grinned from ear to ear: "Da Feng's stand-up comedy is really good."
Liu Meili came up and put her arm around mine: "You assigned four people to my medical team? I'm a squad leader now!"
I raised an eyebrow: "Of course, the team leaders are all our own people. No matter how capable someone is, they can't surpass you. I'm the most nepotistic person."
Zhang Yanhuang and his peer Binbin were whispering jokes about "Dr. Qi," while Gao Chen sat at a table to the side, having finished his meal, and was also smiling at me.
My eyes met his for a moment, and I suddenly felt a little regretful. I had intended to be composed and reserved today, but I still acted a bit too aggressively when provoked. Would he think I was too much of a gangster?
I pretended to look away unintentionally, but he got up and walked over: "Dr. Qi."
I grinned and said, "Hey, you've finally remembered my last name. Don't join the kids in their fun."
"Aifeng." He changed his form of address, his tone as gentle as ever: "I need to ask you for your permission. The external situation is harsh and unpredictable, and I think the aftereffects might affect my judgment. For the safety of the team members, I think I should resign from this position as captain. You can assign me to Captain Yu's team."
How can that be allowed? Wouldn't that just be letting me abuse my power for nothing?
“I’m on your team, and Xiao Zhang is on your team too. What are you afraid of? We can help you with any problems.”
“It will be too late once something goes wrong.” He was very serious and stubborn. “I know my condition. My memory is sometimes good and sometimes bad, and I sometimes get headaches. I can’t joke with people’s lives.”
"Then...then I'll be the captain, and you can be a team member!"
“But you also have to take care of the affairs of the institute. I have worked well with Captain Yu several times. I agree with many of his views and his tactical skills are also quite high. Moreover, every time I am with him, I always feel a sense of familiarity, as if I can vaguely remember something. So I am very willing to continue to team up with him.”
I was so angry I could scream! Every time I started to develop feelings for Yu Zhongjian, he would pull some kind of stunt to make me miserable! He silently charmed me and stole my boyfriend... my teammate! Is that even humanly possible?!
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