Even the best cabbages aren't mine.
"I have nothing to talk to him about!" she said to my dad outright, then turned to leave.
"Strong wind!" My dad said sternly. "Come sit down!"
I felt ashamed about the topic that was about to unfold. He's my father, a grown man, and it always felt awkward for him to talk to his daughter about a young man of the opposite sex. Since I went to university, my dad has rarely pried into my personal life. Unlike my mother, he doesn't pay as much attention to my romantic relationships. Our conversations are usually limited to international relations, national affairs, and social issues. Occasionally, he'll mention "other people's children" to encourage me to strive for better, and that's about it.
Whether I was in a relationship, broke up with someone, or was troubled by love, he never cared. When he was having a major falling out with Wu Bainian, he once commented: "A good man should have the world in his heart and ambitions to travel far and wide." To this day, I still don't understand whether he said that to Wu Bainian or to me.
Is he going to interfere in my marriage and relationship issues for the first time ever? No, this isn't him.
I'm a dutiful son, so I obediently sat down, legs together and head bowed, adopting the posture I'd been accustomed to since childhood, intending to answer whatever he asked with "Impossible, no, that's not true." Li Tonggu ignored my father's disapproving gaze and insisted on standing beside me.
My dad knew about Xiao Li's situation, so he just glared at him a few times without forcefully driving him away. After pondering for a while, he said, "Your mom told me everything, and I also consulted Xiao Liu and Lao Tang. I'll give you my opinion on your relationship with Xiao Yu: you can get married, but you can't have children in the short term. For the sake of your offspring's mental health, Xiao Yu must provide written proof that he is fully recovered, and we'll set aside an observation period. Your mom and I will be responsible for monitoring and observing him. If he doesn't show any signs of mental abnormality within five years, you can have children."
"..." I was dumbfounded and stammered, "Dad, are you... are you sure you're not mistaken? Xiao Yu is not my boyfriend."
My dad frowned: "Isn't it your partner who brings you things every day?"
"It wasn't given to me, it was given to everyone. I've already shown you all the notes he wrote."
My dad immediately adopted a knowing look, waving his hand with a smile: "Look at how much he gave us. We've already received so much compensation, we really can't accept any more! Xiao Yu is already a resident of the capital. No matter how much he cares about everyone, he can't empty his pockets to support the construction of Huaicheng, especially the base's own resources. Do you think that general would agree to that? It's just a smokescreen, you know! I understand men's mentality. I've been through that age myself. When there's something good, you want to take it all to your partner's family. Are you afraid we won't agree and therefore not saying it outright? I've already made it clear that I won't discriminate against him because of his history of mental illness, but you need to be careful about having children."
I feel that in the ambiguous environment created by Yu Zhongjian, with Liu Meili stirring things up, and with my mother's powerful imagination, if I don't clarify my stance and defend myself, I'll be trapped by them.
"Dad!" I raised my voice seriously, "Let me tell you this solemnly: I have absolutely no relationship with Xiao Yu. We used to be friends, comrades-in-arms, and brothers. After he stayed in the capital, it was as if he cut ties with us. I was furious and didn't even want to be friends with him anymore. Our relationship is completely innocent, and I have no feelings for him whatsoever. Now and in the future, I will never marry him!"
I thought I had made myself clear, but my dad frowned again: "You're not interested in him, yet you accepted his gifts? You're not interested in him, yet you're angry that he stayed in the capital? Xiao Yu, Xiao Gao, and Xiao Zhang all came from Huaicheng. Staying in the capital, whether as officials or military leaders, is a good thing for them. It's good for them, and we can benefit from it too. What are you angry about? Are you jealous of their success, or are you reluctant to let them go? Don't be stubborn with me. I've seen more than you have!"
So what if I'm reluctant to see people leave? I cherish talent and friendship; this reluctance is not the same as that reluctance to part!
It's like forcing a cow to drink water when it doesn't want to. Rumors are fabricated by these people, who speculate and treat their own conjectures as facts, creating something out of nothing. My filial piety couldn't hold up any longer, and I angrily stood up and shouted, "What are you and Mom trying to do? Has this guy surnamed Yu come to propose marriage, or has he actually expressed a desire to marry your daughter? There's no evidence whatsoever, yet you're making up stories based on pure imagination all day long. Am I destined to be unmarriageable and you insist on tying me to him?!"
My dad said casually, "Oh, I almost forgot. On the way back to Huaicheng with the truck, Xiao Yu came to mention this, but I refused."
I was stunned: "What? What was he talking about? Wasn't he leading troops on the Western Front at that time?"
"He came by helicopter, right at that big service area. He said he was coming to drop me off and mentioned you in the process, saying he wanted to take care of our family in the future. I didn't take it seriously at the time, since it was your mother's responsibility. I told him I didn't make the decision, and he left. Now it seems he was truly sincere towards you."
I'm dizzy and lightheaded. How could Yu Zhongjian do this! He contacted my dad without my consent; it's outrageous and shameless!
Taking a deep breath, I suppressed my anger and calmly said, "Dad, I don't want to know if Xiao Yu is sincere with me or not, but I'll say it one last time: I don't like him, I don't want to be with him, really, really, really!"
Seeing how serious I was, my dad nodded. "It was your mother who insisted I come and talk to you. I'm just stating my position: if you're willing to be with Xiaoyu, you have to do as I say; if you're not, then don't let people misunderstand. Clarify things with him as soon as possible. You two have a good relationship. Leaving things unresolved will only lead to conflict later. I think Xiaoyu's misunderstanding is already quite deep. Can you honestly say it wasn't caused by your indecisiveness?"
My father's words made me lower my head, overwhelmed with shame. I valued Yu Zhongjian, cherished our friendship, and even harbored a secret, unspoken admiration for him, which prevented me from being ruthless and decisive in handling our relationship. But it's not entirely my fault! To this day! To this day! He nurtured me, taught me, protected me, saved my life, and often made advances, his eyes filled with ambiguity, yet he never explicitly stated anything to me!
He could go straight to my dad and spout nonsense like "take care of the whole family," but he never once told me he liked me! Good heavens, this cunning old man is so shrewd, how am I supposed to refuse him or respond to him?
My dad continued, "Dafeng, your mom worries about you every day and can't sleep. I don't like to get involved in these things, but I have to say something. Now that things are a bit more stable, you should find a suitable person to settle down with as soon as possible so your mom and I can be at ease. You're twenty-eight this year."
"Twenty-seven."
I'm 28 years old (by Chinese reckoning).
"......"
Not long after my dad and I finished talking, my mom came to me again, "So you don't like Xiao Yu, then what about Gao Chen...?"
"It has nothing to do with Gao Chen. Don't mention him again." My chest tightened, and I quickly interrupted her.
"Oh, it's been over a year. The people who liked you, you didn't like, and the people you liked didn't like you back, is that what you mean?"
I glanced at my mother in surprise. Her sarcastic tone was undisguised, and she was clearly a little angry. I wanted to say that we shouldn't think about these things anymore and should focus on ensuring everyone's well-being first. But then I thought about her past behavior. Whether it was a zombie apocalypse or petitions, no matter how difficult the circumstances, my marriage was always a heavy burden on her mind.
If I really act like a scoundrel, she can't do anything about it. But a big rock is still a big rock; as long as it's not moved, she'll worry about it every day.
“Mom,” I said, taking her hand, “that Xiao Huang was quite brave during the Western Front campaign. I forget which university he was a professor at.”
As September arrived, the reconstruction plan for the community progressed steadily. The veterans' outpatient clinic and administrative buildings had reached three stories, while the inpatient building was progressing the fastest, already at five stories. The back garden, artificial lake, lawn, woods, and even the plaza and green belt at the front entrance were all planned. After seeing my hand-drawn cartoon-style blueprints, the professionals sent by the general said that rebuilding an identical hospital would be a piece of cake.
The roads and collapsed buildings surrounding the veterans' quarters have been cleared, and the garbage has been temporarily dumped in the open fields west of Jiangshan Avenue. Our goal is to repair all the damaged roads in Huaicheng, at least to ensure normal vehicle passage, and to set up signs at major entrances and exits to indicate the location of the veterans' quarters. As Fu Hua said, survivors from other cities may have arduous journeys to this place; we want them to see hope, to see life, to see an oasis in the devastation, a beacon of light in the darkness.
As you walk into the construction site, a tall crane slowly moves across the new inpatient building; former teammates, now construction workers, wearing hard hats, are scattered around, sweating profusely; Han Bo, Xiao Hei, and others push mud carts back and forth, transporting cement; Zhou Yi drives an excavator, digging and filling pits, busy from one end to the other, having a great time.
He drove the excavator back from Tongcheng and loved it so much that he wouldn't let anyone touch it. He worked sixteen hours a day without getting tired of it, and he wished he could even sleep in the operator's cab.
What's puzzling is that, despite it being strenuous physical labor, the men are all incredibly energetic, getting up early and going to bed late, spending every day on the construction site covered in sweat and mud. I suggested taking shifts to rest, but no one agreed. Their reason was that they had to work whether they worked early or late, so finishing a day earlier meant starting a new life a day earlier. But I always felt there were other reasons behind it.
One day, while I was carrying bricks at the construction site, I happened to run into a few young women who brought me lunch. I watched as the men who had just been seriously discussing the differences between steel frame structures and frame structures with me suddenly became restless. They scratched their hair, wiped the dirt off their faces, some leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette in a cool manner, some held two bricks in their hands and admired their biceps, and some even took off their shirts, revealing their sweat-drenched bronze skin, holding their breath and deliberately looking away when the young women walked by, pretending not to care even when they were about to suffocate, while showing off their eight-pack abs.
As expected, the girl blushed but couldn't help glancing at his abs. Their eyes locked in a passionate gaze. After handing over the lunchbox, the man casually asked, "I didn't see you bring lunch yesterday."
The girl replied, "It's every other day; tomorrow it's Sister Wei's turn."
"Then you'll come the day after tomorrow?"
"Um."
"Okay, come the day after tomorrow, and I'll take you to see the tree planting."
"What's so interesting about planting trees?"
"The grove of trees over by the artificial lake is half planted, and it looks beautiful."
Should we go see the tree planting or go explore the grove? In no time, three or four men and women had struck up a conversation. I stood to the side, feeling both embarrassed and helpless. Flirting with girls is fine, but could you please not treat me like a human being and embarrass me in public?
This dashing young man with eight-pack abs named Mao Dong just rejected my mom's blind date suggestion a couple of days ago. He pretended to be timid and honest and told my mom that he had hepatitis C, and that if she didn't mind, he would date me. My mom immediately rejected him.
It wasn't me who taught them; it was the people I'd been on blind dates with. They all said I didn't want to go on blind dates because I was already taken, and that dating me would mean getting beaten up by more than one person, which they couldn't handle. So suddenly, all the young men in the group developed all sorts of hidden ailments—nerves, blood vessels, pituitary glands, internal organs, prostates—not one of them was healthy.
The sports university teacher, Mr. Huang, whom my mother had previously favored, was in good health, but he had fallen in love with a nurse from the medical team. He was in the throes of a passionate romance and bluntly rejected my mother, which made her give me the cold shoulder for two days.
I feel like I've shot myself in the foot. If I hadn't been so passionate about my work... if I hadn't been so confident, so focused, and if I hadn't had so much on one person, I wouldn't be in this miserable state today.
I need to find a partner, I absolutely must find a partner, and once I find one, I'll get married immediately, get pregnant immediately, have a child immediately, and then devote myself entirely to the great cause of building Huaicheng! Only in this way can I put my parents at ease and make that person give up.
I don't know why I have to make him give up; I'm just so angry!
Gritting my teeth and sulking, I found Han Bo, who was eating and bragging with Xiao Hei at the construction site of the administration building, and said with a stern face, "Come here for a second."
Han Bo glanced at Li Tonggu, who was always by my side, and followed us around to the back of the construction site: "What's up?"
Looking at this face that hasn't changed much since I was a child, and I could name the exact location of those moles with my eyes closed, I pinched my nose and said, "My mom is forcing me to get married, so why don't we just make do?"
Han Bo staggered in fright, clutching his chest with both hands, and cried out in grief and indignation, "No! I promised to take care of you in your old age and see you off in your final days, please don't come and harm me!"
I pouted and said, "Do you think I care about you that much? You're just being pushed to the limit."
"You should find someone else, I really can't do it."
"Fake."
"Fake ones won't do either, they'll delay my search for a partner."
I sensed something was off about his tone, so I narrowed my eyes and asked, "You have a boyfriend?"
Han Bo revealed a sly smile: "No, but I've taken a fancy to one."
Who is it?
"I'll tell you after I catch up with him."
Seeing my weary, drooping head, Han Bo sighed and patted my shoulder: "I told you long ago that Gao Chen might be the next Wu Bainian. You didn't believe me, but now you see clearly, don't you?"
No matter how much my mother questioned me about what happened that night, I wouldn't tell her anything. I only said I had a nightmare. But on the way home, I still revealed a few things to Han Bo. Hearing him say this now, I lowered my head even further: "It's not that I'm stubborn and insist on speaking up for him, but objectively speaking, he's in a very difficult situation. Xiao Qing is, after all, his ex-girlfriend, and they don't have any deep-seated hatred. If Xiao Lu really comes to him asking him to take care of Xiao Qing in the future, can he say no? It's like you with Ma Li. You started dating someone new, and Ma Li encountered difficulties, would you help her?"
Han Bo was stunned for a moment before saying, "It's really not good to have too many relationships. Luckily, I only have Ma Li now. If all six of my ex-girlfriends came looking for me, I would be dead and I could never get married in this lifetime."
I forced a smile: "Exactly. Some women are willing to be the last one, but I'm not. I'm late, and I don't have the heart to forgive what happened before, so I can only withdraw."
Han Bo hesitated for a moment, then said, "There's a clean one waiting for you, but you don't want it."
I immediately looked around and asked, "Where's Guo Yang? He's gotten much stronger and looks better than before. I'll go ask him if he's interested in blind dates."
Han Bo: "...Guo Yang is only twenty-three, please let him go."
My heart was ashen. I stood in the middle of the huge construction site, looking around at the energetic young men and women exchanging glances. There were clumps of beautiful cabbages, but none of them belonged to me.
The twenty minutes before I fall asleep every night are my usual twenty minutes of irritability and restlessness, but I never show it. After blowing out the candles, the girls around me who are sleeping on the floor with me quickly fall asleep, but I remain stiff in the dark with my eyes closed, pretending that I am already asleep. If I can get through these twenty minutes, I can still get a good night's sleep.
The airdrop operation ended in early October. For nearly a week, the roar of bombers could be heard morning and evening, and the northern front clearing campaign had begun. I have no doubt that even without the more than one hundred civilian guerrillas from Province A, the people and soldiers of the capital will still achieve a great victory.
Those two have probably gone to the front lines again, to become impressive commanders, where a wave of their hand can mobilize thousands, a volley of gunfire can reduce hordes of zombies to ashes. Gold buried in the earth will eventually shine, and a swan hidden among ducks cannot conceal its beauty. They are destined for great things, and I wish them well.
A self-deprecating smile tugged at the corner of my lips. I'm the most pathetic one. We've been separated for so long, but I still feel uncomfortable thinking about it. I'm still agonizing over it, and I don't know when it will end.
My lips felt cold, and I suddenly opened my eyes. A "hmm" was stuck in my throat as a huge force suddenly pressed down on my mouth and nose, almost suffocating me on the spot.
Looking up at the blurry black shadow above, it raised its other hand, waved its index finger at me, and then waved again. I let go and breathed a long sigh of relief.
I got up, carefully walked around the girls who were sleeping soundly on the floor, opened the door to the living room, gently released the latch and went out the front door, followed the person to the vegetable shed. He lifted the curtain, and I didn't move for a long time.
He grabbed my hand, bent down, and pulled me inside.
The roof was built to fit the average height of the women, so it was too short for him. He kept his head down and his back slightly bent, silently facing me.
Pout? Stomp your feet? Jump up and punch his chest with your little fists?
I scoffed, "Can you fucking stop bothering me in the middle of the night every time? It's not like we're having an affair. If you're trying to be a thief, why do you have to drag me into it?"
He said, "I heard you're in a rush to find someone lately. What do you think of me?"
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Because I'm so obscure, I'm usually too shy to interact with others and only secretly watch from the sidelines. Many friends have stayed by my side, which has helped me regain my dignity; thank you! I've started a new pre-order for a story about encountering ghosts while farming. I have some drafts saved up, and I'll start it soon after this story is finished. If you like this genre, you can check it out.
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