The halo of sainthood is blinding.
I guessed that was pretty much what was going on. It's too cruel not to let people use the toilet. Even death row inmates get a good meal... That's not a good analogy, but I didn't intend to make things difficult for her, so I held the knife to her side while shining a flashlight and continued to drag her to the toilet.
Although my dad said we couldn't use it on the first floor, the generator hadn't been started yet, and dragging it up to the second floor would be too tiring, so we just let her take care of it on the first floor.
Standing in front of the toilet, the girl, whose shoulders, knees, hands, and feet were bound like a dumpling, looked at me with difficulty. "Could you... untie my hands?"
"No." I put the flashlight on the washing machine, reached out and unbuttoned her jeans, unzipped them, and pulled them down inside and out. "Go ahead and pee."
She glanced sideways at the dagger that hadn't moved from her neck, and then slowly sat down.
The sound was embarrassing. The girl, with her eyes closed, choked out as if she had been insulted, "I... I just wanted to use the restroom. I'm not going anywhere. Why did you have to do this?"
I chuckled: "Do you think you can escape?"
The girl sobbed, head bowed: "What can I do as a woman? They forced me to come here, otherwise they would have pushed me to Baolong Ace, which is full of zombies..."
I remained silent and waited patiently. She continued, "You're a woman too, you should know how hard it is to survive these days. I can't live without relying on others. I swear I have absolutely no intention of harming your family, I swear!"
I resumed my expressionless state, the fruit knife remaining firmly planted. "Your name is Qin Yun?"
The girl suddenly looked up: "Yes, yes! How did you know? Do you know me?"
"I don't know him, I only heard it from Wu Bainian."
Qin Yun's body suddenly stiffened, and after a long while, she cautiously said, "I know you are Wu Bainian's ex-girlfriend."
"Hmm." I readily admitted that pretending to be a stranger was a joke; the most helpless thing in this world is that there's no going back.
"Actually... actually Wu Bainian was forced into it. Brother Hei knew about his relationship with you, so he ordered him to come to your house to check on things. Later, he made us wait near your house. After two cars drove away, Brother Hei forced us to come to your house together. This whole thing was Brother Hei and Fatty Luo's idea. We were really forced into it. They are very fierce and threaten to throw us out at the drop of a hat."
To be honest, I'm not really interested in these inside stories. Who forced whom is none of my business. All I care about is the outcome, whether our own interests have been harmed because of them. However, I could still see Qin Yun's attitude of wanting to confess and receive leniency. Seeing that I didn't react, she got a little anxious and simply poured out the whole story.
"Chen Ruonan and I are from the same school but different years. We barely escaped with our lives. We met Brother Hei and Fatty Luo while looking for food in a small supermarket in Baihu District. They told us to come with them, and we figured it would be hard for two girls to survive on their own, so we went with them. In the following days, things got more and more chaotic outside, and many people were looting. We had to find food and hide from zombies, which was very hard. We couldn't stay in one place for long. Brother Hei's temper also got worse. He would yell at us when we couldn't find enough food. Later, we met Wu Bainian. He was a good guy, but Brother Hei forced him to go out and find food every day. Um, Li Qiang just arrived yesterday. He's also from our school. He said that several people escaped together, but he was the only one left, so Brother Hei let him join us. We're just students, definitely not bad people. This is the first time we've done something like this. We were forced to, you have to believe me."
She finished speaking and looked at me expectantly, perhaps hoping to find a trace of emotion on my face. Unfortunately, I disappointed her. Seeing that she had stopped talking, I asked, "Are you done?"
Her lips drooped, and she pouted as if she were about to cry again: "Are you really going to kill us? I beg you..."
Before I could finish speaking, I was choked by a sob. I still managed to shove the rag back into her mouth, lift her up, and pull up her pants with one hand, before dragging her back to the yard without any mercy.
Qin Yun's suppressed sobs lasted almost the entire night, leaving me no time to even close my eyes and take a nap. I could only squat behind the sheltered solar panel and smoke one cigarette after another. An inappropriately poetic thought popped into my head: "A person who has never cried in the dead of night is not qualified to talk about life."
The girl is crying so bitterly; she must have deeply felt the cruelty of life.
Over the next two days, Yu Zhongjian and his group followed their normal work pace, scouring the entire city of Huaicheng and scavenging back a multitude of strange and unusual supplies, like ants carrying grains of sand. There were hardware and building materials, various tools, and even food and clothing supplies; they brought back six folding beds in one go. According to Zhou Yi, they went street by street, skipping over areas teeming with zombies and only rummaging through those with low danger, bringing back anything they thought might be useful, regardless of size or even the smallest details.
During this process, they encountered zombie attacks and engaged in several small-scale battles; they also encountered survivors looting supplies, but having a gun was enough to intimidate them; they also encountered a woman who cried and chased the car for two miles, insisting on following them and claiming that she would "do anything," but Yu Zhongjian ruthlessly shook her off, which Zhou Yi found quite regrettable, as she was said to be very good-looking.
I've always felt that Yu Zhongjian is somewhat sexist, which was evident from his suggestion that the two girls should help my mother with housework. Furthermore, he asked me to help organize supplies at home, telling me not to get tired from working with them for the next few days. It sounds like he's giving me a break, but I secretly wonder if he also looks down on me? Does he think women are just a nuisance?
Of course, I have no reason to be resentful, especially when others are working so diligently for the long-term stability of my family. This little courtyard is no longer just our home, but also my second uncle Binbin's home, Han Bo's home, Zhou Yi's home, Liu Meili's home, and even Yu Zhongjian—whether he admits it or not, he has to admit it—we are currently a group… a team. Thinking about who depends on whom, or who contributes more, is just asking for trouble. Only unity, acceptance, and mutual respect can allow us to go further.
So I stayed home diligently, on guard, watching over, organizing, and distributing supplies.
After discussing it with my parents, we arranged for Han Bo and Zhou Yi to stay in my second uncle's room. We placed two folding beds head-to-toe under the window to relieve Zhou Yi's constant complaints about not being able to stretch his legs on the sofa or finding the tiled floor uncomfortable. My parents had initially offered to put my second uncle, Binbin, in their bedroom, but I felt it was inappropriate, considering they are a legally married couple and only in their fifties…
Liu Meili and I still sleep together, but we've added two small beds to the room for future use. It's impossible for Yu Zhongjian to sleep in a room by himself. Not only is the room big enough, but even the elders in his family don't have that privilege, so he shouldn't even think about it.
My dad and Zhao Zhuobao spent the whole afternoon working, simply dividing the room in two with plywood, leaving one entrance and one exit. I even thoughtfully hung up old bed sheets as curtains. The last two folding beds were placed in the outer room, ensuring Mr. Yu got a single room while also allowing Li Tonggu and Zhao Zhuobao to upgrade from the floor to beds. After everyone returned, I took them upstairs to see it. Yu Zhongjian didn't express any objections and naturally accepted the arrangement. Little Li was also quite happy, but Zhao Zhuobao complained a bit. He said he wanted to sleep in the room with Liu Meili, but I slapped him hard and shut him up.
The supplies were categorized into indoor and outdoor items, and some were piled up in the yard and in each room. It was quite messy, but everyone felt at ease looking at the mountain of items.
This freed up the storage room. My mother cleaned it up, spread out mats, laid out mattresses, and piled up thick new quilts—all of which we had brought back from the supermarket. Although it was a makeshift bed on the floor, it was so much better than the cold, hard ground in the yard. And the prisoners were completely unaware of all this.
After I patiently explained the facts and reasoned with him, and explained my plan to keep him alive and educate him as a younger brother, my family has been adhering to the principle of "turning a blind eye" for the past two days.
We moved in and out right in front of them, chatting and laughing. In the courtyard, we tidied up as usual, washing rice and meat without carrying anything on our backs. We even drank and ate heartily with the living room door wide open. Whether Binbin did it on purpose or was just a child, he never forgot to eat snacks while guarding the prisoners, crunching away as if he couldn't see their almost manic expressions and green eyes. Only when they struggled fiercely and escaped the prisoner circle would I or he kick them back.
Two days isn't a long time, but the torture of not eating or drinking, being bound by ropes, unable to speak, and suffering from alternating chills and fever drastically altered their appearance and expressions. Their hair was disheveled, their faces filthy from being rubbed against the ground, their clothes twisted beyond recognition, their wrists and ankles bluish-purple from impaired circulation, their lips peeling with dry skin, and their mouths cracked to varying degrees—a truly pitiful sight. Each time they saw me, their eyes would shift from anger and hatred to the look of someone seeing their father's killer, then from hatred to fear, pleading, and despair, until finally, they felt utterly hopeless.
Wu Bainian's performance was relatively stable; he didn't have many scenes and always seemed to have no will to live.
On the morning of the third day, Blackie was the first to break down. He lay on his back, dried blood on his forehead, a rag stuffed in his mouth, emitting a strange, guttural laugh. When he saw me come out, he raised his chin and stretched his neck at me, but his eyes were unfocused. He shook his head erratically for a while, then let out muffled sobs, acting like a madman. I think he was expressing his desire to die, using body language to tell me to kill him quickly, to die sooner and be reborn, so I wouldn't have to suffer this torment anymore.
Fatty Luo and Li Qiang stood huddled together, staring blankly at Brother Hei's madness, showing no reaction whatsoever. Chen Ruonan, Qin Yun, and Wu Bainian were closer, the three of them keeping their heads down and remaining silent.
I watched for a while, then turned and went back to the living room. Half a minute later, I came out with an iron bar and smashed it down on Blackie's leg, making him immediately flinch in pain. I yelled, "Shut up, or I'll bury you alive!"
The other five people were even more dazed, and those who buried their heads buried themselves even deeper.
I swaggered around, twirling the stick, my eyes gleaming as I scanned them mercilessly. "Behave yourselves and you'll die a more comfortable death. Anyone who keeps whining and trying to pull a fast one, that pile of bricks behind my house will be their final resting place! Buried alive? You wish! There's no soil to bury you, I'll just smash you to death with bricks!"
The group trembled like leaves in the wind, none daring to meet my gaze. Blackie lay on his back, staring blankly at the sky, a single tear suddenly rolling down his cheek.
"Regret it now?" I bent down and looked at him with a cold smile. "It's too late to regret it now. This lesson is to tell you that you must first weigh your own strength before doing anything. You can only act if you know yourself and your enemy. You only know yourself, but do you know who we are? You just assumed that a room full of old and young people would be easy to bully?"
As I spoke, I got genuinely angry and slapped his face hard: "Didn't your father teach you to respect the elderly and care for the young? Didn't he teach you that men should protect women? You actually brought women here to die! I really want to slap you to death, you son of a bitch! As a grown man, you should be looking for a car, weapons, food, and protecting your own people at a time like this. Look at what we brothers are doing! Are you even men? Even if you're going to rob someone, you shouldn't bring defenseless women along. If you're going to die, you shouldn't use women as cannon fodder! The apocalypse is not an excuse to lose your humanity. Otherwise, what's the difference between you and the zombies outside?"
Blackie's gaze suddenly sharpened. He stared at me, and his tears, no longer falling drop by drop, began to stream down his face. Chen Ruonan and Qin Yun also looked up, their despair replaced by excitement. They looked at me with eager anticipation and joy, as if they had seen a glimmer of hope.
Just then, my dad strode out of the house, yanked me away, and suddenly slapped me hard across the face, making me stagger.
"Dad, you..." I covered my face, truly shocked.
"Don't call me Dad!" he said, heartbroken. "I don't have a daughter as vicious as you! Burying me alive, smashing me with bricks—are you a Japanese devil?"
"No... listen to me..." This slapping incident wasn't rehearsed; my dad just added his own drama, and it really hurt.
He swung his large hands forcefully, unable to contain his anger: "He made a small mistake, and you tied him up like this, torturing him by not giving him food or water, and now you've even started fighting! What are you trying to do? Try to kill someone in front of your father? I couldn't stand it anymore! Your mother said you were just disciplining him, but what kind of discipline are you doing? This is abuse! This is cruelty! This is being a Japanese devil! Yesterday I was going to deliver food to some children and you stopped me. No one in the Qi family is as heartless as you!"
All six of them stared wide-eyed at my dad, not blinking an eye.
With a bitter face, I reluctantly played along: "They want to rob us, they want to kill our family, why don't you understand? Letting them out will only bring disaster."
"You're the scourge! I think you're the scourge! In this world, who else are you helping if not the living? They're all born of parents, all about your age, how could you do this to them?" My dad was really into it, trembling with anger. "What's the point of robbing? It's all about filling your stomach. Those guys weren't born robbers or bad guys, otherwise, would you have caught them? What did I teach you from a young age? To be forgiving, to leave a way out so you can meet again in the future, have you forgotten all that?"
I hung my head and said, "I haven't forgotten."
My dad took a breather: "It's good that you haven't forgotten. This isn't the old society, it's not before liberation, it's not the era of Japanese burning, killing, and looting. You're not enemies or foes. We're all survivors. We need to help each other and survive together, you know? You've had your fill of showing off, and these kids have learned their lesson. Untie them! I can't allow you to cause any more trouble!"
After this passionate yet deeply human speech, I turned around and saw all six of them crying. Tears streamed down their faces, leaving streaks of gray, making them look both ridiculous and sorrowful. They stopped looking at me and all turned to my father, their eyes rekindling a renewed desire for life, as if they were watching a god descend to earth.
My dad went up and yanked the rag out of the black man's mouth. I used all my facial muscles to pretend to be terrified and hurriedly stepped forward to stop him: "No, Dad! He threatened us before that he would bring the zombies here. If he starts yelling, we'll all die together!"
My dad shoved me aside forcefully: "No way! What kind of little kid would have so many thoughts? What do you mean by 'killing each other'? I don't believe anyone wouldn't value their life! Life is only once. Once you die, you have nothing left. You won't be able to eat meat, drink wine, see the zombies being eliminated, or enjoy a wonderful life! You won't even leave behind any descendants. Would anyone be that stupid? What kind of hatred could make them do that? This... this kid," he patted the black guy's head, "tell me, would you do that?"
Blackie couldn't speak. His tongue was almost crippled from being stuffed in his mouth for two days. He could only turn purple with frustration, shake his head desperately, and weep bitterly.
My dad then asked the others, "Would you do that?"
Naturally, all I got in return was a shake of the head like a rattle-drum. My dad nodded in satisfaction: "That's right, they're all smart kids, they know how to cherish life."
I looked dejected and helpless: "Dad, you're thinking too simply. If we let them out, they're all cowards with no survival skills. They don't dare to fight zombies. When they're cornered, they'll still remember our house full of food and try to do something crooked again. We can't guard against that."
My dad pondered for a moment and said, "Well, we have to be careful about this. Even if we let you go, I'm afraid you won't live long."
Several people shook their heads wildly, their bodies twisting violently, as if they wanted every cell in their bodies to jump out and oppose what I said.
Then my dad quickly shook off his hesitation and waved his hand generously: "Then they can all come with your uncle! They're all kids anyway. I'll tighten my belt and raise one or ten, it'll make no difference!"
The six of them froze, as if they couldn't believe their ears, staring blankly at my dad.
My dad smiled magnanimously: "I suppose you can't find your parents either. Rather than letting you go out and wander and go astray, I'd rather keep you in my sight and teach you a lesson. As long as I have food to eat, you'll have food to eat too!"
This is my dad's classic line. The moment he said it, I felt like he was surrounded by a dazzling halo of sainthood. Although this halo was imposed on him by the script, it was enough to blind the six of us.
"No! You'll regret this!" I cried out in grief and anger, and ran back into the house in a heartbroken state.
I heard my dad snort in dissatisfaction: "Dafeng is just spoiled rotten by me. She doesn't know how to think things through! We're family now, you won't blame her, will you?"
I couldn't see the expressions on the six people's faces, but after a while I heard my dad say again, "They won't repay kindness with enmity, will they?"
I rolled my eyes in frustration. Adding unnecessary lines is so annoying. It was already perfect by the time it reached the point of the saintly aura, okay? Adding more lines just feels like adding a superfluous tail.
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The way I fell so gracefully and naturally is almost pitiful. What mysterious force is supporting me to keep writing?
It's the pandemic.
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