Volume 1, Chapter 112 I don’t save others, I only save you.
Du Qian was obviously drunk, otherwise he would never have behaved so out of control.
This was the first time Du Ruo saw him cry. Perhaps he really felt guilty and was suppressed to the extreme.
But she really didn't care.
She took out a few tissues and handed them to him, and comforted him softly, "I don't blame you, Dad, really, I am very happy now. If you really feel guilty, then make more money, I will have many places to spend money in the future."
Du Qian took the tissue, wiped his tears, and said firmly: "Don't worry, Dad will definitely work hard to make money. Dad has already saved a lot of dowry for you."
Du Ruo chuckled and said, "Okay, then I can live off my parents without any worries."
Du Qian couldn't help laughing, "How much did you spend, kid?"
She had little desire for material things and her bonus was so much that she couldn't spend it all. Even their financial compensation seemed so insignificant.
After saying the apology that came many years ago, Du Qian felt relaxed for no reason. He looked at Du Ruo with pity and was surprised that she had really grown up. The sensible child seemed to have become even more mature.
He asked with concern: "Are you happy to be in love with Ah Mo?"
Du Ruo nodded, "Happy."
Du Qian: "That's good. If he dares to bully you, tell dad."
Du Ruo joked, "Why should I tell you? Are you still going to beat him?"
Du Qian: "I won't hit him, but I can hit his father to vent my anger."
Du Ruo glanced at him and said, "I don't think you can beat Uncle Xu."
Du Qian: "I will start exercising tomorrow."
Du Ruo chuckled and said affirmatively: "Xu Jingmo will not bully me, only I bully him."
Du Qian said nonchalantly, "That's fine."
Du Ruo was thinking about the people freezing on the terrace, so she changed the subject and said, "If you have nothing else to do, go to bed early and let Auntie make you some honey water before you go to sleep."
Du Qian stood up and said, "Okay, you should go to bed early too."
"Okay, good night, Dad."
"Good night."
Du Ruo saw Du Qian off and locked the door.
Xu Jingmo did not return from the terrace.
She pushed open the door and saw him wrapped in a blanket, leaning lazily on a chair, his eyes seemed to travel through the night sky, lost in thought.
He turned his head to look at her and spread out the blanket. Du Ruo walked slowly over and sat on his lap as if it was nothing unusual.
Xu Jingmo then folded the blanket and wrapped her completely in his arms as if he was holding a baby.
The breeze was blowing, but Xu Jingmo's embrace was very warm, and Du Ruo didn't feel cold at all.
They sat on the terrace, covered with the same blanket, looking at the starry sky. For a moment, both of them were immersed in the tranquility and were speechless.
After a long while, Xu Jingmo broke the silence and asked softly, "Is this the gift you said you would give me? Do you want my dad to apologize to me?"
Du Ruo asked back, "Will you blame me for meddling in other people's business?"
Xu Jingmo shook his head and said affirmatively: "I wish you would take care of me."
She cared about no one but him, which made him feel special enough, even more special than her father and mother.
Du Ruo rested her head on his shoulder, grabbed his hand, played with his slender fingers, and said softly, "It's better to let a child bang his head against the wall once than to preach to him a hundred times. Not to mention an adult who has been stubborn for decades. Uncle Xu can't change with just a few words. I didn't think of letting you two reconcile."
"It's best if he comes to his senses and apologizes to you. It's also normal if he doesn't apologize. It's also reasonable for you to forgive or not. Not all apologies deserve to be said "it's okay."
"Then why are you doing this?" Xu Jingmo asked curiously.
Du Ruo looked at him quietly and asked again: "Why do you think I can easily tell my father that it's okay?"
"Because you don't care." Xu Jingmo said affirmatively.
She doesn't care about her childhood experiences.
"Yes." Du Ruo admitted.
Xu Jingmo was still puzzled, "And then?"
Du Ruo: "But you are not me, you care."
Xu Jingmo subconsciously retorted, "I care? Who do I care about? I have long stopped caring about my dad. I am almost done with them."
Du Ruo affirmed: "If you have this idea, you still care."
Xu Jingmo looked at her in silence.
Du Ruo said softly, "Xu Jingmo, being free from the control of your parents is not freedom. Doing whatever you want and not doing what you don't want to do is not true freedom either."
"That's called indulgence, not freedom."
Xu Jingmo stared at her and asked, "Where do you think I was being too lax?"
Du Ruo: "You are not uninhibited anywhere. You are very self-disciplined, but you are not free."
Xu Jingmo raised his eyebrows and looked at her, waiting for the next words.
“True freedom is the freedom of the mind, allowing others to be others and allowing yourself to be yourself.”
“Allow your parents’ first choice to be someone other than you, allow others to love someone other than you, allow others to be disappointed in you, allow regrets, stupidity, greed and all other bad things to happen, and allow yourself to fail and be powerless.”
“No matter what choices you make in life, there will be regrets. We are just in different energy frequencies, which produce different magnetic fields and make different choices.”
"I can understand and forgive anyone, because there is no absolute good or bad, right or wrong. I only need to pay attention to my own state, choose the good and follow it, and change the bad. A wise man does not get involved in other people's chess games."
"You don't need to prove to Uncle Xu that he is wrong and you are right. You also don't need to prove to me how hard you work to be worthy of me."
"You are who you are. I love you. I will not continue to love you just because you are a good match for me, nor will I stop loving you just because you are not a good match for me."
Xu Jingmo's hand on her waist unconsciously tightened a little, and he said in a self-deprecating tone, "But after hearing you say that, I just feel that I am even less worthy of you."
Fundamentally, the two of them are not people of the same dimension.
From any angle, he is not worthy of her.
Du Ruo changed her position and sat astride him, becoming a little closer to him.
Holding his face, she kissed him and explained softly, "This is why I have to make an exception and get involved in your affairs. I have my own selfishness. I don't have the patience to wait for you to figure it out, and I can't afford to take the risk."
Xu Jingmo looked at her with deep eyes. The close distance between them did not arouse any restlessness in him. He just felt that he was overestimating himself. How could he dare to dream of being on the same orbit as the sun.
Du Ruo leaned against his forehead and confessed, "I always thought I was very clear-headed, but after being with you, I found that I was actually very vulgar. I couldn't control my desires. Once I had it, I didn't want to lose it. I'm used to you saying you love me when you're by my side, so I can only use my own methods to keep you."
"We grew up on different paths, and just because we have compatible personalities and souls doesn't mean we can stay in love forever."
"You appear cold and indifferent on the surface, but you are actually very sensitive inside. You have the shadow of your parents in you."
"I'm afraid that you'll be like Aunt Wen, loving me to the point of losing yourself, and then one day you'll suddenly get tired of me and leave me. What should I do then?"
"I'm also afraid that you'll be like Uncle Xu, who will just avoid problems, not solve them, and not communicate. This will accumulate over time, and I'm very afraid. I'm afraid that after I go abroad, you'll be dragged down by the messy people and things around you. Then when I'm not in the country, I won't be able to pay attention to your emotions at all times."
"It's not that I don't believe in you, it's that I don't believe I have enough charm to keep you."
"I don't know how long you will love me. I'm afraid you will find loving me very tiring and difficult, because I don't know how you feel after having a crush on me for so long. But I have to admit that in this relationship between us, I can do it effortlessly, but you seem to be trying your best."
"I'm afraid that when I'm not by your side, someone will take advantage of the situation and love you with all their might, and you're just tired. I can't afford to lose you."
"Xu Jingmo, I don't mean to meddle in your business, nor do I want you to change anything. The gift I want to give you actually means that I have really thought about our future and I want to be tied to you forever."
"Love is a gradual process. People should spend more time with people who have high energy. You should focus your limited energy on important things, such as yourself and me. Don't let others consume your emotions. When you are truly free, I will feel safe."
Xu Jingmo looked at her deeply with his eyes filled with unclear emotions. He held her neck and violently pried open her lips and teeth. Du Ruo hugged him and used all her skills to cater to him and comfort him.
Xu Jingmo held her up and kissed her passionately as he walked back to the room. He laid her gently on the bed, leaned over her and asked softly, "Do you love me very much?"
Du Ruo nodded.
Xu Jingmo's lips curled slightly, "What do you love about me?"
Du Ruo shook her head. "I don't know either, but I know very well that you have a fatal attraction to me."
She hooked her arm around his neck and pulled him down, then whispered in his ear, "Emotional attraction and...sexual attraction."
When we are together, I can't help but feel happy. I feel happy when I see him. I want to kiss him, hug him, and sleep with him. I can't control myself.
Xu Jingmo kissed her eyes and murmured, "You have already confirmed it, my greatest strength is that I listen to you."
Du Ruo asked: "Don't you blame me?"
Xu Jingmo shook his head. "I don't blame you. I just feel that I have done nothing good."
Du Ruo smiled and said, "It seems that you are quite patient with me. I am ready for you to lose your temper."
Xu Jingmo choked and smiled helplessly.
He turned over and lay beside her, holding her in his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head, and whispered, "Du Ruo, this is your own choice to be involved in my karma, don't regret it."
Du Ruo buried herself in his arms and rubbed her body, then said affirmatively, "Choose what I love, love what I choose, and I am prepared to reap the consequences."
Whether good or bad.
Xu Jingmo closed his eyes, kissed her forehead devoutly, and sighed softly, "They say that everything is suffering, and the only way to save yourself is to save yourself. Why am I so lucky?"
Du Ruo smiled and said, "Who said that you and I have a connection? I don't save others, I only save you."
Xu Jingmo stared at her and asked curiously, "What if I'm really angry? Will I regret loving the wrong person?"
Du Ruo shook her head, "You should always have a plan B for everything. If you are angry, I also have ways to comfort you."
Xu Jingmo raised his eyebrows slightly, "For example?"
Du Ruo suddenly grabbed his hand and pressed it against her chest.
Xu Jingmo got up from the bed in a panic, his face flushed, and he stammered, "You, you, you...what are you doing?"
Du Ruo looked at him puzzledly, with a calm expression, "Don't you miss it very much? Did I coax you?"
Xu Jingmo's blood rushed to his chest instantly, and Du Ruo's eyes moved from his face downwards without stopping.
He suddenly pulled up the quilt and covered her with it, and said angrily: "Du Ruo, do you have any shame?"
Du Ruo struggled in the quilt and said in a buzzing voice: "Eating and drinking, sex, these are the greatest desires of human beings. I'm your girlfriend, so you can touch me if you want. What's wrong with that?"
Xu Jingmo could never have imagined that his hesitant and guilty thoughts would be spoken out by her so bluntly and nonchalantly.
He was so angry that he spanked her butt through the quilt and said angrily: "What's the matter? Wait until you are an adult before you say such irresponsible things to me, and don't seduce me to commit a crime."
Du Ruo was trapped in the quilt by him, like a worm, unable to get out. She was so tired that she was sweating all over. She cursed in anger: "Xu Jingmo! You are not honest at all!"
"Dog stuff!"
"Son of a bitch!"
"I don't care. You're so shy. I look down on you!"
Du Ruo was lying in bed restlessly, and Xu Jingmo's eyelids were twitching. He was afraid that the sound insulation was not good enough and someone passing by the door would hear it, as if something had really happened to him. If that happened, he would never be able to clear himself even if he jumped into the Yellow River.
He let go of his hand, and Du Ruo quickly lifted the quilt. The friction generated static electricity in her hair, making her look like a kitten with its fur standing on end.
She stood up, put her hands on her hips, and glared at him angrily from above.
Xu Jingmo blinked at her, looking at her hair fluttering due to static electricity and swaying in the light. He couldn't help but burst out laughing.
Du Ruo was so angry that she threw herself over, but Xu Jingmo caught her steadily. Her static-electric hair brushed against his face. He tried to suppress it with his hands, but failed, and she laughed even more wildly.
Du Ruo hung on his waist like a koala, and could clearly sense that he was laughing so hard that his chest was shaking, and he didn't know how to restrain himself. She was so angry that she felt so embarrassed. She meant well, but this man didn't know what was good for him.
She tilted her head and bit his neck hard, like an angry little beast, and refused to let go.
Xu Jingmo endured the pain, but couldn't help laughing.
The more he laughed, the more Du Ruo refused to give up and bit him tightly.
After biting for a while, her mouth became sore and her saliva was about to flow out, so she had to let go and relax.
The moment he let go, the tip of his tongue sucked briefly, and Xu Jingmo's body froze, his Adam's apple rolled slightly, his smile was gone, and the pain was gone, his mind was filled with the wet feeling on his neck and the softness pressed against his chest.
He held her in his arms in silence and walked towards the bathroom.
Du Ruo struggled to jump down, and deliberately said: "What are you doing? What are you doing? Aren't you a sinner?"
Xu Jingmo thought she was being dishonest, so he carried her on one shoulder, hit her hard through her thin pajamas, and chuckled, "I'm not committing any crime, I just wanted to bully you."
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