Chapter 4 Do You Know Me?
For a long time afterwards, Ling Shen would come to Su Nian's bookstore whenever he had free time. The winter sun slanted through the diamond-shaped glass, cutting tiny spots of light on his black cashmere coat.
He never took the initiative to greet Su Nian, but just sat quietly by the window, his slender fingers unconsciously stroking the coffee cup, watching Su Nian's figure moving between the bookshelves.
Su Nian didn't bother him, but always prepared the coffee at the perfect temperature and then went about her business. A bear sticker was carefully placed on the edge of the coffee cup, and in the mist of steam, you could vaguely see the smiley face drawn on the milk foam by the latte art.
Customers who often come to the bookstore look at the extra strangers and huddle together to whisper.
"Look, that guy is staring at the boss again." The girl with twin ponytails was holding a picture book and stealing glances at Ling Shen from the gap between the bookshelves. The silver bells swaying in her hair rang softly.
"Yes, yes, do you think he likes the boss?" The girl wearing round-frame glasses held the novel upright in front of her face, her eyes sparkling behind the lenses.
"Ah? No, don't. People like the boss are meant to be pampered. You can tell at a glance that this person is not someone you want to mess with." The short-haired girl lowered her voice and pointed at the expensive cufflinks on Ling Shen's sleeves. "You can tell at a glance that this person is not someone you want to mess with."
Su Nian smiled as he watched the group of girls talking, but when they looked at him, he smiled and shook his head. As he bent down to tidy up the bookshelf, the hem of his light grey sweater draped in a gentle arc, and the ends of his hair brushed against the spines of the books, causing a slight rustling sound.
Ling Shen didn't actually know why he came here. He clearly had so much to do, and he clearly told himself not to come again. Unread message reminders kept popping up on his phone screen, making tiny noises on the wooden table, but he never reached out to touch them.
However, every time he passed by, he couldn't help but look towards the alley, and by the time he realized it, he was already sitting in the bookstore. As dusk fell over the glass curtain wall, the moment Su Nian turned on the warm yellow wall lamp, he was suddenly reminded of a scene in his memory.
He couldn't help but watch Su Nian, and through her every move, he missed the person he once was. The way Su Nian raised her eyelashes while wiping the bookshelf was exactly the same as Jiang Yi's expression when he was painting at his desk; the tune she hummed while arranging the spines of books was a perfect match for the melody of a certain morning in her memory.
Yet, he knew clearly that the person before him wasn't someone he knew well. The person he cared about was now far away across the ocean, and the person before him only bore a passing resemblance to him. Jiang Yi's canvases were always suffused with vibrant colors, while Su Nian's world was filled with the tranquility of books.
Could I have him take over temporarily until Jiang Yi returns? Ling Shen watched Su Nian smile as she saw the guests off. When she smiled, her eyebrows curved like two pools of Crescent Moon Spring. Suddenly, this thought flashed through his mind.
But soon, he shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the idea, but the idea took root in his mind like wild weeds.
Ling Shen awkwardly pushed his chair aside, the metal legs scraping against the floor with a harsh sound. As he rushed out, he knocked over the plants by the door, splattering dirt onto the floor Su Nian had just mopped. Su Nian looked at Ling Shen with some confusion as he left, his back lengthened by the sunlight.
What's wrong with him? Su Nian wondered curiously, but soon, the events before him brought his thoughts back. Newly arrived packages of books were piled at the checkout counter. As he unpacked the cartons, the smell of turning pages, mixed with the faint scent of ink, filled the air with the lingering aroma of coffee.
When Ling Shen rushed out of the bookstore, the afternoon sun was slanting through the leaves of the sycamore trees at the entrance of the alley, casting mottled light and shadows on the bluestone road.
He staggered and held onto the wall, his chest heaving violently. The thoughts that had just grown wildly in the bookstore wrapped around his heart like vines, making it almost impossible for him to breathe.
"A replacement?" He scoffed softly, his fingertips trembling uncontrollably. Seven months after Jiang Yi's departure, he'd actually entertained such absurd thoughts about a stranger who only bore a passing resemblance to him.
The wind at the alley entrance whirled a fallen leaf around Ling Shen's eyes. He gazed toward the distant horizon. The fine lines at the corners of Jiang Yi's eyes when he smiled, his profile as he focused on making coffee—every detail was as clear as if it had happened yesterday.
"Boss, why did that guy leave?" The girl with twin ponytails came over, holding an unfinished romance novel in her hands. "Did we hit the nail on the head? Are you sorry?"
Su Nian smiled and shook her head, pouring the lemongrass tea into the white porcelain cup: "Maybe it's urgent." But her eyes drifted involuntarily to the window. The direction where Ling Shen left was already empty.
In fact, he had long noticed that Ling Shen's eyes were different when he looked at him. There was nostalgia, struggle, and a complex emotion that he could not understand, as if he was looking at another person through him.
Su Nian didn't care, because he was also looking at Shen Ran through Ling Shen. He didn't know who Ling Shen was looking at, but he could understand that feeling.
No matter who that person was, Su Nian knew very well that the one left behind was the one suffering. For a long time, the one left behind could only rely on endless memories, but could no longer touch that person, and even the aura left by that person was slowly fading.
Perhaps, they really are the same type of people. Su Nian thought so, and smiled as he poured the remaining lemon tea into the trash can.
Ling Shen didn't come again for the next few days. The window seat in the bookstore remained empty, and the sunlight shone onto the table without any obstruction.
Su Nian would subconsciously glance in that direction as he sorted the bookshelf, and he felt a strange sense of emptiness in his heart. He shook his head in self-mockery, thinking about someone who could be called a stranger.
"Chen Ran, do you think I'm crazy? Maybe I really miss you too much." Su Nian stroked the bookshelf and muttered to himself.
On Friday evening, a heavy snow suddenly fell. When Su Nian was closing the store, he turned around and found a familiar figure standing at the entrance of the alley.
Ling Shen had no idea how long he'd been standing there. The snow had already wet his shoulders, and his brows were covered in ice. Feeling Su Nian's gaze, Ling Shen heard his own voice tremble, "Can... can I come in and sit down?"
Su Nian was stunned for a moment, then stepped aside to let him in: "Wipe it off first, don't catch a cold." He turned around to get a towel and clean clothes - those were the spare work clothes left behind by the workers during the previous renovation, and he didn't expect them to come in handy now.
When Ling Shen took the towel, his fingertips accidentally touched the back of Su Nian's hand, and both of them retracted their hands as if they had been electrocuted.
He lowered his head to wipe his hair, but the tip of his nose was filled with the faint scent of books and coffee, which was surprisingly similar to the smell on Jiang Yi when they were in school.
This discovery made his heart tremble. When he raised his head, he saw Su Nian bending over in front of the fireplace to light a fire. The outline of her face was much softer in the dancing flames. At that moment, he was a little dazed and couldn't tell who was in front of him.
"Why are you always staring at me?" Su Nian suddenly spoke, breaking the silence. He turned around, firelight dancing in his eyes. "Do you know me? Or do you know someone who looks like me?"
Ling Shen's heart suddenly sank, as if his most secret secret had been exposed. He opened his mouth, but found his throat too dry to make a sound.
The snow outside the window was getting heavier, the firewood in the fireplace was crackling, and the air between the two seemed to be frozen, with only the clear sound of each other's breathing.
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